Close But Not Quite

• The first three-quarters of the Green Bay Packers’ game against the Carolina Panthers was an absolute disaster. The last quarter had some decent stretches in it, but it wasn’t enough. The Panthers outscored the Packers 24-0 in the second quarter on their way to 27-7 halftime lead. After a touchdown after the half, Green Bay punted four straight times before waking up and scoring touchdowns on back-to-back drives to cut the lead to eight. On the next play, Demarious Randall intercepted Cam Newton!!

• It was all for naught, however, as the Packers couldn't finish the final drive. At fourth-and-goal at the four-yard line, the offensive line was unable to keep the pressure off (surprise!), forcing Aaron Rodgers into a desperate throw that was intercepted while poor Randall Cobb was standing wide open in the endzone. After the game, Rodgers said he got “scared” and rushed the throw. He wasn't too happy when he watched the replay and saw how open Cobb was:

• The late surge redeemed some truly horrible stats the Packers had going on yards and third-and-longs. The first half saw Green Bay drives of -7, -1, -1, 0, and -7, and ended with a disappointing 71-yard drive that anticlimactically fizzled on the 9-yard line when the clock ran out.

• Rodgers was sacked five times and took 14 QB hits from the Panthers. The Packers defense, on the other hand, had zero sacks and managed just two quarterback hits. Their frustration showed on the sidelines as HaHa Clinton-Dix, Julius Peppers, and BJ Raji got into it. Not a good look.

• All the players involved downplayed it as “heat of the moment” stuff, of course, and Clinton-Dix apologized after the game.

• All the defensive players should be angry -- they’ve given up 1,500 yards in the last three games!! It doesn’t help that they lost cornerback Casey Hayward (concussion) in the first half. They were already without cornerbacks Sam Shields and Quinten Rollins -- we don’t have any more defensive backs to spare!!

Not only was I constantly missing Jordy every time the offense was on the field, but it also made onside kicks a lot less possible. Green Bay’s onside kicks are usually drawn up for Nelson to recover because he’s so amazing. =(

In every way.

• Our tight ends are very bad.

• What’s going on with Eddie Lacy? Even aside from an ankle injury that has bothered him in earlier weeks, he’s seems to fallen out of favor with the coaches. James Starks has become the primary back in the past couple of weeks, and Lacy didn’t do himself any favors when he coughed up the ball in the first half. (Stupid Charles Tillman forced the fumble. Shouldn’t he be in a retirement home by now? It was the 44th forced fumble of his career!) On top of it all, Lacy suffered a groin injury in Sunday’s game.

Where have you been, Eddie??

• One thing that’s been written about during the Packers’ struggles the last few weeks is how their scheme isn’t doing much to help the receivers, who have had trouble getting open. Some have suggested Green Bay should run more picks and crossing routes to beat man-coverage. I wonder if there’s any chance that head coach Mike McCarthy resumes play-calling duties after relinquishing them in the offseason, though I don’t know that that would improve anything.

• I also think another thing that needs to happen is that Aaron Rodgers needs to throw more interceptions. His receivers are just not going to be as open as they were with Jordy on the field, and Rodgers is going to have to take more risks than is his preference if the Packers want to keep defenses honest on the back end. That likely means more interceptions, but so be it. When Green Bay’s back was up against the wall on Sunday, Rodgers had to take some chances and make some throws that he probably would not have attempted if the game hadn’t been on the line. The result was 158 passing yards and two touchdowns over a five-minute stretch that was in marked contrast to the offense’s inability to gain important yards the other 55 minutes of the game. Just let it go and throw some interceptions, Aaron.

I know the idea is distasteful to you, but you gotta take some for the team!

• The good news is that the toughest two-week stretch of the Packers’ schedule is likely over and the  1-7 Detroit Lions are coming to Lambeau next week. The bad news is that Green Bay’s still got huge problems on both sides of the ball and I don’t necessarily see any solutions on the horizon.

Unless we can clone him.

• I understand the “not in our house” mentality, but Panthers quarterback Cam Newton tearing down some Packers fans’ banner was not very nice! The fans were none too happy about the move, and even reported the “theft” to the stadium police after the game.

• Argh the St. Louis Rams really let me down, losing 21-18 in overtime to the Minnesota Vikings. The Vikings are now tied with the Packers for the NFC North lead, with a matchup coming in two weeks.

• Minnesota quarterback Teddy Bridgewater left the game with a concussion following a hit that his coach and teammates called cheap. The hit is terrifying since it appears to knock Bridgewater out cold, but am I the only one who doesn’t think it was dirty? It looks bad when you slow it down, but it happened very, very fast in real time. (I do hope Teddy’s okay!)

• There were some entertaining games on Sunday -- only three of 11 games were decided by more than one score. Aside from the Packers’ near-comeback, the Rams-Vikings, Titans-Saints, and Cowboys-Eagles games went into overtime, the Jets-Jaguars game was decided by five points, the Raiders-Steelers and Colts-Broncos by three points, and the Falcons-49ers by one point.

• Antonio Brown is so darn good. He had 284 receiving yards in the Pittsburgh Steelers win over the Oakland Raiders. Human highlight reel.

• I actually predicted that the Indianapolis Colts would beat the Denver Broncos, but no one was around to hear me except my cats.

They probably weren't even listening.

• The Colts were up 27-24 with the ball on the Broncos’ 15-yard line with 2:35 left in the game. If Denver could limit Indianapolis to a field goal, they would only be down six with a chance for Peyton Manning to lead a game-winning drive. Tough, but possible. Unfortunately for Denver fans, however, the Broncos had a huge meltdown in the form of unnecessary fouls. Cornerback Aqib Talib got an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for poking Colts tight end Dwayne Allen in the eye after a play, which gave the Colts a new set of downs. (Talib was suspended one game for the poke.) The Broncos were able to hold Indy to a field goal ….buuuuut Denver had another penalty on the kick -- holding -- giving the Colts yet another first down and allowing them to kneel out the remainder of the game. Oh, but before the game ended, Talib got another unsportsmanlike conduct from the sideline for “berating an official.”

• I enjoyed watching the Dallas Cowboys lose to the Philadelphia Eagles in overtime on Sunday night. My favorite part of the night was this ludicrous Matt Cassel touchdown. He pretty much ran backward for 20 yards, panicked, and chucked the ball to a big crowd in the endzone. Luckily for Cassel and the ‘Boys, Dez Bryant is back and can do things like this:

• But that decision-making by Cassel is positively stupendous. He makes that throw after throwing a pick-six on the previous drive! I almost have to admire the what-are-you-going-to-do-go-back-to-Brandon-Weeden? guts of that throw. What on earth were you thinking, Matt??

I gaze into your crazy eyes for a hint, but find nothing.

• I hate it when they show team owners and executives in their boxes. They’re always seated next to some very, very young female, and I always find myself praying out loud, “Please be his granddaughter, please be his granddaughter, please be -- ah! no!” as he leans his wrinkled old-man lips in for a drooly kiss. It’s pretty much a staple of Sunday Night Football.

• You may have noticed that I’m slightly obsessed with Charles Woodson. How could I not be? I love every single quote in this article, from his saying, “I don’t know how to be hurt” to shouldering the blame and calling the Oakland Raiders’ secondary “the weak link.” He’s just so cool and awesome and amazing and I wish he were still a Packer.

• I’m sputtering trying to imagine what Atlanta Falcons head coach Dan Quinn was thinking. His team was at the one-yard line with under three minutes to go, trailing the San Francisco 49ers by four points, and he decided to kick a field goal. Just to clarify, field goals are worth three points. What happened next is exactly what you would have expected: San Fran managed a couple of first downs, then kneeled out the clock for the win. After the game, Quinn actually defended the call!

• The whole decision was predicated on the Falcons defense stopping the Blaine Gabbert-led Niners offense. If Quinn thought his defense could force a three-and-out following the field goal, why didn’t he think they could have done the same if the Falcons had missed the one-yard touchdown and turned the ball over on downs? They would have had had much better field position to boot. But congratulations to Atlanta, who became just the fourth member of the exclusive club of teams that have lost to Blaine Gabbert.

Four NFL teams -- ever.

• Ryan Fitzpatrick of New York Jets has now beat the Jacksonville Jaguars while playing quarterback for five different teams.

• The Tennessee Titans beat the New Orleans Saints in overtime, but the highlight of the game was an incredibly lucky (or unfair, depending on which team you were rooting for) Tennessee touchdown that came from the ball bouncing off two defenders’ hands right to Titans’ tight end Delanie Walker, who took it in for the score.

• As you can imagine, that play drew a lot of attention, and one reporter was asking Saints safety Jairus Byrd about it when corner Brandon Browner overheard and completely flipped out, screaming obscenities at the reporter and having to be restrained by teammates. Apparently he just really did not want to hear about the play.

• Jason Pierre-Paul played in his first game back since seriously injuring his hand in a fireworks accident. JPP looked in shape and had some good quarterback pressures, even if he didn’t blow up the box score. I happy that he’s back and hope he continues to do well!

• Arrrgh. Jay Cutler had a fumble in the redzone AND a pick-six, and the Chicago Bears still beat the San Diego Chargers?? Jay even set a franchise record for most touchdown passes.

• It was a roller coaster of emotion for Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers. When Jay was turning the ball over, Phil was all:

• But then, late in the fourth, this happened:

• And then Phil was sad:

• Rivers and the Chargers all have plenty of reasons to be sad. Not only are they 2-7, but they also without, oh, about half their roster due to injuries. They lost their #1 receiver last week when Keenan Allen was placed on the IR with a lacerated kidney (ow), and receiver Malcolm Floyd suffered a hip injury on Monday. Two cornerbacks and a defensive end left the game as well. They joined a tight end, two offensive tackles, and two linebackers who already weren't playing due to injury.

• Last week, the Niners played the St. Louis Rams. On one play, San Francisco running back Reggie Bush ran out of bounds. As he was trying to slow down, he crossed from the turf to the uncovered concrete area, slipped, fell, and injured his knee. The injury required surgery, ending Bush’s season and, given his age, possibly his career.

• Now Bush is planning to sue the city of St. Louis (which owns and operates the stadium). Normally I would roll my eyes at such a lawsuit, but I have to say I kind of might be maybe sort of with Reggie on this one. 1) The concrete is way, way too close to a field where very fast people are running at full speed. It’s not unlikely or uncommon for a player to end up that far from the sideline. 2) The same thing happened the week before! Cleveland quarterback Josh McCown had an odd, slow crash into the wall when he was trying to slow down on the slippery concrete. McCown appeared to suffer a minor hand injury, but shook it off and returned to the field. The St. Louis stadium is already a disaster for the city, and now it might cost the city even more.

• Sigh. The silver lining to the season thus far is that maybe Sideline Ninja will get the proper respect for all that he does next season.

De-fense! De-fense!!

• Holy cheeseheads, Batman, what a stand by the Green Bay Packers defense against the San Diego Chargers!! With Green Bay up 27-20 and 2:37 left on the clock, the Chargers started their final drive, needing a touchdown to tie the game. They picked up seven (!) first downs with almost no trouble at all, bringing them all the way to Green Bay’s 3-yard line with 33 seconds to go. On first down, Chargers running back Danny Woodhead picked up one yard, bringing up 2nd-and-2. Next, San Diego quarterback Philip Rivers threw an incomplete pass to Antonio Gates. Third down, Datone Jones tackled Woodhead for a loss of one yard. It’s 4th-and-3 with 20 seconds left; San Diego’s last chance to force overtime. Rivers takes the snap, sees Woodhead just inside the endzone on the far right of the field and throws to Woodhead … and rookie cornerback Damarious Randall swoops in and knocks it down! Packers win!! Still undefeated!!

• I’d had a lot of unflattering comments prepared for the Green Bay Packers defense, but after their game-winning stand, I shall forego my criticisms.

• Well, most of my criticisms. 503 yards, guys!?! Philip Rivers is a really, really good quarterback, but 503 passing yards for a quarterback in a non-overtime game?! Before this week, the Packers defense was allowing an average of 186 passing yards per game. Now their average is something like 240 -- one game increased their passing yards allowed by 50 yards. Ugh. Rivers threw 65 times! The Chargers had 32 first downs (to Green Bay’s 17)! At one point, my brother texted me that San Diego was 27-for-26 on first downs -- it certainly felt that way. But I’ll stop here because the defense held at the very, very end.

• Maybe Rivers got some extra tips from the sisters last week about breaking down Green Bay’s defense.

Oddly enough, that's the second nuns-at-a-sporting-event pic I've seen this week.

• The Packers defense was rough, but the offense wasn’t much to write home about either. After jumping out to an early 17-3 lead, Green Bay had a confidence-shaking three consecutive three-and-outs before scoring a touchdown at the end of the third quarter. (Followed by another three-and-out.) It’s definitely not what fans are used to seeing. As I keep saying, the offense has changed a lot more than many realize without Jordy Nelson. You know what doesn’t help? Losing Nelson’s backup, Davante Adams, to an ankle injury that has kept him out the last three weeks. You know what really doesn’t help? Losing Adams’ backup, Ty Montgomery, to an ankle injury against the Chargers.

• Montgomery’s injury led to the appearance of perhaps the whitest lineup in the league, with Jeff Janis and Jared Abbrederis stepping in, along with tight end Justin Perillo.

• I owe some love to James Starks. With Starks playing well and Eddie Lacy banged up, Starks got the start and most of the carries. He took advantage of his opportunities to the tune of 117 yards and two touchdowns. I always have to say nice things about James when he plays well because I’m usually pretty mean to him about his always being injured.

Good job, buddy! Be careful!

• I do not like these alternate throwbacks. They’re ugly and make me think of Michigan.

• I don’t understand why, but many people don’t like the Packers usual throwback jerseys. I, for one, love them. They were even cooler when they came with the brown helmets, but the No Fun League put a stop to that a couple of seasons ago.

See? So much cooler.

• As I’ve said before, I’m never happy when any player gets injured. That said, I sure was relieved when San Diego receiver Keenan Allen left the game with a hip injury, which was apparently the only thing that could stop him, as the Green Bay defense certainly wasn’t able to. His injury came shortly after the half, by which time he had already racked up 157 yards!

He had 14 receptions on 15 targets.

• I concur with Mike McCarthy’s criticism of the officiating. For being the most flag-happy crew in the league, the officials sure let the Chargers defensive backs get away with some really blatant holds and pass interference.

• What is there to say about James Jones? Seriously, all he does is catch touchdowns. He has six on the year, tied with Larry Fitzgerald and Tyler Eifert for tops in the league.

• Jordy Nelson, who tore his ACL in the preseason, has not missed a single meeting or practice all year. Aww, he’s so dedicated and committed and hardworking and perfect in every way! Except that he's decided to grow a beard. Not a fan.

Why would you want to hide this beautiful face?

• No one wanted to win the Chicago Bears-Detroit Lions game. The Lions had a great drive that ended in a fantastic Calvin Johnson touchdown with 21 seconds left that put them up by three points. What followed was the easiest, most laid-back game-tying drive I’ve ever seen. Chicago didn’t even look like they were trying. And Detroit definitely looked like they weren’t trying. Chicago got a 25-yard completion, then got a pass interference call for 24 yards, then got another pass interference call for 20 yards, and then kicked an easy field goal to tie. They weren't even hurrying!

The most apathetic game-tying drive from the most apathetic athlete in America.

• Even when the game went into overtime, neither team seemed particularly interested in winning. Here’s the possession chart from overtime. Overtime!

• Detroit did finally win the game, their first win of the season (we’ll keep an asterisk on their record for the Seattle game). They should have known their fortunes were going to turn when there was a “process of the catch” situation that came up and they weren’t on the losing side. Here’s what happened: Lions receiver Golden Tate caught the ball just outside the goal line, turned, crossed the goal line (taking one step), was hit, the ball flew out and landed in the hands of a waiting Bears defender.

• Though it looked like Tate did not finish the process of the catch -- going by the way the league has called it in the past -- the refs called it a touchdown and let it stand. I really, really think if the alternative hadn’t been an interception -- if it would have been an incomplete instead of a touchdown -- the refs would have said he didn’t complete the process of the catch. But how do you not only deny a team a touchdown on an iffy, controversial rule (that has screwed that same team over before multiple times in huge, game-deciding moments), but then actually give the ball to the other team? I honestly think the officials just couldn’t bring themselves to do it.

• Here’s what Dean Blandino, VP of NFL Officiating had to say:

• A couple of points:

1. Both Calvin Johnson and Dez Bryant took two steps, so it makes no sense for Dean to say two steps establishes a player as a runner. Also, Tate didn't take two steps, per se; he landed on one foot, and took a step with the other.
2. That’s what Dean Blandino looks like?!?! I never imagined him so young … or so sleazy-looking. One reddit user perfectly described him, saying he looks like a “struggling club promoter.” Yep, that’s the kind of guy you don’t let buy you a drink.

• It must be something about Golden Tate that the refs can’t say no to.

• Football fans everywhere loathe the “process of the catch” rule, and if they’re not going to call it, maybe it’s time the rule is changed. Now, I know this won’t make me popular, but let me say a word in defense of the rule: if a player just needs to have two feet down, just think of situations where a player catches the ball in the air, lands, is immediately hit by a defender, and the ball pops out. That happens usually at least a few times in a game. If the “process of the catch” rule is changed, then all those instances are fumbles, which would be its own controversy. The rule stinks, but I don’t know if I much like the alternative.

"Shut up, you stupid blogger! You know nothing!"

• Detroit quarterback Matthew Stafford, who was benched last week, threw for 405 yards and four touchdowns in the win, thus finally rewarding my steadfast loyalty.

• This is terrifying. Last week, Jacksonville Jaguars running back Bernard Pierce made an odd play on a punt return: he started blocking for the other team. After the game, Pierce experienced concussion symptoms, which is presumably what led to that play. Pierce himself could offer no explanation as to what happened. You can see him start to block at the very beginning of this video, between the 45- and 50-yard lines.

• I’m trying to figure out what exactly Directv was thinking with their new ad campaign. The premise is that a horrible, moronic cable company knows it can’t compete with the amazing Directv, so it merges with another horrible, moronic cable company. The thing is that Directv is known for its price gouging and horrible customer service, and it’s in the news for its recent merger with AT&T (another company with dismal customer satisfaction), so every time I see one of those commercials, all it makes me think of is how horrible Directv is. Not sure if that’s what they were going for.

• Just watch Baltimore Ravens kicker Justin Tucker’s plant leg on the turf at the San Francisco 49ers’ Levi’s Stadium. No surprise, Tucker missed the field goal that would have cut a six-point deficit to three.

• This is the field where the Super Bowl will be played this year, by the way.

• The Seattle Seahawks have lost four games in which they were leading in the fourth quarter. They won one when the refs robbed the Lions (would have been another loss after leading in the fourth), and then they won one game against the Jimmy Clausen-led Chicago Bears.

• I was glad to see that the Arizona Cardinals lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers because a) things are more interesting when dominant teams lose, and b) I’m scared of them and it’s reassuring seeing them lose.

• You have probably seen the Indianapolis Colts’ attempted fake punt against the New England Patriots. It was …. ill-advised. The Colts presented this funky lineup late in the third quarter, with all their players to the right of the ball, hoping to confuse the Patriots into an offsides or encroachment penalty.

• It, uh, didn’t work.

• The Atlanta Falcons lost to the New Orleans Saints on Thursday night, which still leaves an incredible five undefeated teams. (That’s a lot for Week 6, isn’t it? It feels like a lot.) Also, they all start with Bs or Ps: Broncos, Bengals, Patriots, Panthers, and Packers. Just so you know. Three of those teams have byes next week, so there will be at least three undefeated teams going into Week 8. Two of those three teams -- the Packers and the Broncos! Eek! -- will play in Week 8.  

• Peyton Manning’s spiraling play on the field does make me feel a little better about Week 8. (The Denver defense does not.) Peyton has stolen Eli Manning’s familiar throne as the league leader in interceptions, throwing three in a tight, overtime win against the Cleveland Browns.

That definitely calls for the Manning Face.

• So who exactly is the Pittsburgh Steelers' quarterback? Ben Roethlisberger has an MCL sprain, but hasn’t been ruled out for next week; Michael Vick is injured/benched?; and third-year quarterback Landry Jones played in his first NFL game on Sunday after Vick was pulled and led his team to a win over one of the best defenses in the league.

Jones said he wasn't expecting to play, and it showed in the
sartorial choices he made when packing his bag that morning. 

• I don’t like the Philadelphia Eagles, but I was glad to see them beat the New York Giants because 1) their all-black alternate uniforms looked cool; 2) it’s always good to see Eli lose; and 3) I will NOT have the Giants pull another one of these we-really-stink-but-we’re-in-a-crappy-division-so-we’ll-just-coast-under-the-radar-being-terrible-then-sneak-into-the-playoffs-and-then-something-totally-BS-will-happen-and-we’ll-go-way-too-far-and-maybe-even-win-it-all-in-a-ridiculous-fashion moves that they’re always doing.

This is the face of a man who knows he does not
deserve to have two Super Bowl rings. 

• Let’s all cleanse our visual palettes as we head into a boring week without Packer football:

Maybe I'll just spend next Sunday watch Jordy clips.