That Was ... a Lot Easier Than I Expected

• I’ll be honest: I was pretty worried about the Green Bay Packers facing the Seattle Seahawks, especially after seeing the Seahawks dismantle the Carolina Panthers 40-7 last week. All my anxiety was in vain, however, because the Pack came out hot and never cooled off in their 38-10 victory over Seattle. Pete Carroll's stress-chewing must have been off the charts. 

• It sure helped that Russell Wilson had an off-day and threw five interceptions. Morgan Burnett, Quinten Rollins, and Micah Hyde grabbed a pick each, and Damarious Randall notched two. In the previous 12 games this season, Green Bay had a total of eight interceptions. I’m inclined to think Sunday was an anomaly, but well done nonetheless, DBs. Keep it up!

• Strong safety Burnett has played at inside linebacker for snaps here and there this year as a “change-up” look, but spent a good chunk of Sunday at linebacker to help put a lid on Seahawks’ tight end Jimmy Graham. The package seemed to work, as Graham was limited to one catch for 16 yards, and Burnett had yet another strong game.  

• Well, well, well, look who leads the NFL in receiving touchdowns? Maybe this will get my brothers to stop saying that Nelson’s no good since his injury.

• Speaking of Jordy, he and Rodgers scored their 57th touchdown on Sunday, tying Brett Favre and Antonio Freeman for the most touchdowns by a quarterback and receiver in Packers franchise history.

• The big downside to Sunday’s victory was the injuries. Aaron Rodgers, playing with a left hamstring injury, suffered a right calf injury which even further limited his mobility. Green Eyes left the game briefly with injuries to one, possibly both, ankles, but was able to return to the game. (Handsome and tough as nails! *dreamy sigh*) Ty Montgomery was in some serious pain as doctors looked at his shoulder on the sidelines, but he continued to play. Tight end Jared Cook left with a bizarre-looking chest injury when he came down hard on an incompletion (turns out it was a lung contusion -- ow), but is expected to be ready next week. Plus Clay Matthews is playing essentially with one arm. All of the above should be able to play next week, but the battered-and-bruised state of the team continues to be worrying. 

• Those damn, dirty Seahawks are truly a Pete Carroll team. The way you can tell? As soon as they’re down, they start taking cheap shots, some of which included a facemask on Nelson, punching TJ Lang below the belt, taking a shot at Richard Rodgers’ head, and going after Cobb while Green Bay was in victory formation (see below). Said Cobb: “They’re just cheap. Bunch of front-runners. That’s Seattle, for you. That’s what they do. It was all over the field.” Preach, Green Eyes.

• And here’s Richard Sherman going after Davante Adams away from the play.

• And here’s Adams owning Sherman on Jeff Janis’ touchdown later in the game. So there.

• Here’s a scary stat about the Green Bay running game: Eddie Lacy still leads the Pack in rushing yards for the season … and he hasn’t played in the last eight games. Our quarterback has the second-most rushing yards for the season. Yikes. 

• Aaron’s line for the game: 18-of-23 for 246 yards, three touchdowns, no turnovers, and a 150.8 (!) passer rating. 

• We’ve talked before about how Mason Crosby is a really good tackler. He’s saved Green Bay’s bacon on more more than one kickoff return, and did so again on Sunday. Then he helped the guy up, too, because he’s sweet like that.

• Aaron Rodgers was signing autographs for fans to garner donations for the Salvation Army and matching all donations and he bought pizza for all the fans standing in line. Aww, quite the Santa Claus.

• Larry McCarren is a former Packers offensive lineman (nicknamed “The Rock”) who is now best known as a beloved local Packers sportscaster. Look at his finger. 

• Next up for Green Bay is Bears Week II. Don’t sleep on the Bears! Don’t get me wrong, they still suck -- they are the Bears, after all -- but we cannot afford a trap game right now.

• I’m also pretty annoyed at the Bears right now after they got my hopes up on Sunday when they took the Detroit Lions down to the wire. Chicago had a good chance at the game, getting the ball back with three minutes left, down three, with all three timeouts plus the two-minute warning, and yet couldn’t make anything happen and ended up turning the ball over on downs. AND I don’t even get to see Jay Cutler getting sacked and intercepted anymore, so I have absolutely no use for the Bears these days.

• If the playoffs started today, the Seahawks would be the only NFC team that also made the playoffs last year. 

• Le’Veon Bell!! Holy cow! The Pittsburgh Steelers running back had 236 rushing yards against the Buffalo Bills. Throw in his receiving yards, and he finished the day with 298 all-purpose yards -- 23 more than the entire Bills’ offense.

• The Oakland Raiders came back down to earth a bit on Thursday night after a terrible night from MVP-contending quarterback Derek Carr resulted in a 21-13 loss to the Kansas City Chiefs. Oakland head coach Jack del Rio was in no mood to be comforted by Andy Reid after the game.

Reid & Del Rio postgame pic.twitter.com/LSu6W6L7nY

— Vikings Blogger (@firstandskol) December 9, 2016

• It’s been a rough season at the office for official Jeff Triplette and his crew. Here’s a “hands to the face” call he made … against Detroit Lions #60.

• So the Los Angeles Rams fired head coach Jeff Fisher one week after giving him a contract extension. Hmm, kind of have to wonder about that. Was a 4-8 record really worthy of a contract extension, but 4-9 so beyond the pale that they had to fire him? It seems like, I don’t know, maybe they should have just waited a week before making any contract decisions?

• This latest Rams loss was particularly hideous, though. They were down 42-0 -- in the third quarter!! The Atlanta Falcons scored six touchdowns in the Rams’ stadium on Sunday, which is one more than the Rams have scored there all year.

• Speaking of truly pitiful teams, the Cleveland Browns still have not won a game this season. Next week will be the one-year anniversary of their last victory.

• Miami Dolphins quarterback Ryan Tannehill left Sunday’s game with a knee injury that was originally feared to be an ACL tear. Fortunately, it’s a ACL and MCL sprain that won’t require surgery. (Whew!) Maybe the injury accounts for this atrocious passing attempt?

• I love watching teams expertly down punts and kicks just outside the goalline. It’s a totally underrated highlight, in my opinion. Here’s a video of Tampa Bay’s Ryan Smith downing the ball at about the one-inch line while keeping his tippy toes just outside the endzone and tossing the ball to a teammate behind him. I like the freeze-frame even better.

• What’s up with Drew Brees? Three interceptions and zero touchdowns two weeks in a row. 

• A grateful nation rejoices after the New York Giants stopped the Dallas’ Cowboys win streak on Sunday night. New York squeaked out a 10-7 win, despite having this man at quarterback.

• The Giants defense was all over the Cowboys, allowing quarterback Dak Prescott to complete just 46% of his passes, forcing two turnovers, and sacking him thrice. In true Dallas Cowboys fans’ fashion, there were even some whispers of “Tony Romo.” EVERYBODY PANIC!

• The Cowboys are still 10-2, but both their losses have now come at the hands of the Giants who are again, led by this man.

i regret making this, but you all deserve it pic.twitter.com/IqUL6AJ92P

— Matthew Henderson (@mhenderson95) December 12, 2016

• The 9-4 New York Giants will face the 9-4 Detroit Lions next week, which means I’ll have to cheer for the Giants for a second week. (Saying that triggers my gag reflex.) 

• I don’t really think anyone can fault the Denver Broncos for going after Tennessee Titans’ receiver Harry Douglas after Douglas intentionally put his helmet into the knee of Broncos’ cornerback Chris Harris Jr. Since it was on a running play, Douglas maintains that the hit was a legal cut block, but that doesn’t explain why he’s hitting someone’s knee when he’s across the field from where the action is. “I’m not a dirty player, no matter what anybody says,” Douglas said, which is the equivalent of “At least my mother loves me” in terms of having no argument on which to stand.

• The Philadelphia Eagles’ long snapper (who is also an amazing magician who placed third on America’s Got Talent) got injured, so tight end Brent Celek was called up. He was not good. And he later got injured in the game, so the Eagles had “no idea” who would be long-snapping (is that a verb?) the ball for the rest of the game. Tight end Trey Burton stepped up and had to be the emergency backup to the emergency backup long snapper. Burton successfully snapped the ball on a made field goal, so yay for him! (Also, major props to the punter, who’s also the holder, who managed to take the snap that ended up nearly behind his helmet and get it down for the kicker. He’s the real hero of this story, but the emergency-backup-to-the-emergency-backup plot line sounds better.)

• In an interview last week, Derek Carr was asked about Johnny Manziel. Carr said Manziel was "such a good dude" and hoped he got things turned around. He said he'd love to "be a friend" to Manziel, and now I've put all my hope for Manziel in Carr's hands. If anyone can save Johnny Football, it's Carr! (I hope.)

Aww! I'm actually really touched by this.

• Phil Simms was in peak form on Sunday.

• One of the fake “problems” that NFL sportswriters have invented over which to wring their hands is the Pro Bowl not being competitive. Every year, there are anguished columns written about how the game should be done away with. (The solution? Don’t watch it if you don’t want to watch it.) The game is still on for this year, but the NFL just announced a skills competition that will be a part of the festivities, which should make a lot of people happy. The competition will feature a precision passing contest, a “best hands” contest featuring the best passer and receiver on each team, and … a dodgeball competition! That actually sounds like it could be fun.

• Green Bay's at 7-6 and still has a good shot at the playoffs. They just need to win their last three games and for Detroit to drop at least one of their next two. Totally doable. I believe! Who's with me? Can I get a high five!? Anyone?

Leftovers

• The fact that there weren’t any (real) football games this weekend didn’t dissuade me from foisting my random football thoughts upon the internets once again. The week before the Super Bowl is the perfect chance to share the leftovers, the things that just didn’t fit into any other week’s post, like the above photo of Jordy and Randall smoldering at the camera like models. Or this picture of former St. Louis Rams and Jacksonville Jaguars wide receiver Torry Holt’s hand:

Aaaaaahhhhhhh!

• They haven’t announced any awards yet this season, but the Comeback Player of the Year has to be Eric Berry. The Kansas City Chiefs safety was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma in December of 2014, and went through several months of chemotherapy -- and continued to train throughout the treatment! After Berry was cleared to resume playing football in the offseason, he played in all 16 games this season and was selected to the Pro Bowl. Try to top that comeback story.

Here he is with his mom before his first game back.
*Sniff* It's really dusty in here all of a sudden.

• Next time I feel tempted to complain about the injuries the Green Bay Packers have suffered, I will remind myself that the Baltimore Ravens had 22 players on injured reserve this year.

• Can anyone explain what goes through Jerry Jones’ head? The Dallas Cowboys owner and GM smiled his soulless grin throughout the whole Greg Hardy debacle -- signing him after the PR nightmare of Hardy’s domestic violence charge, chuckling through Hardy’s disaster of a first interview in which he made comments about opponents’ wives and expressed zero remorse for the actions that kept him out almost all of the 2014 season, shrugging off the matter when photos of the battered girlfriend emerged, reaffirming Hardy as a “leader” when he shoved a coach on the sidelines, then doubling down and saying he wanted to extend Hardy after the season. Now it appears that the Cowboys are not going to re-sign him. For the myriad of above reasons? Nope! The Cowboys were unhappy with Hardy’s partying throughout the season that led to poor conditioning and missed meetings. Their reasoning is amusing considering that there have been several rumors of the Cowboys' interest in Johnny Manziel.

And, hey, I hear Manziel is in the area!

• Speaking of the erstwhile Johnny Football, doesn’t he look like ‘50s singer Bobby Darin?? Like, a lot?

• Megatron is retiring!! Calvin Johnson, the 30-year-old Detroit Lions receiver, is reportedly walking away from the game. Even though he’s a division rival, I loooooove Johnson and am sad we won’t get to watch crazy highlights from him every week in the future. That said, I’m glad he’s walking away on his own and all that. For your viewing pleasure, here's a compilation of his best catches against every opponent.

• Justin Tuck, another one of my favorite non-Packers players is also retiring. =( I’ve been a huge fan of Tuck ever since his Notre Dame days! Bye, Justin! I'll miss you!

• The Chicago Tribune ran this obituary of a local sports fan.

Good woman. May she rest in peace.

• Aaron Rodgers had knee surgery last month!! It was reported that the surgery was just to “clean up” his knee, but Packers fans have jumped on the news as a possible reason for Rodgers’ not-great-by-his-standards season. I hope he’s all healed up by next season so he can do a lot of this with Jordy:

• Clay Matthews made the Pro Bowl as an inside linebacker and decided to take all the Green Bay inside linebackers to Hawaii with him. The unit should be extremely grateful because a) that’s super nice of him, and b) that’s the closest that group is ever going to get to the Pro Bowl. So thanks, Clay!

• There were no highlights from the this year's boring-even-for-the-Pro-Bowl Pro Bowl, so let’s throw back to last year when Jordy scored a touchdown and celebrated with Clay, who was on the opposing team.

• I think it's ridiculous that players who are, like, fifth-string choices for the Pro Bowl get to put that on their resume as if they were actually voted in. They only get to play because none of the big names want to waste their time, which is fine, but now Tyrod Taylor can be referred to as a Pro Bowl quarterback??

• I’m hoping for a good Super Bowl, but I just can’t get over the fact that the people in charge are allowing Phil Simms to announce the biggest game of the year! Do they not follow Phil Simms Quotes on Twitter??

• I don’t like the Carolina Panthers, but this article detailing how against-the-odds Carolina’s rise has been and the fact that I really like Luke Kuechly means I’m probably going to cheer for them in the Super Bowl. But I really don’t care.

• Neither does Jordy. He's ready for next season to start.

Me too, J.

The Playoffs. Yay.

• The Green Bay Packers lost to the Minnesota Vikings at home in the final game of the regular season, but the joke’s really on Minnesota. If the Vikes had lost, they would be back at Lambeau next week, playing the crumbling Packers. Because of their win, however, they now have to face the Seattle Seahawks. Hah! So there, Vikings!

• A loss was actually not the worst outcome for Green Bay. The Packers and Vikings could have tied, which would have sent Seattle to Green Bay, so … yay?

• The loss ended a four-year streak of NFC North Championships for Green Bay. It was disappointing, but familiar: an inability to convert in the redzone (1-for-4), a seeming incapability to convert third downs (2-for-15!!!!), turnovers (two interceptions), and an offense that didn’t show up until the final quarter (three points in the first three quarters).

• The offensive line backups are so bad that, instead of using one of them to replace injured left tackle David Bakhtiari, the Packers moved right guard Josh Sitton to left tackle (a position he hasn’t played since high school), and had backup guard Lane Taylor in at right guard. Don Barclay, mercifully, did not leave the bench, and Josh Walker, even more mercifully, was not even active. (That might be something you want to address in the draft, Mr. General Manager, sir.)

"Soooo, any of you want to try to keep me from getting killed? No? Okay."

• The patchwork line led to a lot of two-tight-end sets, which doesn’t exactly help a team whose biggest problem seems to be getting receivers open.

• In their last 10 games, the Packers are 4-6 -- and that includes a wild and crazy last-minute Hail Mary win. And they lost all three of their divisional home games for the first time since 1968.

• Look, I didn’t want to do this. I really didn’t, but Al Michaels wouldn’t stop talking about how great Green Bay was through the first six games of the season. They started off 6-0! But we Packers fans need to be real with ourselves and admit the offense was never very good this season. (The defense and even special teams have been pretty solid.) What happened was that it took other teams about three weeks to figure out that they didn’t need to defend Green Bay the way they used to. Like the Green Bay coaching staff, opposing defenses were playing as if the Packers had the same personnel (i.e. Jordy) as last year. Once they realized they didn't need to respect the deep throw, and once teams showed discipline by not getting drawn offsides for free plays, life got much harder for the Packers. It wasn't, as Michaels kept on saying, six amazing weeks and then suddenly everything went off the rails. To prove this, we need to go through those six victories and see what they were really hiding.

• Week 1: Green Bay 31, Chicago Bears 23
• Chicago outgained the Packers 402 yards to 322 yards, and Rodgers threw for fewer than 200 yards. The offense played fairly well, but got some field position help from Ty Montgomery (106 yards on three kick returns) and Clay Matthews (42-yard interception return).
• Week 2: Green Bay 27, Seattle Seahawks 17
• A good win for the Packers against the Kam Chancellor-less Seahawks team. The defense created two turnovers and prevented Seattle from scoring off a James Starks fumble, and the Packers gained 92 yards in penalties from Seattle. One of their touchdowns also came on a "free play." Green Bay was 4-for-11 on third downs and 1-for-3 in the redzone. After scoring a touchdown on the opening drive, Green Bay’s next six possessions were: field goal, punt, fumble, punt, field goal, punt. It was not a terrible performance, but definitely contained a few early signs of issues to come. Nobody cared, though, because the hated Seahawks were defeated!
• Week 3: Green Bay 38, Kansas City Chiefs 28
• Green Bay’s best offensive performance of the season came against the Chiefs. The Packers put up 448 yards and no turnovers, Rodgers threw for five touchdowns (one came on a free play), and concerns about the somewhat-flat offense of the previous two weeks were assuaged. The only bone fans could pick was that the Pack wasn’t great on third downs: 4-of-11, but they put up so many points that that seemed unimportant.
• Week 4: Green Bay 17, San Francisco 49ers 3
• This is where things started to get ugly, but it was San Fran, so it was still an easy win. Third down conversions: 5-of-15. Green Bay possessions: touchdown, punt, punt, punt, missed field goal, touchdown, field goal, punt, punt, punt. They wouldn’t have lost to the 49ers even if they were playing 8-on-11, but the number of punts was disappointing for an Aaron Rodgers-led offense. This was the first win that didn’t really sit that well because everyone knew the Packers should have scored about 40 more points against the Niners.
• Week 5: Green Bay 24, St. Louis Rams 10
• The Packers turned the ball over three times, but St. Louis only scored three points off of those turnovers. Nick Foles had four interceptions. One was returned for a touchdown, but the off the other three, the Green Bay offense managed zero points. Zero. From the 12-minute mark of the first quarter until the 1-minute mark of the fourth quarter, the Packers offense managed seven points. They won by two scores, but it was an ugly and uncomfortable win that saw two Aaron Rodgers interceptions and a 4-for-14 third down conversion rate.
• Week 6: Green Bay 27, San Diego Chargers 20
• After scoring on their first three possessions to take a 17-3 lead, Green Bay’s offense had three consecutive three-and-outs that allowed the Chargers to tie the game. The offense was not awful in Week 6, but let's keep in mind that San Diego finished the season 4-12.

I'm sorry I had to do that. Just remember, it was Al's fault.

• Now that we’re all sufficiently depressed, I’ll move on to good things that happened this week.

• Ty Montgomery being injured is definitely not good (especially since he’s the closest thing to a replacement for Jordy that the Packers had), but I do love his use of 1920s slang phrases. It genuinely made me happy.

• Micah Hyde had this incredible interception off of one of the worst quarterback decisions ever. How on earth did he hang on to that?!?

• My favorite play of the game, however, was kicker Mason Crosby not only tackling one of the fastest players in the game, but stripping him of the ball! 

• I’ve noted before that Crosby (and punter Tim Masthay) are both darn good tacklers for their positions, but I never would have expected Crosby to pull off the Charles Woodson-like forced fumble!

• Speaking of the one-and-only Woodson, he finally rode off into the sunset after 18 seasons. I'm going to miss him so much!! He better go in the Packers Hall of Fame. Gooooooodbye! I loooooove you!

A photo posted by Oakland Raiders (@raiders) on Jan 3, 2016 at 4:36pm PST

• Here’s a fun stat for Dallas Cowboys fans: the Alabama Crimson Tide won more games this season at the Cowboys' stadium (two) than the ‘Boys themselves (one).

• The Fitzmagic finally ran out! After pulling off a surprise upset last week against the New England Patriots, all the New York Jets had to do to make the playoffs was earn a victory over the nothing-to-play-for Buffalo Bills in the final week. Ryan Fitzpatrick -- who was only named quarterback because Geno Smith’s jaw was broken in a fight with a teammate right before the season started -- had led the Jets to a disappointing 5-5 start before tearing off a five-game win streak to get them into a position to play for the postseason in Week 16. Then, early in the fourth, with the Jets trailing by two and within field goal range, Fitzpatrick threw his first redzone interception of the season. Next possession, he threw another interception as he was taking a hit. Next possession, right after his teammate dropped a would-be game-winning touchdown, Fitz threw another desperate, last-chance interception. It was a terrible end to a great season for Fitzpatrick.

Maybe he'll at least shave the beard now.

• Cowboys’ linebacker Sean Lee was set to receive a $2 million bonus if he played in Sunday’s game, but he had tweaked a hamstring injury during the week. He was given the choice to play (at least he says), but chose not to because he didn’t want “to disrespect [his] teammates and [his] coaches and be out there not playing the right way.” Lee said he has a great contract that pays him a ton of money, and is grateful for the Cowboys’ patience with his injury issues over recent years. If that’s on the level, that’s very admirable of him! Way to be, Sean!

• Holy blast from the past! When I saw early reports that Kansas City offensive coordinator Doug Pederson was the leading candidate for the Philadelphia Eagles head coach position, I thought, No, it can’t be the same guy! But lo and behold, it’s our old friend who served as the longtime backup quarterback for the Packers! I guess years and years of holding a clipboard behind Brett Favre really suited him.

Hiya, buddy! (I don't know why I feel like
I've just reconnected with an old friend, but I do.)

• Oh my gosh, Johnny Manziel, STOP! Can’t you just be bored for one weekend?!? The Cleveland Browns quarterback was ruled out for the season finale against the Pittsburgh Steelers with a concussion. He was (reportedly) supposed to check in with the training staff Monday morning, and, when he didn’t show, they were unable to get a hold of him and didn’t know where he was. Then came the reports that Manziel was seen at a Las Vegas casino the night before. Next came reports (which I doubt are true, but would be hilarious if they were) that Manziel was in Vegas in disguise, namely, "a blonde wig, fake mustache, glasses, and a hoodie." Buddy, if you're dressing up and sneaking away from your multi-million dollar job to gamble in Vegas when you could just wait literally a few days before the season's over, I think you may have a problem. Several, in fact.

If you want to keep your Johnny Football nickname, maybe you should
try to find a way to, ya know, keep playing football and not get fired.

• No matter how bad your team’s situation was last week, it couldn’t have been worse than that of the Indianapolis Colts. Starting quarterback Andrew Luck continued to sit with numerous injuries, including a lacerated kidney; backup Matt Hasselbeck was out with a shoulder injury; and third-string quarterback Charlie Whitehurst was just sent to the IR this week with a hamstring injury. With literally had no one to play quarterback, they went out and signed Josh Freeman, who last played in the NFL more than two calendar years ago. He threw a touchdown in the game (yay) before getting injured (seriously, don’t play QB for the Colts; it’s very dangerous). In came another guy they signed this week who also hasn’t played in two years -- Ryan Lindley. He also scored a touchdown (yay), and the Colts went on to win the game!

• The victory must have made an impression on Indianapolis' management. After speculation about his job security began around Week 3 and persisted throughout the year, it seemed like Chuck Pagano's coaching days with the Colts were coming to an end. It was a big surprise to find out on Monday that Indianapolis had signed Pagano to a four-year contract. His players were happy. (No, seriously, read that link. Those tweets are actually pretty touching.) I'm also happy since, you may remember, Pagano is my Secret Old Man Crush.

I DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU!!!

• You have to listen really carefully, but you can hear a Carolina Panther lineman (I think) interrupt Cam Newton's pre-snap call to ask, "Is that real?"

• Though we discussed that the problems with Green Bay existed from the beginning, it was after Week 6 that things really began to turn sour. Do you know who else's season also took a turn about that same time? KIRK COUSINS. While the Packers took a plunge, the Washington Redskins quarterback began an upswing. In the first six games of this season, Kirk threw six touchdowns and eight interceptions. In the 10 games since? 23 touchdowns and three interceptions!

No, Kirk, I do not like that. Not at all.

• If the Packers are going to beat the Redskins next week, they’re going to need a lot of help from their defense, which has played well (almost) all year. That means multiple takeaways are needed and/or a defensive (or special teams) score. If the offense could convert a third down or two, that'd be great, but I don't want to get my hopes up.

Everything would be so much better if he were playing.