Some Team Beat Some Other Team in Some Game

• Everyone is trying really, really hard to convince the world that this was a great game. It was not. It was a pretty boring game until the second half of the fourth quarter. And, again, despite what you hear and read, neither quarterback played very well. I thought both looked very pedestrian throughout the game.

• Tom Brady was 27/41 for 276 yards, 2 touchdowns, and 1 interception. (What the heck was he thinking on that interception?? It was such a bad decision and an even worse throw.) The Giants’ defense did not dominate the game as they did in 2007, but they did enough to keep Brady from finding a rhythm late in the game.

Aww. Maybe you won't have to wait another 7 years to go back.

• Eli Manning had approximately five good passes in the entire game. Other than that, he looked like typical Eli - including a few terrible throws that looked like guaranteed interceptions except for the fact that they were playing New England’s inept secondary.

• I mean, New England Patriots defense has been horrifically bad this season. (This is the defense that allowed Jason Campbell 344 passing yards, Ryan Fitzpatrick 676 yards in two meetings, Vince Young 400 yards, Matt Moore 281 yards, even Tyler Palko put up 230 yards. Chad Henne had 416 yards!! Dan Orlovsky had 353 yards - DAN ORLOVSKY!!! I’ll just leave it at that.) Against this hideously terrible defense, Eli Manning managed 296 yards and 1 touchdown. Ladies and gentlemen, your Super Bowl MVP.

"This is so much better than the Super Bowl!"

• The game was not terrible, but it was a reminder that these were two average teams playing for the championship. Aside from the their embarrassing defense, the Patriots only beat one team with a winning record all season long. The one team they did beat was on a fluke missed 32-yard field goal.

• As for the Giants, they gave up more points than they scored in the regular season. By comparison, the Packers outscored their opponents by more than 200 points. The Giants gave up more points than any of the other teams in the NFC except for Tampa Bay, Minnesota, Carolina, and St. Louis. The Packers - the 32nd ranked defense - gave up 41 fewer points than the Giants. The Patriots - the 31st ranked defense - gave up 58 fewer points. The Saints - the 30th ranked defense - gave up 61 fewer points. And I’m supposed to believe this is the best team in the league?

• Furthermore, the Giants loss to the Washington Redskins - TWICE!!! I’m sure if we look up all the rules and bylaws, there must be some fine print that disqualifies any team that loses to a Rex Grossman-led team twice in one season from Super Bowl contention.

Yes, this man beat the champs not once, but twice.

• I just don’t get why people are trying to sell this game as a super-exciting, epic battle between two dominant teams. Everyone is talking about Manning’s fourth-quarter pass to Mario Manningham along the sideline. It was an excellent pass and a great catch, and Manningham was incredible at making sure he had both feet inbounds - but, come on, don’t you see this play five times a Sunday during the regular season? Packers’ fans, how many times a game does Jordy Nelson make this catch? And people are trying to say it rivals the Helmet Catch? Puh-lease.

Oh, Jordy.

• Likewise, I saw some crazy people trying to argue that Justin Tuck “dominated” the game, more so than he did 4 years ago. Don’t get me wrong, I love Justin Tuck. He’s one of my favorite non-Packer players. And he played well. He had 2 sacks, 3 quarterback hits (including one that forced the safety), and contributed to Brady’s overall discomfort. But let’s not be ridiculous - his performance this year was not anywhere close to his Super Bowl performance in 2007, which, in my opinion, was one of the most incredible single-game performances by a defensive player. I remember hearing Tuck’s name all game long in the 2007 Super Bowl; he seemed to be involved in every single play. This time around he had a solid game, but nothing like 2007.

You're still incredible, though.

• And spare me the Tom-Brady’s-reputation-slash-legacy-is-tarnished-now. The New York Giants have twice beaten the Patriots in Super Bowls where the Pats were favored. That’s a big deal. They should be congratulated for it. But it hardly affects the legacy that Tom Brady has built: 5 Super Bowl appearances, 3 rings, and pages and pages of records. And that’s supposed to mean less because he lost two close games to the same team? C’mon now.

He'll always be in the "best ever" discussion.

• My point is people are being absolutely ridiculous about what actually happened in this game. Brady played okay. Manning played okay. The Giants defense played okay. And the Patriots receivers played less than okay. The game was okay. That’s what really happened. So let's all scale back the superlatives, okay? Okay.

Now, for some other random stuff:

• Patriots WR Tiquan Underwood got an awesome haircut for the big game.

• Too bad the Patriots released him the night before the Super Bowl. No, seriously, they did. Seems kind of mean and evil to me. Really, Bill? You had to wait till the night before??

• Those mean Patriots also deactivated 13-year veteran RB Kevin Faulk (who’s played all 13 seasons with New England and was instrumental during their Super Bowl years) for the game.

I guess that's what you get when you play for Satan's BFF..

• Now, I may be the only person in the world who does not think Gisele is pretty, but people need to back off her! She caught a lot of flak prior to a game because she sent an email to her family and friends asking them for thoughts and prayers for her husband on Super Bowl Sunday. How is this news? A wife wants her husband to do well in one of the biggest moments of his life and the media criticizes her for it?? Then, after the game, while being heckled by some obnoxious New York Giants fans about her husband's play, Gisele snapped that it was the Patriots' receivers' fault for not catching Brady's passes. Probably not the nicest or smartest thing to say, but, to be fair, they did drop some big passes, and I'm sure she didn't think her words would end up making news. As a general rule, maybe you shouldn't taunt a woman right after her spouse's heart has been crushed. It seems like a pretty natural reaction to me.

But I still don't think she's pretty. Great hair, though.

• Aaron Rodgers was totally right in his surprisingly candid comments on the Pro Bowl. I really like football, but even I couldn’t watch much of that game. Though, to be honest, I don't think there's much that can be or needs to be done about the Pro Bowl.

• The best part of the Pro Bowl was that Air Force sergeant singing the national anthem so beautifully.  Especially right after Hot Chelle Rae’s live performance made my ears bleed.

• Sometimes I think Mike Pereira is intentionally trying to be the most insufferable man alive. No one could be this self-important without a touch of irony, right?

• The whole point of this post is that this game would have been so much better if the Packers had played. How much fun would a New Orleans-Green Bay Super Bowl have been???? (Who needs the AFC?)

Yeah, last year was way more fun.

I miss football already, but I guess with the season over, it's time for this blog to turn its attention to cats full-time.

I Guess There's Still Football Going On. Eh.

• Poor Ravens. They played better than the Patriots. It’s too bad that two bad mistakes by Lee Evans and Billy Cundiff undid a strong performance by Baltimore. Poor guys. Especially Cundiff. Poor, poor Billy.

Yep. That pretty much says it all.

• When the announcers pointed out that the laces weren’t completely out, wasn’t everyone in the country thinking of Ace Ventura? The good people at YouTube kindly put together a little updated version of the clip:

• Joe Flacco played a strong game. So the Ravens have that going for them, I guess.

• Some Ravens are taking the loss hard. Linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo seems to be having a particularly difficult time accepting reality.

Sorry, buddy, but it's real.

• Is there a more hated man in New England than Bernard Pollard? Playing on three different teams, he was involved on each play in which Tom Brady, Wes Welker, and Rob Gronkowski all sustained serious injuries.

Yeah, that one hurt.

• Like the AFC game, it seemed like the 49ers played better for the majority of the game, but two big mistakes late cost them the game. I feel even worse for Kyle Williams than for Billy Cundiff! Just the wrong time of the season to have a bad day.

Awww. I'll be your friend, Kyle!

• I’m disturbed by the Giants’ frank and almost gleeful admission that they purposely went after Kyle Williams because of his history of concussions. I understand playing hard and hitting hard and all that, but I think there’s a problem with going into a game with the intention of taking an opponent out of the game.

• Jay Cutler’s going to be a dad! Congrats! Kristin Cavallari’s going to have her hands full planning a wedding, taking care of a whiny, sulking crybaby, and now with an infant on the way! Zing!

"No! I won't take a nap! I hate nap time! It's stupid!"

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

The teenage years.

Jk, Jay! We're happy for you!

• The hat Tim Tebow always wears is cute, and I think he looks good in it, but it seems to be permanently fused to his scalp of late. Is he going bald or something? He’s been wearing it everywhere he goes! Not that I’m stalking him or anything ...

• It’s hard to know whom to cheer for in the Super Bowl. I hate the Patriots, because they’re the Patriots and everything about them is awful. But, I’m still mad at the Giants. And if Eli Manning wins another Super Bowl, we’ll all have to pretend he’s an “elite” quarterback. Yes, he’s improved greatly this season, but this is still Eli Manning we’re talking about. I don’t care how many Super Bowls he wins! If you were starting a team from scratch, aren’t there at least ten other quarterbacks you’d rather have than Eli? I’d take a neckless Peyton over him. I guess the best I’m hoping for is that Eli is pulled from the game due to injury or terribleness and the Giants’ defense shuts up smug New Englanders. That way both the Patriots and Eli lose.

Both teams are stinky and smelly.

• But, really, who cares about the Super Bowl without the Green Bay Packers?

The Pro Bowl is now my Super Bowl.

I Just Don't Like Life That Much Anymore

• That was bad. I mean, it wasn’t even close. The Packers scored only two touchdowns - and neither of them should have counted! One came on the drive that was allowed to continue after Greg Jennings' fumble was inexplicably not overturned, and the other touchdown drive was saved by a terrible roughing-the-passer call against the Giants.

Nooooooooooooooooooo!

• The defensive atrocities I’ve come to accept, but I’ve just never seen the Packers make so many mistakes on offense.

• The absolute worst play of the game was on the second to last play of the first half that setup the Hail Mary touchdown. The Giants were facing 3rd-and-1 with a dwindling clock and the Packers allowed Ahmad Bradshaw to run for the first down, plus an extra 22 yards, across the entire freaking football field, and get out of the bounds to stop the clock. Honestly, how does this happen? HOW??

"Gotcha! Wait, why are you still running? Are we playing tackle??"

 

• I understand McCarthy was trying to make something happen with that onside kick to start the second quarter, and I know the Packers have had success with that in the past, but I have to question the timing. The Giants were unable to convert the recovered kick to points when Brad Jones blocked the field goal, but I thought losing the onside kick was a bit of a hit to the Packers' confidence. Then again, it was clear that the Packers desperately needed a spark, and if it had worked, I’d be calling McCarthy a genius.

• I do not think the Packers lost because they had too much rest. That’s an easy answer because the Packers played very un-Packer-like football, and people are looking for what was different this week -- extra time off. There’s a problem with causality there. Critics of the McCarthy’s decision to rest some players try to make it sound as if all the starters took the final week off, but Rodgers was really the only healthy offensive player who did not play. I find it hard to believe that anyone believes that if Aaron Rodgers had played week 17 against Detroit that this week’s game would have been any different.

Finley still would have dropped pass after pass.

• Who would have ever thought the NFC Championship would be Giants at 49ers???

I think Alex is pretty surprised himself.

• Football " purists" will be happy. Three of the four teams left are known for their defensive identities, so cue the annoying slobbering about “real football,” “smash-mouth football,” and “this is what the game is really all about!”

• I dread any game on CBS because I have to listen to their terrible announcers try to wade the complexities of calling the entire game competently.

• The media’s love affair with the Ravens’ defense is vomit-inducing. Especially when it comes to Ray Lewis. I get praising the players - they’re excellent, but have some restraint. Every time Ray Lewis screams into the camera, the announcers fall over themselves to say brilliant things like, “Nobody, and I mean nobody plays with more passion than Ray Lewis!!!!!” Okay, fine, but you just said the same thing three minutes ago about Terrell Suggs … and Ed Reed … and Haloti Ngata.

"LOOK! HE'S DANCING!" Just like he does every. single. game.

• Arian Foster is really, really good. Also, cool haircut.

• I would like to see the 49ers beat the Giants because I’m mad at the Giants, but, while both teams have strong defenses, it sure seems that the Giants have the offensive edge.

• I would also love, love, love to see the Ravens take out the Patriots, but does anyone honestly feel good taking Joe in a Flacco vs. Brady contest?

I'd feel more confident in you, Joe,  if I felt that you felt more confident.

• And Ed Reed, how is criticizing your own quarterback helping??

• Unfortunately, Tim Tebow’s out of the playoffs. But that doesn’t mean we can’t still talk about him constantly! Apparently, Tebow played much of the second half of the Patriots game with torn cartilage in his ribs, as well as a bruised lung, which cause fluid build-up. Poor Timmy! As someone who prays for the sweet relief of death if she stubs her toe, I find this level of pain tolerance quite impressive. (And it's nothing compared to Anquan Boldin!)

Don't hurt him! Don't you know that's Tim Tebow?!

• Wow - how dysfunctional are the Jets? After a Week 17 meltdown and accusations of bad attitudes in the locker room, third-string quarterback Greg McElroy helpfully chimed in, saying the Jets had a “corrupt mindset,” while some unnamed players called Mark Sanchez “lazy,” and expressed a desire for a trade that would send Peyton Manning to New York. And you thought there were problems in your workplace...

"Yeah, well, I'm still a millionaire dating a supermodel."

• The Chicago Bears also have a lot to sort out. They fired GM Jerry Angelo, but kept head coach Lovie Smith. Offensive coordinator Mike Martz walked away, and offensive line coach Mike Tice was promoted to run the offense. Now, it turns out, Tice has requested to interview for the Raiders’ head coaching vacancy. Yikes. The Bears will have to find a GM and potentially another offensive coordinator, and, since the Bears have already confirmed Lovie Smith’s return, it might be difficult to persuade candidates to join when they are not allowed to bring in their own staffs. 

And they'd have to have this turnover machine as QB.

• This week was beyond terrible, but I still love the Packers!!!!! Go Niners. I guess.

It's ok, Aaron. Even the best have off days.

Here, have one of these to console yourself.

New York Giants at Green Bay

The New York Giants are back in town for the first Lambeau Field playoff game since the 2007 season, when Brett Favre, once again, destroyed the hopes of a nation while the Giants went on to win the Super Bowl. The Giants are the hot team, on a three-game win streak, including last week's utter dismantling of the Atlanta Falcons. 

Eli Manning has had an excellent season, throwing 32 touchdowns and limiting his interceptions to 16, and generally looking more competent than usual. Their running game, which has struggled for most of the season, seems to have hit its stride with the return of Ahmad Bradshaw providing a nice complement to bruising back Brandon Jacobs.

The Packers defense is going to have to do something. They’ve been completely incapable of generating any pass rush this season and their run defense is nothing to write home about. They’ll give up big plays, as they have all year, but they need to offset that by forcing some turnovers. I’m counting on Manning reverting to Classic Eli and throwing some easy interceptions or committing an inopportune fumble. I don’t like to defend the Packers 32nd-ranked defense too much, but they do, in fact, lead the league in interceptions, and have kept the opposing quarterback’s rating at a reasonable 80.6, so it’s not all terrible. Though the defense has certainly been disappointing, the Packers have some great talent on the defense. They just need to step up. 

How about a couple of interceptions from each of you on Sunday?

Now, the Giants’ defense is great, no doubt. For almost the first time this season, they are enjoying a healthy defensive line. Osi Umenyiora, Justin Tuck, and JPII are scary. They’ll bring it. On the upside, however, if there’s one quarterback you’d want when facing pressure, who would it be? That’s right, Aaron Rodgers.

"Don't worry, girl. I got this."

While the Giants’ offense has been clicking of late, and while they have some incredible receivers (Hakeem Nicks seems to have at least one circus catch a game) - the Packers have Aaron Rodgers. He’s got his original offensive line back together, he's got James Starks returning to help out Ryan Grant, and he still has the best group of receivers in the league. Greg Jennings is back and ready to destroy the Giants’ secondary again.

The Giants are confident, to say the least, with several team members already guaranteeing a victory. They certainly have reason to be confident, but perhaps not as much as they think. This is the same team that got beat by the Redskins - yes, the WASHINGTON REDSKINS! - not even four weeks ago. Their last four victories have come against a crumbling Jets team, a hapless Cowboys team (twice), and a fraud of a Falcons team. Before that, they lost four straight to Green Bay, New Orleans, Philadelphia, and San Francisco. Again, the Giants were dealing with some big injuries, and Green Bay barely squeaked out a win last month. BUT, the Packers were missing some key players that game, too - Desmond Bishop, A.J. Hawk, Josh Sitton. Charles Woodson left the game early with concussion, too. And that game was played at MetLife Stadium. The Packers have not lost at Lambeau since October 17, 2010.

If any team knows the benefit of getting hot at the right time, it is the Packers, who rode their own hot streak all the way to the Super Bowl last year. But I love the mindset of this team. They don’t care if people are spending all their time drooling over the Giants and the Saints. They don’t care what happened in 2007. They don’t get too caught up in the emotions of the game. They don’t panic. 

"Don't worry. I still got this."

I think it will be a very good game, between two very good teams, but I’ll still take 68.3%-completing, 9.2.-yards-per-throw-averaging, 45-touchdown-passes-and-only-six-interceptions-throwing, 122.5-passer-rated Aaron Rodgers and the 15-1, 8-0-at-home, Super Bowl-winning, defending champions Green Bay Packers.

Wild Card Weekend

• TEBOOOOOW!!! Wow! How fun was that?! The Steelers had a great drive in the fourth quarter to tie the game, but I had to wonder how they felt when they were facing overtime versus Tim Tebow.

• One of Tebow’s favorite Bible verses is John 3:16. As a Gator, he would sometimes display the chapter and verse in his eyeblack. On Sunday, Tebow threw for 316 yards, averaging 31.6 yards per game. CBS liked the number, too, as 31.6 million people tuned in to see the end of the game. Roethlisberger, heathen that I’m sure he is, probably doesn’t like the number: he threw the sole interception of the game on a 3rd-and-16 play. AAHHHH!

And in the seventh week, God started Tim Tebow...

• Demaryius Thomas caught just four passes, but averaged 51 yards per catch!

• Okay, okay, as much fun as Tebowmania is, the Broncos had a lot of help. Roethlisberger was playing with an ankle injury that would have kept most players out for weeks. The Steelers were without their starting running back, as well as their starting center. Starting safety Ryan Clark was out because of a health condition. As powerful a force as their front seven is, I’ve always thought Pittsburgh’s secondary is a very weak unit disguised by Troy Polamalu’s exceptional play. But with Polamalu playing like a ghost of his former self, the Broncos were able to take advantage of the bruised and battered Steelers.

Where ya been, Troy?

• I am not a fan of the playoff overtime rules. If it’s important enough to change the rules for the playoffs, why not for the regular season, too? I have a huge problem with having different rules for different times of the year.

• Big Ben thinks he’s Al Capone.

• If you’re wondering what he was thinking putting on that hat, here’s a breakdown:

• New Orleans put up 626 yards of offense. Wow. That is a lot of yards.

I wonder if these 2 even broke a sweat.

• Arian Foster is incredible on this touchdown run! He absolutely destroys Cincinnati's Chris Crocker, easily throwing him to the ground! With his left arm! While staying inbounds!

• Atlanta: that was absolutely pathetic. We all kinda knew you were playoff frauds, but not to that extent. I mean, it’s the playoffs! Win or go home! One chance! And all you can muster is an accidental two points?!? Come ON!

That's right, hide your face in shame!

• And I like the aggressiveness of going for it on fourth-and-inches, but not in an away game; not in a playoff game; not in a game that‘s shaping up to be a defensive battle. Take the points! And honestly, Mike Smith, how many of those fourth-and-short plays does your team have to lose before you decide to take the field goal??

• AND, Mike Smith, if you are going to keep going for it on fourth-and-short, maybe mix up the play calls a bit? Maybe put in your beast of a running back instead of having him sit on the sidelines and forcing Matt Ryan to try to gain yardage when the entire defense knows exactly what is about to happen? Maybe?

No, he's not crying. He always looks like that.

• And poor Tony Gonzalez! The 15-year-veteran - and probably the best tight end to ever play - is still without a playoff win.

• I would love to see New Orleans’ unstoppable-force offense meet the Giants’ suddenly  immovable-object defense. But alas, the Giants will not be playing any more after next Sunday.

• Matt Prater may have more of a divine touch than Tebow. The man who can kick 70-yard field goals started off the game kicking the ball so far that it hit the crossbar. That’s a touchback, so place the ball on the 20-yard line. Oh, wait, no need to: the ball bounced off the crossbar and stopped exactly at the 20-yard line.

• Is anyone else curious as to how Josh McDaniels is allowed to join the Patriots’ coaching staff before the season is over???

Hey, Josh, how many friends do you have?

• A lot of questions surround Green Bay’s upcoming game with the Giants, but I think the biggest one is: what will happen to Tom Coughlin’s face this time?

It was very cold...