Hah! Take That, Jim Schwartz!

You mad, bro?

• Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Clay Matthews broke his thumb and is expected to miss a month.

C'mon! You have nine more!

• Clay isn’t the only linebacker that the Packers lost during the game. Brad Jones (injury prone!) left with a hamstring injury (an injury that has repeatedly hit the Packers this year!!), and Jones already sat out much of training camp with the same injury!! AND Jones’ backup, Robert Francois, is done for the season after tearing his Achilles tendon. Great.

• The Packers got the win, but it wasn’t a comfortable win. The offense couldn’t seem to find a rhythm, going 0-for-2 in the redzone. The Detroit Lions defense is quite good, but Green Bay needs a better conversion rate than that. It’s been their strength -- last year they were third in the league in redzone efficiency -- but after going 4-for-4 in the opener, they’ve only converted 5 of 12 redzone opportunities.

• Green Bay caught a nice break with Calvin Johnson being out with a knee injury. In Johnson’s 96 career games, he’s racked up 8,148 yards and 58 touchdowns. In that same 96 game stretch, the 19 other Lions receivers have combined for 7,892 yards and 43 touchdowns. Incredible.

There's a reason he's named after the mightiest Decepticon of them all.

• The Packers’ open-field tackling strategy seems to hinge on hoping the other guys trip and fall down.

• I loved the Packers making use of Randall Cobb in the backfield. He’s so versatile and beautiful.

I've mentioned his eyes before, right?

• I wish they’d find someone else to return punts and kicks, though. It makes me nervous to put that gorgeous face at risk. Not to mention, he’s had his own issues with fumbling on returns.

• Detroit’s secondary sure is “physical” -- and by physical, I mean a bunch of dirty cheats. They were hanging all over the Packer receivers all game long.

• Speaking of those classy Lions, how bout this story of center Dominic Raiola verbally abusing the University of Wisconsin marching band that was performing the Star Spangled Banner before the game?

• Five sacks for the Pack!

Why did Clay have to get injured? WHHHYYY?

• I hate Kenny Albert’s froggy voice. Nothing sounds pleasant in  that voice, not even if he were to say, “Green Bay Packers wide receiver Jordy Nelson has left his wife and child for Wisconsin native….”

 

• I want to watch an entire game and see if there’s even one defensive snap during which Clay Matthews isn’t held.

• James Jones had a couple of rough Lambeau Leaps. His first sad attempt was Randall Cobb’s fault, as he jumped on him in celebration just as Jones was gearing up for the jump. Randall tried to compensate by boosting Jones up, which only made it worse. Then, a couple of Detroit fans (as classy as their team) pushed Jones out of the stands as he attempted a later leap. To add insult to injury, the second touchdown was overturned.

• Oh, Jordy Nelson. Is there anything Sideline Ninja can’t do??

Look at his toes!

• Sideline Ninja is also Onside-Kick-Recovery Ninja. He always seems to be in the right place at the right time on onside kicks.

• Eddie Lacy came up one yard short of being the Packers' third running back to run for 100+ yards after the team went roughly 824 games without a 100-yard game from a back.

• Hey, did you know that Detroit wide receiver Kris Durham was Matthew Stafford’s roommate in college? Incredible, right?! I think the announcers should make sure to mention it every single time Durham’s on the field in case any of us ever forget.

They shared a room!!

• It’s embarrassing that the Packers had more penalties than the penalty-prone Lions. The offensive line had a rough day, in particular.

• Though it wasn’t Green Bay’s best game, it was a huge victory for their standing in the NFC North. Chicago lost, as well, keeping the race close. Chicago and Detroit lead at 3-2 and the Packers are just behind at 2-2. Is there a fourth team I’m forgetting?

Nope. Guess not.

• Oh, Lord. San Francisco 49ers safety Donte Whitner is officially changing his last name to “Hitner.” 

I hope he has so many paperwork headaches.

• Internet commenters aren't usually the wittiest of people, but here's what one reader had to say about the above article: "Just another W that the 9ers won't have." Lolz.

 

• The New York Giants suck, but their running back David Wilson at least has some talent.

• While I appreciate a punter being willing to try to tackle an opponent, there’s a reason why they’re not really football players. Watch Jon Ryan, number 9, on Seattle: 

• The Jacksonville Jaguars scored 20 points! Against a decent defense! Total points in previous four games = 30. When the Denver Broncos pointed the fact that Jacksonville has, um, struggled, it was not appreciated by the Jags, and a social media catfight ensued. Well, it was more of a cat- and horse-fight.

• By the way, the Jaguars are 28-point underdogs for next week’s game against the Broncos.

• I enjoy upsets as much as the next fan, but I would have enjoyed Monday Night Football a lot more if the Jets had actually lost.

• If the NFL were really interested in raising money for charity, instead of auctioning off game-worn equipment, they’d auction off a chance to punch Pete Carroll.

I shall start the bidding at my entire life's savings.

• You can’t spell “demoralizing” with A-L-I -- oh wait. Hmm, can Eli Manning change his name to Ali?

Are we all done with saying he's better than Peyton? Good.

• The Dallas Cowboys-Denver Broncos game was craaazy. 51-48. Tony Romo had a fantastic game, completing almost 70% of his passes for 506 yards and five touchdowns!! He did, however, throw one teeny little interception in the last two minutes of the game that pretty much sealed the Broncos win. The game was pretty much Tony Romo in a nutshell - fantastic numbers, actually played a really great game, but he just seems to have a knack for making huge mistakes in tight situations.

I try not to be mean, Tony, but you make it impossible!

• After the interception, the game was pretty much over. Denver kicker Matt Prater has never missed a game-tying or game-winning field goal in his career. Like, ever.

• Tom Brady wore this:

• Julius Thomas and Demaryius Thomas are wide receivers who play for the Denver Broncos. But since they have the same last name, why don’t their jerseys have their first initials???

Seriously, this is really bothering me.

• I don’t remember Peyton Manning ever rushing for a TD before!

• Rough day for Cam Newton, who threw three interceptions and was sacked seven times.

Does he have a dance where he goes back into the phone booth
and changes back into Clark Kent?

• The New Orleans Saints did a good job shutting down Bears receiver Brandon Marshall, but they forgot about Alshon Jeffery, who went off for 218 yards! Didn’t matter much, as New Orleans won 26-18, but still -- 218 yards!

• Sooooooo….Matt Schaub. First throw of Sunday’s game was a pick six, making it  four consecutive games with an interception returned for a touchdown. He went on to throw two more interceptions before taking a seat in the fourth with the game way out of hand. He is not very well liked in Houston at the moment, and the team has a real problem. The offense managed three points and the defense - the pride of Texas - gave up 34 points. Schaub’s not getting the job done (gee, who could have seen that coming?) and fans are ready to riot. To whom, however, should they turn? Does anyone think TJ Yates is going to do a better job?

• The Saints should have to play with just 10 offensive players because Jimmy Graham counts as two people. 

593 yards, 16 yards per catch, six touchdowns so far. Not fair.

• Josh Freeman signed with the Vikings. But is he there to replace Christian Ponder or Matt Cassel?

• Packer fans have a soft spot for former backup quarterback Matt Flynn. That’s probably because he didn’t charge us millions to warm the bench. Since leaving the Packers, he got a big contract with Seattle, only to be beaten out by a rookie and subsequently traded to Oakland. Signing another contract there, he was then beat out by second-year Terrelle Pryor. When Pryor was concussed, Flynn started in his stead, then was demoted to third string behind an undrafted rookie. Poor Matty. Maybe he should come back to Green Bay?

• Who makes the NFL uniforms? Because they have issues with the white pants. They all look like they’re wearing diapers!

• Somebody named Thad is going to start at quarterback in an NFL game.

• Charles Woodson tied the NFL record with his 13th career defensive touchdown when he returned a fumble on Sunday. When he was in Green Bay, I became obsessed with him getting this record. He only needs one more to have the record all to himself. And he added in an interception late in the game for good measure.

I miss you.

• Hey, Baltimore Ravens, do you think maybe you should give the ball to Ray Rice? Last week, Rice had as many carries (five) as Joe Flacco had interceptions. This week, Rice had 27 carries for 74 yards and they won. I cannot understand how you only give five carries to one of the best running backs in the league.

• With two seconds left in the game, down 26-17, the Tennessee Titans elected to attempt a field goal. Now, it wouldn't have mattered if they had gone for the touchdown, but, still, I'm ... confused.

"Aw, dang! My brilliant plan somehow backfired."

• The Jaguars traded left tackle Eugene Monroe to Baltimore last week (sorry, Blaine Gabbert!) and moved rookie lineman Luke Joeckel from right tackle to left tackle. Joeckel broke his ankle this weekend is out for the season, so the worst team in the league is on its third-string left tackle and second-string right tackle.

• Speaking of sacks, Ryan Tannehill has been sacked twenty-four times in five games. He's averaging almost five sacks a game, which is almost as many touchdowns he has all season - six.

Hmm, the two stats seem related somehow...

• The Cincinnati Bengals ended Tom Brady's incredible streak of games with a touchdown pass at 52. I wonder what Jay Cutler's streak of games with a turnover is. I'll bet it's almost as impressive. Cutler didn't throw an interception on Sunday, but he did manage to fumble the ball twice, one of which was lost.

Say what you want about Jay -- at least he's consistent.