No Time to Gloat; On to Atlanta!

• Totally kidding. Of course there's time to gloat. That's what this entire post is going to be.

• When asked what he was thinking when the Dallas Cowboys tied the game with 35 seconds left, Aaron Rodgers responded: “A little too much time on the clock.” Hahahahahahaha! Sorry, Cowboys, not this year!

• AAAAAAHHHHHHH that was so stressful! And awesome! Any last-second Green Bay Packers victory in a playoff game is incredible, but it’s just so much sweeter that it came against the Cowboys. 

• I don’t even know where to start! Let’s start at the very end, with Mason Crosby nailing a 51-yarder for the victory. And just a few minutes after kicking a 56-yarder to take the lead. He actually had to kick the 51-yard field goal twice, as Dallas stupidly tried to ice him. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you don’t ice Mason Crosby. 

"I play games on the field, not up here."

• Here’s the kick set to “My Heart Will Go On.” Some funny people have realized that every sports moment sounds epic with this score in the background, and they’re right.

Condolences to the ever expanding Cowboys bandwagon. Packers bandwagon next week? (cc: @TitanicHoops) pic.twitter.com/qvrdoLKgKE

— Jessie Karangu 🇰🇪 (@JMKTV) January 16, 2017

• Let’s backtrack to that 35-second mark. Dallas has just tied it up, the Packers have the ball and two timeouts. I had been horribly nervous and upset in the fourth quarter as the Packers squandered their lead (I knew the Dallas comeback was coming, and I knew the Packers defense wasn’t going to be able to do much about it), but the crazy thing when Aaron Rodgers is your quarterback is that situations like these seem eminently doable. I knew we weren’t going to overtime. It was nice to have overtime as a fallback, but I knew we weren’t going to overtime. Even after the first incompletion. Even after Rodgers was sacked with 23 seconds left. Even after another incompletion. Then, with the clock down to 12 (COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT), Rodgers takes the snap, almost immediately spins left out of the pocket, buys time, buys time, and then hits tight end Jared Cook on this insane throw and catch!! This is about when I lost my mind. (Look at Rodgers on the replay trying to will Cook into keeping his toes in.)

• Cook has really been huge for the Packers. Having that big target really changes the way defenses have been covering the Packers, and it’s clear to see how Rodgers relies on him. On that last drive, every attempt was to Cook. Crazy what having an actual tight end can do, huh?

• Now that I’ve taken a veiled swipe at Richard Rodgers, I do have to give him props for his nice play on Green Bay’s first touchdown. On a free play, the ball actually went through the defender’s arms and Rodgers was still able to keep focus on it for the catch. Nice job.

• One of the thing that bothers me about R. Rodgers -- besides being super slow and klutzy and an embarrassingly bad blocker -- is that he always has a dopey grin on his face, even if he’s just messed up a huge play. He’s always smiling this odd dreamy smile. And I do mean always. Here he is on his touchdown reception:

Yep, still smiling.

• The Packers defense had a few rough spots -- and losing Morgan Burnett to a quad injury didn’t help (seriously, that’s bad news. We need him for Atlanta.) -- but they also had a bright spot or two. Defensive MVP of the game was clearly Micah Hyde, who had an early sack and a beautiful pass break-up in the first half. His best play, though, was this textbook read and interception off of Dak Prescott. He anticipated this so quickly that the ball’s almost behind him when he picks it off!

• It was fun to hear Hyde break down the play afterwards. He knew what was coming pre-snap, but didn’t want to leave the corner, LaDarius Gunter, out to dry if the Cowboys ended up adjusting -- Gunter would have been left to cover two receivers by himself. Gunter, however, saw the same thing pre-snap and knew what Hyde was thinking. He told Hyde, “Go get it.” And Micah did.

• I desperately missed my Jordy during the game, of course, but I was pleased to see his sideline prowess alive and well not only on Cook’s game-saving play, but with Green Eyes, too. (The full highlight is even more impressive.)

Perfect. #ToeDragSwag #GoPackGo #NFLPlayoffs pic.twitter.com/jqaSH7OXxr

— NFL (@NFL) January 15, 2017

• Aaron Rodgers threw his first interception in 318 passes on Sunday (only 17 passes off the record!), which is just madness. Another way to look at it? Aaron Rodgers threw 24 touchdowns in between interceptions. That’s as many touchdown passes as Dak Prescott threw all season. And that's no knock on Dak; just perspective on how good Rodgers has been.

• There were some low-key MVPs I would like to recognize.
• First, Aaron Rodgers not fumbling on that sack with 18 seconds left. No idea how he hung on. 

Lord, how did Rodgers not fumble that? pic.twitter.com/5AOuXlZiIY

— Scott Charlton (@Scott_Charlton) January 16, 2017

• Second, the sideline judge who overruled the head judge on the Cook catch.

• Finally, Jason Garrett/Dak Prescott for clocking the ball on a first down with 1:07 left, thereby wasting a down instead of using their timeout.

• I don’t like to kick a team when it’s down, but it’s the Dallas Cowboys we’re talking about, so you can sure bet I’m going to do it. The Cowboys played fantastic all season and should be credited for it. However, it seems that they benefitted from playing a lot of really bad teams, too. Below are the final season offensive rankings for all the teams the Cowboys played (by points scored). Aside from the Packers (who were certainly not #4 at the time they played) and the Steelers, none of the teams Dallas played are even in the top ten offensively. Just saying.
• 11-5 Giants – 26th (played twice, lost twice)
• 8-7-1 Redskins – 12th (played twice)
• 3-13 Bears – 28th
• 2-14 Niners – 27th
• 6-9-1 Bengals – 24th
• 10-6 Packers – 4th
• 7-9 Eagles -16th (played twice, lost once)
• 1-15 Browns – 31st
• 11-5 Steelers – 10th
• 8-8 Ravens – 21st 
• 8-8 Vikings – 23rd
• 9-7 Buccaneers – 18th
• 9-7 Lions – 20th 

• Man, what a game. It’s hard not to celebrate too much and revel in the salty, salty tears of all of the Cowboys’ bandwaggoning fans, but the Packers still have a lot of work to do. GO PACK GO!

👍👍 #GBvsDAL #GoPackGo pic.twitter.com/mSLCEQDGyM

— Green Bay Packers (@packers) January 16, 2017

• This space was to be used to talk about the New England Patriots-Houston Texans game, but one team’s quarterback is Tom Brady and the other’s is Brock Osweiler. How do you think it went? 

• The new Los Angeles Chargers’ logo is awful. It looks like a Chinese symbol meets an italicized hashtag meets a broken fence meets a corporation called “4A.”

They shall henceforth be known as the "4A Chargers." (At least to me.)

• Some people noticed a slight resmblance between the 4A Chargers’ logo and the Los Angeles Dodgers' logo.

• And other pro teams couldn't help piling on. (The Chargers eventually "clarified" that this isn't actually their new logo. Okay, sure.)

• I’ve spoken up before for Troy Aikman and Joe Buck -- I really do not understand why so many people hate them! They are so much better than absolutely everyone except for the Sunday Night Football crew. The vitriol toward them is especially weird coming from Packers fan, tens of thousands of whom have signed a petition to get Aikman and Buck banned from calling Packers game. Fans apparently think that the two are biased when it comes to Green Bay, and they’re absolutely right, because Aikman and Buck don’t even try to hide how much they love the Packers. Have either of them said a bad word about Aaron Rodgers? I mean, ever? Have they ever gone an entire game without congratulating Ted Thompson and Mike McCarthy for their success? How often to they bring up the fans and the town and how unique the Green Bay team’s relationship with the community is? If other teams’ fans were signing that petition, that’d make sense, because they’re probably sick of hearing Aikman and Buck gush over the Packers. So bizarre.

• I really hate Pete Carroll. His teams are full of @$$holes and loudmouths. They’re dirty, cheap players and sore losers. The second the game gets out of hand for them, you can put money in the bank that they’re going to start taking cheapshots and trying to injure opponents. It’s one of their hallmarks, and given how consistent it is, I’ll lay the blame for that at the feet of the Robber Baron himself.

• Here’s Seattle defensive end Michael Bennett chewing out a reporter after the game who had the nerve to suggest that the Seahawks defense didn't get as much pressure on Atlanta QB Matt Ryan -- who threw for over 300 yards -- as they were perhaps hoping to:

• And here’s injured Seattle safety Earl Thomas going after a team they weren’t even playing:

• Keep in mind that the Seattle Seahawks play in the same division as the 2-14 San Francisco 49ers and the 4-12 Los Angeles Rams. Next best after Seattle was the 7-8 Arizona Cardinals. So why don’t you just focus on healing up, Earl?

• Despite the close 18-16 score in the Pittsburgh Steelers-Kansas City Chiefs game, the Steelers really controlled nearly the entire game by controlling the clock. The Chiefs had a 4:54 drive in the third quarter (resulted in a punt) and a final drive of 7:06 (resulted in a touchdown). Other than that, the Chiefs averaged less than two minutes per drive.

• About that last touchdown. Down eight with 2:43 left in the game, the Chiefs scored and elected to go for the two-point attempt to tie the game. And they made it!! Buuuuuut, the play was called back by a hold on the left tackle. The re-attempt failed and that was your final score: 18-16 Pittsburgh.

• As you might imagine, the Chiefs were not happy with the holding call. (I think it was the right call and no, I don’t think “a hold could be called on every play!” is a strong argument for not calling this one.) After the game, Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce went off on the ref, saying the call was "horse$#!+, flat-out" and "ignorance." He said the ref "shouldn’t be able to wear a zebra jersey ever again. He shouldn’t even be able to work at $#^%ing Foot Locker.”

• A couple of things for Kelce: 1) That was a hold, so quit complaining about the ref and saying James Harrison just fell down. The issue is you don’t think a hold should be called in that important of a situation. That’s different than saying the ref made up the call. 2) “We try to play this game with integrity,” Kelce says. Hmm, yes, tell me more about your integrity, Travis.

• I really don’t care about the Steelers or the Chiefs, and I do think the hold was a good call, but I also kinda feel like you don’t deserve to win if you can’t manage a single touchdown. I certainly don’t want to run down kickers after what Mason Crosby just did for my life, but all 18 of Pittsburgh’s points came off the leg of kicker Chris Boswell.

• The NFL is all about player safety, you know. That’s why they have independent neurologists right on the field to examine players after big hits and evaluate them for concussions. It’s really great for the players, like Chris Conley, who was put back in the game one play after taking this hit:

• I know that the Kansas City Chiefs were the technical favorites in the game, but c’mon, who’s afraid of the Kansas City Chiefs? They could go 16-0, and no one would ever even pick them to go to the Super Bowl.

• You know who I used to feel that way about? The Atlanta Falcons. For so many years, I’d be really impressed with Matt Ryan and the Falcons, only to have them goose-egg in a huge game or miss the playoffs in a weak division. So somewhere about two or three seasons ago, I told myself I was going to stop falling for Atlanta’s hey-look-we’re-a-contender routine because I’d just seen it one too many times before. I genuinely have felt bad for their fans for a while because it must suck to have a super talented team that you have absolutely no faith in. Even earlier this season, as they got blazing hot once again, I had to remind myself not to forget that they always disappoint:

• But now? Maybe now’s the season they finally figure it out? With Matt Ryan as the MVP frontrunner and an offense that scores more points than any other team, they’re looking, well, scary, to a team like Green Bay, whose glaring weakness is their pass defense. Matt Ryan’s probably looking at our defense like:

• Not so fast, Matty Ice. This means your defense has to go up against Aaron Rodgers.

• Atlanta may very well be the toughest matchup for Green Bay, but there are plenty of reasons to be optimistic about the game. Reasons #1-19 all rhyme with Taron Todgers, but our defense has also had some good moments throughout the year and have come up with big stops with games on the line. The Packers played the Falcons very, very close this year, losing a heartbreaker by one point, and the Packers are a much better team now than they were in Week 8. (The Falcons, for their part, didn’t have their #1 receiver for much of the game, but never mind that.) Green Bay’s best defense will probably be keeping their own offense on the field and keeping Ryan & Co. sidelined. It’ll be a tough game, but I BEEELIIIEEEVE!

• And there’s a chance we get this guy back.

*Swoon*

NFC North Champions! Again!

• The Green Bay Packers are NFC North champions for the fifth time in six years, and have now made the playoffs eight years in a row!

• The game started a bit lifelessly for both teams -- four consecutive punts and a missed field goal. There was probably a bit of an emotional letdown with both teams knowing that they were in the playoffs, regardless of outcome. Detroit came alive on a pretty two-minute drive just before the half to go up 14-7, but the Packers were able to drive up the field in the remaining 23 seconds and kick a field goal to cut the lead to four, then scored a touchdown on the opening drive of the second half. 

• The highlight of the game, of course, was Rodgers’ touchdown throw to Geronimo Allison. Early in the fourth quarter, up three, the Packers really need a score to get a bit of breathing room from the Lions. A steady march down the field brought the Packers to Detroit’s 10-yard line, facing a 3rd-and-9. Then, Aaron Rodgers happened. I try to tell my non-football fan friends that Aaron Rodgers is the best quarterback to ever play the game, but they all think I’m just some homer. They don’t get that no one else can do this. Bee-yoo-ti-ful.

• It was nice to see some role players step up big. That was Allison’s best game, with 91 yards and the above touchdown, and fullback Aaron Ripkowski led the team on the ground with 61 yards. Jared Cook hasn’t had any statistical out-of-this-world games, but it’s refreshing to actually have a tight end for the first time in years! Cook is such a fantastic third-down weapon. (And he finally made the playoffs after eight seasons! Yay!)

• People are trying to make Geronimo Allison’s nickname “G-Mo,” but you can’t give him a nickname that’s less cool than his real name. When your name is Geronimo, you don’t need a nickname.

His face is astoundingly skinny.

• I hate it when they have to pull out the backboard on the field. It’s so scary. Packers cornerback Quinten Rollins landed oddly on his neck/shoulder and was taken from the field to a local hospital. I hope he’s okay and it’s just precaution. The Packers do not have a great track record with terrible neck injuries. (Good news: Rollins was back in Green Bay and doing well after spending the night at a Detroit hospital.)

• Rollins’ injury made the paper-thin secondary even thinner. Demarious Randall was already out with a knee injury, and even backup-to-the-backups Makinton Dorleant was on the sideline, also with a knee injury. Someone named Marwin Evans came in at safety, and Morgan Burnett, Micah Hyde, and Kentrell Brice -- all safeties -- had to play corner.

• Detroit head coach Jim Caldwell’s mustache looks like he had glued on a fake mustache, then ripped it off, but the glue remained.

• Aaron Rodgers edged out Atlanta’s Matt Ryan to finish the season #1 in passing touchdowns. Jordy Nelson (who else?) finished #1 in receiving touchdowns. Davante Adams tied for #2 in receiving touchdowns. Has a team ever had the top TWO receivers in touchdown for a season? (Though this has a lot to do with the sorry state of our run game.)

No one cares about those other two guys.

• Detroit’s running back is Zach Zenner, who, as Al Michaels’ helpfully related, is the only player with the initials ZZ to ever play in the NFL. Much more unusual, he’s a white running back! Also, he kind of looks like Christopher Walken.

How is this man an NFL running back?

• Aahh look what someone who loves me sent me for Christmas!!

I'm never eating these; I'll just treasure them forever.

• Even though both teams knew before kickoff that they were playing in the postseason, it was still nice to send the Lions to the playoffs with a loss.

• Aqib Talib’s new year resolution should be to try to stop being such an @$$hole all the time. Here he is ripping a chain off from around Michael Crabtree’s neck. Here’s what Talib said after the game: "He's just been wearing that chain all year, man, it's just been growing on me. I said if he wears that chain in front of me, I'm going to snatch it off. So he wore it in front of me, so I had to snatch it off." Oh, okay, then. Perfectly reasonable explanation for your behavior.

• The Washington Redskins should be ashamed of themselves. They needed a win to get into the playoffs and they were facing the New York Giants, who had nothing to play for. And the Redskins came out and managed … 10 points total. With their season on the line, Washington scored zero points in the first half, gained only 248 total yards, and turned the ball over thrice. 

It'll be another interesting offseason for Cousins.

• I tend to stress out over Packers games, so I was relieved that the Redskins’ loss guaranteed a postseason slot for\Green Bay, but it did kind of ruin what was going to be a crazy good game.

• Tampa Bay running back Doug Martin, who was a surprise inactive last week, revealed that he has been suspended for four games for failing a PED test. He also announced that he won’t appeal and will enter a treatment facility to “receive the help I truly need.” The Bucs said they supported his decision to seek help and that “right now, he is working through issues that are much larger than the game of football.” Wait, I’m confused. I’m not trying to be flippant and I really hope he gets the help he’s seeking, but he failed a PED test, not a regular drug test, so he’s … addicted to PEDs??

• HOW was Ndamukong Suh not ejected for this??? He’s awful.

• Ugh is it any wonder that no one likes Richard Sherman? Three weeks ago, in their blowout victory over the Los Angeles Rams, the Seattle Seahawks, at the one-yard line, decided to pass the ball, and it was nearly intercepted. (You may recall that Seattle had some bad luck throwing the ball at the one-yard line in the Super Bowl they lost.) Sherman did not agree with the call and began screaming at offensive coordinator for Darrell Bevell and head coach Pete Carroll to express his disapproval with the play call. "We throw an interception at the one[-yard line]," Sherman said. "Luckily it went incomplete, and I wasn’t going to let them continue to do that." Oh no? I hope the head coach heard that his cornerback isn’t going to let him continue to call plays. By the way, they ran on the next play for no gain, then threw -- yes, from the one-yard line -- a touchdown on third down. Sherman’s sideline theatrics led to a meeting with Carroll during the week, and everything was declared good. Yet at his next news conference, Sherman said he had no regrets about his behavior on the sideline. Carroll expressed disappointment that Sherman did not apologize: “I thought he would. I thought he would more than he did.” The next week, a reporter continued to bring up the incident, which led to Sherman threatening to “ruin” the reporter’s career by having his credentials pulled. This week, Sherman decided to forgo his usual midweek presser from the podium, answering questions from his locker instead. When asked about his reasons for doing so, he reminded the media that “it’s a privilege to have me up there.” Oy. This is literally why everyone hates you, Richard.

No, YOU be quiet!

• So Carson Wentz bought all his offensive linemen custom Beretta shotguns. You know every one of these guys’ agents is probably pissed at Wentz and just holding their breath that their client doesn’t end up shooting himself (or someone else).

• In the final game of his career, Colts' defensive great Robert Mathis had a strip sack and fumble recovery. That’s a fun way to go out!

• Terry Bradshaw stirred the pot last week by going after Pittsburgh head coach Mike Tomlin for seemingly no reason, saying Tomlin is a “a great cheerleader guy,” but “[not] a great coach at all.” I’ve always loved Tomlin for his no-nonsense attitude ever since his post-game interview after the Steelers’ Super Bowl loss to the Packers in which he completely shut down the reporter’s vain attempts to pull out a moral victory. (Tomlin was asked to assess his quarterback’s play in the Super Bowl: “It was a losing performance, just like mine.”) Tomlin responded to Bradshaw’s criticism in his typical fashion. He thought the comments were unprofessional, but went on to say, “I certainly don't think that my résumé to this point reads as great. But very few coaches' résumés read as that at this point. Guys like Bill [Belichick] in New England probably can say that, Pop [Gregg Popovich] down in San Antonio. I think the rest of us are just working stiffs, to be quite honest with you." See? How can you not love a coach like that?

• Minnesota quarterback Sam Bradford set the all-time completion percentage record in a season. 

• Dak Prescott and Ezekiel Elliott have been amazing, no doubt, and one of them will win Rookie of the Year, deservedly. If I had a vote for ROY, though, I think I might have to give it to Kansas City’s Tyreek Hill. He had yet another punt return Sunday, outrunning the entire Chargers' special teams and stiff-arming his own blocker out of his way.

• What’s with the Philadelphia Eagles’ press conference room? Tony Romo looks like he’s in a one-man play.

I'll bet it's a sad play about a man who gives and gives his health
and life to his employer, only to be mistreated and
unceremoniously cast aside for a younger employee. I'd call it 9 Lives.

• Phil Simms is in postseason form.

• You’ve got to watch this with the sound on. Pittsburgh Steelers’ safety Mike Mitchell was beside himself when he got a flag for face-masking his opponent when he himself had been face-masked. He earnestly pleaded with the refs to consider his case. “PLEASE LOOK AT IT, SIR.”

• Here’s Eli Manning’s face when he realizes he’s going to be compared to Aaron Rodgers all week:

• Bring on the Giants!

It All Comes Down to Next Week

• Aaaahhh!!! It all comes down to next Sunday night!! Green Bay kept their division title hopes in play with a 38-25 Christmas Eve victory over the Minnesota Vikings.

• Jordy Nelson continued to light it up on the field. He had 119 yards and two touchdowns … halfway through the second quarter.  He finished with 154 receiving yards. 

• Nelson and Aaron Rodgers now have the most quarterback-receiver touchdowns in Packers franchise history! Aaron also completed his 3,000th pass! Great job, boys!

• As awesome as Jordy was on Saturday, I did have one problem with him on Saturday: he knocked over a cameraman on a play, and didn’t even help him up!! 😲 Maybe he’s taken his new alter ego a little too far. That’s not the Sideline Ninja I know! 

• Perhaps the Minnesota defensive backs should have stuck to the game plan instead of deciding to do their own thing (for at least the first series). Typically, the Vikings’ DBs stay on their own sides of the field, but head coach Mike Zimmer wanted their top corner Xavier Rhodes to cover Jordy for the game. The DBs, however, did not like that call, and decided to do what they normally do. Said Rhodes: “Us as DBs felt like we could handle [Nelson]. That's how we felt as DBs, that we could stay on our side and cover him. In the beginning, we'd always played against them and played our sides, we never followed, so that's what we felt as DBs. That's what we went with."

Hmm, that statement is oddly absent of any regret or remorse.

• Did you know that Sam Bradford has the highest completion rate in the league this season?? I’m really happy for him because he’s clearly not the best at anything, so I’m glad he at least has this to hang his hat on.

• The Vikings’ plane skidding off the runway in Green Bay and getting stuck for five hours somehow seems like a metaphor for their futility in the state of Wisconsin. Actually, I think the plane debacle is the best thing that could have happened to them -- it gave them a flimsy excuse for getting owned by the Packers once again. SNAP!

• One of the many things I hate about the Minnesota Vikings is the asymmetry of the numbers on their jerseys. It’s ugly and there’s no reason for it.

Why only one pointy number??

• It wasn’t all bad for the Vikings. Receiver Adam Thielen had an absolutely monster game with 202 receiving yards (Packers secondary = eek!) and two touchdowns. As my brother said, it was a banner game for white receivers.

• In all honesty, if they weren’t the Minnesota Vikings, I’d have some compassion for a team that lost its starting quarterback in the preseason, mortgaged its future to trade for a middling quarterback, started 5-0, raised all of its perpetually depressed fans' hopes, was leveled by injuries, and then lost eight of its next 10 games to miss the postseason. But they are the Minnesota Vikings, so, no, I don’t feel bad for them. At least they’ll get a good draft pick, right?

• I need to go back and delete some of the previous posts this season where I fretted over Aaron Rodgers’ play. (Jk, he was really concerning.) In the last six games, Rodgers has completed 70% of his passes for 1,700 yards, 14 touchdowns and zero interceptions.

• Makinton Dorleant?? Who the devil is Makinton Dorleant?!? Apparently he’s a rookie corner for Green Bay, who was pressed into service when LaDarius Gunter left with an elbow injury. I kind of hope he gets good and starts playing more because I like saying "Makinton Dorleant."

• Davante Adams only had one big drop this week, so… improvement!!

• It was nice to see Clay Matthews making a mess of the Vikings’ offensive line. Matthews has been gutting through a bad shoulder injury and has been unusually quiet in the last few weeks, but had a couple of deflected passes and a strip sack.

• The Packers wisely sat Randall Cobb to rest his ankle. Hopefully, he’ll be ready to go next week. I missed seeing Green Eyes on the field, but here’s a video of him that I’ve been watching on a loop. *dreamy sigh*

.@rcobb18 wishing you a Merry Christmas! 🎄 pic.twitter.com/gLg2OBCajQ

— Green Bay Packers (@packers) December 26, 2016

• My head’s spinning from trying to figure out all the playoff permutations for the Packers to get the wild card. Let’s cut all that and just win next week! Here’s how Packers head coach Mike McCarthy ended his post-game presser: "We're planning on going to Detroit to win the division. Merry Christmas." Boom!

• The Cleveland Browns won a game! The Cleveland Browns won a game! A blocked field goal helped seal the Browns’ victory over the San Diego Chargers, the first Cleveland win in more than a calendar year.

Their fans, however, will not be winning any spelling bees.

• It was a very merry Christmas for Cleveland not just with the win, but the San Francisco 49ers’ win kept the Browns in position for the first pick in the 2017 draft. San Fran was down 14-7 to the Los Angeles Rams until Colin Kaepernick hit Rod Streater in the endzone for a score with 31 seconds left in the game. Instead of kicking the extra point to tie the game, the 1-13 Niners thought, “Eh, why not?” and went for the two-point attempt instead, which they converted for the win That’s the 2-13 Niners to you!

• Two quarterbacks broke their fibulas on Christmas Eve! I feel so bad for poor Marcus Mariota and Derek Carr. The Tennessee Titans were eliminated from playoff contention this week, so Mariota’s injury is less crushing to his team. Carr’s injury, however, is a devastating blow to the Oakland Raiders’ postseason hopes. They’ve already punched their ticket to the playoffs, but the up-and-comers’ success is due hugely to Carr’s fantastic play this season. He was even a trendy dark horse pick for MVP for much of the season. The Raiders can’t feel too optimistic about their chances with Matt McGloin at the helm.

"McGloin" is one of those names where I would keep my last name if I married him.

• The always super-positive Carr is in good spirits, at least.

• It’s been a wildly disappointing season for the 6-9 Carolina Panthers, but Greg Olsen has been one bright spot. On Sunday, Olsen became the first tight end in NFL history to have three consecutive seasons with 1,000 yards. (And before you ask, no, not even Anthony Gonzalez ever matched this feat.) Congrats, Greg! 

• Props to Kirk Cousins’ wife for her sartorial taste. Cousins’ wife, apparently, packs his bag for him each week and he just grabs it, so it was only after the game that he discovered that she had packed him a Christmas suit.

• He later donned the matching pants and tie. The real question is whose holiday suit is better, Kirk’s or Jordy’s?

• Normally when a team loses a game on a missed extra point, I feel at least a little twinge of sympathy, but on Saturday it happened to the Seattle Seahawks,so HAH! Down 31-18, the Seahawks finally woke up and scored a touchdown with a little under three minutes left in the game. The Cardinals did their best to keep Seattle in it by going three-and-out on the next possession, having a terrible punt, and committing a penalty on the punt. The Seahawks made quick work of the short field and scored a touchdown … but failed to take the lead by missing the extra point! The Cardinals got the ball back with 55 seconds and one timeout. A 29-yard throw to running back David Johnson helped put Arizona in field goal range, and as time expired, the Cardinals knocked down a 43-yard field goal for the win. HAH!

• The Pittsburgh Steelers and Baltimore Ravens played on Christmas and at stake was the AFC North division title and a trip to the playoffs. With 1:18 left, Pittsburgh was down three with two timeouts and 75 yards to go. The Steelers marched steadily down the field, picking up 6, 8, 10 yards at a clip and using both timeouts. With 14 seconds left, the Steelers spike the ball to stop the clock. They’re four yards away from a touchdown, but if they fail to get the touchdown, it’ll be very difficult for them all to get back to the line of scrimmage, lineup, and spike the ball to stop the clock to bring the field goal unit on, so they either have to score or throw it incomplete. Roethlisberger takes the snap, looks, throws it to -- who else? -- Antonio Brown at the two-yard line, and the Steelers have cast the die; they need to score on this play right now. The Ravens defense is all over Brown, with three defenders keeping him from the goal line, twisting his face mask, and yet, somehow, Brown keeps fighting and is able to reach his arms over the plane for the touchdown!! The Steelers win the division and the Ravens miss the playoffs.

• The Denver Broncos lost to the Kansas City Chiefs on Christmas night, meaning that neither of last year’s Super Bowl teams even made the playoffs this year, which is absolutely crazy to me!

• On Thursday night, Eli threw at least three interceptions for the 22nd time in his career, which is seven more times than anyone else has ever done it. And people still try to say he’s elite. Lolz.

• The second best part of every Eli interception is the succeeding Eli Manning Face.

• Thanks for the early presents, Eli.

• The first half score between the Detroit Lions and the Dallas Cowboys was 21-21. The second half score was 0-21. Yeesh, Detroit. I guess I’m glad Detroit lost (even if it did mean Dallas won), but I’m always wary of playing teams coming off of big losses since they so often seem to come out the next week with a little something extra to prove. And it’s not as if the Lions need any more motivation. And they’ll be at home. Eek! I’m so nervous! I can’t wait for next Sunday night for the Packers to take their rightful place atop the NFC North!!

• Hope you all had a very merry Christmas! Happy new year!