Hahaha! Pete Carroll & the Seattle Seahawks are 0-2! Hahahaha!

• Very nice win by the Green Bay Packers over the Seattle Seahawks! After I spent all week moping over their worrisome rush defense (especially after they lost starting inside linebacker Sam Barrington for the year), the defense came to play! Green Bay held Marshawn Lynch to just 41 yards on 15 carries. Lynch was tackled for a loss a career-high five times on Sunday night.

• There were a number of Packers players who had strong performances -- B.J. Raji and Ty Montgomery stood out to me -- but the game ball probably belongs to linebacker Jayrone Elliott, who had an interception (which he almost fumbled away, but recovered -- whew!) and a forced fumble, both in the fourth quarter.

Speaking of Ty Montgomery, look how ridiculously ripped his arms are!

• But Pete Carroll and the Seahawks thought they recovered the fumble on Elliott’s interception. (They didn’t.) The poor ‘Hawks were just so "confused" that the refs didn’t give them the ball! Awww.

"Waaaaaaaaaahhh!"

• It was not a good night to be an ankle in Green Bay. Defensive tackle Josh Boyd is out for the season after breaking a bone in his ankle; starting running back Eddie Lacy left the game with a low-ankle sprain (timetable TBD); and receiver Dante Adams also suffered an ankle sprain, though he returned to the game in a hobbled state.

• I saw some pre-game pundits saying Sunday night’s game was a “must-win” for Seattle. LOL. I’m over the moon that Seattle’s 0-2, but I don’t think you can have a “must-win” game when you’re 1/16th into your season.

• Nearly all of the Packers’ big gains came on free plays. Considering how incredibly successful Aaron Rodgers and the Pack are doing that, I don’t understand why more quarterbacks don’t try it more often. I always see other offenses just stop their play when there’s a pre-snap penalty on the defense. It’s a free play, guys!!

• Here’s one such play, a touchdown to the resurrected James Jones. This throw is incredible! Look at how insane the window is!!

• Mason Crosby the leading scorer in Packers history! He had a great game, making four field goals to keep Green Bay in the game during the big lull in in their offense.

Remember when I was the only one defending Crosby
during his slump? Vindicated!!

• Aaron Rodgers has the highest career passer rating at home -- 112.7. That’s 12 points higher than the next highest quarterbacks, those losers Peyton Manning and Steve Young, who were barely able to crack triple digits.

• Rodgers has also gone over 450 passes without an interception thrown at home. I’ll give you 40 chances to guess which active player has the next longest streak (at a pitiful 169). Give up?

• Say what you want about Pete Carroll, but he has some great hands. This might be the catch of the week -- he catches it one-handed, left-handed, across his body!

• The Seahawks have had some drama already this season, between Marshawn Lynch’s mom calling for the offensive coordinator to be fired to starting safety Kam Chancellor holding out. Regarding the Chancellor situation, I generally have a lot of sympathy for players holding out for new contracts (if you want to know why, see: Murray, DeMarco), but Kam is being ridiculous. He signed his contract extension in April 2013, so he’s only completed one season under that deal. There’s no question that Chancellor deserves to be paid with the top safeties in the league, but If he wasn’t happy with the extension, he should have done a one-year deal and tried again this summer.

In his defense, he can do this. 

• As far as I understand, Chancellor is not actually asking for a new deal; he’s asking for a new distribution of money over the course of his current deal. He wants money that’s been backloaded to the last year of the deal (2017) moved forward to next year. Since the current structure of backloading money to the later years of the contract is all in the owners’ favor, Chancellor’s position doesn’t seem too unreasonable on the surface. A couple of problems with it, though: 1) if that’s what you wanted, Kam, you should have negotiated that when you were, ya know, negotiating the contract; 2) the Seahawks don’t want to agree to this because if they do, it’s widely expected that Chancellor will then ask for a new deal after the 2016 season, so Chancellor wants to frontload the deal so that he can holdout for a new deal sooner; 3) the two sides were reportedly less than $1 million apart in their current negotiations, but Chancellor has already lost $2.1 million in fines and lost wages from not playing any games this season -- THAT MAKES NO SENSE, KAM.

Russell Wilson seems to like Kam, though. A lot. A lot, a lot.

• So JJ Watt is apparently looking for a girlfriend? (MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!) But he doesn't want you to worry about him.

Yeah, I'm not too worried. When he wants a wife,
he can pretty much just point and beckon.

• So many crazy turnarounds in Week 2:
• The St. Louis Rams, who beat Seattle last week, lost to the Redskins this week.
• Tennessee looked great in Week 1, but lost to the Cleveland Browns (who lost last week to the NY Jets).
• The Tampa Bay Bucs lost to those Titans last week, then beat the New Orleans Saints this week.
• The San Francisco 49ers beat the Minnesota Vikings 20-3 last week; then got destroyed by the Pittsburgh Steelers.
• After last week's loss to the Niners, the Vikings beat the Detroit Lions.
• The Raiders -- the Oakland Raiders! -- beat the Baltimore Ravens after losing to the Cincinnati Bengals.
• The New York Giants lost to the Dallas Cowboys after blowing a double-digit lead last week, and this week …. oh …. they blew a double-digit lead.

• JJ Watt reached 60 career sacks. Second-fastest player to do so after Reggie White.

• Oh, Jay. Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler is out at least two weeks with a hamstring injury. He suffered the injury when he was -- you'll never guess -- trying to chase down the guy he just threw an interception to. You would think by now that the Bears would run him through some tackling drills in practice to prepare for the inevitable.

• This GIF isn’t as good as it would be if it were Cutler instead of backup Jimmy Clausen, but it’s still pretty good. It's like the opposite of a goal-line push. A goal-line escape?

• The Chicago Bears had 170 YARDS IN PENALTIES against the Arizona Cardinals.

• If you can tear your eyes away from Randall Cobb’s beautiful face, look how messed up that reporter’s finger is!!

The reporter is a former player, so I guess it all makes sense. 

• Before signing inside linebacker Joe Thomas on Monday, the Packers had just three players on their roster who have ever played for another team. Every other team has at least 16. That’s crazy!

• I couldn't find a GIF of this, but you need to watch this video of a New Orleans defender (#40) about 10 yards behind the catch and completely lost. It's kinda sad, but really funny.

• There’s a Baltimore Ravens player named Crockett Gillmore. I feel like his parents couldn't decide what to name him and threatened each other that if they couldn’t agree on a name, they would name him “Crockett,” but they were both really stubborn and neither of them would blink, so they were both like, “Okay, fine. Crockett it is. I don’t care. Whatever. I like the name ‘Crockett.’”

• Remember Pacman Jones trying to kill Amari Cooper last week?

• And remember how the NFL didn’t suspend him for trying to kill Cooper? Well, let's check in with Jones and see what he had to say about the situation:

Let see how that holds up in court.

• So poor Tony Romo broke his collarbone again, leaving the Dallas Cowboys without their starting quarterback, their top receiver, and their starting cornerback. Let’s see if Jerry Jones tries to force Romo back onto the field by telling reporters that he expects Romo will play next week like he did last year when Romo broke his back.

• Don’t worry, though: the ‘Boys have Brandon Weeden at backup.

• Philadelphia quarterback Sam Bradford running away from defensive pressure is the exact same as how I looked as a child running away from my siblings who were trying to beat me up: run away in slow circles, then fall down.

• How does a kicker get an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty ... when he's not even on the field? Dallas’ Dan Bailey found a way.

• Here’s a stat for you: “At half, DeMarco Murray leads the Eagles rushing with 1 yard.”

• Murray, after being run into the ground by the Cowboys and then not re-signed, is having a rough time in Philadelphia, along with the rest of the 0-2 Eagles. After enjoying a year behind the Cowboys’ fierce offensive line, Murray was getting little-to-no help from Philly’s line, repeatedly getting tackled behind the line of scrimmage.

• How DeMarco Murray must have felt looking across the field at his former offensive linemen:

• It probably doesn’t matter since Eli Manning is still their quarterback, but I was not aware of this little factoid: “The starry New York Giants receiving duo of Victor Cruz and Odell Beckham Jr. have been on the field together for one full professional game, the New York-Atlanta game on Oct. 5, 2014.”

• If I were a casting agent in the 1990s, I would cast Mike Florio as my corporate villain who is trying to raze the protagonist children’s community playground to build high-rise condos.

"And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddlesome kids!"

• Cleveland Browns receiver Travis Benjamin is off to quite a start. He has over 200 yards after two weeks -- all from six catches! And that’s not even counting his 164 yards returning punts!

• I was going to say that this Julio Jones catch was the catch of the week (outside Pete Carroll's sideline catch, I mean):

• But then I saw Danny Amendola laying out for this:

• Times I said, “I miss Jordy” during this week’s game: 8.