Finally, a Win!

• Whew, thank goodness for the Green Bay Packers’ win over the Minnesota Vikings! Not only did the victory end a three-game slide for Green Bay, but also allowed them to regain the division lead from Minnesota.

• The Packers defense was excellent, allowing only 13 points, sacking Vikings quarterback Teddy Bridgewater six times (after 39 consecutive drives without a sack!), and holding the best running back in the league to 45 yards on 13 carries! They also forced a Adrian Peterson fumble.

• The offense looked much better, as well. They were much closer to finding and maintaining a rhythm on several drives. Most importantly, they finally let Eddie Lacy out of the doghouse, and he found his legs to the tune of 100 yards. I’m soooooooooooooo glad! James Starks is very nice, I’m sure, but you all must know by now that I am not a believer in him as a starter.

Don't leave us again!

• Though the win was huge, the Packers’ offensive issues were still apparent. Aaron Rodgers completed only 47% of his passes (he seemed to overthrow several), Randall Cobb caught only two of his nine targets, and they only got into the redzone twice. Rodgers did, however, look downfield more, which is a good thing, even if it didn’t work out a lot this game. His low completion percentage might just be a tradeoff he and the team has to live with in order to get the defensive looks they want.

• The MVP of the game was Mason Crosby, who bounced back from whiffing the would-be winning kick last week to hit field goals of 42, 47, 40, 42, and 52 yards.

(His arms look photoshopped here.)

• Crosby was not only perfect on Sunday, but he also drew a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty from Vikings returner Cordarrelle Patterson, who, for no reason at all, got in Crosby’s face after a kick return.

Hey, you leave Mason alone! He didn't do anything to you!
Also, fix your visor -- you look like an idiot.

• Coming into the game, center Corey Linsley was the only offensive lineman who was not listed on the injury report. So of course he injured his ankle in Sunday's game and did not return. Additionally, safety Micah Hyde re-injured his hip and was carted off the field. Receivers Jared Abbrederis and Ty Montgomery were already out for the game.

• I don't care what his official profiel says, Green Bay tight end Justin Perillo ain’t no 25 years old.

• James Jones had a big drop in the first half, but came back with two incredible catches on the second half touchdown drive. It was a great drive for Rodgers and Jones.

• First was this awesome, bobbling catch for 37 yards. Look at the effort to control the ball and establish possession before he hits the turf!

• Then Jones made sure to keep his feet inbounds on this touchdown.

• And then JJ was there when Aaron needed him on the two-point conversion.

• Jones also garnered a lot of attention for his hoodie which shockingly -- for a league that fines players for wearing the wrong color socks -- was legal.

Jordy was a fan.

• In other uniform news, I still love Minnesota's matte helmets. Very chic.

• But I still hate their pants and can’t understand why companies whose job it is to make football uniforms haven’t come up with a better white pants pattern.

You're telling me you can't make a pair of white
football pants that don't include a built-in diaper??

• Poor Joe Flacco! The Baltimore Ravens quarterback, who has never missed a game in his career before, tore his ACL and is out for the season. (Flacco crazily stayed in the game for the final 50 seconds after his injury.) The Ravens also lost their running back, Justin Forsett, for the season to a broken arm. I do feel bad for Baltimore, but I also hate the Ravens, so my empathy mostly insincere.

• The Ravens’ backup is --- AHHHH!! --- Matt Schaub!! Watching Schaub’s jaw-droppingly fast and brutal free fall a couple of years ago was stunning and sad. I’m kinda secretly excited he has a chance to play again and am really, really rooting for him not to be terrible.

In his last season with the Texans, Schaub threw 10 TDs and 14 INTs,
and set an NFL record by throwing pick-sixes in 4 consecutive games.

• I was about to feel bad for St. Louis Rams quarterback Nick Foles, who was demoted this week, but then I saw that he has six interceptions and five fumbles to seven touchdowns on the season, so that’s actually pretty fair.

• It’s absolutely unconscionable that the Rams left backup quarterback Case Keenum in the game when he was obviously suffering from a concussion. Teams are supposed to all have independent observers to look specifically for players who might have suffered a concussion and tell teams to pull those players out for an evaluation. In the case of Keenum, he is tackled, and his head slams violently against the turf. He immediately grabs his head in pain. His teammate tries to force his limp body up, but Keenum collapses right back to the turf. The Rams have to expect some kind of penalty from a league that is trying desperately to show they take concussions seriously.

• The Indianapolis Colts won! They came back to beat the Atlanta Falcons, who struggled mightily, turning the ball over four times. Indy quarterback Andrew Luck is out again due to injury, meaning 40-year-old backup Matt Hasselbeck was back leading the team. In case you haven’t noticed, I am so on the Matt Hasselbeck bandwagon.

He just seems so sweet and nice and hardworking and likable!

• Do you know what would be really awkward? Having to dispute reports that your defensive coordinator was fired when everyone knows he’s just about to be fired, as New Orleans Saints head coach Sean Payton had to do last Monday. Doubly awkward when said defensive coordinator follows up his firing with a Hurricane Katrina joke. Oh, that Rob Ryan. Such a charmer.

• Now, I’m not saying that the New England Patriots aren’t good; I’m just saying that only one of the 10 teams they’ve beat thus far currently has a winning record. And I’m not saying that they deserve to go 16-0; I’m just saying that if you exclude the Denver Broncos (who now have a question mark at quarterback), the combined record of the rest of the teams they’ll face this season is 20-30.

• The same actually holds true for the league’s other undefeated team, the Carolina Panthers -- the Packers are the only team they’ve beaten who currently have a winning record. They face a tougher schedule than the Patriots, since their remaining slate features the 6-4 Atlanta Falcons twice. Even with the Falcons, their remaining opponents have a combined record of 29-31.

• Sunday night’s game between the Arizona Cardinals and the Cincinnati Bengals featured a pretty exciting second half. Cincinnati came back from down 14 to kick a game-tying field goal with 1:03 left. Arizona got the ball back, and have three huge completions to get into field goal range. Arizona lined up for a 46-yard field goal, but jumped offsides! Not only is that a five-yard penalty, but it also comes with a 10-second runoff when in the final two minutes of a game. That meant the clock ran out before the Cardinals could kick, sending the game into overtime. Well, that’s what it would have meant if the Bengals hadn’t been called for unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for simulating the snap count. That moved the Cardinals up, and they kicked an easy 32-yard field goal for the win.

Bengals WR AJ Green's reaction as Arizona kicked the winning field goal.

• I had never heard that penalty called before. Why is it unsportsmanlike for the defensive to dummycall but not the offense? In both cases, aren’t you trying to trick the opponent?

• Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo returned from a broken collarbone injury to lead his team to victory over the Miami Dolphins. The Cowboys went 0-7 in Romo’s absence, and will need to win out (or at least close to it, considering how terrible their division is) to make the playoffs. I, for one, was very happy to see Romo back and the Cowboys win. I really, really enjoy watching Dallas fans get their hopes up.

This will be me.
In December.
Laughing at Cowboys fans.

• Jerry Jones spoke with the media about the recent meeting he had with defensive end Greg Hardy’s conduct, and, as always, some wonderful Jerry quotes were the result.
• “He is aware that everything he does -- his personality, his style, his enthusiasm -- it's all going to be interpreted negatively. If he's not aware of that, then he's hurting a lot of people.” So he’s definitely aware, but he might not be aware.
• “I think he really gets that. We certainly feel that way. He understands it, and he has agreed to really work on it." Good for Greg for agreeing to work on not hitting women and not being flippant about his punishment for hitting women.
• Jones said he’ll use his own experience with criticism to help Hardy: “If anyone knows how to hunker down, it's me." Not really relevant or comparable, but okay.
• “I will say this: over the last three or four weeks, I would hate to see anybody who had more pressure on him than Hardy." Putting aside the terrible sentence structure, Jones fishing for sympathy for Hardy is not going to be very effective.
• “But there is no second chance in regards to the issue of domestic violence. None.” Presumably Jerry means after the second chance they gave Hardy in signing him.

• Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch missed Sunday’s game against the San Francisco 49ers due to an abdomen injury. (There’s some concern he could miss the rest of the season.) Backup Thomas Rawls played in Lynch’s stead and ran for 209 yards and scored two touchdowns! Lynch approved of Rawls’ play:

• The Carolina Panthers are 10-0. The Dallas Cowboys are 3-7. And yet, the Cowboys are favored in the Thanksgiving matchup??

• Denver now-starting quarterback Brock Osweiler is 6’8”!!!

• It’s a short week for the Packers, who will play Thursday night, but luckily, they’ll face Jay Cutler and the Chicago Bears, so we’ll have a lot of this to look forward to:

• And this:

• And hopefully some of this:

• It must kill Jordy to miss a game against the Bears. You can usually just pencil him in for a couple of 60+ yard touchdowns when he’s facing Chicago.

EVERYBODY PANIC!

• That was pretty much the worst thing in the world. It's one thing to lose to two undefeated division leaders on the road; it’s another to lose to the league-worst, last-in-every-category team at home. Normally I’m quite opposed to fans booing their teams, but the rarity was well deserved at Lambeau on Sunday.

• Sunday broke a 24-year streak of the Detroit Lions losing in Wisconsin.

• What was the point of the football gods putting us through that brief yet intense hope of a comeback? I mean, a lot of weird things had to happen for Green Bay to even have a chance at the win. After the Packers cut the lead to two with just under six minutes left, their defense let the Lions take four minutes off the clock on their way to the a touchdown. Game over -- BUT WAIT! Detroit kicker Matt Prater missed the extra point -- his second missed PAT of the game. (He should probably brush up his resume.) So the score was 18-10 and the Packers still somehow had a chance. The Packers get the ball back with under two minutes and need to execute a two-minute drill. On the first play of the drive, James Starks fumbles the ball and Detroit recovers. Game over -- BUT WAIT! Replay shows that Starks’ elbow hit the ground before he fumbled. Whew! The Packers continue their drive and, aided by a roughing the passer call, score a touchdown. All they need is a two-point conversion to tie the game!!! They fail. With only 32 seconds left, pretty much game over -- BUT WAIT! Green Bay onside kicks and recovers! Oh my gosh! Could it be?!? Could a victory be salvaged from this mess of a performance? A 52-yard field goal is a total possibility with Mason Crosby, who’s one of the best kickers in the league! This could really happen! Crosby missed the kick -- game over. Why did the football gods do that to us??

So cruel.

• As if the missed field goal wasn’t anticlimactic enough, Crosby’s kick never had a chance. Whatever happened -- whether Crosby’s plant foot slipped, his foot hit the turf before the ball, or holder Tim Masthay’s off-hand hit the ball -- the kick never even got close to the uprights.

• The game was a mess from start to finish, in just about every category, like the NINE straight punts by the Packers after scoring a field goal on the opening drive. The most concerning element to me, however, was the team’s total lack of confidence and/or energy. None of the players looked like they thought they could win. I’m not sure if that’s on the players or the coaches, but they need to find some little bit of swagger somewhere and bring it next week when they face the NFC North-leading Minnesota Vikings.

• Aaron Rodgers most notably looked uncomfortable, and I have to think that that stems from a lack of trust -- he doesn’t trust his receivers, he doesn’t trust his protection, he doesn’t trust his running game, and I don’t know that he trusts the plays being called.

• I know Eddie Lacy’s poor play and injuries have led to running back James Starks’ promotion, but I, for one, can’t wait till Lacy is back on the field. Starks is so terrible in pass protection and can’t pick up many yards after contact.

• With Minnesota at 7-2 playing 6-3 Green Bay next week, and the 4-5 Chicago Bears playing against somebody named Brock Osweiler next week, the NFC North all of a sudden got a lot more interesting.

• Chicago quarterback Jay Cutler had two 80+ yard touchdowns against the St. Louis Rams. He must be pretty good, huh?

• Indianapolis Colts quarterback Andrew Luck is out for at least a few weeks with a lacerated kidney (ow). It must be the “in” injury, as San Diego receiver Keenan Allen was placed on IR last week with the same. Poor Andrew. The good news is that means more Matt Hasselbeck!

• The Miami Dolphins took a safety in their third consecutive games! This week, it was thanks to the absolute worst kick return of all time. Returner Damien Williams muffed the catch in the back of the endzone, was able to wrangle it, and set to take off, when his teammate wisely counseled him to take the touchback. Williams heeded the advice, but not in time, pulling up short, slipping, and skidding to about the one-inch line.

• Pittsburgh Steelers’ quarterback Ben Roethlisberger was out with a mid-foot sprain, so backup Landry Jones started on Sunday. Jones lasted about four minutes before he suffered a leg injury, so in came …. Ben Roethlisberger, backing himself up! The foot sprain didn’t seem to do much to hold back Roethlisberger, who threw for 379 yards on his way to a 30-6 win over the Cleveland Browns.

• It was really tough to watch Peyton Manning break the record for most passing yards in NFL history on his first throw of Sunday’s game against the Kansas City Chiefs and then get benched later in the game. The injured Manning was 5-for-20 with 35 yards, zero touchdowns, four interceptions, and a 0.0 passer rating.

Where was this Manning 2 weeks ago when he was playing Green Bay?

• Baltimore Ravens linebacker Elvis Dumervil earned goat of the week status by managing to screw Baltimore’s 22-20 lead over the Jacksonville Jaguars with zero seconds on the clock. Jacksonville had the ball with 14 seconds left and a last chance for a Hail Mary-type play. Dumervil sacked Jacksonville quarterback Blake Bortles as time expired, which would have sealed the victory, except that he grabbed Bortles’ facemask on the sack. The Jaguars got an untimed down and 15 yards, which put them in field goal range. They made the field goal and won 23-22.

• The Washington Redskins destroyed the hapless New Orleans Saints 47-14. Washington quarterback Kirk Cousins was 20-of-25 for 324 yards, four touchdowns, no interceptions. In honor of his career day, I obviously have to pull out this clip one more time.

• The highlight of my Sunday was this commercial. Oh, Jordy, I miss you so.

Close But Not Quite

• The first three-quarters of the Green Bay Packers’ game against the Carolina Panthers was an absolute disaster. The last quarter had some decent stretches in it, but it wasn’t enough. The Panthers outscored the Packers 24-0 in the second quarter on their way to 27-7 halftime lead. After a touchdown after the half, Green Bay punted four straight times before waking up and scoring touchdowns on back-to-back drives to cut the lead to eight. On the next play, Demarious Randall intercepted Cam Newton!!

• It was all for naught, however, as the Packers couldn't finish the final drive. At fourth-and-goal at the four-yard line, the offensive line was unable to keep the pressure off (surprise!), forcing Aaron Rodgers into a desperate throw that was intercepted while poor Randall Cobb was standing wide open in the endzone. After the game, Rodgers said he got “scared” and rushed the throw. He wasn't too happy when he watched the replay and saw how open Cobb was:

• The late surge redeemed some truly horrible stats the Packers had going on yards and third-and-longs. The first half saw Green Bay drives of -7, -1, -1, 0, and -7, and ended with a disappointing 71-yard drive that anticlimactically fizzled on the 9-yard line when the clock ran out.

• Rodgers was sacked five times and took 14 QB hits from the Panthers. The Packers defense, on the other hand, had zero sacks and managed just two quarterback hits. Their frustration showed on the sidelines as HaHa Clinton-Dix, Julius Peppers, and BJ Raji got into it. Not a good look.

• All the players involved downplayed it as “heat of the moment” stuff, of course, and Clinton-Dix apologized after the game.

• All the defensive players should be angry -- they’ve given up 1,500 yards in the last three games!! It doesn’t help that they lost cornerback Casey Hayward (concussion) in the first half. They were already without cornerbacks Sam Shields and Quinten Rollins -- we don’t have any more defensive backs to spare!!

Not only was I constantly missing Jordy every time the offense was on the field, but it also made onside kicks a lot less possible. Green Bay’s onside kicks are usually drawn up for Nelson to recover because he’s so amazing. =(

In every way.

• Our tight ends are very bad.

• What’s going on with Eddie Lacy? Even aside from an ankle injury that has bothered him in earlier weeks, he’s seems to fallen out of favor with the coaches. James Starks has become the primary back in the past couple of weeks, and Lacy didn’t do himself any favors when he coughed up the ball in the first half. (Stupid Charles Tillman forced the fumble. Shouldn’t he be in a retirement home by now? It was the 44th forced fumble of his career!) On top of it all, Lacy suffered a groin injury in Sunday’s game.

Where have you been, Eddie??

• One thing that’s been written about during the Packers’ struggles the last few weeks is how their scheme isn’t doing much to help the receivers, who have had trouble getting open. Some have suggested Green Bay should run more picks and crossing routes to beat man-coverage. I wonder if there’s any chance that head coach Mike McCarthy resumes play-calling duties after relinquishing them in the offseason, though I don’t know that that would improve anything.

• I also think another thing that needs to happen is that Aaron Rodgers needs to throw more interceptions. His receivers are just not going to be as open as they were with Jordy on the field, and Rodgers is going to have to take more risks than is his preference if the Packers want to keep defenses honest on the back end. That likely means more interceptions, but so be it. When Green Bay’s back was up against the wall on Sunday, Rodgers had to take some chances and make some throws that he probably would not have attempted if the game hadn’t been on the line. The result was 158 passing yards and two touchdowns over a five-minute stretch that was in marked contrast to the offense’s inability to gain important yards the other 55 minutes of the game. Just let it go and throw some interceptions, Aaron.

I know the idea is distasteful to you, but you gotta take some for the team!

• The good news is that the toughest two-week stretch of the Packers’ schedule is likely over and the  1-7 Detroit Lions are coming to Lambeau next week. The bad news is that Green Bay’s still got huge problems on both sides of the ball and I don’t necessarily see any solutions on the horizon.

Unless we can clone him.

• I understand the “not in our house” mentality, but Panthers quarterback Cam Newton tearing down some Packers fans’ banner was not very nice! The fans were none too happy about the move, and even reported the “theft” to the stadium police after the game.

• Argh the St. Louis Rams really let me down, losing 21-18 in overtime to the Minnesota Vikings. The Vikings are now tied with the Packers for the NFC North lead, with a matchup coming in two weeks.

• Minnesota quarterback Teddy Bridgewater left the game with a concussion following a hit that his coach and teammates called cheap. The hit is terrifying since it appears to knock Bridgewater out cold, but am I the only one who doesn’t think it was dirty? It looks bad when you slow it down, but it happened very, very fast in real time. (I do hope Teddy’s okay!)

• There were some entertaining games on Sunday -- only three of 11 games were decided by more than one score. Aside from the Packers’ near-comeback, the Rams-Vikings, Titans-Saints, and Cowboys-Eagles games went into overtime, the Jets-Jaguars game was decided by five points, the Raiders-Steelers and Colts-Broncos by three points, and the Falcons-49ers by one point.

• Antonio Brown is so darn good. He had 284 receiving yards in the Pittsburgh Steelers win over the Oakland Raiders. Human highlight reel.

• I actually predicted that the Indianapolis Colts would beat the Denver Broncos, but no one was around to hear me except my cats.

They probably weren't even listening.

• The Colts were up 27-24 with the ball on the Broncos’ 15-yard line with 2:35 left in the game. If Denver could limit Indianapolis to a field goal, they would only be down six with a chance for Peyton Manning to lead a game-winning drive. Tough, but possible. Unfortunately for Denver fans, however, the Broncos had a huge meltdown in the form of unnecessary fouls. Cornerback Aqib Talib got an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for poking Colts tight end Dwayne Allen in the eye after a play, which gave the Colts a new set of downs. (Talib was suspended one game for the poke.) The Broncos were able to hold Indy to a field goal ….buuuuut Denver had another penalty on the kick -- holding -- giving the Colts yet another first down and allowing them to kneel out the remainder of the game. Oh, but before the game ended, Talib got another unsportsmanlike conduct from the sideline for “berating an official.”

• I enjoyed watching the Dallas Cowboys lose to the Philadelphia Eagles in overtime on Sunday night. My favorite part of the night was this ludicrous Matt Cassel touchdown. He pretty much ran backward for 20 yards, panicked, and chucked the ball to a big crowd in the endzone. Luckily for Cassel and the ‘Boys, Dez Bryant is back and can do things like this:

• But that decision-making by Cassel is positively stupendous. He makes that throw after throwing a pick-six on the previous drive! I almost have to admire the what-are-you-going-to-do-go-back-to-Brandon-Weeden? guts of that throw. What on earth were you thinking, Matt??

I gaze into your crazy eyes for a hint, but find nothing.

• I hate it when they show team owners and executives in their boxes. They’re always seated next to some very, very young female, and I always find myself praying out loud, “Please be his granddaughter, please be his granddaughter, please be -- ah! no!” as he leans his wrinkled old-man lips in for a drooly kiss. It’s pretty much a staple of Sunday Night Football.

• You may have noticed that I’m slightly obsessed with Charles Woodson. How could I not be? I love every single quote in this article, from his saying, “I don’t know how to be hurt” to shouldering the blame and calling the Oakland Raiders’ secondary “the weak link.” He’s just so cool and awesome and amazing and I wish he were still a Packer.

• I’m sputtering trying to imagine what Atlanta Falcons head coach Dan Quinn was thinking. His team was at the one-yard line with under three minutes to go, trailing the San Francisco 49ers by four points, and he decided to kick a field goal. Just to clarify, field goals are worth three points. What happened next is exactly what you would have expected: San Fran managed a couple of first downs, then kneeled out the clock for the win. After the game, Quinn actually defended the call!

• The whole decision was predicated on the Falcons defense stopping the Blaine Gabbert-led Niners offense. If Quinn thought his defense could force a three-and-out following the field goal, why didn’t he think they could have done the same if the Falcons had missed the one-yard touchdown and turned the ball over on downs? They would have had had much better field position to boot. But congratulations to Atlanta, who became just the fourth member of the exclusive club of teams that have lost to Blaine Gabbert.

Four NFL teams -- ever.

• Ryan Fitzpatrick of New York Jets has now beat the Jacksonville Jaguars while playing quarterback for five different teams.

• The Tennessee Titans beat the New Orleans Saints in overtime, but the highlight of the game was an incredibly lucky (or unfair, depending on which team you were rooting for) Tennessee touchdown that came from the ball bouncing off two defenders’ hands right to Titans’ tight end Delanie Walker, who took it in for the score.

• As you can imagine, that play drew a lot of attention, and one reporter was asking Saints safety Jairus Byrd about it when corner Brandon Browner overheard and completely flipped out, screaming obscenities at the reporter and having to be restrained by teammates. Apparently he just really did not want to hear about the play.

• Jason Pierre-Paul played in his first game back since seriously injuring his hand in a fireworks accident. JPP looked in shape and had some good quarterback pressures, even if he didn’t blow up the box score. I happy that he’s back and hope he continues to do well!

• Arrrgh. Jay Cutler had a fumble in the redzone AND a pick-six, and the Chicago Bears still beat the San Diego Chargers?? Jay even set a franchise record for most touchdown passes.

• It was a roller coaster of emotion for Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers. When Jay was turning the ball over, Phil was all:

• But then, late in the fourth, this happened:

• And then Phil was sad:

• Rivers and the Chargers all have plenty of reasons to be sad. Not only are they 2-7, but they also without, oh, about half their roster due to injuries. They lost their #1 receiver last week when Keenan Allen was placed on the IR with a lacerated kidney (ow), and receiver Malcolm Floyd suffered a hip injury on Monday. Two cornerbacks and a defensive end left the game as well. They joined a tight end, two offensive tackles, and two linebackers who already weren't playing due to injury.

• Last week, the Niners played the St. Louis Rams. On one play, San Francisco running back Reggie Bush ran out of bounds. As he was trying to slow down, he crossed from the turf to the uncovered concrete area, slipped, fell, and injured his knee. The injury required surgery, ending Bush’s season and, given his age, possibly his career.

• Now Bush is planning to sue the city of St. Louis (which owns and operates the stadium). Normally I would roll my eyes at such a lawsuit, but I have to say I kind of might be maybe sort of with Reggie on this one. 1) The concrete is way, way too close to a field where very fast people are running at full speed. It’s not unlikely or uncommon for a player to end up that far from the sideline. 2) The same thing happened the week before! Cleveland quarterback Josh McCown had an odd, slow crash into the wall when he was trying to slow down on the slippery concrete. McCown appeared to suffer a minor hand injury, but shook it off and returned to the field. The St. Louis stadium is already a disaster for the city, and now it might cost the city even more.

• Sigh. The silver lining to the season thus far is that maybe Sideline Ninja will get the proper respect for all that he does next season.