Whoop-Di-Doo. We Won a Game.

• I’m happy, I really am. It was nice to see the Green Bay Packers beat the Philadelphia Eagles. It was good to see the offense clicking. And the defense wasn’t atrocious the entire time, but I’m just not getting my hopes up. I totally believe in Green Bay and am with them all the way, but they’re still below .500. There’s nothing to celebrate. Not yet. But this could be a start. 

• Hopefully the offense will keep on going. Not only does it keep the poor defense off the field, but playing with a lead does so much for the Green Bay defense, which has allowed more points in the first quarter than any other team.

• Aaron Rodgers had a nice line: 30-for-39, 313 yards, two touchdowns, zero interceptions, zero sacks. He also had 46 yards rushing. It’s not exactly a surprise, but Aaron Rodgers is Green Bay’s leading rusher since Eddie Lacy went down. 

💪💪#GBvsPHI #GoPackGo pic.twitter.com/S2SyvAt6WL

— Green Bay Packers (@packers) November 29, 2016

• The Packers came into the game down two starting inside linebackers (Jake Ryan and Blake Martinez), which pushed Clay Matthews into the inside linebacker position. When Matthews left temporarily with a shoulder injury, they had to have safety Morgan Burnett step in at inside linebacker. Yeesh.

• The Eagles tried to troll the Packers by having “4th & 26” on the scoreboard before the game, referencing a 13-year-old game wherein the Packers lost by failing to defend a 4th-and-26. But I ain’t mad because we’ve got bigger problems to worry about. We’re 4-6 coming in, so there are more pressing concerns than a 13-year-old memory.

• Davante Adams, whose relationship with Packers fans is, uh, tenuous, has had a very nice season thus far, and added a nice game to his resume on Monday night: five catches on six targets for 113 yards and two touchdowns. He’s had big plays in several games, and more than a few difficult catches, like this lovely touchdown.

• It sure did help that almost all of the Eagles receivers and running backs were injured. 

• Ha Ha Clinton-Dix had another interception! Yay!

• The Packers, who have not been good on third downs, were 10-for-14 on third-down conversions, which I think is the the most important offensive stat in this win. Great job, team! (You cannot even begin to imagine how often you will see this video from now on.)

• How bout Jordy on this key third-down conversion!?! That’s my boo.

Oh, @JordyRNelson. 👀#GBvsPHI pic.twitter.com/oNH4J5zA4R

— NFL (@NFL) November 29, 2016

• The most intriguing part of the game was when Rodgers ducked into a mysterious tent that the Packers just happened to have on the sidelines.

• But in all gravity, Rodgers went into the mystery tent for treatment for a hamstring injury. Pleeeeeaase let him be okay! And please let the Packers fire their entire training staff because it’s absurd how half the team at any given time is nursing hamstring injuries. 

• SIIIIIIDELIIIIINE NIIIIINJA! To. Seal. The. Game!

• New Packers running back Christine Michael’s name is pronounced “Kristen,” apparently. It’s odd to give your son one girl’s name and then have it pronounced as another girl’s name, no?

• I loved Charles Woodson representing with the gold ascot.

• So the bad news: Sam Shields and Eddie Lacy are both shut down for the season. I think Sam Shields needs to retire, which is very sad. I’ve always been a huge Shields fan, but I hope he doesn’t try to keep playing since his brain is probably scrambled eggs right now and he shouldn’t risk making it worse. Eddie Lacy’s contract is up at the end of this season. Given his injuries and weight issues, I’d be shocked if Green Bay offered him more than a one-year deal. The question is if other teams will offer him something better. I’m hopeful that the Pack can re-sign Lacy because I thought he looked fantastic at the start of the season and I really want him back!

• Despite being down to the Tennessee Titans 27-7, the Chicago Bears didn’t give up, they kept on trying. Well, some of them kept on trying. Here’s a video of the Bears receivers dropping everything thrown their way. (Tee hee.)

• Ooohhh but that video was played before the final minute. It actually got worse for the Bears. (Tee hee.) Chicago actually came back to get within a touchdown of Tennessee. They had first-and-goal from the 7-yard line with 47 seconds left, and then here’s what happened. (Tee hee.) No, watch the whole thing -- it happens more than once.

• The Detroit Lions have trailed in the fourth quarter of all 11 games this season, yet, somehow, they are 7-4. (What’s the opposite of ‘tee hee’?) In six of those wins, they trailed in the last two minutes! Impressive, but has to be worrisome to Detroit fans. That luck can’t hold, right? Right??

• Faithful followers will know that I’ve long been a Matthew Stafford believer, and here’s why. Check out this window.

• Since the Minnesota Vikings are in free fall, I can spare a little sympathy for their injury situation. Their biggest problem has been their offensive line and things got worse when they had two offensive linemen drop out during Thursday's game. This was when they were were already without three of their top players in Stefon Diggs, Marcus Sherels, and Terence Newman. That’s rough.

• Woo-hoo, go Bucs! Don’t much care for Tampa Bay or their uniforms, but when they beat the Seattle Seahawks, they have my fandom for the week. 

• I hate to praise the Dallas Cowboys if it can at all be avoided, but I can’t help but love this Terrance Williams toe-tap touchdown. 

• Dez Bryant had a solid game on the field, but it was his catwalk strut that was really on point.

• He wasn’t done preening for the day, either. Bryant, fresh from planting new geraniums in his garden, had words for Washington Redskins cornerback/loudmouth Josh Norman:

"Washington need to get their money back."

Dez talks Norman following #WASvsDAL.https://t.co/ddDhiHW4Oq

— NFL Network (@nflnetwork) November 25, 2016

• All that strutting must have been catching, because even a punter on a 5-6 team was feeling it.

• All week, I’ve seen headlines like: “In honor of the butt-fumble four-year anniversary, here are the top 4 moments Mark Sanchez probably isn’t proud of.” When are we going to be done humiliating the guy for a bad-luck play? The guy is a third-string quarterback -- why do we need to roll out a lowlight reel for him?

• After playing against Baltimore Ravens' Steve Smith last week, Dallas Cowboys rookie corner Anthony Brown said he “lost all respect” for the legendary receiver, echoing another rookie corner, Jalen Ramsey, who said the same thing after he faced Smith. Smith wasn’t too upset.

Smith is a jackass -- but an entertaining jackass.

• Sources say that the NFL will consider limiting or eliminating Thursday Night Football after the TV contracts ends in 2017. I’m not holding my breath that those greedy misers will willinging relinquish revenue, but a girl can hope.

• Cleveland Browns offensive tackle Joe Thomas played his first snap on September 10, 2007. Since then, he has played 10,000 snaps -- 10,000 consecutive snaps. In his 10-year career, Thomas has never missed a snap.

^I guess if you don't laugh, you cry, and in Cleveland, well, you
probably have to laugh a lot.

• Please,  please CBS, stop letting Bart Scott do the game updates and recaps. I might as well just run the garbage disposal while watching highlights for all the coherency he provides.

• Vontaze Burfict might be the least likable player in the league. In addition to being a dirty, dirty player who should be thrown out of the league, he’s also a punk. Here he is flopping to draw a penalty (successfully). 

• You know who else is a jerk? Aqib Talib. After his teammate muffed a punt that resulted in a turnover, Talib greeted him on the sideline with a shove. His teammate. What a jerk!

• Look, I understand it is ridiculous for me to be criticizing NFL players’ pain tolerance from the comfort of my couch, but Derek Carr’s complete lack of concern for the football he fumbled when he hurt his hand is surprising. I’m sure he was in a lot of pain that I cannot even imagine, and I understand not wanting to dive into a scrum with an injury, but he didn’t even look to see who recovered the ball. He just walked off the field. (In his defense, it sounds like his finger was dislocated in two places. But still.)

• I just read about how Carr’s son almost died when he was born, and now I feel very emotionally invested in Derek Carr’s success and really want him to do well. (Don’t worry, his son is fine and healthy now!) This is how I get attached to players. I feel bad for questioning his toughness. (But still.)

• Why on earth, Carolina, is your backup middle linebacker covering Michael Crabtree?? I guess because you normally have Luke Kuechly in that position and Luke Kuechly can do anything.

That lucky bitch.

• It was a really fun game between the Carolina Panthers and the Oakland Raiders. The Raiders jumped out to a huge lead and were up 24-7 at the half, but after Carr's injury, the Panthers went on a 25-0 run. Then Oakland scored and converted the two-point try, so the score was 32-32. The Raiders forced a punt, then hit a a field goal. Then Khalil Mack happened.

• Khalil Mack is fierce. In addition to having a pick-six to end the first half, he came up huge in the final moments of the game. Down 35-32, Carolina Panthers had a minute-and-a-half left to try to kick a field goal to send the game to overtime or else score a touchdown for the win. The Panthers picked up 32 yards in two plays to get just past midfield, but were still shy of field goal range. On first down, Mack breaks through the line to force Cam Newton to throw away the ball. On second down, Mack and teammate Bruce Irvin pressure Newton, who again has to throw away the ball. Third down, incomplete pass. Fourth down, Mack gets to Newton for a strip sack. End of game. Mack’s final line: interception, touchdown, sack, forced fumble, fumble recovery. You don’t want to be across the line from that man.

• If I have to hear that “You don’t own me” song in one more commercial during an NFL game, I’m going to actually pay attention to what company that is and then boycott them.

• The New Orleans Saints, always classy. Up 21 points over the 4-6 Los Angeles Rams in the fourth quarter, the Saints thought it a good time to put in a trick play. The result was a 50-yard touchdown thrown by wide receiver Willie Snead. It seems that the Saints couldn’t miss the chance to show up their former defensive coordinator Gregg William (of Bountygate infamy), who now coaches for the Rams.

• By the way, what is up with New Orleans’ field? Why is it always so ugly?? It looks like an old carpet that was vacuumed without any concern for the vacuum lines. It always looks shaggy and unkempt.

• Jason Pierre-Paul had a nice game* for the New York Giants, registering three sacks and a defensive touchdown. (*It was against the Cleveland Browns, though, so it doesn’t really count.)

• The Denver Broncos-Kansas City Chiefs was a defensive struggle -- it started with eight punts and the first points came on a safety -- but ended up being quite the entertaining game, featuring a last-minute touchdown, a last-second two-point conversion to send it to overtime, a missed 62-yard field goal attempt, and a winning field goal banked in off the upright. Bill Barnwell has a really good piece in which he analyzes all the weird decisions the coaches faced in the game.

• If you’re on your way to scoring a touchdown and you have time to high-five your teammate, you’re doing a good job.

Best friends. 👏#KCvsDEN pic.twitter.com/T1M5zAifmX

— NFL (@NFL) November 28, 2016

• More evidence that you’re doing a good job? You score all of your team’s touchdowns, including the one to force overtime. Rookie wide receiver Tyreek Hill carried the Kansas City Chiefs to victory overtime, where they beat the Broncos on this crazy field goal that hit the upright and bounced in. (Check out the Denver mascot’s reaction -- he’s behind the goal post. And all the Denver fans who think it was a miss. And the KC holder who thinks they missed.)

• The Packers are now 5-6 and face the Houston Texans. Onward and upward, right, Jordy?

Aaron Rodgers & the Practice Squad Defeated by Officiating Crew in Overtime Thriller

• Okay, okay, fine, maybe there was more to the game than that. Maybe that’s not 100% totally and absolutely accurate, but allow me some sour grapes. In particular:
• On the final Arizona Cardinals touchdown -- the ridiculous tipped pass -- there was no offensive pass interference called on John Brown (#13), who was bullrushing Casey Hayward into the back of the endzone. (Also, it royally sucks that good defense leads to this touchdown.)

• There was no defensive pass interference on Arizona on the first play of the hail Mary drive when the defender pinned Jared Abbrederis’ arm to his body. Abbrederis -- surprise -- wasn’t able to pull in the catch with only one arm.

• Two plays later, Jeff Janis was “defended” by Jerraud Powers, who wrapped himself around Janis like a shoulder holster. Again, no flag was thrown.

• As far as the last two points go, however, the Packers did score on that drive, so my complaints are somewhat moot. The Packers had their chance in overtime, but one stupid blown coverage and some bad tackling angles -- while trying to collapse on Carson Palmer, who was 1/100th of a second away from getting sacked -- on a single play undid all of the exceptional work the Green Bay defense did on Saturday night.

• (No, I don’t think the overtime rules need to be changed -- defense is half the game, too. If you can’t stop a team from scoring a touchdown, you don’t have a particularly strong claim to victory. And no, I don’t care about the “controversy” surrounding the coin flip. I understand Rodgers being irked about not getting to recall -- he always chooses the side that’s not facing up -- in such a tight game, but that’s a silly thing to worry about. A coin flip is a matter of luck, and the Packers can’t say the game hinged on that. Yes, I think they probably would have won the game if they won the coin toss, but there’s no guarantee, and your defense has to show up..)

• That’s now two absolute gut-punch playoff overtime losses to the Arizona Cardinals for the Green Bay Packers. I might have to start hating those bastards on principle. Another heartbreaking statistic? Aaron Rodgers is 7-6 in the postseason. Of those six losses, four occurred on the last play of the game.

• The Packers played a really, really excellent game. They were facing a top-five defense with a hobbled offensive line and without their FOUR top receivers -- Jordy, Randall Cobb, Davante Adams, and Ty Montgomery. They were also going up against the top offense in the league, which they held to 75 first-half yards and against which they forced two turnovers. (Sam Shield also dropped two interceptions - gah!) The defense -- which played most of the game without starting safety Micah Hyde -- didn’t allow Arizona to score any points off Green Bay’s sole turnover (a Rodgers interception), twice forced the Cardinals to settle for field goals in the redzone, and held a team that averages 118 rushing yards per game to 40 rushing yards. All of this for a team that, frankly, looked like a disaster heading into the postseason.

Well done, DBs. Well done. *Tear*

• Despite Shields’ two dropped interceptions (gah!), it was wonderful to see him back on the field after he missed four weeks with a scary concussion. (I was very worried about him.) Cris Collinsworth pointed out how having Shields back really allowed Dom Capers to expand the defensive playbook, and Sam's coverage allowed them to get pressure up front that they had struggled to get without him.

• A lot of criticism has been (rightly, I think) leveled at head coach Mike McCarthy this season for his playcalling, but he deserves a lot of credit for this game. There were a couple of slow-and-steady drives before the half that really put Green Bay in a great position. Although those drives only resulted in two field goals, they each ran nearly eight minutes off the clock and kept the ball out of the hands of the Arizona offense.

• Dear, sweet, beautiful Green Eyes suffered a painful injury on a spectacular catch that ended up not counting. Cobb was seen on the sidelines coughing up blood after the catch and had to be taken to locker room. He spent the night in a Phoenix hospital with a bruised lung (ow), and was released the next day. As far as the actual play goes, I wish -- I really, really, really wish -- the NFL could explain to me how, when one team gets one penalty on a play, and the other team gets two penalties on the same play, all the penalties &$%^ ing “offset.” Poor Randall’s pretty little lung was injured for nothing.

• Another electrifying play that didn’t count was Patrick Peterson’s 100-yard pick-six of Aaron Rodgers, which was called back for an illegal use of hands penalty on Arizona. So Rodgers still has just one pick-six in his entire career. I’m sometimes a little harsh on running back James Starks, but I cannot say how much I love him for trying to chase down Peterson to the very end here.

• Even if the ending was the worst possible outcome in the entire world, it was entertaining to see two such evenly-matched teams (for this game at least) go at it. Green Bay had 386 yards to Arizona’s 368; the teams were within 40 seconds of each other on time of possession; Arizona had 20 first downs to Arizona’s 18; and each team had 5.8 yards per play.

• The best part of the game was the insane, hang-on-to-the-edge-of-your-seat final drive of regulation. Thanks to a positively shocking decision by the Cardinals to throw the ball rather than run time off the clock -- when the Packers had no timeouts left, no less -- Green Bay got the ball back with 1:55 left in the game, down seven points. Thanks to the aforementioned no-call on the Abbrederis incompletion and a 10-yard sack the next play and the aforementioned no-call on the Janis incompletion, Green Bay was facing an almost impossible 4th-and-20 from their own four-yard line. Rodgers took the snap and was almost immediately put on the run. He rolled out, escaped the pressure and THREW A 60-YARDER TO JANIS!!!!!!!!!

• We all thought we had seen the most impressive throw of the game, BUT WAIT. The Packers burned 34 seconds getting the next play off, but then got a penalty because 34 seconds wasn’t enough for Richard Rodgers to get set. An incompletion later, the Green Bay Packers had four seconds left, still down seven, and 41 yards to go. Packers fans immediately thought of the Detroit Lions game in Week 13. There’s no way the Packers could pull off two successful Hail Marys in the same season, right? EXCEPT THAT WE HAVE AARON RODGERS!!!!!!

• What other quarterback in the league can make those throws??? And how bout little-used fan favorite Jeff Janis?? Janis had 101 yards on that drive alone!

#ThePeoplesChampion

• I can’t decide if it’s more or less painful that this loss came at the end of a rather disappointing season. On the one hand, I really didn’t expect them to win a single playoff game so it’s not like my hopes had gotten very high. On the other hand, it would have been all the more amazing if they had made it to the conference championship when they were so bedraggled and downtrodden! It would have been such a Disney story! Alas!

• Even when their team isn’t playing, Minnesota Vikings fans still lose. 

He bougt that ticket all 4 naugt.

• The Pittsburgh Steelers were in something of a similar situation as the Packers against the Denver Broncos. They had a ton of injuries -- quarterback Ben Roethlisberger was being held together by duct tape (supposedly), wide receiver Antonio Brown was out with a concussion, running back DeAngelo Williams was out with a foot injury, and the team had already lost running back Le’veon Bell for the season -- but nearly pulled off the upset, holding onto a slim lead before a fumble early in the fourth quarter allowed Denver to take the lead for good.

• The running back who fumbled, Fitz Toussaint, was beside himself after the game, shouldering the blame for the loss. Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin and the rest of the team, however, all publicly shared the blame. Tomlin found Toussaint in the locker room after the game to give him a hug. (Awww.) Take note, Mike Zimmer.

• I always appreciate a great downing at the goal line, so I have to give Denver a shout-out for this play.

• While this was a positive play for Peyton Manning and the Broncos, it’s still awfully sad to watch, like watching your grandpa fall, but then refuse any assistance in getting up.

• You’d hardly know that the Steelers were even in a game this weekend, because the NFL is too busy drooling over the BRADY-MANNING MATCHUP!! THIS COULD BE THE LAST TIME!! TWO LEGENDS MEET! THINK OF THE RATINGS!! THINK OF THE MONEY!! I didn’t watch the entire Pittsburgh-Denver game, so I was trying to see what I missed, but I didn’t learn much from this ESPN recap of the game which literally spends the first 12 paragraphs talking about next week’s game.

Piercing stares like this only increase the tension!

• Speaking of the New England Patriots, their game against the Kansas City Chiefs was fairly predictable. The Chiefs tried to make a game of it, but when New England was leading 14-6 at halftime, history told us it was all but over. This might be the most incredible sports stat I’ve ever seen.

Make that 93-1.

• History wasn’t the only thing standing in the way of a Kansas City comeback. There was another obstacle: coach Andy Reid.

One of the NFL's most epic rivalries.

• With seven and a half minutes left in the fourth quarter, things were looking bleak for KC. They had just turned the ball over on downs, and New England was holding a 27-13 lead. When the Patriots went three-and-out on their next possession, the Chiefs got the ball back with 6:29 on the clock, three timeouts, and the two-minute warning. All of sudden, a comeback wasn’t totally out of the question! Chiefs (and Eagles) fans, however, know how this plays out. Reid’s team led a slow and methodical drive down the field which eventually resulted in a touchdown. The bad news was that they took more than five minutes to do it!! And -- of course -- Reid kept his three timeouts firmly in his back pocket.

"Slow and steady wins the race..."

• Even more baffling was Reid’s staunch refusal to admit to any degree that maybe there was another way to go about it. "We didn't want to give the ball back at any point back to New England after we go ahead and score that next touchdown," he explained. Riiiight, but you have to actually score that next touchdown before worrying about giving the ball back. What coach with six and a half minutes and four clock stoppages immediately -- and apparently only -- thinks “onside kick”?

• Poor Alex Smith.

• Somehow, I get the feeling that this is something he’s had to deal with this before.

• The Seattle Seahawks almost comeback was much more impressive than the Chiefs’ auto-sabotaged almost comeback. Things started out very rough for the Seahawks (cue discussions of West coast teams having to play early games). Their first half possessions looked like this: pick-six, punt, interception, punt, downs, missed field goal, which led to a 31-0 Carolina Panthers lead.

• The best part of the first half was this touching moment -- well, several moments -- shared by Greg Olsen and Richard Sherman.

• Credit to Seattle, they came back strong in the second half with 24 unanswered points. Luckily for Carolina, they built up a big enough lead that it didn’t matter that their final six possessions were five punts and a kneel down. I guess I’m glad that Seattle lost, but Carolina winning seems like a necessary evil.

• Luke Kuechly had a great game with 11 tackles and a pick-six, as well as this nice pass defense late in the game. (Why can’t any of our linebackers do that??)

• Luke Kuechly is almost impossible not to like. I think it's because he reminds me of Luke from Friday Night Lights. They even look alike!

Best show ever, btw.

• As he was walking off the field, Cam Newton took the time to rip a “12th Man” flag from a Seahawks fan, crumple it up, and throw it away. (Cam has a thing about signs for the opposition.) Yeah, this is why everyone hates Newton and the media’s obsession with him.

• I’m sure he got fined thousands of dollars for it, but how cool is Thomas Davis’ visor??

Green Bay needs some of these.

• I guess I’m cheering for Arizona because I dislike them the least of the remaining four, but if I really have to, I’ll cheer for Carolina. I’ll cheer for whomever has the best chance at beating the Patriots.

• The only thing keeping me together right now is knowing that the next time I see my Green Bay Packers suit up, Jordy will be with them.

#WelcomeBackNinja

I Can't Believe I Was Worried about the Kansas City Chiefs

• Ever since they destroyed the Green Bay Packers’ near-perfect, 15-1 season, I’ve been very wary of the Kansas City Chiefs. Plus, before Monday, KC had never lost at Lambeau. As it turns out, there was no need for apprehension, not when you’ve got Aaron Freakin’ Rodgers at quarterback. Rodgers was 24-for-35 for 325 yards and FIVE touchdowns!

• And what a game for Randall Cobb!! Ol’ Green Eyes took three Lambeau Leaps on Monday night.

So good. Soooo preeeetty.

• Rookie wide receiver Ty Montgomery got his first touchdown and Lambeau Leap! Yay! I love watching rookies get their first TD.

• Another free play touchdown! And a second free play almost-touchdown. How many times can Rodgers score touchdowns on teams before they catch on? Alex Smith tried to take of advantaged of a free play, but threw an interception.

Lolz you ain't Aaron Rodgers.

• Kansas City had three yards in the first quarter -- when you have to spell out a team's yards instead of using the number, you know it's bad. At half, KC had 94 yards to Green Bay’s 304.

• Is no lower leg safe in Green Bay? Safeties Morgan Burnett and Sean Richardson were both out for the game after suffering calf and ankle injuries, respectively, during the week. Eddie Lacy and Davante Adams were both coming off of ankle injuries. Ty Montgomery hurt his ankle on the the the very first play of the game (he would return), and Adams re-injured his ankle a few plays later (he did not return). Tight end Andrew Quarless, who was nowhere to be found in the first two games, left the game with a knee injury.

• A Phil-Simms-esque line from Mike Tirico: Aaron Rodgers wants to prove to everyone that he “should have been taken at the top of that [2005] draft, if not higher."

• I won't lie, it was very disappointing to be the team against which Kansas City broke their no-touchdowns-to-wide-receivers-since-2013 drought. The defense also allowed Chiefs running back Jamaal Charles to score three touchdowns, though it's hard to grade a defense when they're playing with such a large lead.

• Yes, I'm being petty, but I couldn't help but smile when I saw this.

• ESPN’s talk show Mike & Mike was live from Lambeau on Monday. Some people couldn't handle it.

I'm tearing up with pride for my home state. 

• The New England Patriots have scored 119 points in their first three games! The crazy thing is that’s not even the highest in the league -- the Arizona Cardinals have scored 126!!

• Megatron making a play on this almost-guaranteed interception!

• After the Green Bay game last week, in which newly-acquired Seattle Seahawks tight end Jimmy Graham had only one reception, there were a lot of reports about how unhappy Graham was with his lack of targets. I have nooooo idea what the Seahawks were thinking by throwing to Graham only seven times in the first two weeks, but they seemed to catch on that this guy is pretty good. He caught seven catches for 83 yards and a touchdown on Sunday against the Chicago Bears.

• I’m very grateful that the Seahawks waited until after playing Green Bay to finally throw the ball to Graham. I would also like to extend a warm “thank you” to Kam Chancellor for waiting to end his contract holdout until after Seattle played Green Bay.

• The Tennessee Titans, down eight points, scored in the closing seconds of their game against the Indianapolis Colts and needed a two-point conversion to force the game into overtime. I really appreciate this runner’s never-say-die attitude, but why didn’t he throw it back to the quarterback??

• So the Baltimore Ravens are 0-3. I don’t know why, but I’ve never liked the Ravens, so I’m kinda happy.

• Baltimore Ravens head coach John Harbaugh, however, was not happy after his team’s loss to the Cincinnati Bengals, especially their inability to stop Bengals receiver AJ Green: “One of these days we'll figure out how to cover A.J. Green. It would be nice if we did that before he retires.”

• Everyone was freaking out over all the players the San Francisco 49ers lost in the offseason. I thought people were overreacting and that the Niners would end up being mediocre, but not terrible. I was wrong. Very wrong. They’ve lost their first three games by an average of 27 points!!

• The Arizona Cardinals’ opening drive against the Niners ended with a punt. The next time the Cardinals’ offense touched the ball, they were up 14-0, thanks to back-to-back Colin Kaepernick pick-sixes. Arizona went on to win 47-7.

• I seriously don’t understand what happened to Colin Kaepernick. He looked like the next big quarterback and every sports analyst was in love with him. And it wasn’t a fluke. I clearly remember the Packers getting destroyed by him every freaking time they played. But after starting a not-terrible 7-4 last year, the Niners dropped four of their last five and the spiraling has continued into this season. It can’t all be on the playcalling, right? I’m honestly confounded by how fast his descent has been.

• The Atlanta Falcons scored 25 unanswered points to beat the Dallas Cowboys.

It was a good Sunday.

• Steve Smith making his farewell tour count.

• I really tried to feel sympathy for Ben Roethlisberger as he was carted off the field after a knee injury, but all I felt was concern for the female athletic trainer who was on the cart with him.

• Even before the results of the MRI were known (MCL sprain and bone bruise), there was approximately 0% chance Roethlisberger would be able to play in the Steelers’ next game since it’s four days after their last. Yay for Thursday Night Football.

• Jim Bob Cooter is the actual name of a Detroit Lions coach.

• When I Googled his name, I was really expecting something more like this to come up:

• The Chicago Bears traded Jared Allen to the Carolina Panthers on Monday. Sooooooo this season, Allen will be paid $11.5 million by the Bears for three games (in the form of a roster bonus back in March), and $823,000 by the Panthers for 13 games. There’s that shrewd management that keeps the Bears on top!

• Brandon Weeden perpetually has the look of an amateur con man who knows he is seconds away from being exposed.

• What’s the point of CBS paying former official Mike Carey as a consultant on disputed calls when his “expert analysis” is -- and I quote -- “It’s a close one. We’ll see.”

• Speaking of CBS, if you are forced to sit through a Phil Simms-narrated game, you need to be following Phil Simms Quotes on Twitter.

• Wow, it’s going to be a long season for Russell Wilson. He’s already been sacked a league-high 12 times in three games.

• Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton likes to make bold fashion statements, but I have a fashion question: where does one even find a blue camouflage suit jacket?

• How does Larry Fitzgerald hold onto this touchdown???

• Oakland Raiders safety Charles Woodson had a game-winning interception this week. Sigh. I miss him.

• Awwww, Woodson posted a picture of his sons celebrating their dad’s interception. I really, really miss him. :’(  

• Now, the good news for the Chicago Bears is that, without starting quarterback Jay Cutler, they didn’t have any turnovers! The bad news…

• I love watching Darren Sproles.

• There’s something that’s been bothering me for a long while now and it’s only because of my admirable self-control that I haven’t said anything, but I really hate the NFL twitter feed. In particular, I hate their incessant use of the phrase, “Have a day!” That doesn’t mean anything! STOP SAYING THAT. (Note also that these were all posted in a two-hour span.)

• Tom Brady threw his 400th touchdown on Sunday to Danny Amendola. The receiver then handed the ball to a fan in the stands! Said Brady, “I don’t care. It’s just a ball.” (Don’t worry, he ended up getting it back.)

• WHAT WAS BRANDON MARSHALL THINKING? (In his defense, he did call it the “worst play in NFL history.”)

• So the New York Jets have a tight end coach, and that tight end coach has a son whom he brought into the locker room, and that son has a Twitter account. I don’t think that son will be returning to the locker room.

• Monday night was fun, but I still miss Jordy a lot. I'll bet Aaron and Randall do, too.

BFF