Home, Sweet Lambeau

• SIDELINE. NINJA.

• For anyone who doesn't watch football and therefore doesn't know why I call Jordy Nelson the Sideline Ninja, here's a chart.

These numbers are from weeks ago. Jordy's even better than that.

• So it was yet another blowout for the Green Bay Packers. I try not to overpanic when the Packers lose or look sloppy, and I also try not to get too excited when they’re rolling, but holy cow does the offense look good these days.

• Get out of Eddie Lacy’s way!

• In the last four games at Lambeau, the Packers have outscored their opponents 128-9 in the first half. In case you don’t understand, that’s TRIPLE DIGITS to SINGLE DIGITS.

• Davante Adams’ Lambeau Leap was incredible! He didn’t use his hands! This might have been the most athletic move of the day! He may give Jordy a run for his money as best Lambeau Leaper.

• The weakest part of the Packers' game was the point after touchdowns. One was blocked (that never happens!) and the snap was fumbled on another. When’s the last time an NFL team missed two extra points in one game?

• The rest of special teams did well. Micah Hyde had an amazing punt return for a touchdown. I was thinking that it seems like forever since Green Bay had a punt return, and it turns out that the last time was over a year ago … by Micah Hyde!

• Once again, Clay Matthews looked great playing the majority of his snaps on the inside. Once again, I’m going to reserve judgment on this shift until the Packers play a quarterback that isn’t named Cutler or Sanchez. (Or Bridgewater. We can rule that out right away, too.) The defense has been playing well, but it’s easy to play well when you’re up 30. It’s hard to gauge if the defense really has improved significantly until they play from behind or in a close game.

• I think Clay Matthews moving inside is like when you break a finger and the doctor wraps it up with the finger next to it so the unbroken finger can hold up and support the broken finger and the broken finger won’t have to really do any work. AJ Hawk is the broken finger.

This is more about avoiding having to rely on Hawk for big plays.

• In case you haven’t noticed that Green Bay has been really good at home, ESPN Stats compiled some numbers to prove how good.

• From the above link: “This season is eerily reminiscent of Rodgers’ 2011 MVP season. Through 10 games that season, Rodgers averaged 317 yards per game and had a touchdown-interception ratio of 31-4. Rodgers is averaging 275 yards per game this season through 10 games and boasts a touchdown-interception ratio of 28-3.” How is that eerie? How is that “reminiscent” beyond the fact that both sets of numbers are good?

• Linebacker/freak Julius Peppers now has two interceptions returned for a touchdown this season. And this time around, he was prepared for his Lambeau Leap.

• Rodgers now holds the NFL record for most passes without an interception at home.

• Speaking of interceptions, here’s a GIF of Jay Cutler underthrowing a ball into double coverage, then half-heartedly going for the tackle and getting put on his backside. 

• The clocks at Soldier Field were on the fritz for much of the fourth quarter of the Chicago Bears-Minnesota Vikings game, which led to the refs having to announce the to announce the time periodically. Minnesota head coach Mike Zimmer was not happy, calling the situation “********,” and quarterback Teddy Bridgewater said that he wasn’t “fully aware” of the time left on the clock when he threw the game-ending interception. The official game log reflected the confusion, as the Vikings managed to gain 42 yards without burning a second, but a touchback took 1:16.

Maybe the clock manager just felt bad for the Bears?

• Jay Cutler had an attitude on Sunday? You don’t say! 

• Finally the Detroit Lions lost! The league-best Arizona Cardinals, behind backup quarterback Drew Stanton and their fierce defense, held the typically explosive Lions without a touchdown. The Packers and Lions are now tied, but the Lions have the tiebreaker.

• It’s not just the players who get all the glory and fanfare.

There should be a fan club devoted to Hochuli's biceps.

• The Atlanta Falcons lead the NFC South with a 4-6 record. Their four wins? All came against NFC South opponents. Oy.

• Here’s the Oakland Raiders' first snap of their game against the San Diego Chargers. The first snap.

• The San Francisco 49ers intercepted New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning FIVE times, yet only managed a meager 16 points! When your defense does that much work, you owe them some points.

Here are all five, complete with corresponding Manning Faces.

• San Fran linebacker Aldon Smith returned to the field after a nine-week suspension for various legal issues. Most of the team was happy to have their defensive star back, but fellow linebacker Ahmad Brooks was apparently miffed by having to split playing time with Smith, and reportedly refused to play in the second half. I guess he missed the day in kindergarten where they learned about sharing.

• When Eli’s your quarterback, it’s understandable you want to sneak every extra yard, though maybe you should try harder at the “sneaky” part.

• Kinda cool that a third-string running back who barely made the team roster lit up the field in primetime, as Jonas Gray of the New England Patriots did on Sunday night. Gray ran for 199 yards and four touchdowns against the Indianapolis Colts.

• St. Louis Rams quarterback Shaun Hill’s pass deflected off a defender’s hands, then off a Rams’ offensive lineman’s helmet, then back into Hill’s hands.

• This is San Diego Chargers running back Brandon Oliver standing -- yes, standing -- next to teammate King Dunlap.

• Ouch! This is a really mean commercial that has been running in San Diego about the Oakland Raiders.

• Matthew Stafford became the fastest quarterback to reach 20,000 passing yards.

• Normally “breaking someone’s ankles” is just and expression, but I’m seriously worried about #21 on the Buffalo Bills. I think he should def get x-rays after what Miami Dolphins running back Lamar Miller did to him.

• In was 20 degrees in Kansas City on Sunday, but that didn’t stop Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch from staying on the field for all of halftime instead of going to the locker room with the rest of his team. Why? Pete Carroll originally said it was because Lynch "thought it would be better for him to stay out," while Lynch left without talking to reporters post-game. Now Lynch and Carroll seem to be on the same page, both pretending that it was because Lynch was "fatigued." I'm sure everything's just fine there.

• When your quarterback is making his first start with your team, you might want to put your star defensive end on the field with him, as the Houston Texans did with Ryan Mallett and JJ Watt. Watt caught a touchdown, natch -- his fifth of the season. His fifth. He’s a defensive end. He also had a strip sack, a fumble recovery, and three tackles for losses, because JJ WATT CAN DO ANYTHING.

• Since the Packers play the 4-6 Minnesota Vikings next week, I must say once again, #ACTIVATETOLZIEN!!!

"Hmm, Coach. Is that Matt Flynn's 18th or 19th incompletion of the game?"

"The Bears Still Suck" Is a Bit of an Understatement

• So, that was fun. There were so many wonderful moments from Sunday’s game. I don’t know which were my favorites.

• How ‘bout JORDY?!?! My boo had six receptions for 152 yards and two touchdowns! Nelson has a 50-yard reception in every home game this season, and he has five touchdowns of 40 or more yards this season, including this beauty.

• Randall Cobb was also super fly. I was momentarily a bit miffed at him for fumbling late in the second quarter, but he made up for it with this incredible one-handed touchdown on the next series.  

• The crazy thing about Aaron Rodgers’ 315 yards and six touchdowns in the first half is that it didn’t really look like it was that difficult for the Packers. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a team as broken as early in a game as the Chicago Bears.

• Playing inside linebacker looks good on Clay Matthews. With the run defense unable to stop Red Rover from sending someone on over, Green Bay decided to move Matthews from the outside to the inside, and Matthews had a pretty stellar game. (I also credit the fact that he finally shaved his horrible beard.) That said, let’s wait till they play well against a real NFL team. I don’t like all these sportswriters declaring the Packers' rushing defense woes over. Considering how fast the game got out of hand, Chicago didn’t really have the chance to rush the ball much. Still, Matthews had some really nice plays. This was my favorite.

• Aaron Rodgers liked it, too.

• I LOVED the blocking by Cobb, Davante Adams, and Nelson on the Eddie Lacy touchdown. Look at how Sideline Ninja comes blazing up the sideline to make sure Eddie gets his touchdown! How awesome is it to have receivers blocking that hard? That’s what happens when you make a running back the wide receivers coach.

• Even special teams were having fun (when not giving up kickoff returns). Mason Crosby nailed a 52-yard field like it was NBD, and Jarrett Boykin got in on the fun with a blocked punt! Well, actually it wasn’t a blocked punt; it was ruled a fumble because Boykin got to the ball before the punter punted it. 

• I think it’s really cool when a defensive player not only forces the fumble, but recovers it as well, as Julius Peppers did against his old team. Peppers was all over the field, using his crazy length to cause Jay Cutler (even more) problems.

Welcome to the winning side, Julius.

• There was an odd moment late in the game when Mike McCarthy challenged a three-yard reception catch. No one really understood why McCarthy challenged, including AJ Hawk.

• I say it every week and I’ll say it again: #ActivateTolzien!

• Take a moment to read this article, titled, “Here a list of the records the Packers broke against the Bears.”

• Aaron’s the first player with 10 touchdowns and no interceptions against the same team in a season.

• Jay Cutler has never won at Lambeau Field.

• Rodgers now holds the NFL record for most touchdowns of 70 yards or more with 16. (At least 14 of those have to have been to Jordy, right?)

• Aaron Rodgers has not thrown an interception at home since December of 2012.

• The Bears had 11 penalties that cost them 163 yards.

• The Bears set a franchise record for most points allowed in a half in consecutive games. That’s really sad.

• In their past two games, the Bears have been outscored 80-7 in the first half.

• Sigh, if only we could play the Bears every week. As for the rest of the league....

• Whoa, wait. What?! The Browns are 6-3??

• Listen rookie, you can think you’re the better team. You can believe that with all your heart. But after you’ve been shellacked 24-3, you don’t get to go on to the media about how much better a team you are and how your opponents are even “worse than [you] thought,” as Cincinnati Bengals running back Jeremy Hill did after Thursday night’s loss to the Cleveland Browns.

• Andy Dalton was 10-for-33 for 86 yards and three interceptions on Thursday night. Just let that sink in.

• Note to Colin Kaepernick: this is much more effective when you let your fans post it. When you post it yourself, it’s kinda pathetic.

• The New Orleans Saints lost to the San Francisco 49ers, putting them at 4-5. And they still lead their division. Ew.

• Dez Bryant, human highlight reel.

• Man, the Arizona Cardinals have had very bad luck with injuries. They lost their starting quarterback, Carson Palmer, after Week 1. Then he got injured again in Sunday’s game. The Cardinals have lost seemingly half their roster to injuries, yet keep on winning. Somehow, someway, the Cardinals have the best record in league.

• Things will get a lot tougher for Arizona, as it turns out Palmer tore his ACL, which really sucks for him, but the good news for him is that he signed a contract extension two days before he got injured.

• The Seattle Seahawks ran for 350 yards, with 140 coming from Marshawn Lynch and another 107 coming from quarterback Russell Wilson. Their opponent, the New York Football Giants had 54 rushing yards.

Eli's Manning Face shone in all its glory throughout the 4th quarter.

• Keep your chin up, high school boys around the country. You, too, could grow up to be an amazing quarterback with a supermodel wife, no matter how gawky you look and feel at your prom.

Just ask Tom Brady.

• I’m sick of the stupid Detroit Lions winning on ridiculous last-minute plays. But this Matthew Stafford throw to Theo Reddick was sick.

• Detroit had TWO fake punts, so I do have to give them props for that, too.

• Even though the stupid Miami Dolphins let the Lions win, they kept the game close and had this crazy awesome interception in the endzone by Brent Grimes.

• The Dolphins may have completely let me down by failing to beat the Lions, but at least their special teams is pretty good. They’ve blocked two field goals and two punts already this season!

• Keep your eye on Denver backup quarterback Brock Osweiler in the background. He thinks he’s finally going to get in the game, but Peyton has absolutely no intention of letting him play.

• Check out this clip. The New York Jets were in victory formation when Pittsburgh Steelers safety Mike Mitchell decided to go bush league and leap over the line to try to hit the quarterback. Center Nick Mangold saw him coming, though, and gave him his just desserts.

• Announcers always laugh about players who act or flop on a push, but when you’re running full speed and a very large man gives you even a slight push, you’re going to fall over pretty easily. P.S. Jimmy Graham definitely pushed off and deserved an offensive pass interference penalty.

You can't extend your arms when you're pushing off, Jimmy!

• Colin Kaepernick’s arm strength is incredible! On a 4th-and-10 play, with the game on the line, he tosses this 50-yarder like it’s nothing!  

• This poor Raiders offensive lineman has no idea what to do with the ball when it is thrown to him (which was an illegal pass). So he did the most Oakland Raiders-y thing he could think of and fumbled the ball away.

• The Oakland Raiders are now 0-9, ruling out the snowball’s chance in hell that they had for a winning record. The last time Oakland had a winning record? The same season they went to the Super Bowl … 12 years ago.

• Umm, would the league like to investigate what sort of voodoo is going in with New Orleans?? Seriously, the ball takes a sharp right as it goes through the posts. That's not natural.

• Michael Vick passed 6,000 rushing yards for his career on Sunday, the most ever by a quarterback.

• Talking heads seemed to think that because Ben Roethlisberger threw for six touchdowns in back-to-back weeks that he was going to keep up the pace, despite the fact that he have averaged 1.4 touchdowns the seven previous weeks.

• The Jets forced four turnovers against the Steelers, which is pretty good, especially when  you consider that they had only forced three turnovers THE OTHER NINE WEEKS. With the Jets’ 2-8 record, you didn’t have to tell me they were very bad, but seriously three turnovers in nine weeks????

A lesson to the Steelers: don't let horrible little punk
teenage popstars into your Bible study meetings or God
will smite you with a loss to the Jets.

Football Is Boring Without the Green Bay Packers

• If I have to suffer through a weekend without the Green Bay Packers, I sure hope Aaron Rodgers, TJ Lang, Morgan Burnett, Datone Jones, and Sam Shields are all getting healthy! The good news is that all except for Lang participated in Monday’s team workout.

• I’m glad the Dallas Cowboys didn’t play Tony Romo, but the fact that they were even considering it is ridiculous. You have your franchise quarterback, who had back surgery in the offseason, suffer a back injury. He’s down on the turf for a while before heading to the locker room for 20 minutes. Then Jerry Jones appears on the sideline -- that’s always a good sign, right? Not too much later, Romo is put back in the game against a defense that had been bringing pressure all game long.

"I don't care if he can't walk! I said play him!"

• Poor beleaguered puppet coach Jason Garrett tried to sell the line that Jones came down to the sidelines to say Romo could go back in because it was the fastest way to communicate. Yes, the fastest way is to have the owner of the freaking football team leave his luxury box and relay a message from the doctor in the locker room to the coach on the field. I'd be willing to be Jerry Jones doesn't answer his phone for himself, so I'm surprised that he's so willing to be a messenger boy. I guess he just loves the team that much.

• AND THEN, Jerry Jones says publicly that “the main thing is [pain] tolerance.” That is an [expletive] move right there, Jerry. You go on the radio and say, “There is nothing to his injury that won’t function … this is a function of pain tolerance.” That is pretty much calling out your quarterback and saying if he doesn’t play it’s because he’s a wimp. Say what you want about Romo, but he has earned a reputation as a tough player, having played through multiple injuries. Jones was pretty much trying to force Romo into playing.

I hate the Cowboys. Why am I more concerned
about their quarterback than their owner is??

• AND THEN, it was revealed that Romo suffered two small fractures to his back and was a “game time decision.” Again, franchise quarterback coming off offseason back surgery, suffers back fractures in a game because his line was not able to handle pressure, now scheduled to play the Arizona Cardinals -- who blitz more than any other team in the league -- and he’s a game time decision??? That’s unconscionable.

• The Cowboys should keep Romo out for at least the next two weeks. Next week they play the Jacksonville Jaguars in London. I’m no doctor, but I suspect that a 16-hour round trip flight is not advisable for those with back injuries, plus the Cowboys’ bye is the following week. I know backup Brandon Weeden doesn’t inspire a ton of confidence, take the loss to the Cardinals, take a loss to the Jaguars if you have to, but don’t jeopardize your quarterback’s season because the puppet master has ordered it.

"Dance, boy! Dance!"

• Cornerback Jumal Rolle was on the Green Bay Packers practice squad until the Houston Texans signed him in October. On Sunday, he had two interceptions. I’m always happy to see former Packers do well, buuuuuut it’d be more fun if he were succeeding in the Green and Gold.

• Yikes, the San Diego Chargers had a tough time against the Miami Dolphins, getting shut out 37-0. I have long told myself never to trust the Chargers. They’re always somebody’s sleeper pick to win it all, and everyone is always enamored with Philip Rivers and his talent, but they always disappoint! Last year, they won a playoff game, and they’ve looked so strong at times this season, so I started to let myself think, Hey, maybe it’s San Diego’s time. You’d think I’d have learned. Every team lays an egg every once and a while, so I’m not writing off the Chargers completely, but no more believing in them!

That's three losses in a row, Phil.

• Last week, Grantland’s weekly wrap-up was singing the praises of Pittsburgh Steelers receiver Antonio Brown and included this line: “Antonio Brown continues to be a superhero. With Calvin Johnson and A.J. Green hurt, and both Jordy Nelson and Julio Jones slowing down, it’s safe to say he’s been the best receiver in football." Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not denying that Antonio Brown is a fantastic receiver. I don't even take issue with the author saying he's better than Nelson. But what the heck is all this "slowing down" business? Jordy's on pace to set career highs in several categories. "Slowing down"?! What is he talking about??

C'mon, son. Sideline Ninja slows down for no one.

• I’m not above smiling when bad news hits the Cowboys, like losing their leading tackler for the year, but it feels a little unfair when the Dallas defense has already way outperformed expectations.

• Carolina Panthers receiver Kelvin Benjamin claims that he purposely ran a slow 40 at the combine so that he could be drafted by the Panthers. Okay. That’s sweet, but if he can slow himself down to the appropriate hundredth of a second that would increase his chances of availability as the 28th pick, then he is wasting a brilliant mathematical mind and should quit football.

• Marshawn Lynch really does have a Beast Mode. Holy cow.

• I was always a big Ryan Pickett fan. The Packers don't like to re-sign older players, so I understood why they released him this offseason, but when BJ Raji went down for the season, I hoped and prayed Green Bay would bring Pickett back in. Alas, no. Now I get to read articles about how Pickett is great at stopping the run while my Packers wallow in 32nd place as a run stopping defense.

• Kansas City Chiefs tight end Anthony Fasano lucked into a goofy touchdown against the New York Jets on Sunday.

• Washington Redskins cornerback Deangelo Hall is one of my least favorite players, but I feel for him. His season already came to an end when he tore his achilles tendon last month. He had surgery on it, but then slipped at home and re-tore it this week. That’s rough.

• Wait, is Miami Dolphins quarterback Ryan Tannehill for real? I generally don't bother remembering Miami quarterbacks' names because they're usually gone after a season or two, but he’s put together a nice stretch. Over the last five games, Tannehill has completed 69% of his passes for ten touchdowns and and a 4-1 record.

This, however, was not his best moment on Sunday, as his expression clearly indicates.

• Ben Roethlisberger has 12 touchdowns in the last two games. Wow.

• Whenever announcers say New England Patriots linebacker Rob Ninkovich’s name, I always think they’re going to say “nincompoop.”

• St. Louis’ Daren Bates was serious about trying to block this field goal, and was unsurprisingly flagged for jumping offsides. The crazy/awesome thing is he’s not that offsides.

• Cowboys running back and MVP candidate DeMarco Murray had a streak of eight 100-yard rushing games snapped in Dallas’ loss to the Arizona Cardinals. (He still had 79 yards.)

• St. Louis had six sacks on the season coming into Sunday's game against the Niners. Then they had eight sacks against the Niners. San Fran might want to do something about that.

• Rob Gronkowski might be the biggest tool off the field, but he's darn near unstoppable on the field. This catch is crazy!

• The San Francisco 49ers had a tough break in their loss to the St. Louis Rams. Niners quarterback Colin Kaepernick was ruled to have fumbled on the goal line, though Kaepernick believed he crossed the goal line before the fumble. There's no way you can overturn the call on the field since you can't get a conclusive angle here, but that stinks to lose when it's so close to being a touchdown. (I personally think it was a touchdown.)

• Who'd have thunk that halfway through the season, Arizona would be leading the NFC West, much less the league? I’m still way more scared of the 49ers and Seahawks, though.

• The Houston Texans-Philadelphia Eagles game was littered with injuries. The Texans lost both of their starting cornerbacks in the first five minutes of the game. Then the Eagles lost starting quarterback Nick Foles to a broken collarbone, then left guard Todd Herremans, then linebacker DeMeco Ryans. And the Texans lost running back Arian Foster to a groin injury. Yeesh.

• Green Bay released former first-round pick Derek Sherrod. Sherrod, who is an offensive tackle, played sparingly his rookie season, lost his entire second season to a gruesome leg injury that required two surgeries, and was a total disaster when he was forced on the field earlier this season due to injury. The cut made room for injured center JC Tretter to return to the roster.

This can't happen when you're protecting the franchise.

• In other Packers news, coach Mike McCarthy signed an extension that is said to be through 2018. Yay!

• OH MY GOSH. Apparently there was some sort of charity function involving Jordy Nelson and Randall Cobb walking down a runway wearing suits. Why was I not invited??? Does whatever charity that hosted this have any idea how much debt I would have gone into for this?? I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE.

The restraining orders may have caused complications, but I feel
confident we could have worked around them.