Stupid Brett Favre was at Lambeau Field on Thanksgiving night, and his presence tainted the entire game. How else can you explain Jay Cutler going an entire game against the Green Bay Packers without throwing an interception?!?!?! AN ENTIRE GAME. I’m willing to bet my left pinky that Jay Cutler has never had a turnover-free game against the Packers. Oh! The shame! The indignity!
(I checked. My pinky is safe.)
The Green Bay receivers have shown that they aren’t able to beat one-on-one matchups, so at what point is the coaching staff going to help them out by calling better plays? There’s rarely any picks, tricks, diversions, or anything to give the receivers an extra step on the defenders, so defenses just keep on sending pressure since they don’t need to keep extra guys in coverage. Rodgers is constantly dancing around in the pocket with nowhere to go. (See the last play in Thursday's game for a prime example of a vanilla call that gave Rodgers no options.) Though he has been willing to criticize the playcalling in the past, Rodgers has put the emphasis on the execution rather than the calls.
Head coach Mike McCarthy is not willing to put any of the blame on the play calls, either, reiterating that it comes down to execution. “Just win the route or win the play called,” he said. Okay, fine, Coach, but if you’re players can’t execute, maybe you have to change the calls to give them some help!!
I’m really losing faith in Davante Adams. Rodgers’ interception was 95% Adams’ fault and he has too many drops and not-enough-effort plays. I’m not really sure who the Packers could turn to, though, since Ty Montgomery’s high ankle sprain is apparently never going to heal. (Jeff Janis!?!?!)
I don’t hold too much against James Jones because he was an emergency pickup for the Packers and started off the season quite well. That said, he was 0-for-6 on Thursday, and his drop in the endzone that would have been a game-winning touchdown might be the most excruciating drop of the season. WE WOULD HAVE WON.
You know things are bad at tight end when I’m antsily waiting the return of Andrew Quarless. Quarless sprained his MCL in Week 3 and, though eligible to play this week, was not made active. He just practiced for the first time on Monday, and the Packers have three weeks to make him active.
There’s a Chicago player named Hroniss Grasu.
His parents aren't big on vowels apparently.
Who the heck is Marc Mariani?? And why is a skinny little white guy who spells Mark with a “c” catching passes in an NFL game??
This man should not be burning you for first downs.
Right tackle Bryan Bulaga was injured, again. Please get better, Bryan; I don’t have confidence in Don Barclay.
The only people meaner to Jay Cutler than I am are the Chicago fans and media.
Ugh *%#^@*$ worthless Atlanta Falcons. The Minnesota Vikings regained the NFC North lead after defeating the limp Falcons 20-10.
Cleveland Browns quarterback Johnny Manziel went from starter to third-string without even playing a game in between. Following Manziel’s stint in rehab earlier this year and an incident of possible domestic violence, the Browns had made it extremely clear that they wanted pristine off-field behavior from the second-year quarterback, particularly during last week’s bye. When photos and video of Manziel partying at a club in Texas surfaced, Manziel lied to the Browns, telling them the video was old and got his friends to corroborate his lie. Because he’s not Ferris Bueller, Manziel was caught in his lie and promptly demoted to third-string.
I will not admit how long this took me to make.
What the Browns do about Manziel going forward is going to be a lot more interesting after quarterback Josh McCowan suffered a collarbone injury in Monday night's loss to the Baltimore Ravens. Newly promoted backup Austin Davis stepped up and threw a late touchdown to tie the game 27-27. Poor Ravens' backup QB Matt Schaub (who was doing so well -- he had only thrown one pick-six thus far!) then threw an interception to give the ball back to the Browns. Davis had a nice run to pick up a first down and get Cleveland into field goal range. Rookie kicker Travis Coons lined up for a career-long attempt of 50 yards, but it was BLOCKED and Baltimore ran it back for a touchdown, and THAT'S HOW THE GAME ENDED!!! I kinda wish Cleveland had won because I'm a sucker for third string quarterback cinderella stories, and because I feel so sorry for that poor kicker, and because I hate the Ravens, but I'm glad Poor Matt Schaub got a win.
So San Francisco 49ers quarterback Blaine Gabbert had a press conference, and no one showed up. Somehow this just seems so fitting.
Okay, fine, the real story is that he mistakenly wasn't listed
on the schedule so the media didn't know he'd be there.
St. Louis Rams wide receiver Stedman Bailey was shot in the head last week!! His injuries are said to be non-threatening. After the news broke, the Rams released this statement:
“We are aware Stedman Bailey was involved in an incident this evening. We have spoken with Stedman and he is in the hospital in critical, but stable, condition. We are gathering facts about the situation and will provide updates as we learn more.”
Dude! Your player just got shot in the freaking head! You couldn’t go beyond the standard bad-news press release? You’re not even going to include anything about your “thoughts and prayers” being with him and his family?? Or that you hope that he’s okay??
I mentioned last week the outrageousness of the 10-0 Carolina Panthers being underdogs to the 3-7 Dallas Cowboys in their Thanksgiving matchup. My brother pointed out to me that it’s not just that Carolina was undefeated and had a much better record, but that the Cowboys were (and are) in last place in the NFC. So the #16 team was favored over the #1 team! Let’s recap how that went:
Poor Tony Romo is out for the season after re-breaking his collarbone in his second game back. Head coach Jason Garrett insisted that “there’s no evidence we brought him back too soon.”
Yeah, well, except for the suffering-the-exact-same-
injury-he-was-coming-back-from part.
When’s the last time CBS “rules expert” Mike Carey was correct about a call? Mike Pereira is smug and insufferable, but he’s usually correct. It’s shocking to think that Carey used to be in charge of games.
Where does backup Arizona Cardinals quarterback Drew Stanton even find pants like these?
I wish he had been wearing those on the sideline last week when he was cheering on his team from the sideline:
The New England Patriots lost to the Denver Broncos! Woo hoo! See, I told you they were just benefiting from an easy schedule! (I’m kidding, I’m kidding.) The Broncos took a three-point lead with 1:09 left in the game, but the Patriots came right back and kicked a field goal to send the game into overtime. The Denver defense forced a three-and-out, and, three plays later, running back CJ Anderson broke off a 48-yard touchdown run to win the game!
It was funny watching the New England-Denver game when the marketing graphics and all the storylines had obviously been set up as a huge Manning-Brady showdown. “It’s Brady versus ….. uh, what’s his name? Brock Osweiler? You sure?”
"Isn't he the kid from those vampire movies?"
The Patriots are probably happy to exchange the loss for good news on tight end Rob Gronkowski, who left the game with a knee injury. Gronkowski was diagnosed with a minor knee sprain and is week-to-week.
The Seattle Seahawks had no such good news when it came to Jimmy Graham, who will miss the rest of the season with a torn patellar tendon.
Almost-36-year-old Arizona Cardinals quarterback Carson Palmer scored this rushing touchdown with ease, but found out that celebrating is for the young guns.
The Detroit Lions steamrolled the flailing Philadelphia Eagles 45-14. My heart was aching for poor rookie Philly cornerback Eric Rowe who had to come in and defend Calvin Johnson after starter Nolan Carroll broke his ankle. Johnson had a lot of fun with Rowe, catching three of Matthew Stafford’s five touchdowns. I couldn’t choose just one; they’re all pretty awesome: one, two, and three. I love Megatron.
Bill Belichick and the Patriots have always been cold-hearted and unforgiving when it comes to players’ mistakes, and punt returner Chris Harper is the latest example. Harper muffed a punt on Sunday -- it was in the snow, in his defense -- and was cut the next morning.
I always enjoy Eli Manning interception, but this one was particularly fun:
Matt Hasselbeck won again! The 40-year-old led the Indianapolis Colts to victory over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and is now 4-0 on the season!
Whew, thank goodness for the Green Bay Packers’ win over the Minnesota Vikings! Not only did the victory end a three-game slide for Green Bay, but also allowed them to regain the division lead from Minnesota.
The Packers defense was excellent, allowing only 13 points, sacking Vikings quarterback Teddy Bridgewater six times (after 39 consecutive drives without a sack!), and holding the best running back in the league to 45 yards on 13 carries! They also forced a Adrian Peterson fumble.
The offense looked much better, as well. They were much closer to finding and maintaining a rhythm on several drives. Most importantly, they finally let Eddie Lacy out of the doghouse, and he found his legs to the tune of 100 yards. I’m soooooooooooooo glad! James Starks is very nice, I’m sure, but you all must know by now that I am not a believer in him as a starter.
Don't leave us again!
Though the win was huge, the Packers’ offensive issues were still apparent. Aaron Rodgers completed only 47% of his passes (he seemed to overthrow several), Randall Cobb caught only two of his nine targets, and they only got into the redzone twice. Rodgers did, however, look downfield more, which is a good thing, even if it didn’t work out a lot this game. His low completion percentage might just be a tradeoff he and the team has to live with in order to get the defensive looks they want.
The MVP of the game was Mason Crosby, who bounced back from whiffing the would-be winning kick last week to hit field goals of 42, 47, 40, 42, and 52 yards.
(His arms look photoshopped here.)
Crosby was not only perfect on Sunday, but he also drew a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty from Vikings returner Cordarrelle Patterson, who, for no reason at all, got in Crosby’s face after a kick return.
Hey, you leave Mason alone! He didn't do anything to you!
Also, fix your visor -- you look like an idiot.
Coming into the game, center Corey Linsley was the only offensive lineman who was not listed on the injury report. So of course he injured his ankle in Sunday's game and did not return. Additionally, safety Micah Hyde re-injured his hip and was carted off the field. Receivers Jared Abbrederis and Ty Montgomery were already out for the game.
I don't care what his official profiel says, Green Bay tight end Justin Perillo ain’t no 25 years old.
James Jones had a big drop in the first half, but came back with two incredible catches on the second half touchdown drive. It was a great drive for Rodgers and Jones.
First was this awesome, bobbling catch for 37 yards. Look at the effort to control the ball and establish possession before he hits the turf!
Then Jones made sure to keep his feet inbounds on this touchdown.
And then JJ was there when Aaron needed him on the two-point conversion.
Jones also garnered a lot of attention for his hoodie which shockingly -- for a league that fines players for wearing the wrong color socks -- was legal.
Jordy was a fan.
In other uniform news, I still love Minnesota's matte helmets. Very chic.
But I still hate their pants and can’t understand why companies whose job it is to make football uniforms haven’t come up with a better white pants pattern.
You're telling me you can't make a pair of white
football pants that don't include a built-in diaper??
Poor Joe Flacco! The Baltimore Ravens quarterback, who has never missed a game in his career before, tore his ACL and is out for the season. (Flacco crazily stayed in the game for the final 50 seconds after his injury.) The Ravens also lost their running back, Justin Forsett, for the season to a broken arm. I do feel bad for Baltimore, but I also hate the Ravens, so my empathy mostly insincere.
The Ravens’ backup is --- AHHHH!! --- Matt Schaub!! Watching Schaub’s jaw-droppingly fast and brutal free fall a couple of years ago was stunning and sad. I’m kinda secretly excited he has a chance to play again and am really, really rooting for him not to be terrible.
In his last season with the Texans, Schaub threw 10 TDs and 14 INTs,
and set an NFL record by throwing pick-sixes in 4 consecutive games.
I was about to feel bad for St. Louis Rams quarterback Nick Foles, who was demoted this week, but then I saw that he has six interceptions and five fumbles to seven touchdowns on the season, so that’s actually pretty fair.
It’s absolutely unconscionable that the Rams left backup quarterback Case Keenum in the game when he was obviously suffering from a concussion. Teams are supposed to all have independent observers to look specifically for players who might have suffered a concussion and tell teams to pull those players out for an evaluation. In the case of Keenum, he is tackled, and his head slams violently against the turf. He immediately grabs his head in pain. His teammate tries to force his limp body up, but Keenum collapses right back to the turf. The Rams have to expect some kind of penalty from a league that is trying desperately to show they take concussions seriously.
The Indianapolis Colts won! They came back to beat the Atlanta Falcons, who struggled mightily, turning the ball over four times. Indy quarterback Andrew Luck is out again due to injury, meaning 40-year-old backup Matt Hasselbeck was back leading the team. In case you haven’t noticed, I am so on the Matt Hasselbeck bandwagon.
He just seems so sweet and nice and hardworking and likable!
Do you know what would be really awkward? Having to dispute reports that your defensive coordinator was fired when everyone knows he’s just about to be fired, as New Orleans Saints head coach Sean Payton had to do last Monday. Doubly awkward when said defensive coordinator follows up his firing with a Hurricane Katrina joke. Oh, that Rob Ryan. Such a charmer.
Now, I’m not saying that the New England Patriots aren’t good; I’m just saying that only one of the 10 teams they’ve beat thus far currently has a winning record. And I’m not saying that they deserve to go 16-0; I’m just saying that if you exclude the Denver Broncos (who now have a question mark at quarterback), the combined record of the rest of the teams they’ll face this season is 20-30.
The same actually holds true for the league’s other undefeated team, the Carolina Panthers -- the Packers are the only team they’ve beaten who currently have a winning record. They face a tougher schedule than the Patriots, since their remaining slate features the 6-4 Atlanta Falcons twice. Even with the Falcons, their remaining opponents have a combined record of 29-31.
Sunday night’s game between the Arizona Cardinals and the Cincinnati Bengals featured a pretty exciting second half. Cincinnati came back from down 14 to kick a game-tying field goal with 1:03 left. Arizona got the ball back, and have three huge completions to get into field goal range. Arizona lined up for a 46-yard field goal, but jumped offsides! Not only is that a five-yard penalty, but it also comes with a 10-second runoff when in the final two minutes of a game. That meant the clock ran out before the Cardinals could kick, sending the game into overtime. Well, that’s what it would have meant if the Bengals hadn’t been called for unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for simulating the snap count. That moved the Cardinals up, and they kicked an easy 32-yard field goal for the win.
Bengals WR AJ Green's reaction as Arizona kicked the winning field goal.
I had never heard that penalty called before. Why is it unsportsmanlike for the defensive to dummycall but not the offense? In both cases, aren’t you trying to trick the opponent?
Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo returned from a broken collarbone injury to lead his team to victory over the Miami Dolphins. The Cowboys went 0-7 in Romo’s absence, and will need to win out (or at least close to it, considering how terrible their division is) to make the playoffs. I, for one, was very happy to see Romo back and the Cowboys win. I really, really enjoy watching Dallas fans get their hopes up.
This will be me.
In December.
Laughing at Cowboys fans.
“He is aware that everything he does -- his personality, his style, his enthusiasm -- it's all going to be interpreted negatively. If he's not aware of that, then he's hurting a lot of people.” So he’s definitely aware, but he might not be aware.
“I think he really gets that. We certainly feel that way. He understands it, and he has agreed to really work on it." Good for Greg for agreeing to work on not hitting women and not being flippant about his punishment for hitting women.
Jones said he’ll use his own experience with criticism to help Hardy: “If anyone knows how to hunker down, it's me." Not really relevant or comparable, but okay.
“I will say this: over the last three or four weeks, I would hate to see anybody who had more pressure on him than Hardy." Putting aside the terrible sentence structure, Jones fishing for sympathy for Hardy is not going to be very effective.
“But there is no second chance in regards to the issue of domestic violence. None.” Presumably Jerry means after the second chance they gave Hardy in signing him.
Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch missed Sunday’s game against the San Francisco 49ers due to an abdomen injury. (There’s some concern he could miss the rest of the season.) Backup Thomas Rawls played in Lynch’s stead and ran for 209 yards and scored two touchdowns! Lynch approved of Rawls’ play:
The Carolina Panthers are 10-0. The Dallas Cowboys are 3-7. And yet, the Cowboys are favored in the Thanksgiving matchup??
Denver now-starting quarterback Brock Osweiler is 6’8”!!!
It’s a short week for the Packers, who will play Thursday night, but luckily, they’ll face Jay Cutler and the Chicago Bears, so we’ll have a lot of this to look forward to:
And this:
And hopefully some of this:
It must kill Jordy to miss a game against the Bears. You can usually just pencil him in for a couple of 60+ yard touchdowns when he’s facing Chicago.
