NFC North Champions! Again!

• The Green Bay Packers are NFC North champions for the fifth time in six years, and have now made the playoffs eight years in a row!

• The game started a bit lifelessly for both teams -- four consecutive punts and a missed field goal. There was probably a bit of an emotional letdown with both teams knowing that they were in the playoffs, regardless of outcome. Detroit came alive on a pretty two-minute drive just before the half to go up 14-7, but the Packers were able to drive up the field in the remaining 23 seconds and kick a field goal to cut the lead to four, then scored a touchdown on the opening drive of the second half. 

• The highlight of the game, of course, was Rodgers’ touchdown throw to Geronimo Allison. Early in the fourth quarter, up three, the Packers really need a score to get a bit of breathing room from the Lions. A steady march down the field brought the Packers to Detroit’s 10-yard line, facing a 3rd-and-9. Then, Aaron Rodgers happened. I try to tell my non-football fan friends that Aaron Rodgers is the best quarterback to ever play the game, but they all think I’m just some homer. They don’t get that no one else can do this. Bee-yoo-ti-ful.

• It was nice to see some role players step up big. That was Allison’s best game, with 91 yards and the above touchdown, and fullback Aaron Ripkowski led the team on the ground with 61 yards. Jared Cook hasn’t had any statistical out-of-this-world games, but it’s refreshing to actually have a tight end for the first time in years! Cook is such a fantastic third-down weapon. (And he finally made the playoffs after eight seasons! Yay!)

• People are trying to make Geronimo Allison’s nickname “G-Mo,” but you can’t give him a nickname that’s less cool than his real name. When your name is Geronimo, you don’t need a nickname.

His face is astoundingly skinny.

• I hate it when they have to pull out the backboard on the field. It’s so scary. Packers cornerback Quinten Rollins landed oddly on his neck/shoulder and was taken from the field to a local hospital. I hope he’s okay and it’s just precaution. The Packers do not have a great track record with terrible neck injuries. (Good news: Rollins was back in Green Bay and doing well after spending the night at a Detroit hospital.)

• Rollins’ injury made the paper-thin secondary even thinner. Demarious Randall was already out with a knee injury, and even backup-to-the-backups Makinton Dorleant was on the sideline, also with a knee injury. Someone named Marwin Evans came in at safety, and Morgan Burnett, Micah Hyde, and Kentrell Brice -- all safeties -- had to play corner.

• Detroit head coach Jim Caldwell’s mustache looks like he had glued on a fake mustache, then ripped it off, but the glue remained.

• Aaron Rodgers edged out Atlanta’s Matt Ryan to finish the season #1 in passing touchdowns. Jordy Nelson (who else?) finished #1 in receiving touchdowns. Davante Adams tied for #2 in receiving touchdowns. Has a team ever had the top TWO receivers in touchdown for a season? (Though this has a lot to do with the sorry state of our run game.)

No one cares about those other two guys.

• Detroit’s running back is Zach Zenner, who, as Al Michaels’ helpfully related, is the only player with the initials ZZ to ever play in the NFL. Much more unusual, he’s a white running back! Also, he kind of looks like Christopher Walken.

How is this man an NFL running back?

• Aahh look what someone who loves me sent me for Christmas!!

I'm never eating these; I'll just treasure them forever.

• Even though both teams knew before kickoff that they were playing in the postseason, it was still nice to send the Lions to the playoffs with a loss.

• Aqib Talib’s new year resolution should be to try to stop being such an @$$hole all the time. Here he is ripping a chain off from around Michael Crabtree’s neck. Here’s what Talib said after the game: "He's just been wearing that chain all year, man, it's just been growing on me. I said if he wears that chain in front of me, I'm going to snatch it off. So he wore it in front of me, so I had to snatch it off." Oh, okay, then. Perfectly reasonable explanation for your behavior.

• The Washington Redskins should be ashamed of themselves. They needed a win to get into the playoffs and they were facing the New York Giants, who had nothing to play for. And the Redskins came out and managed … 10 points total. With their season on the line, Washington scored zero points in the first half, gained only 248 total yards, and turned the ball over thrice. 

It'll be another interesting offseason for Cousins.

• I tend to stress out over Packers games, so I was relieved that the Redskins’ loss guaranteed a postseason slot for\Green Bay, but it did kind of ruin what was going to be a crazy good game.

• Tampa Bay running back Doug Martin, who was a surprise inactive last week, revealed that he has been suspended for four games for failing a PED test. He also announced that he won’t appeal and will enter a treatment facility to “receive the help I truly need.” The Bucs said they supported his decision to seek help and that “right now, he is working through issues that are much larger than the game of football.” Wait, I’m confused. I’m not trying to be flippant and I really hope he gets the help he’s seeking, but he failed a PED test, not a regular drug test, so he’s … addicted to PEDs??

• HOW was Ndamukong Suh not ejected for this??? He’s awful.

• Ugh is it any wonder that no one likes Richard Sherman? Three weeks ago, in their blowout victory over the Los Angeles Rams, the Seattle Seahawks, at the one-yard line, decided to pass the ball, and it was nearly intercepted. (You may recall that Seattle had some bad luck throwing the ball at the one-yard line in the Super Bowl they lost.) Sherman did not agree with the call and began screaming at offensive coordinator for Darrell Bevell and head coach Pete Carroll to express his disapproval with the play call. "We throw an interception at the one[-yard line]," Sherman said. "Luckily it went incomplete, and I wasn’t going to let them continue to do that." Oh no? I hope the head coach heard that his cornerback isn’t going to let him continue to call plays. By the way, they ran on the next play for no gain, then threw -- yes, from the one-yard line -- a touchdown on third down. Sherman’s sideline theatrics led to a meeting with Carroll during the week, and everything was declared good. Yet at his next news conference, Sherman said he had no regrets about his behavior on the sideline. Carroll expressed disappointment that Sherman did not apologize: “I thought he would. I thought he would more than he did.” The next week, a reporter continued to bring up the incident, which led to Sherman threatening to “ruin” the reporter’s career by having his credentials pulled. This week, Sherman decided to forgo his usual midweek presser from the podium, answering questions from his locker instead. When asked about his reasons for doing so, he reminded the media that “it’s a privilege to have me up there.” Oy. This is literally why everyone hates you, Richard.

No, YOU be quiet!

• So Carson Wentz bought all his offensive linemen custom Beretta shotguns. You know every one of these guys’ agents is probably pissed at Wentz and just holding their breath that their client doesn’t end up shooting himself (or someone else).

• In the final game of his career, Colts' defensive great Robert Mathis had a strip sack and fumble recovery. That’s a fun way to go out!

• Terry Bradshaw stirred the pot last week by going after Pittsburgh head coach Mike Tomlin for seemingly no reason, saying Tomlin is a “a great cheerleader guy,” but “[not] a great coach at all.” I’ve always loved Tomlin for his no-nonsense attitude ever since his post-game interview after the Steelers’ Super Bowl loss to the Packers in which he completely shut down the reporter’s vain attempts to pull out a moral victory. (Tomlin was asked to assess his quarterback’s play in the Super Bowl: “It was a losing performance, just like mine.”) Tomlin responded to Bradshaw’s criticism in his typical fashion. He thought the comments were unprofessional, but went on to say, “I certainly don't think that my résumé to this point reads as great. But very few coaches' résumés read as that at this point. Guys like Bill [Belichick] in New England probably can say that, Pop [Gregg Popovich] down in San Antonio. I think the rest of us are just working stiffs, to be quite honest with you." See? How can you not love a coach like that?

• Minnesota quarterback Sam Bradford set the all-time completion percentage record in a season. 

• Dak Prescott and Ezekiel Elliott have been amazing, no doubt, and one of them will win Rookie of the Year, deservedly. If I had a vote for ROY, though, I think I might have to give it to Kansas City’s Tyreek Hill. He had yet another punt return Sunday, outrunning the entire Chargers' special teams and stiff-arming his own blocker out of his way.

• What’s with the Philadelphia Eagles’ press conference room? Tony Romo looks like he’s in a one-man play.

I'll bet it's a sad play about a man who gives and gives his health
and life to his employer, only to be mistreated and
unceremoniously cast aside for a younger employee. I'd call it 9 Lives.

• Phil Simms is in postseason form.

• You’ve got to watch this with the sound on. Pittsburgh Steelers’ safety Mike Mitchell was beside himself when he got a flag for face-masking his opponent when he himself had been face-masked. He earnestly pleaded with the refs to consider his case. “PLEASE LOOK AT IT, SIR.”

• Here’s Eli Manning’s face when he realizes he’s going to be compared to Aaron Rodgers all week:

• Bring on the Giants!

Pack Back on Track

• That’s how you start a game, boys! The opening drive looked like the Green Bay Packers we all know and love -- up-tempo, sharp, undefendable.

• Green Bay defeated the Detroit Lions 34-27, which is awesome, but it was a lot more awesome when they were leading 31-3 with one minute before halftime. The second half was, uh, less awesome, so let’s just concentrate on the first half. Jordy Nelson and Aaron Rodgers rekindled their bromance and the connection was pretty strong.

• There was so much more variety in the playcalling in the first half. It was still great to see some creativity -- Ty Montgomery in the backfield, Trevor Davis getting snaps, a clear effort to target Jared Cook, James Starks playing receiver, Nelson in the slot. Even when the new looks didn’t work, they made the defense have to think a little more and guess a little more.

• I loved seeing how pumped up all the Packers were to start the game. It was clear that it was a intentional effort. The players were playing with attitude, and even Jordy was showboating for the crowd! *Swoon*

#GetLoudLambeau #GoPackGo pic.twitter.com/R0IZtwKYWv

— Green Bay Packers (@packers) September 25, 2016

• Ty Montgomery had a nice heads-up play. Detroit kicked off following their first-quarter field goal, and the ball came down just outside of the endzone, just inside the sidelines. Montgomery, knowing the rules, stepped out of bounds, made sure his feet were out, then reached in to grab the ball. Since he, the returner, was out of bounds when he touched it, that makes the kick out of bounds, and an out of bounds kick is a penalty that puts the ball on the 40-yard-line. Nice work there, Ty. #StandfordEducated.

• The Packers defense had some nice moments, but were clearly missing some of their big names. Linebacker Clay Matthews, safety Morgan Burnett, nose tackle Letroy Guion, and linebacker Datone Jones were all out for the game with injuries. Add to that Demarious Randall leaving for a key stretch of the game (he returned), and the Packers had some big gaps on defense, like when rookie corner Josh Hawkins let Lions receiver Marvin Jones turn a  short catch into a 73-yard touchdown because he thought Jones had stepped out of bounds. =(

• On the offensive side, fullback Aaron Ripkowski left with a back injury and Cook suffered an ankle injury. (Come on, Jared, you were just getting going!) So, all in all, even though I’m going to spend the bulk of next week’s post complaining about the Packers having a bye in the fourth week, it could actually be great timing for them, considering the limp bodies they have littering their training rooms.

• Amazingly, none of Sunday’s injuries was a hamstring, but that won’t stop me from complaining about the Packers’ constant hamstring issues.

The training and medical staff has noticed, right? Like, I don't
need to send them this screenshot?

• Cornerback Damarious Randall, who showed some brilliant flashes last season as a rookie, continued his 2016 struggles, getting beat more than a few times. He did, however, have an interception, and it was my favorite kind, where it’s not really a play on the ball; the defensive back is just like, “Gimme that!!!”

• Jordy had a stellar game, with over 100 yards receiving and two touchdowns. He’s so great.

• After going 14 straight games without a passer rating of 100+ -- previous longest streak was four -- Aaron Rodgers finished the game with a 129.3 rating. Rodgers was 15-of-24 for 205 yards and four touchdowns, almost all of which came in the first half. No, seriously, he only had three completions in the second half.

• I’m trying not to be too alarmed by the wildly disappointing second half. Rodgers’ numbers don’t concern me that much because Eddie Lacy was handling things for all of the third and most of the fourth quarters, racking up 103 yards on 17 carries.

• The offense, wavered in the second half, but came through when needed, with Rodgers running for a key third down that sealed the victory. Game over!

• I don’t mind a team playing prevent defense in a blowout, but the Packers defense plays sooooo soft when they have a big lead. It’s not really a wonder that the Lions were able to get back in the game. Though, it should be noted, that Lions do have a pretty good offense.

Not good enough that Marvin Jones Jr. should have been
able to put up 205 yards, but good nonetheless.

• Someone told me he was benching Nelson in his fantasy league because the Packers offense had been so spotty. I tried to warn him that don’t ever bet against Aaron Rodgers when he’s pissed, and you know he’s pissed hearing everyone asking what’s wrong with him. (Like in this article, which is a good evaluation of why Rodgers has not been up to his standards of late.) Rodgers does not like to be doubted, and you knew he was going to come out swinging.

• The Packers run defense is currently tops in the league. They've been great, but I'm wary of getting too excited. They played against Jacksonville, who only ran on a third of their plays in 2015; they played great against Minnesota, even before Adrian Peterson went down; and then it's almost impossible for Detroit to run when they were down as far as they were, so I'm just going to stay cautiously optimistic about the run defense.

Stat that won’t make it into my column: the Packers are allowing 1.80 yards per rush attempt. Nobody else in the league is below 3.18 ypc.

— Bill Barnwell (@billbarnwell) September 26, 2016

• Yeesh, Houston Texans. It's one thing to lose to a team playing their third-string rookie quarterback starting his first professional game, but it’s another not even to manage a single field goal! The Texans lost the the Jacoby Brissett-led New England Patriots, 27-0.

JJ didn't even have a sack! =(

• That’s all well and good for the Patriots, and people couldn’t praise Bill Belichick enough (with good reason), but they’ve got another problem. Brissett suffered a thumb injury in the victory, and second-string quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo (Handsome Jim) is still recovering from a shoulder injury. New England is hoping that Brissett and/or Garoppolo will be healed up in time for their Week 4 game against division opponent Buffalo Bills. The Pats are trying to get to Week 5 in one piece, when Tom Brady (Handsome Tom) will return from his justly deserved suspension.

♫ "Hooooold on, for one more week!"♫

• Since 2011, Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton has more rushing touchdowns than anyone except Marshawn Lynch! Such a weapon to have a quarterback who can do the work of a running back.

• While Newton had a rushing touchdown on Sunday, it wasn’t enough to overcome the Minnesota Vikings, who defeated the Panthers 22-10. Everybody, by the way, should be scared of Minnesota’s defense, which had eight sacks on Newton, who is one of the strongest and most mobile quarterbacks in the league.

• The Panthers have averaged more than 40 points (!) in their last seven home games. They were held to 10 on Sunday.

This is how Cam probably felt.

• Impressive as they are, the Vikings can't seem to catch a break with injuries. They lost starting quarterback Teddy Bridgewater for the season before the season even started. Left tackle Matt Kalil had surgery on his hip that will most likely keep him out for the entire season. Corner Xavier Rhodes hasn’t played in a game yet this season (but should return soon). Running back Adrian Peterson tore the meniscus in his right knee last week, which required surgery (he won’t be back until at least December). And now offensive guard Alex Boone was carted off with a hip injury.

All this after they lost their mascot Ragnar
in the offseason to a contract dispute!

• I’ve seen this clip about four dozen times since Sunday and it still makes me laugh every time. It’s hilarious to see Odell Beckham Jr complaining while still being held like a disobedient child by Josh Norman. And Norman carries him for, like, seven entire seconds, right in front of the ref, but still tries to pretend like he wasn’t doing anything, raising his hands in a comically over-the-top expression of innocence. Tip: turn the sound on.

• Soooo the Arizona Cardinals are really not very good, huh? They were considered Super Bowl contenders, but have now fallen to 1-2 after getting beat down by the Buffalo Bills 33-18. The Cardinals, who fooled everyone into thinking they were maybe good last week by playing against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, had five turnovers, which probably accounts for QB Carson Palmer’s dreadful 36.0 passer rating.

• I caught the end of the New York Giants-Washington Redskins game, and I’m so glad I did. After Washington’s late field goal, the Giants took over down two points with 1:51 left and two timeouts. That’s when I started chanting, first just barely a whisper, then growing louder: “E-li … E-li… E-li!... E-li! ELI! ELI!” And sure enough, a moment later, Eli Manning throws the the game-losing interception. I never doubted him!

And we were rewarded with a fantastic Manning Face.

• Oh, Cleveland. People want to cheer for you, they really do. People feel bad for you and your fans. We’d like to pity-cheer you on. But everything you do is wrong You make it difficult. You’re so bad and so unlucky. Starting your fifth quarterback in as many games, you managed to take the terrible Miami Dolphins down to the last moment. You were lining up for the game-winning field goal, but YOU MISSED IT! Overtime. Dolphins touchdown. 0-3.

• I thought this Cam Newton photo was photoshopped. It is not.

• Gosh, I couldn’t even cheer for shellacking the Chicago Bears experienced Sunday night. 1) It meant the Dallas winning. 2) Jay Cutler was out, so the joy of sacks and interceptions just wasn’t there. 3) It was so sad to watch a team get beat that badly. Really sad. 

Oh, and then Jay's coach is said publicly that Jay might not
get his job back when he's healed up.

• I was going to be bummed about Dallas winning and generally looking pretty decent the past few games, but I’ve decided that this is actually even better. Now, the most disloyal, bandwagonest fans in the league are presented with a backup quarterback who has played very well in the stead of the frustrating, aging, oft-injured, underrated long-time starter. The speed with which the entire fan base will turn on Tony Romo after he throws his first interception is going to be a joy to watch. The absolute best part is just anticipating, knowing, that Jerry Jones isn’t going to be able to resist putting his foot in the middle of it all. Can’t wait.

"Why, yes, I do have thoughts on our quarterback
situation, thank you for asking..."

• I was going to say something about how those Pittsburgh Steelers never seem to fade, but then…. well, they had a rough Sunday. The Steelers lost to cross-state rivals, the Philadelphia Eagles, 34-3. Yikes. They had a great two weeks to start the season, but upon closer examination, they beat the Redskins and the Bengals, so now I don’t know what to think about the Steelers.

• As for the Eagles, I think it’s time to talk about Carson Wentz. The second-round pick has led Philly to a 3-0 record while completing 65% of his passes, averaging over 250 passing yards per game, and throwing five touchdowns and no interceptions. The grain of salt is, of course, the quality of opponents: the Cleveland Browns, the Chicago Bears, and now the Pittsburgh Steelers (who I don’t know about!). Regardless of the opponents, Wentz deserves major propers for his play thus far. 

• Where did the Fitzmagic go??? Was it in the beard? New York Jets quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick had just the most dreadful day. He completed fewer than half his passes and had SIX interceptions!! My only question is how the Kansas City Chiefs only won by 21 points when they had an 8-1 turnover advantage?

"Shhh. Shhh. It's okay, Ryan. Ryan, come here."

• Here’s what I do for you all. I pay ridiculous amounts of money each month for DirecTV, one of the worst companies in the history of the human race, so that I can get Sunday Ticket and watch all the games. When I came home from a trip last month, I discovered that I wasn’t receiving any channels. I called and they walked me through all the attempts to fix it myself and none of them worked so they said they send someone to fix it. ‘Great,’ I thought, and scheduled the appointment happily, even though they weren’t able to come for a week. They called the day before to confirm. Then they showed up, fixed everything, and we all went on our merry ways. Then, I got my bill they other day and discovered that they had charged me $50 for the fixing their broken product! Swelling with righteous indignation, I called their customer “service” department and ended up spending an hour and 45 minutes and still no one could tell me why, in the three times I was in contact with them, no one ever mentioned they were going to charge me! And they kept on telling me that sending a technician to fix a receiver costs money (gee, really?) but isn’t that pretty basic customer service? Fixing a product of yours that is broken?? Especially considering that I pay over $100 a month, wouldn’t you think part of that covers customer service? Of course, I lost. Cable companies are evil and always win, so I had to pay $50 for to get them to fix their crappy product and I wasted an hour and 45 minutes of my life having a not-fluent-in-English customer service rep read me scripted responses that had nothing to do with anything I was saying over and over.

• Ugh I hate to end O&E on such an evil and horrible note, so here are some beautiful pictures to soothe our nerves.

#NinjaBiceps

#GreenEyes

• Enjoy the bye.

Back on Top!! Err, For Now.

• AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH MMMMMYYYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH! Holy cow, what a finish!!! Aaron Rodgers to Richard Rodgers for the walk-off win on a Hail Mary! AAAAAHHHHH!

• Though I wasn’t planning on it when the clock hit zero, I do have to say something nice about Richard Rodgers since it was a very nice catch. I kinda love how super casual he is about this.

• The game seemed all but over when, with six seconds left, no timeouts, down two, the Green Bay Packers snapped the ball and began one of those desperate and improbable lateral plays. It ended with the ball being lateraled back to Aaron Rodgers, who was tackled, ending the game. EXCEPT! Except that Detroit Lions defender Devin Taylor facemasked Aaron Rodgers on the tackle. Since a game can’t end on a defensive penalty, that led to the always fun and exciting UNTIMED DOWN!

• And for you Detroit (and Minnesota) fans complaining about the facemask call, two things:

1. Yes, contact is minor, but Taylor does make contact with Rodgers’ facemask. Moving at full speed, it’s enough to turn Rodgers’ head, which is going to get called every time.
2. I don’t want to hear it after the blatant pass interference no-call the play before.

• As incredible and fun as the ending of the game was, it still doesn’t change the fact that the game was an absolute disaster for the first half. The Pack went scoreless in the first half for the first time in 56 games. They didn’t score in the second half of last week’s loss to the Bears, so it ended up being almost 70 game minutes in between Packers scores. Not counting yards lost and gained on penalties, the Packers had 74 total yards in the first half! Egads! That’s like one Jordy Nelson play!

This is how Jordy was feeling on the sidelines, which is how
everyone else feels when he's on the sidelines.

• After the humiliation of losing to the Chicago Bears on Thanksgiving, I thought Green Bay would come out on fire. But, no, they were just as limp as they’ve been the last five weeks. Again, the most disconcerting part was that the team looked like they had no faith.

• Of course there was some of this from Calvin Johnson.

• Even their first touchdown was little cause to celebrate as it came off a James Starks fumble. The ball rolled into the endzone and Randall Cobb jumped on it for the score. Way to hustle, Green Eyes.

• Things were bad even before the kickoff. Right tackle Bryan Bulaga and right guard TJ Lang were both inactive due to injuries. Center Corey Linsley (who has been dealing with an injury) left the game, so 60% of the offensive line was backups. Backup center JC Tretter came in for Linsley, but he had been listed as questionable for the game with an injury of his own. Oh and left tackle David Bakhtiari left the game with a knee injury, though he did return. That is absurd. Hopefully the extra few days they have this week will help the line get healthy.

• Seven seconds after Cobb scored on the fumble recovery, Julius Peppers and his go-go-gadget arms stripped Lions quarterback Matt Stafford and Green Bay recovered, breathing some hope into the team.

• Davante Adams caught a touchdown to cut Detroit’s lead to six with four minutes left in the third. I’m glad for Adams and his self-esteem that he got the TD, but he shouldn’t think for minute that that’s enough to restore my faith in him.

• The flame of hope continued to grow on the next series when the defense, which played well throughout, forced a punt! The Packers had to punt when they got the ball back, though. Then Detroit scored a field goal and ate a lot of clock (aided by a bone-headed neutral zone infraction by Peppers!), but the Packers responded with a drive that ended in a 17-yard Aaron Rodgers rushing touchdown. Detroit was up two with three minutes left! All the Packers had to do was force a punt and get into field goal range!! Unfortunately, the Lions picked up a big first down before having to punt, leaving Green Bay on their own 21-yard line, 23 seconds left on the clock, and no timeouts. There were a couple of incomplete passes (including one with the missed pass interference!), then the lateral play that went nowhere, the facemask penalty, and then the Hail Mary! The sheer distance Rodgers is able to throw it is impressive, but then look at the height!!! It almost hits the rafters!!

A video posted by Brandon Movitz (@brandicle) on Dec 3, 2015 at 8:54pm PST

• I am sooooo happy the Packers win …. but I have to admit that I feel terrible for the Lions. They definitely deserved to win that game. They were also on the short end of the stick when they lost to the Seattle Seahawks on a missed call. They started out a league-worst 1-7 before stringing together three really impressive weeks. And though they were still 4-7 coming into Thursday’s game, there was a sense of renewed hope and energy and confidence, and then….

• Argghh, Eddie Lacy, you can’t do this to me!! I don’t trust James Starks! We need you in the game! Lacy got only five carries and only four yards. It turns out that Lacy’s in the doghouse for missing curfew the night before the game. Dude, what the heck are you doing?!?! You’re having an off season, have fallen out of favor with your coaches, have sparked rumors of being overweight, have had ball security issues, have dealt with injury issues, and you’re just getting back on track, stringing together a couple of strong games, and then you go and do something stupid to get yourself (practically) benched?? Eddie, I’m going to need some stronger off-field decision making from you!

• The Green Bay running back situation is a mess. Fellow running back Alonzo Harris also missed curfew and was cut, while practice squad running back John Crockett was signed to the roster, made his first start, played well, and was super adorable in how excited he was. James Starks had nine carries, 15 yards, and two fumbles. And now the Packers reportedly worked out former Denver Broncos running back Montee Ball, which makes me nervous. Is Lacy also struggling with an injury again? Are they finally seeing my point on Starks??

• Anyway, all that’s left to say about the game is happy birthday, Aaron.

• Gross. I had to cheer for the Seattle Seahawks. The things I do for my Packers! Luckily, I didn’t need to cheer very hard since the Seahawks slaughtered the Minnesota Vikings 38-7, thus restoring Green Bay to their rightful place atop the NFC North.

• The St. Louis Rams lined up for a punt, then the punter sprinted towards the line of scrimmage -- a fake punt! The defense adjusted, and the Rams …punted. The ball ended up going into the endzone for a touchback, so I don’t know that the play benefited the Rams that much, but I love the thinking behind this fake fake punt.

• Remember when the Atlanta Falcons were 5-0? Remember when Matt Ryan used to be called Matty Ice?

• The only silver lining of Tony Siragusa as a sideline reporter is that it shows that the NFL is not sexist. They have male sideline reporters say inane and worthless things, too. This is absolutely 100% how I feel about Siragusa.

• This Jay Cutler’s pick-six is AWFUL, even for him. That’s the Jay we know and love.

• Dear Jesus, I have absolutely no attachment to Matt Schaub, and I dislike the Baltimore Ravens, yet I can’t bear watching him throw pick-sixes every week. Please have mercy on him and spare him! It’s painful to watch!

• After Schaub’s latest pick-six, the Miami Dolphins missed the extra point, but the Ravens were offside, so they re-kicked. The second try was blocked and returned all the way … but there was another offsides. The Dolphins gave up on kicking the PAT and just ran it in for two, but this whole exchange led to a funny entry in the game log, as Deadspin pointed out:

• While the offsides on Miami prevented the Dolphins from being the first team to ever return a blocked extra point for two points, that NFL first did happen in the New Orleans Saints-Carolina Panthers game!

• Gaaah! Why did the New Orleans Saints get my hopes up that they were going to be the one to put an end to Carolina’s thus-far perfect season?!?! If you’re just going to fall apart at the end, don’t bother getting me get all excited. The 4-8 Saints have been terrible all season long, but they actually played really, really well and were thisclose to pulling off the upset!

• New Orleans Saints cornerback Brandon Browner has 10 defensive holding penalties, five personal fouls, three pass interference penalties, and one illegal contact penalty on the year.

• I know I've said before, but I have to say it again: Mike Carey is so awful. It’s dumbfounding how he’s wrong on absolutely everything. I never, ever, in a million years, thought that anyone or anything could make me long for Mike Pereira.

Grr, Carey's putrescence is forcing me to say positive things
about this smug blowhard! That's how bad things are!

• At least the New England Patriots lost, their second loss in a row. The Pats were upset by the 4-7 Philadelphia Eagles, who finally figured out the trick to winning: rely on everything but your offense. The Eagles scored on a blocked punt, a 101-yard interception return, and an 83-yard punt return (and still almost lost!).

• It’s crazy cool to have Tom Brady at receiver, but when your team is using Groupons at the surgeon’s, maybe you shouldn’t expose your quarterback to extra hits.

• Only Odell Beckham Jr, after burning everyone for a 72-yard touchdown, would celebrate by then running the length of the endzone, jumping imaginary hurdles.

• The New York Giants have lost four games this year in which they held the lead in the final 60 seconds. If you’re wondering how in the heck does that happen, here’s your answer:

• I turned on Monday night's game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Washington Redskins with three minutes left. The game was tied 9-9, and I was grateful I hadn't watched the previous 57 minutes. But all of a sudden, things got crazy. On a Cowboys punt, Redskins returner Desean Jackson tried to make something happen, but ended up fumbling the ball!! (For the record, I thought his forearm was down and it shouldn't have been a fumble. I accept that no one agrees with me on this.) The Cowboys recovered and scored a touchdown two plays later to go up 16-9 with 1:14 on the clock. (The game could have been over on an easy field goal on this drive, but Cowboys running back Darren McFadden inexplicably allowed himself to be pushed out of bounds, stopping the clock.) Anyhoo, the Redskins return the ensuring kickoff 41 yards and got an extra 15 on a penalty. A few plays later, Washington quarterback Kirk Cousins threw a beautiful pass to -- who else? -- Desean Jackson for the touchdown! I dislike Jackson because he's a diva, but I was so happy for him to come back from that devastating fumble! Score tied 16-16 with 44 seconds left. Washington gave up a big return, allowing Dallas to midfield-ish. A couple of Dez Bryant completions quickly put Dallas in field goal range, and kicker Dan Bailey won the game on a 54-yarder. The Cowboys got their first win without Tony Romo. =(

• So let's see where that leaves the NFC East:
• Washington Redskins: 5-7
• Philadelphia Eagles: 5-7
• New York Giants: 5-7
• Dallas Cowboys: 4-8
• I honestly might have to boycott the NFL if they let one of these teams into the playoffs.

• Charles Woodson played in his 250th game on Sunday. He celebrated with a couple of fumble recoveries.

• What else can you say about Charles? He's just incredible.

• Sideline Ninja is pretending that the Packers’ terrible offense isn’t due to his absence because he’s so hot and humble, but we all know that that’s exactly what’s happening. Notice how Sideline can’t really offer any other explanation for the team’s struggles.

It's okay, J. We know you gotta say that because you're such a great teammate.