Jordy's Back, the Packers Won, and All Is Right in the World

• Green Bay Packers football is finally back and so is Jordy Nelson!! Jordy played his first real game in over a year and a half and you know he put some points up on the board, scoring his 50th career touchdown.

• The Pack defeated the Jacksonville Jaguars 27-23 in a closer-than-it-felt game. Though it seemed as though Green Bay had control throughout the game (maybe that’s just me?? Aaron Rodgers didn’t agree), Jacksonville had a good shot at the win before the Packers defense held them on fourth down with 14 seconds left. It was a great stand by the D, but I kinda felt that it wouldn’t have been necessary if they had maybe defended better the rest of the game. The Packers gave up 320 passing yards to Blake Bortles. Granted, the Jaguars have some great receivers in the Allens (Hurns and Robinson), but 320 is a lot of yards. And while they came through in the clutch stopping the final fourth down attempt, Green Bay gave up three fourth down conversions in the game.

• The first touchdown of the season went to Mr. Aaron Rodgers who had ran one in to go with his two throwing touchdowns. One of those passing TDs was this crazy impressive throw to Davante Adams. Only Rodgers could get the ball into that small of a window while having a defender pulling on his jersey like that. Bee-yootiful. Watch it from every angle.

• After Eddie Lacy’s weight was discussed ad nauseum the entire offseason, I’ll just say that Eddie looked good, fast, and tough. Glad to have the old Eddie back.  

• Sam Shields suffered a concussion in the game, which is really, really scary. Shields has had concussion issues in his past, and last season suffered a concussion that caused him to black out on the field and left painful headaches lingering, which kept him out for four games. It seems that there’s definitely a cumulative effect of concussions, so here’s hoping Shields is okay.

• Speaking of Shields, how adorbs is it that he had all his defensive teammates sign his cleats? It started out as a joke, Shields said, but “this is who I’m playing for.”

• The interior defense looked more of the same that we’ve seen over the past few seasons as general manager Ted Thompson seems unwilling to spend any money on inside linebacker (let’s just draft another late-round, unathletic white guy instead!) and it shows. I’m trying really hard to give Jake Ryan a chance, but it’s hard for me not to make snarky A.J. Hawk comparisons. Losing Mike Pennel to a four-game substance abuse suspension is also hurting in the middle of the defensive line. =/

We miss Pennel's size. And creative eye black art.

• Punters never get any love, so I’ll take some space to say the Jacksonville Jaguars punter was absolutely killing Green Bay. He had at least two punts downed inside the five. (I’m not going to give him enough love to, say, actually look up his name.)

• Jacksonville Jaguars offensive coordinator Greg Olsen is the man I would cast as the disreputable car guy in a heist movie whom the team has to hire even though they don’t trust him because he’s the “best in the business.”

But will he betray them??

• I was concerned about how the offensive line would perform in their first game without Josh Sitton, but they looked pretty solid and only gave up one sack.

• Jacksonville cornerback Davon House used to play for the Packers, and I love him. I follow his blog -- he’s a pretty good writer! -- and always cheer for him to do well. His answer to a reporter’s question on facing his old team is why:

“I don't know if people are thinking, 'I hate Green Bay and I have to go out and kill them.' No. To me, that's dumb. This is the team that drafted me. To me, I'm excited to show them how much better I've gotten being a full-time starter ... I'm excited about that, but there's no bad blood.”

I'm excited, too, Davon!

• I’m pretty sure I’ve discussed this before, but the Jaguars helmets are super cool. They’re half-matte, half-shiny. Though not everyone thinks they're as cutting edge as I do.

• Check out this insane Allen Robinson catch! I want to say that it's just dumb luck, but you can see Robinson's impressive presence of mind to locate the ball in mid-air while he's being tackled.

• Blake Bortles, the Jacksonville QB, says he is 24 years old. Look at this picture and tell me if you really believe that.

Also, Blake is actually his middle name, so if he's lying about
his real name, what else might he be lying about?

• Fantastic Week 1! Of the 16 games played, 11 were one-score games!

• One such game was the New Orleans Saints vs. Oakland Raiders. 32 points were scored in the fourth quarter!! The Raiders were down seven with six minutes left in the game when they began a methodical game-tying drive. Except that it wasn’t game-tying. Oakland scored a touchdown and, instead of kicking the extra point to tie the game, decided to go for two!!! Now, I personally don’t like that call, but Oakland fans have to love the gutsiness: first game of the season, on the road, close game, haven’t led since the first quarter, and playing against one of the best quarterbacks in the league. The Raiders converted the two-point try for a one-point lead. There were 47 seconds left on the clock. New Orleans made a darn good march down the field, considering the circumstances, and were left at the end facing a 61-yard field goal with an undrafted rookie kicker, who gave a good try, but just missed the field goal.

I would just assume head coaches are really busy immediately after
games, but the Raiders HC found some time to throw some shade at math.

• Raiders rookie running back Jalen Richard scored a touchdown on his first NFL carry! It was a pretty one, too:

• Houston Texans vs Chicago Bears is great because it combines two of my favorite things: Jay Cutler getting sacked and JJ Watt.

Unfortunately, none of the five sacks on Cutler came directly from JJ, but I'm a
glass-half-full girl, so I just appreciate that there were five sacks.

• The Atlanta Falcons are not bothering to get their fans’ hopes up this year; they’re skipping right to the letting down part.

• Speaking of teams you should never trust, the San Diego Charger had a huge meltdown on Sunday against the Kansas City Chiefs. The Chargers were up 21-3 at halftime and somehow lost! The Chiefs outscored the Chargers 24-6 in the second half to send the game to overtime, eventually winning on an Alex Smith rushing touchdown.

That's how your fans feel, too, Philip.

• Well, well, color me surprised. A (former) Packers player with a hamstring injury.You don’t say? Teams should be wary of any player they get from Green Bay. There’s about a 50% chance they will constantly have a hamstring injury. It’s like manufacturer’s warning.

• The Detroit Lions looked pretty good in their first game of the P.M. (Post-Megatron) Era. I have a weird soft spot for Matthew Stafford, so I was a little happy, but I have an even softer spot for Andrew Luck and the Lions are division rivals, so I was more sad than happy when the Lions squeaked out a win over the Indianapolis Colts in the final seconds. Stafford completed 79% of his passes for 340 yards, three touchdowns, no interceptions and a 128.6 passer rating.

• With four minutes left, Detroit scored to take the lead, but kicker Matt Prater missed the extra point! Indianapolis, down only six, advanced downfield, looking to be in total control. Luck hit tight end Jack Doyle for the touchdown and the Colts led 35-34. Unfortunately, Indy stopped the clock too much on their last drive, so there were still 37 seconds left. Detroit, full armed with all their timeouts, had consecutive plays of 19, 9, and 22 yards, and just like that, were facing a 43-yard field goal by Prater, who had missed the extra point on the previous drive and was the reason the Lions were looking at a loss instead of overtime. Prater, though, redeemed himself with the field goal and the Lions start their season 1-0.

And people said you wouldn't
survive without Calvin.

• With the win, Stafford has the most fourth-quarter comebacks since 2011. (The guy he’s tied with? Tony “He’s Not Clutch” Romo.) The main reason for my soft spot for Stafford is I think he’s a capital-E Elite quarterback, and whenever he does well, he proves me right.

He looks worse in a suit.

• Charles Woodson made his ESPN debut on Monday Night, wearing an ascot, no less. Wonder how he gets away with it? He’s Charles Freaking Woodson; he’ll wear an ascot if he damn well pleases, and you’ll like it.

(Not of fan of the sneakers-with-a-suit thing though. Grrr. Pet peeve of mine.)

• Poor Terrance Williams! The Dallas Cowboys wide receiver failed to get out of bounds as the Cowboys were trying a desperate last-second comeback attempt. As a result the clock ran out before Dallas could spike the ball and the New York Giants won 20-19.

• Now, the Cowboys were still on their own 46 yardline and didn’t have any timeouts, so even if they stop the clock, I don’t think they had much of a chance at the victory, but come on, Terrance! The sideline was right there! You even had Dez directing you exactly where to go!

• But Williams was so sad after the game, I don’t have the heart to pile on him. Dak Prescott, making his debut as Dallas’ quarterback, handled the post-game presser very well: "The guy was trying to make a play. You never want to knock a guy trying to make a play."

Prescott was kinder than owner Jerry Jones, who chimed in
with a helpful, "He was coached to get out [of bounds]." Thanks, boss.

• I find the New York Giants’ Odell Beckham Jr and the Dallas Cowboys’ Dez Bryant playing around pre-game really charming. They’re just like real humans!

• The Minnesota Vikings traded away their 2017 first-round pick (!) for Sam Bradford (!!), but it was Shaun Hill who quarterbacked the team on Sundays. I say  “quarterbacked” because he showed up and played quarterback, but didn’t really contribute anything to the Vikings’ 25-16 victory over the Tennessee Titans, nor did any of the offense: 0-for-3 in the redzone, no passing touchdowns, no rushing touchdowns. The defense carried the day, scoring two touchdowns, and kicker Blair Walsh contributed four field goals (and one missed point after touchdown).

• Will Fuller, of whom I was a big fan in college, had a great first career game, catching five receptions for 107 yards and one touchdown.

Yay, Will! Now please do
something about your hair.

• [Journalism side rant: This is the worst article I've ever seen. It starts in media res, and the first two sentences of second paragraph are talking about a entirely different team than the two who played in the game that, ya know, the article's supposed to be describing. That same paragraph features an unattributed quote that is also lacking a clear subject. The third paragraph opens by referencing a play that has not yet been mentioned. Then there's another unattributed quote. In paragraph four, the author says that the Bears won the game. Another unattributed quote. Paragraph five talks about Chris Clark replacing Alshon Jeffrey, which is sure to come as a surprise to both, since one plays for the Texans and the other plays for the Bears. Paragraph six has your run-of-the-mill unattributed quote. Paragraph seven pleads with the audience to help write the article. Paragraphs eight and nine time travel to before the game occurred. Paragraph 10 is just a random quote -- with attribution! -- but, alas, not correctly attributed. Paragraph 11 finally mentions the subject of the article title for one sentence. In paragraph 12, a slimmer of coherence breaks through as it is actually factually accurate for one entire sentence. The 13th and final paragraph reverts back to the time before the game was played. No way the "author" isn't a bot, right? Fin.]

• Pittsburgh Steelers rookie wide receiver got the first touchdown of his career just by being alert. Stay ready.

• Speaking of Steelers wide receivers, I. Love. Watching. Antonio. Brown.

• I didn’t need another reason to like Troy Aikman, but if I did, here’s his view on his network hiring Skip Bayless:

• The obsession with stats is getting ridiculous. I saw this one pop up in Thursday's game: the Denver Broncos became the first defending Super Bowl champions to win their season opener after being down 8+ points. That's not impressive or interesting in the least! I feel bad for the poor unpaid intern who spent hours sifting through database after database to find a statistic that literally no one cares about.

• It’s only one game, but it’s got to be really disheartening for the Carolina Panthers to open up their season by missing a last-minute field goal to lose to the team that beat them in the Super Bowl, who are now quarterbacked by a guy who has never thrown an NFL pass before.

• Maybe this is only funny if all your friends on social media are parents and post “first day of school” pictures that have comprised 90% of your newsfeed the last month, but DeAngelo Williams’ “First Day of the Regular Season” picture made me giggle.

• Two Monday Night Football games this week? Come on, I know that I should be cheering more football, but not football that starts after my bedtime! MNF is a lot of fun, “playing under the lights” and all, but it’s exhausting after watching 10 hours of football the day before -- I can’t do seven more! Some of us have lives, you know. (Not me, but some of us.) So I’m sorry if anything happened in the San Francisco - St. Louis (fine, Los Angeles) game last night, but I'm not going to know about it.

• Jimmy Garoppolo looks like a 1940s gangster. Put him in a zoot suit and fedora. He’d be called Handsome Jim.

I know, I know, I really wanted to make this a fancy
photoshop job, too, but my skills are limited to Paint.

• Also, Garoppolo won his first NFL game, leading the short-staffed New England Patriots over the Arizona Cardinals in Tom Brady’s justly deserved absence. Arizona was a missed field goal away from the victory, but were expected to win rather handily.

The bright side for Arizona is that Larry Fitzgerald scored his 100th
career touchdown. Congrats, Fitz!

• Man, the RGIII Comeback is really struggling to take off the ground. Griffin has not played in a game since December 2014, and now, in his first start with his new team, the Cleveland Browns, he suffered fractured bone in his left shoulder (ow). Griffin has been placed on IR, but could be designated to return. I kind of feel like Griffin and Cleveland are a good match for each other, but only in a really depressing way.

• Get ready for the Packers to manhandle the Minnesota Vikings Sunday night!!

Double-Digit Wins!

• In their victory over the Oakland Raiders, the Green Bay Packers reached the double-digit mark in the win column and secured a ticket to the playoffs. Yay!

• As for how the Packers are feeling, that depends whom you ask. Coach Mike McCarthy got snippy with reporters focusing too much on the negative: “The style points, you can flush that. I'm sick and tired of talking about the negativities. We've won 10 games. We lost three games on the last play of the game and Denver beat us. That's the overview of our season, and we've got a chance to win 11 next week."

• Aaron Rodgers and the rest of the locker room, however, weren’t overjoyed at their play. Rodgers said they were ineffective, while TJ Lang acknowledged that “we feel like we’re not playing up to our talent level.”

• Lang also pointed out 14 of their 30 points came from the defense -- well, essentially. Micah Hyde returned an interception inside the 20-yard line, and Demarious Randall recorded a pick-six. Those two lost possessions skewed the numbers against the offense a bit, but if you take away those, the offense managed one touchdown and three field goals against a sub-.500 team.

• There wasn’t a lot to love about the offensive game, but I’m sick of typing the exact same thing every week, so let’s focus on the goods: James Jones had a nice game! Back in Oakland, Jones had six catches for 82 yards and a touchdown. Reporters wanted to hype up Jones before and after the game about playing against the team that cut him, but JJ wasn’t having any of it: “I don’t hold no grudges on nobody. I just go out every game and try to play well. It wasn’t trying to get back at the Raiders. I love the dudes over there.” I love how chill and good-natured he is about everything.

Cali cool. The hoodie helps.

• Randall Cobb also had a nice game. His effort doesn’t necessarily show up in the box score -- 40 yards receiving, 18 yards rushing -- but he had some crucial catches, and his runs opened up the field a bit more. Second-year receiver Jared Abbrederis also played well, catching all three targets that came his way.

It probably easy to be so good when you have huge, strong, sculpted biceps.

• I insist on watching Green Bay games all the way till the clock hits zeros, even if the outcome is decided, but ooohhh mmyyy goooosshh this was the game that wouldn’t end! It felt like the third Lord of the Rings movie! The teams were just trading timeouts and penalties! I thought it was maybe just in my head, so I went back and checked: the last three game minutes took 25 real-life minutes!!! TWENTY-FIVE.

• Raiders quarterback Derek Carr has serial killer eyes.

And face.

• Injuries continue to be a problem for the Packers. Left tackle David Bakhtieri left the game with an ankle injury (Ahh! No! Please, not Don Barclay!!), and center JC Tretter was limping heavily near the end of the game. Kinda stinks considering how banged up the offensive line has been all season. This is how they came into the game:

This might have something to do with why the
Packers couldn't run anything this week.

• A few days after announcing yet another “setback” for Ty Montgomery on what must be the worst ankle sprain in history, Green Bay put the receiver on IR, ending his season. To take his place, the Packers activated tight end Andrew Quarless. Yay!! Andrew Quarless!! Oh no. I’m actually hoping Andrew Quarless is going to save the day.

• The best part of a rather boring game was seeing Charles Woodson. IloveyouCharlescomeback. I, of course, was not happy to see James Starks fumble (again), but I appreciated that Charles was the one who forced it. He also almost intercepted Rodgers, but his teammate grabbed it away from him. Watching Woodson go around and hug all the Packers after the game was, to me, the most interesting part. I won’t admit how hard I was scouring the screen for Woodson talking to Jordy. (I didn’t find them, obviously. Otherwise, that's all that this week's blog would be.)

Awww they all love each other so much.

• AAHHH Charles Woodson just announced he’s retiring at the end of the season! Even after 18 years, he’s going out on top. Woodson’s career highlights include the Heisman, a Super Bowl, Defensive Player of the Year, 65 interceptions, 11 interception returns, and 33 forced fumbles. I’m going to miss him! Mostly I’m sad because I’m not going to get to use this picture much anymore:

Also I NEED him to get a pick-six in the next two games.
He's only one away from tying the record!
PLEEAASSE Philip Rivers  or Alex Smith, throw him a pick-six!

• I always cheer for Ryan Fitzpatrick because the guy scored a 1580 on his SAT, has an economics degree from Harvard, has had a four-touchdown game with four different teams, has five kids -- at least one of whom is a budding math genius -- and is known for never taking off his wedding ring. Naturally, I enjoyed watching Fitzpatrick and the New York Jets mathematically eliminate the Dallas Cowboys from the playoffs on Saturday night. I especially enjoyed how the Jets waited until there were 36 seconds left in the game to kick a field goal to go up three points. Just enough time for Cowboys’ fans to think, “Hey, maybe this is possible. We have one of the best kickers in the league, after all. We just need to get into field goal range. Plus, we finally benched Matt Cassel. That guy’s awful. Now we have Kellen Moore. And I don’t want to jinx us, but our division’s so bad, that there’s still a tiny sliver of hope that something crazy could happen. I mean, if we win this game, then win our last two and get some help from other teams… but it all starts with tonight. Maybe, just maybe, Kellen can pull this off.” And then Moore threw his third interception of the night.

• Before Matt Cassel was benched, he achieved a truly spectacular feat. He threw an interception (surprise), but even though the ball was intercepted, Cassel was still called for intentional grounding! The penalty came because there was not a Dallas receiver in the area. There was another flag for having an ineligible receiver downfield. The whole play was like the Cowboys’ season in a nutshell.

• Maybe it’s because I’ve watched this Vine dozens of time, or maybe because in the last six games he’s completed 75% of his passes, has 12 touchdowns, two interceptions, and an average passer rating of 120, but I think I’m becoming a believer in Kirk Cousins.

• Detroit Lions defensive end Devin Taylor’s shoes really clash with his suit.

• The New York Giants were so close to beating the now 14-0 Carolina Panthers. Carolina’s final two opponents are the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Atlanta Falcons, so New York was pretty much the last chance to defeat the Panthers in the regular season. Carolina was up 35-7 with five minutes left in the third quarter before New York began mounting an improbable comeback. They scored a touchdown, forced a three-and-out, scored a touchdown, and blocked a field goal! All of a sudden, it’s a two-score game! But then Eli Manning, in a very Eli Manning-y way (JK it actually wasn't his fault), threw an interception in the endzone, thus taking all the wind out of the Giants’ sails. BUT THEN, Carolina fumbled the ball, New York scored a touchdown, forced another three-and-out, and scored another touchdown! Oh my gosh! It’s 35-35 with 1:46 left. Carolina goes into we’ve-won-13-games-thank-you-very-much mode and, after returning the kickoff 26 yards, completes passes of nine, two, 16, and 12 yards, just like that. The Panthers are at the 35-yard line with 32 seconds left. That would be about a 52-yard field goal; doable, but tough. The Panthers decide to go for one more play … and the Giants decide not to cover Cam Newton, ya know, the quarterback who has more rushing yards than James Starks. Newton picks up an extra 10 yards, and the Panthers kick a field goal to stay perfect.

• The game wasn’t even where the real drama was between the Panthers and Giants. New York’s fabulous receiver Odell Beckham Jr was matched up with one of the best corners in the league in Carolina’s Josh Norman, and the two struggled to get along. Seriously, it got really ugly. Beckham was called for three unnecessary roughness penalties (Norman was not an innocent bystander in all of this), plus should have been flagged for at least a couple more, like when he grabbed Norman’s ankle as he was walking away, or when he threw a punch at Cortland Finnegan, and Finnegan was called for the penalty. The most egregious instance -- and one that should have led to Beckham’s immediate ejection -- was when Beckham, doubling back on a play, came charging at Norman and blindsided him with a dangerous hit to the helmet. Beckham was rightly suspended for a game.

• The gangrenous NFC East has captured everyone’s disgust as a division, but let’s not overlook the AFC South, which is actually somehow worse (maybe we’re just used to that?). Just when you thought the Indianapolis Colts and the Houston Texans couldn’t be more terrible, both their quarterbacks get injured. Or, to be more accurate, both their backup quarterbacks get injured. So in came the Colts’ third-string QB, Charlie Whitehurst (though Matt Hasselbeck would return) and fourth-stringer Brandon Weeden for the Texans. If Hasselbeck isn’t ready to go next week, the Colts are in some trouble. Whitehurst is the backup, and the emergency quarterback -- receiver Griff Whalen -- was placed on IR on Monday. Things might actually be more dire for Houston, who lost quarterback TJ Yates to a torn ACL. Their season now lies in the hands of Weeden.

• The net gain in the box score on this play is -3, but the ball travels about 100 yards before being recovered by the quarterback who threw it in the first place.

• Poor Justin Blackmon; the kid obviously needs help. The talented wide receiver has a very long history of off-field troubles. He was arrested for a DUI in college, then again his rookie year. The next offseason, he was suspended for testing positive for marijuana. He missed the first four games of the next season serving that suspension, then a few weeks after he came back, he failed another drug test, leading to an indefinite suspension. Several months into that indefinite suspension, Blackmon was arrested for marijuana possession, and went through a rehab program. The league denied his request for reinstatement early this offseason. Then, on Saturday, the 25-year-old was arrested for yet another DUI. I hope he has someone in his circle who cares enough about him to try to get him help.

• Watch #76 on the Chicago Bears in this video. All the way through.

• Next week, the Packers play the Arizona Cardinals and I’M SCARED. If only we still had these two.

Back on Top!! Err, For Now.

• AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH MMMMMYYYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH! Holy cow, what a finish!!! Aaron Rodgers to Richard Rodgers for the walk-off win on a Hail Mary! AAAAAHHHHH!

• Though I wasn’t planning on it when the clock hit zero, I do have to say something nice about Richard Rodgers since it was a very nice catch. I kinda love how super casual he is about this.

• The game seemed all but over when, with six seconds left, no timeouts, down two, the Green Bay Packers snapped the ball and began one of those desperate and improbable lateral plays. It ended with the ball being lateraled back to Aaron Rodgers, who was tackled, ending the game. EXCEPT! Except that Detroit Lions defender Devin Taylor facemasked Aaron Rodgers on the tackle. Since a game can’t end on a defensive penalty, that led to the always fun and exciting UNTIMED DOWN!

• And for you Detroit (and Minnesota) fans complaining about the facemask call, two things:

1. Yes, contact is minor, but Taylor does make contact with Rodgers’ facemask. Moving at full speed, it’s enough to turn Rodgers’ head, which is going to get called every time.
2. I don’t want to hear it after the blatant pass interference no-call the play before.

• As incredible and fun as the ending of the game was, it still doesn’t change the fact that the game was an absolute disaster for the first half. The Pack went scoreless in the first half for the first time in 56 games. They didn’t score in the second half of last week’s loss to the Bears, so it ended up being almost 70 game minutes in between Packers scores. Not counting yards lost and gained on penalties, the Packers had 74 total yards in the first half! Egads! That’s like one Jordy Nelson play!

This is how Jordy was feeling on the sidelines, which is how
everyone else feels when he's on the sidelines.

• After the humiliation of losing to the Chicago Bears on Thanksgiving, I thought Green Bay would come out on fire. But, no, they were just as limp as they’ve been the last five weeks. Again, the most disconcerting part was that the team looked like they had no faith.

• Of course there was some of this from Calvin Johnson.

• Even their first touchdown was little cause to celebrate as it came off a James Starks fumble. The ball rolled into the endzone and Randall Cobb jumped on it for the score. Way to hustle, Green Eyes.

• Things were bad even before the kickoff. Right tackle Bryan Bulaga and right guard TJ Lang were both inactive due to injuries. Center Corey Linsley (who has been dealing with an injury) left the game, so 60% of the offensive line was backups. Backup center JC Tretter came in for Linsley, but he had been listed as questionable for the game with an injury of his own. Oh and left tackle David Bakhtiari left the game with a knee injury, though he did return. That is absurd. Hopefully the extra few days they have this week will help the line get healthy.

• Seven seconds after Cobb scored on the fumble recovery, Julius Peppers and his go-go-gadget arms stripped Lions quarterback Matt Stafford and Green Bay recovered, breathing some hope into the team.

• Davante Adams caught a touchdown to cut Detroit’s lead to six with four minutes left in the third. I’m glad for Adams and his self-esteem that he got the TD, but he shouldn’t think for minute that that’s enough to restore my faith in him.

• The flame of hope continued to grow on the next series when the defense, which played well throughout, forced a punt! The Packers had to punt when they got the ball back, though. Then Detroit scored a field goal and ate a lot of clock (aided by a bone-headed neutral zone infraction by Peppers!), but the Packers responded with a drive that ended in a 17-yard Aaron Rodgers rushing touchdown. Detroit was up two with three minutes left! All the Packers had to do was force a punt and get into field goal range!! Unfortunately, the Lions picked up a big first down before having to punt, leaving Green Bay on their own 21-yard line, 23 seconds left on the clock, and no timeouts. There were a couple of incomplete passes (including one with the missed pass interference!), then the lateral play that went nowhere, the facemask penalty, and then the Hail Mary! The sheer distance Rodgers is able to throw it is impressive, but then look at the height!!! It almost hits the rafters!!

A video posted by Brandon Movitz (@brandicle) on Dec 3, 2015 at 8:54pm PST

• I am sooooo happy the Packers win …. but I have to admit that I feel terrible for the Lions. They definitely deserved to win that game. They were also on the short end of the stick when they lost to the Seattle Seahawks on a missed call. They started out a league-worst 1-7 before stringing together three really impressive weeks. And though they were still 4-7 coming into Thursday’s game, there was a sense of renewed hope and energy and confidence, and then….

• Argghh, Eddie Lacy, you can’t do this to me!! I don’t trust James Starks! We need you in the game! Lacy got only five carries and only four yards. It turns out that Lacy’s in the doghouse for missing curfew the night before the game. Dude, what the heck are you doing?!?! You’re having an off season, have fallen out of favor with your coaches, have sparked rumors of being overweight, have had ball security issues, have dealt with injury issues, and you’re just getting back on track, stringing together a couple of strong games, and then you go and do something stupid to get yourself (practically) benched?? Eddie, I’m going to need some stronger off-field decision making from you!

• The Green Bay running back situation is a mess. Fellow running back Alonzo Harris also missed curfew and was cut, while practice squad running back John Crockett was signed to the roster, made his first start, played well, and was super adorable in how excited he was. James Starks had nine carries, 15 yards, and two fumbles. And now the Packers reportedly worked out former Denver Broncos running back Montee Ball, which makes me nervous. Is Lacy also struggling with an injury again? Are they finally seeing my point on Starks??

• Anyway, all that’s left to say about the game is happy birthday, Aaron.

• Gross. I had to cheer for the Seattle Seahawks. The things I do for my Packers! Luckily, I didn’t need to cheer very hard since the Seahawks slaughtered the Minnesota Vikings 38-7, thus restoring Green Bay to their rightful place atop the NFC North.

• The St. Louis Rams lined up for a punt, then the punter sprinted towards the line of scrimmage -- a fake punt! The defense adjusted, and the Rams …punted. The ball ended up going into the endzone for a touchback, so I don’t know that the play benefited the Rams that much, but I love the thinking behind this fake fake punt.

• Remember when the Atlanta Falcons were 5-0? Remember when Matt Ryan used to be called Matty Ice?

• The only silver lining of Tony Siragusa as a sideline reporter is that it shows that the NFL is not sexist. They have male sideline reporters say inane and worthless things, too. This is absolutely 100% how I feel about Siragusa.

• This Jay Cutler’s pick-six is AWFUL, even for him. That’s the Jay we know and love.

• Dear Jesus, I have absolutely no attachment to Matt Schaub, and I dislike the Baltimore Ravens, yet I can’t bear watching him throw pick-sixes every week. Please have mercy on him and spare him! It’s painful to watch!

• After Schaub’s latest pick-six, the Miami Dolphins missed the extra point, but the Ravens were offside, so they re-kicked. The second try was blocked and returned all the way … but there was another offsides. The Dolphins gave up on kicking the PAT and just ran it in for two, but this whole exchange led to a funny entry in the game log, as Deadspin pointed out:

• While the offsides on Miami prevented the Dolphins from being the first team to ever return a blocked extra point for two points, that NFL first did happen in the New Orleans Saints-Carolina Panthers game!

• Gaaah! Why did the New Orleans Saints get my hopes up that they were going to be the one to put an end to Carolina’s thus-far perfect season?!?! If you’re just going to fall apart at the end, don’t bother getting me get all excited. The 4-8 Saints have been terrible all season long, but they actually played really, really well and were thisclose to pulling off the upset!

• New Orleans Saints cornerback Brandon Browner has 10 defensive holding penalties, five personal fouls, three pass interference penalties, and one illegal contact penalty on the year.

• I know I've said before, but I have to say it again: Mike Carey is so awful. It’s dumbfounding how he’s wrong on absolutely everything. I never, ever, in a million years, thought that anyone or anything could make me long for Mike Pereira.

Grr, Carey's putrescence is forcing me to say positive things
about this smug blowhard! That's how bad things are!

• At least the New England Patriots lost, their second loss in a row. The Pats were upset by the 4-7 Philadelphia Eagles, who finally figured out the trick to winning: rely on everything but your offense. The Eagles scored on a blocked punt, a 101-yard interception return, and an 83-yard punt return (and still almost lost!).

• It’s crazy cool to have Tom Brady at receiver, but when your team is using Groupons at the surgeon’s, maybe you shouldn’t expose your quarterback to extra hits.

• Only Odell Beckham Jr, after burning everyone for a 72-yard touchdown, would celebrate by then running the length of the endzone, jumping imaginary hurdles.

• The New York Giants have lost four games this year in which they held the lead in the final 60 seconds. If you’re wondering how in the heck does that happen, here’s your answer:

• I turned on Monday night's game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Washington Redskins with three minutes left. The game was tied 9-9, and I was grateful I hadn't watched the previous 57 minutes. But all of a sudden, things got crazy. On a Cowboys punt, Redskins returner Desean Jackson tried to make something happen, but ended up fumbling the ball!! (For the record, I thought his forearm was down and it shouldn't have been a fumble. I accept that no one agrees with me on this.) The Cowboys recovered and scored a touchdown two plays later to go up 16-9 with 1:14 on the clock. (The game could have been over on an easy field goal on this drive, but Cowboys running back Darren McFadden inexplicably allowed himself to be pushed out of bounds, stopping the clock.) Anyhoo, the Redskins return the ensuring kickoff 41 yards and got an extra 15 on a penalty. A few plays later, Washington quarterback Kirk Cousins threw a beautiful pass to -- who else? -- Desean Jackson for the touchdown! I dislike Jackson because he's a diva, but I was so happy for him to come back from that devastating fumble! Score tied 16-16 with 44 seconds left. Washington gave up a big return, allowing Dallas to midfield-ish. A couple of Dez Bryant completions quickly put Dallas in field goal range, and kicker Dan Bailey won the game on a 54-yarder. The Cowboys got their first win without Tony Romo. =(

• So let's see where that leaves the NFC East:
• Washington Redskins: 5-7
• Philadelphia Eagles: 5-7
• New York Giants: 5-7
• Dallas Cowboys: 4-8
• I honestly might have to boycott the NFL if they let one of these teams into the playoffs.

• Charles Woodson played in his 250th game on Sunday. He celebrated with a couple of fumble recoveries.

• What else can you say about Charles? He's just incredible.

• Sideline Ninja is pretending that the Packers’ terrible offense isn’t due to his absence because he’s so hot and humble, but we all know that that’s exactly what’s happening. Notice how Sideline can’t really offer any other explanation for the team’s struggles.

It's okay, J. We know you gotta say that because you're such a great teammate.