It Ends with a Whimper

• So the Green Bay Packers lost to the Atlanta Falcons by 23 points in the NFC Championship … and it wasn’t even as close as the score suggests.

• From the opening moments, the Atlanta Falcons had their way. The Packers defense wasn’t even a speed bump to them. The Falcons’ own drops were the best defense of the game. I’ll make this quick, like ripping off a bandaid: Atlanta had 493 yards, six touchdowns, and no turnovers. They only punted twice the entire game. Matt Ryan completed 71% of his passes (really? Because it felt like at least 96%) and finished with a passer rating of 139.4.

• I feel bad for ripping our absolutely dreadful defense because they were such a ragtag bunch. They were pretty much already on their third-string before losing Micah Hyde, Kentrell Brice, and Jake Ryan. (Who was even in secondary for them with Hyde and Brice down?? They were already playing out of position because of injuries.) I don’t have the heart to condemn players who were just out-talented by the Falcons’ top-ranked offense. 

Yes, he dropped this interception.

• The injuries hit the offensive line hard, too. The Packers lost Lane Taylor (knee), TJ Lang (foot), and Bryan Bulaga (concussion). In the final series, the Packers only had four offensive linemen, and nose tackle Letroy Guion had to come in and play right guard, with the other linemen telling him what to do as the play unfolded. So that was depressing.

• Poor TJ Lang! The guard, who broke his foot earlier in the season, missed several weeks, came back, played great, and earned his first Pro Bowl honor, broke the same foot on Sunday. Fortunately it was not a more serious injury, considering that he’s now a free agent, but that's still a rough time to get hurt. 

• The Green Bay defense was numbing to watch, but it’s not as if the offense did much with the few opportunities they had. Unfortunately, it’s tough to find a rhythm when you’re only on the field for 10 minutes in the entire first half. Seriously, the worst approach to playing the best offense in the league? Give them a two-to-one advantage in time of possession.

Dropping passes also did not help.

• Look, I certainly am not shocked by Atlanta winning. That seemed like a very likely outcome going in. But watching the Pack get shut out in the first half? It was all a horrible nightmare. I couldn't believe my eyes. 

• Then giving myself a pep talk all during halftime, telling myself the Packers could turn this around, only to watch Green Bay start the second half with a three-and-out and then allow a 73-yard touchdown within the first 70 seconds:

• And slowly accepting that was literally nothing Green Bay could do to stop the bleeding:

• The problem with a team like the Falcons is just a couple of errors, and the dominoes start to fall -- fast. It became abundantly clear fairly early on that Atlanta was going to be scoring on every single possession. The hope was to get the ball in Aaron Rodgers’ hands as much as possible and try to limit the Falcons to field goals on at least a few of their drives. The wheels came off almost immediately, however: the Falcons scored on the opening possession, the Packers missed a field goal, the Falcons made a field goal, and the Packers fumbled just outside the redzone. Instead of 10-10, it was 10-0, and when the Falcons scored a touchdown on their next play, the floodgates were opened.

• I really feel bad for all my Packers and I don’t want to kick anyone when he’s down and we win as a team, lose as a team, and all that, but if there’s one person who maybe I feel just the slightest bit tempted to heap blame upon, I’m looking at you, Rip. That fumble was killer. In so many ways. You just can’t do that in a conference championship, Yukon!

• The biggest surprise to me besides, ya know, getting blown out of the water, was Atlanta’s pass rush. Though they have some real playmakers -- including sack leader Vic Beasley Jr. -- the Packers’ offensive line has been so impressive in pass coverage, I really wasn’t worried. The Falcons got pressure on Rodgers all day long, though, while also keeping him in the pocket, which few other teams have been able to do.

• The saddest part is that such a beatdown ruins the magic feeling of the season. If it had been a close, heartbreaking loss, we could all find solace in the incredible effort of the team, how many injuries they fought through, how they won eight straight games, how they started 4-6 and still ended up just one game from the Super Bowl. It was a crazy season with so many unbelievable plays and comebacks and wins! But alas, the ignominious exit mars that.

• Atlanta’s head coach Dan Quinn must be part robot. He barely reacted to the Gatorade shower at all!

In his defense, he did slightly raise his eyebrows about 15 seconds after this.

• There was only one small glimmer of joy this week and that was Jordy being an absolute beast and braving two broken ribs to play. He had six catches for 67 yards and a touchdown, but you can’t quantify his toughness.

• He had to wear kevlar padding to protect his ribs, but that still didn't stop him from playing. 

What a man.

• Sigh. All in all, I’m handling things well.

• It was a very impressive final four for the NFL.

• Seattle Seahawks corner Richard Sherman played the second half of the season with an MCL injury, which is impressive, but also confusing, because aren’t NFL teams required to list injuries on their weekly injury report? When asked why this information had not been announced, head coach Pete Carroll responded “I don’t know,” and “Honestly, I didn’t even realized we hadn’t revealed it.” (Hmm, which is it?) Anyway, I believe Pete. His shining character and forthrightness have certainly earned him the benefit of the doubt. I don’t think he’d do anything underhanded or illegal to gain an advantage over an opponent. 

• The poor Pittsburgh Steelers got run over by the New England Patriots. Their worst fears were realized when Le’Veon Bell left the game in the first quarter with a groin injury. From there, the game got out of hand quick and New England cruised to an easy 36-17 win.

• It was cold during the game, what with it being January in New England and all, but luckily Tom Brady was able to keep warm on the sideline by sitting inside a tent. (This is not photoshopped.)

There's obviously some cheating going on in there. He's get PED
injections or deflating footballs or having the purified blood
of small children put into him.

• The playoffs have not been great entertainment for neutral fans. Aside from the Packers-Cowboys thriller and the Steelers-Chiefs game in the divisional round, all the playoff games have been decided by 13 points or more.

• I don’t usually like to cheer for teams that crush all my dreams, but I am happy for Atlanta. I like Matt Ryan and Julio Jones, and Quinn's done a great job with the defense. They’ve been good for awhile, but never could get things to click on all cylinders before. Plus, the franchise has never won a Super Bowl. And the New England Patriots are the worst, so I’ll definitely be rooting for the Falcons. 

• Goodness, if the Falcons need any bulletin board materials to fire them up against all their doubters, they can just remind themselves that more people bet money that the Cleveland Browns would win the Super Bowl than people who thought Atlanta would win. That’s so insulting!

• The main thing we don’t want is those cheating cheats up in New England to cheat their way to another championship. We as a country are pretty divided right now after a contentious election season, but I think the one thing that can bring us all together again is root against the Patriots. Even if you’re on the fence about the cheating cheats, just imagine how awful all the Patriots fans squawking about Deflategate and Tom Brady in their monstrous accents for months will be if they win. 

Who would you rather listen to all offseason: Patriots fans celebrating being
cheating cheats? Or happy Falcons fans celebrating their first-ever Super Bowl win?

• It's tough to face the end of the Packers season, but at least we went farther than the Dallas Cowboys, and at least we ripped out their heart and stomped on it a few times. It means it wasn’t a totally wasted season.

No Time to Gloat; On to Atlanta!

• Totally kidding. Of course there's time to gloat. That's what this entire post is going to be.

• When asked what he was thinking when the Dallas Cowboys tied the game with 35 seconds left, Aaron Rodgers responded: “A little too much time on the clock.” Hahahahahahaha! Sorry, Cowboys, not this year!

• AAAAAAHHHHHHH that was so stressful! And awesome! Any last-second Green Bay Packers victory in a playoff game is incredible, but it’s just so much sweeter that it came against the Cowboys. 

• I don’t even know where to start! Let’s start at the very end, with Mason Crosby nailing a 51-yarder for the victory. And just a few minutes after kicking a 56-yarder to take the lead. He actually had to kick the 51-yard field goal twice, as Dallas stupidly tried to ice him. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you don’t ice Mason Crosby. 

"I play games on the field, not up here."

• Here’s the kick set to “My Heart Will Go On.” Some funny people have realized that every sports moment sounds epic with this score in the background, and they’re right.

Condolences to the ever expanding Cowboys bandwagon. Packers bandwagon next week? (cc: @TitanicHoops) pic.twitter.com/qvrdoLKgKE

— Jessie Karangu 🇰🇪 (@JMKTV) January 16, 2017

• Let’s backtrack to that 35-second mark. Dallas has just tied it up, the Packers have the ball and two timeouts. I had been horribly nervous and upset in the fourth quarter as the Packers squandered their lead (I knew the Dallas comeback was coming, and I knew the Packers defense wasn’t going to be able to do much about it), but the crazy thing when Aaron Rodgers is your quarterback is that situations like these seem eminently doable. I knew we weren’t going to overtime. It was nice to have overtime as a fallback, but I knew we weren’t going to overtime. Even after the first incompletion. Even after Rodgers was sacked with 23 seconds left. Even after another incompletion. Then, with the clock down to 12 (COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT), Rodgers takes the snap, almost immediately spins left out of the pocket, buys time, buys time, and then hits tight end Jared Cook on this insane throw and catch!! This is about when I lost my mind. (Look at Rodgers on the replay trying to will Cook into keeping his toes in.)

• Cook has really been huge for the Packers. Having that big target really changes the way defenses have been covering the Packers, and it’s clear to see how Rodgers relies on him. On that last drive, every attempt was to Cook. Crazy what having an actual tight end can do, huh?

• Now that I’ve taken a veiled swipe at Richard Rodgers, I do have to give him props for his nice play on Green Bay’s first touchdown. On a free play, the ball actually went through the defender’s arms and Rodgers was still able to keep focus on it for the catch. Nice job.

• One of the thing that bothers me about R. Rodgers -- besides being super slow and klutzy and an embarrassingly bad blocker -- is that he always has a dopey grin on his face, even if he’s just messed up a huge play. He’s always smiling this odd dreamy smile. And I do mean always. Here he is on his touchdown reception:

Yep, still smiling.

• The Packers defense had a few rough spots -- and losing Morgan Burnett to a quad injury didn’t help (seriously, that’s bad news. We need him for Atlanta.) -- but they also had a bright spot or two. Defensive MVP of the game was clearly Micah Hyde, who had an early sack and a beautiful pass break-up in the first half. His best play, though, was this textbook read and interception off of Dak Prescott. He anticipated this so quickly that the ball’s almost behind him when he picks it off!

• It was fun to hear Hyde break down the play afterwards. He knew what was coming pre-snap, but didn’t want to leave the corner, LaDarius Gunter, out to dry if the Cowboys ended up adjusting -- Gunter would have been left to cover two receivers by himself. Gunter, however, saw the same thing pre-snap and knew what Hyde was thinking. He told Hyde, “Go get it.” And Micah did.

• I desperately missed my Jordy during the game, of course, but I was pleased to see his sideline prowess alive and well not only on Cook’s game-saving play, but with Green Eyes, too. (The full highlight is even more impressive.)

Perfect. #ToeDragSwag #GoPackGo #NFLPlayoffs pic.twitter.com/jqaSH7OXxr

— NFL (@NFL) January 15, 2017

• Aaron Rodgers threw his first interception in 318 passes on Sunday (only 17 passes off the record!), which is just madness. Another way to look at it? Aaron Rodgers threw 24 touchdowns in between interceptions. That’s as many touchdown passes as Dak Prescott threw all season. And that's no knock on Dak; just perspective on how good Rodgers has been.

• There were some low-key MVPs I would like to recognize.
• First, Aaron Rodgers not fumbling on that sack with 18 seconds left. No idea how he hung on. 

Lord, how did Rodgers not fumble that? pic.twitter.com/5AOuXlZiIY

— Scott Charlton (@Scott_Charlton) January 16, 2017

• Second, the sideline judge who overruled the head judge on the Cook catch.

• Finally, Jason Garrett/Dak Prescott for clocking the ball on a first down with 1:07 left, thereby wasting a down instead of using their timeout.

• I don’t like to kick a team when it’s down, but it’s the Dallas Cowboys we’re talking about, so you can sure bet I’m going to do it. The Cowboys played fantastic all season and should be credited for it. However, it seems that they benefitted from playing a lot of really bad teams, too. Below are the final season offensive rankings for all the teams the Cowboys played (by points scored). Aside from the Packers (who were certainly not #4 at the time they played) and the Steelers, none of the teams Dallas played are even in the top ten offensively. Just saying.
• 11-5 Giants – 26th (played twice, lost twice)
• 8-7-1 Redskins – 12th (played twice)
• 3-13 Bears – 28th
• 2-14 Niners – 27th
• 6-9-1 Bengals – 24th
• 10-6 Packers – 4th
• 7-9 Eagles -16th (played twice, lost once)
• 1-15 Browns – 31st
• 11-5 Steelers – 10th
• 8-8 Ravens – 21st 
• 8-8 Vikings – 23rd
• 9-7 Buccaneers – 18th
• 9-7 Lions – 20th 

• Man, what a game. It’s hard not to celebrate too much and revel in the salty, salty tears of all of the Cowboys’ bandwaggoning fans, but the Packers still have a lot of work to do. GO PACK GO!

👍👍 #GBvsDAL #GoPackGo pic.twitter.com/mSLCEQDGyM

— Green Bay Packers (@packers) January 16, 2017

• This space was to be used to talk about the New England Patriots-Houston Texans game, but one team’s quarterback is Tom Brady and the other’s is Brock Osweiler. How do you think it went? 

• The new Los Angeles Chargers’ logo is awful. It looks like a Chinese symbol meets an italicized hashtag meets a broken fence meets a corporation called “4A.”

They shall henceforth be known as the "4A Chargers." (At least to me.)

• Some people noticed a slight resmblance between the 4A Chargers’ logo and the Los Angeles Dodgers' logo.

• And other pro teams couldn't help piling on. (The Chargers eventually "clarified" that this isn't actually their new logo. Okay, sure.)

• I’ve spoken up before for Troy Aikman and Joe Buck -- I really do not understand why so many people hate them! They are so much better than absolutely everyone except for the Sunday Night Football crew. The vitriol toward them is especially weird coming from Packers fan, tens of thousands of whom have signed a petition to get Aikman and Buck banned from calling Packers game. Fans apparently think that the two are biased when it comes to Green Bay, and they’re absolutely right, because Aikman and Buck don’t even try to hide how much they love the Packers. Have either of them said a bad word about Aaron Rodgers? I mean, ever? Have they ever gone an entire game without congratulating Ted Thompson and Mike McCarthy for their success? How often to they bring up the fans and the town and how unique the Green Bay team’s relationship with the community is? If other teams’ fans were signing that petition, that’d make sense, because they’re probably sick of hearing Aikman and Buck gush over the Packers. So bizarre.

• I really hate Pete Carroll. His teams are full of @$$holes and loudmouths. They’re dirty, cheap players and sore losers. The second the game gets out of hand for them, you can put money in the bank that they’re going to start taking cheapshots and trying to injure opponents. It’s one of their hallmarks, and given how consistent it is, I’ll lay the blame for that at the feet of the Robber Baron himself.

• Here’s Seattle defensive end Michael Bennett chewing out a reporter after the game who had the nerve to suggest that the Seahawks defense didn't get as much pressure on Atlanta QB Matt Ryan -- who threw for over 300 yards -- as they were perhaps hoping to:

• And here’s injured Seattle safety Earl Thomas going after a team they weren’t even playing:

• Keep in mind that the Seattle Seahawks play in the same division as the 2-14 San Francisco 49ers and the 4-12 Los Angeles Rams. Next best after Seattle was the 7-8 Arizona Cardinals. So why don’t you just focus on healing up, Earl?

• Despite the close 18-16 score in the Pittsburgh Steelers-Kansas City Chiefs game, the Steelers really controlled nearly the entire game by controlling the clock. The Chiefs had a 4:54 drive in the third quarter (resulted in a punt) and a final drive of 7:06 (resulted in a touchdown). Other than that, the Chiefs averaged less than two minutes per drive.

• About that last touchdown. Down eight with 2:43 left in the game, the Chiefs scored and elected to go for the two-point attempt to tie the game. And they made it!! Buuuuuut, the play was called back by a hold on the left tackle. The re-attempt failed and that was your final score: 18-16 Pittsburgh.

• As you might imagine, the Chiefs were not happy with the holding call. (I think it was the right call and no, I don’t think “a hold could be called on every play!” is a strong argument for not calling this one.) After the game, Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce went off on the ref, saying the call was "horse$#!+, flat-out" and "ignorance." He said the ref "shouldn’t be able to wear a zebra jersey ever again. He shouldn’t even be able to work at $#^%ing Foot Locker.”

• A couple of things for Kelce: 1) That was a hold, so quit complaining about the ref and saying James Harrison just fell down. The issue is you don’t think a hold should be called in that important of a situation. That’s different than saying the ref made up the call. 2) “We try to play this game with integrity,” Kelce says. Hmm, yes, tell me more about your integrity, Travis.

• I really don’t care about the Steelers or the Chiefs, and I do think the hold was a good call, but I also kinda feel like you don’t deserve to win if you can’t manage a single touchdown. I certainly don’t want to run down kickers after what Mason Crosby just did for my life, but all 18 of Pittsburgh’s points came off the leg of kicker Chris Boswell.

• The NFL is all about player safety, you know. That’s why they have independent neurologists right on the field to examine players after big hits and evaluate them for concussions. It’s really great for the players, like Chris Conley, who was put back in the game one play after taking this hit:

• I know that the Kansas City Chiefs were the technical favorites in the game, but c’mon, who’s afraid of the Kansas City Chiefs? They could go 16-0, and no one would ever even pick them to go to the Super Bowl.

• You know who I used to feel that way about? The Atlanta Falcons. For so many years, I’d be really impressed with Matt Ryan and the Falcons, only to have them goose-egg in a huge game or miss the playoffs in a weak division. So somewhere about two or three seasons ago, I told myself I was going to stop falling for Atlanta’s hey-look-we’re-a-contender routine because I’d just seen it one too many times before. I genuinely have felt bad for their fans for a while because it must suck to have a super talented team that you have absolutely no faith in. Even earlier this season, as they got blazing hot once again, I had to remind myself not to forget that they always disappoint:

• But now? Maybe now’s the season they finally figure it out? With Matt Ryan as the MVP frontrunner and an offense that scores more points than any other team, they’re looking, well, scary, to a team like Green Bay, whose glaring weakness is their pass defense. Matt Ryan’s probably looking at our defense like:

• Not so fast, Matty Ice. This means your defense has to go up against Aaron Rodgers.

• Atlanta may very well be the toughest matchup for Green Bay, but there are plenty of reasons to be optimistic about the game. Reasons #1-19 all rhyme with Taron Todgers, but our defense has also had some good moments throughout the year and have come up with big stops with games on the line. The Packers played the Falcons very, very close this year, losing a heartbreaker by one point, and the Packers are a much better team now than they were in Week 8. (The Falcons, for their part, didn’t have their #1 receiver for much of the game, but never mind that.) Green Bay’s best defense will probably be keeping their own offense on the field and keeping Ryan & Co. sidelined. It’ll be a tough game, but I BEEELIIIEEEVE!

• And there’s a chance we get this guy back.

*Swoon*

One Down.

• Green Bay started out slow, but when they got going, boy, did they get going. Halfway through the second quarter, the Packers had seven total yards and it was worrisome because the lethargy looked awfully familiar to Packers fans who suffered through the Packers four-game losing streak. Despite that horrible first quarter-and-a-half, the Packers finished with 406 yards and 38 points.

• Dear Green Eyes, who was a game-time decision after missing the last two weeks with an ankle injury, scored thrice! (Good decision, huh?) He completed his hat trick with this fourth quarter touchdown (In any other game, this would be the hottest touchdown.) When I saw how hard Rodgers threw this, I thought there was no way anyone could catch it. So glad to have you back, Randall.

• That wasn’t the most exciting Cobb touchdown. That would be the Hail Mary Rodgers threw to Cobb in the last seconds of the first half. HOW does Aaron Rodgers keep on doing this?!?!?

The Aaron Rodgers Hail Mary TD Trilogy. #GoPackGo pic.twitter.com/SYfIM3vuim

— NFL (@NFL) January 8, 2017

• The Arizona Cardinals were on the short end of a Rodgers’ Hail Mary last season, and, no, they haven’t forgotten.

• There were so many awesome touchdowns in the game, but the very first one was my favorite. It’s just incredible. Rodgers makes plays like this pedestrian because he does them so often. It’s an absolutely insane throw, and what a catch by Davante Adams!! (Side note: Adams has had a really wonderful season, despite a few hiccups. His performance should be noted since I lash out at him every time he has a drop.)

• Honestly, just look at this. This is a still from the above touchdown catch. Look where Rodgers, way off the screen to the left, had to throw the ball to keep it away from the defender. Look at the angle, and look how small the window is. Can’t get enough of this touchdown.

• Major props to our much maligned (by me) defense in holding the Giants to two field goals in the first half. Keeping New York’s from converting their trips to the redzone to touchdowns was huge and kept the Packers in the game, even when it felt like the Giants were owning the game in the first quarter-and-a-half.

• As we gained Green Eyes, we also lost a receiver. I really, really don’t want to talk about this. I want to just ignore it and pretend it didn’t happen. Oh Jooooooooooooooordy! Nooooo! My poor Sideline Ninja! I wish I were there to comfort him! Jordy reportedly fractured two ribs on the illegal hit and spent the night in the hospital.

• The Packers’ injuries just keep piling up. They can’t catch a break! After Nelson went down, Ty Montgomery had a nasty-looking knee injury, though he returned to the game. (How, I don’t know. I thought he was going to be out for a year.) Blake Martinez also left the game with a knee injury. 

• At least there were no further injuries to the secondary. (*fingers crossed*) After Quinten Rollins suffered a scary concussion and neck injury and Makinton Dorleant was placed on the IR with a hamstring injury, the Packers had to promote cornerback Herb Waters from the practice squad. Herb was an undrafted wide receiver, by the way. Even former Chicago Bears and Carolina Panthers corner Charles Tillman was offering to help.

• One of the Giants’ best DBs, Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, suffered a leg injury early on. Now, I’m never happy when a player gets injured, but considering the Packers’ early struggles, I wasn’t exactly sad. I was super sad to see New York just pumping DRC full of painkillers and throwing him back on the field when he could barely walk. Someone should have pulled the poor guy from the game!

• I’m really like Christine Michael. He looks like one of those Happy Meal toys that you pull back and then it goes zipping away. I don’t know that he really takes a lot of time to pick his spots, but he sure does run fast! He also just seems very happy to be playing football. Here he is celebrating being in the playoffs with a former Seahawks teammate of his who now plays for the Giants. 

• All week long I had to hear all this past week was about how Eli Manning had as many Lambeau postseason wins as Aaron Rodgers and how the Giants were so hot and had such a great secondary and “Playoff Eli” (whatever that is *snort*) and so on and so forth. To which, I said:

• One thing that can be said for Eli is that he’s always very consistent: he had two turnovers on Sunday to along with his 23 in the regular season. Here’s a lovely heads-up play from Mr. Clay Matthews, who sacked Manning, forced the fumble, was the only who seemed to realize it was a fumble, ran 10 yards, hit another dude to keep him from recovering the ball, and then scooped up the fumble himself.

• Now, this man is hurting because his former team, the New York Giants, just got shredded, but he still doesn’t let that get in the way of truth and righteousness. 

• Tuck’s handling the loss better than Odell Beckham Jr.

This is the hole Beckham punched in the locker room wall at Lambeau after the loss.

• Here’s the last Manning Face from the 2016 season and it's a beaut:

• It was a fairly tame Wild Card Weekend, with all four games being blowouts. There were a few fun highlights, however, including some crazy catches in Seattle’s 26-6 victory over the Detroit Lions. It hurts to see the Seahawks succeed, but you can’t help but be impressed by Paul Richardson’s x-ray vision on this catch. (Yes, yes, he facemasked the defender, but no, I don’t care. Defender interfered with him first.)

• Pittsburgh kept up their own hot streak with their eighth consecutive win, this one over Miami. Le’Veon Bell and Antonio Brown each had two touchdowns. The Dolphins did not look like they belonged in the playoffs, most likely because they don’t.  

• Every time the NFL makes some stupid commercial boasting about how much they care about player safety, I’m just going to tweet this clip at them, since Miami quarterback Matt Moore returned to the game after missing one play from this hit. Thank God for those independent neurologists!

• The Houston Texans and the Oakland Raiders played on Saturday. It was an epic battle between Brock Osweiler and Connor Cook! I don’t know who won because who would watch that game? All I know is that Tom Brady is sitting somewhere knowing he’s getting to play either Houston or Oakland. 

• Okay, after looking it up, it appears the Texans won. Brock Osweiler has been named Houston’s starter for next week. If Tom Savage (who usurped the starting position from Osweiler a few weeks ago) is recovered enough from his concussion, he’ll be the back-up. If not, Brandon Weeden will be the back-up.

Yeah, Brandon, that's how the Texans feel, too. 

• “Any given Sunday” and all, but Houston’s point differential for the regular season was -49. I have a real hard time envisioning them giving New England any trouble at all.

• Phil Simms is in peak form for the playoffs.

• Going back to last week, the final game of the season always has some serious financial implications for player contract incentives. Like Kansas City’s punt return against the San Diego Chargers ended up costing a Minnesota Vikings player $100,000. In Indianapolis, kicker Adam Vinatieri’s missed field goal cost him half a million dollars.

• Wide receiver Steve Smith made his retirement official with his letter to league. He just couldn’t help himself, I guess, and had to make sure his letter had his own personal touch.

"Dear Commissioner Goodell, This is to notify you that as of today I,
Steve Smith Sr., will no longer be antagonizing defensive
backs. I am retiring from the National Football League."

• The Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum is home to the LA Rams. It also hosted the Rose Bowl this year. In the Rose Bowl, Penn State and USC scored more points in the Coliseum than the Rams did all year.

• Awww, JJ Watt is still being adorable even though he’s been sidelined for most of the season. Someone tweeted to JJ about a little boy who was hit by a car. The boy was in the was in the emergency room and crying because the doctors had to cut him out of the Watt jersey he was wearing. JJ responded by going to the hospital the next day to deliver some jerseys to the boy personally when he got out of surgery.

• It’s been a rough year for a lot of teams and if you’re down in the dumps about your team missing the playoffs, just look to the Chicago Bears to bring a little levity to your life. After the 3-13 Bears missed the postseason for the ninth time in the last 10 years, receiver Alshon Jeffery, who, it should be noted, is now a free agent, guaranteed that the Bears would win the Super Bowl next year. Hahahahahahahhahahaha! Oh, those Chicago Bears always know just how to cheer me up.

• Let’s check in with PSQ one more time:

• In the Packers’ regular-season-ending win over the Detroit Lions, Green Bay became the first NFL team to beat another team 100 times. That’s a fun milestone to hit.

• I cannot wait for the Dallas game next week! I really, really need Green Bay to win, not just for obvious reasons, but because I’ve been waiting all season for the Cowboys’ fans meltdown, and them getting knocked out in their first playoff game will be the ideal time for it.

• Jordy’s not officially ruled out for next week’s game, but as BAMF as it would be for my Sideline Ninja to play with two broken ribs, I hope the training staff will hold him out if it’s not safe for him to play. I can’t have the love of my life puncturing a lung or anything.  

• It’s particularly tough for Nelson to miss all of last season, work to get back to form, play an incredible season, help bring his team to life in time to make the playoffs, only to be knocked out in the first postseason game.

• So, Aaron Rodgers’ last seven games: 70% completion rate, 2,029 yards, 19 touchdowns, 0 interceptions, 121.7 rating.