Hallelujah! A win!

• It wasn't particularly pretty, but Green Bay finally won a game!! Yay! The defense, which has rightly been heavily criticized of late (they've allowed 107 points in the fourth quarter -- worst in the league!) pitched a shut-out in the second half. True, it was against a team that has won three games all season, but I'm not going to be too picky after a win.

• And how unfair was that interception?? It got tipped near the line of scrimmage, went over John Kuhn, and appeared to hit the ground -- but it didn't! It was kicked up by a Falcons player to a luckily-placed teammate who ran it in for the slowest pick-six in history.

• Now, the above is not John Kuhn's fault -- it was just a fluke play -- but bringing up his name reminds me of something: he needs to be cut. I know the fans love him and Aaron Rodgers loves him, but he really isn't that great. Most teams don't carry a fullback on their rosters, and with Eddie Lacy carrying the ball, they don't have a huge need for a fullback. He's not very good at special teams (remembered how he screwed up Green Bay's awesome blocked punt against Baltimore?), and he has perhaps the worst hands of any non-lineman in the league. He's seems super nice, though, and I would gladly wish him luck elsewhere.

• Another player who seems nice, but whom I would also like cut is Marshall Newhouse. After being benched for a rookie last week, Newhouse missed this game due to the flu, and the offensive line was way better.

Feel better, Marshall -- but no need to rush back!

• Let's put how bad the Packers' safeties are in perspective: Sean Richardson, a second-year safety who just returned to the lineup a few weeks ago after missing an entire calendar year with a herniated disc in his neck, and who has played in a total of seven NFL games in his career, replaced starting safety M.D. Jennings in the second half.

• And of course there were injuries. And of course they occurred at the same position. The Packers only have one inside linebacker now, and he sucks.

I'm sorry, A.J, but it's true.

• There's a sportswriter who is always railing against teams that run a meaningless draw play to end the first half. It's never successful and the only things that can happen are bad things ... cut to Eddie Lacy, who is essentially the sum total of the Green Bay offense until Aaron gets back, coming up limping on one such play. Thank goodness he was alright, but why don't you just take a knee there??

• Jordy surpassed the 1,000-yard mark for the season. That deserves special acclaim because he's been catching balls from Seneca Wallace, Scott Tolzien, and Matt Flynn the last five weeks.

He's so ... sigh ... talented!

• Argh! The same writer who was stupidly saying it was "too early" for the Packers to go for a two-point conversion against Minnesota came back with the same nonsense this week. What doesn't this guy get about two-point conversions?? The Packers scored a touchdown to make the score 22-21; they went for the two-point conversion and failed. The upside to trying a two-point conversion is a three-point lead, meaning if Atlanta were to kick a field goal, they'd tie and not take the lead. What, exactly, is the downside to going for two, hmmm? How is a two-point lead any better than a one-point lead?? Also, has this guy seen the Packers defense play the last seven weeks? You can't make your calculations on the assumption that the Packers will get the ball back two, three, four times in the fourth quarter.

That was totally the right call, Mike ... though the actual
play call could have been improved upon.

• It was a bit nippy in Lambeau on Sunday: 9 degrees, with a windchilll of -1. It was so cold that the soda and beer lines at Lambeau froze, leaving cold Wisconsinites without their main source of sustenance.

• One Packer defender had to come out of the game at one point because his facemask shield had iced over and needed to be scraped off!

• The weather was a factor in a lot of games, but nowhere more so than Philadelphia.

It was so bad that Nick Foles threw his first interception of the season.

• Despite the snow, there were eight touchdowns scored in the game, though zero extra points. Only one was attempted, and it was blocked and returned for ... nothing! Apparently in the NFL, you can't score points off a blocked Point After Touchdown (in college, it gets you two points), which is absurd, since it's one of the coolest and rarest plays in all of football. What's the deal with that rule, NFL?

• You know who I'm really sick of? Jeremy Ross. Dude cost the Packers at least two games this season because he couldn't hang on to the ball, and now he's lighting it up in Detroit. He returned both a punt and a kickoff for touchdowns on Sunday!

• I'm quite glad Detroit lost, but it's pretty shocking how they've failed to take a strong lead in the NFC North. Chicago and Green Bay have lost their starting quarterbacks, Minnesota never had one, and Detroit's stayed healthy. While the Packers have been floundering the last six weeks, Detroit has lost to Pittsburgh, Tampa Bay, and Philadelphia. Instead of running away with the division title, Detroit is tied with Chicago (but hold the tie-breaker) and has only a half-game lead over Green Bay.

• I just pray that the Lions continue to drop the ball -- literally and figuratively -- over the next few weeks. The Packers need Detroit to lose at least one of their next three games against Baltimore, New York Giants, and Minnesota.

Stafford apparently was not expecting this snap.

• There were a ton of great games this weekend, but none better than Minnesota-Baltimore. A minute into the fourth quarter, the Vikings led 12-6 at the start of the fourth quarter. Fast forward to the last 2:05 of the game. Baltimore scores what looks like will be the game-winning touchdown, taking the a 15-12 lead. Forty seconds later, backup running back Toby Gerhart broke away for a 41-yard Minnesota touchdown -- looks like Minnesota will win. But wait! The Vikings allow Jacoby Jones to return the ensuing kickoff 77 yards for a touchdown! Baltimore leads 22-17! Then rookie sensation Cordarelle Patterson scored a 79-yard touchdown for a four-point Minnesota lead! But wait! The Ravens coming marching back and, with four seconds left, Baltimore scores the final touchdown. A 29-26 Baltimore victory!

Five touchdowns in two minutes!!

• The game was awesome to watch, but the only reason I couldn't totally enjoy it is that Baltimore's final drive benefited from a phantom pass interference call on Minnesota. Without that call, the Vikings would have won. The loss was insult to injury after Adrian Peterson went down with an foot sprain.

• Speaking of terrible pass interference calls that decided games ... Cleveland was about to beat New England when the refs bailed the Patriots out by putting them on the one-yard line with under a minute left in the game.

• First off, this clip is a little unfair because just before it starts, the defender, Leon McFadden, does jerk Josh Boyce's shoulder down and slow him down a bit. That said, there are a lot of reasons I hate this call. 1) Even the jerk on the shoulder is too ticky-tack to call, particularly at this point in the game. 2) If you must call that, it should have been defensive holding, as the most physical part of the defense occurred before the ball was in the air. 3) The "interference" didn't seem to affect the play, since the ball went right through Boyce's hands; it wasn't too far in front of him to catch. 4) The ref throws the flag way too late. He does not throw the flag at the time of the "interference," but after the ball has fallen incomplete, bringing me to my last point.... 5) No other team would get this call. (Well, maybe New Orleans.) The officials will always defer to Tom Brady, especially during a last-minute drive. This call put Brady & Co. on the one-yard line with a fresh set of downs. (And don't give me any nonsense about the final play in the Carolina game. For every one call that goes against the Patriots, there are 10 calls in their favor.) Boo.

• Another exciting (almost) finish was in the Pittsburgh-Miami game. Down six with two seconds left, the Steelers had one last chance. Here's what followed: a long pass up the right sideline, then FIVE successful (um, well at least four) laterals, the final one to Antonio Brown, who races in for a touchdown!!

• BUT NO! Brown barely stepped out of bounds on the sideline before he reached the endzone. Seriously, it was less than an inch. I don't have any feelings towards Pittsburgh and I'm not a fan of theirs, but my heart was wrung in sympathy for them!

At this point, should that still count??

• So Washington's a disaster. Not content to let Tampa Bay and Miami wrestle for most dysfunctional locker room, the Redskins responded to a report that coach Mike Shanahan was on the chopping block (or quitting block?) over owner Daniel Snyder's "coddling" of quarterback Robert Griffin III by lying down and losing by five touchdowns to the Kansas City Chiefs. RGIII has made things worse and caused the media to question his leadership over the last few weeks with his passive-aggressive and sullen press conferences in which he has made it clear that he thinks he's done all that he can.

Who do you think is more apathetic? The players or the fans?

• Patriots tight end and professional bro Rob Gronkowski, who missed the first six weeks of the season due to multiple injuries, was lost for the season on Sunday when he tore his ACL and MCL.

• Some guy on Reddit has been keeping track of all the torn ACLs this season, and the list is crazy!

• Alshon Jeffrey is continuing his fantastic receiving streak for Chicago, including this ridiculous catch in the very, very corner of the endzone.

• The much-heralded San Francisco-Seattle rematch was nothing to the melodrama between the sidelines. It was entertaining to see Jim Harbaugh and Pete Carroll each react as if he just saw his grandmother shot in front of him every time a call went against him.

• Nice job by Matt Prater, who set a new NFL record with a64-yard field goal. That’s very good and he’s an awesome kicker, but I kinda feel like there should be an asterisk for all kicking records set in the Mile High City. I mean, three of the longest five NFL field goals were kicked in Denver. BUT, in Matt's defense, cold weather makes kicking more difficult, and it was cold on Sunday, so we'll reduce the asterisk by half.

• Darnell Dockett (Arizona player on the left) should be suspended a game for this crap. He stepped on this St. Louis dude's hand just to be a jerk!

• Danny Woodhead already looks like some superhero sidekick because he's so short (sidekicks are always short, right?), but he really put his stamp on it after this first down:

Lightning Boy to the rescue!

• Every weekend, I’m always dumbfounded about how the NFL can even be considering getting rid of kickoffs! The impact they have on games shouldn’t be underrated; more so than even turnovers. Within a few seconds the tables can be completely turned. Look what Jacoby Jones did this week, or how Jeremy Ross kept the Lions in the game. It is the ultimate wildcard play, and it would severely lessen the fun and excitement of the NFL if they were to do away with it. Don't do it, Roger Goodell!!

• The San Diego Charger fans have not forgotten the tantrum that Eli Manning threw when he was slated to be picked by the Charges with the first pick in the draft. Manning stamped his feet, crossed his arms, and said he wouldn't play for San Diego, forcing the Chargers to trade their number one draft pick.

This is totally juvenile, but still makes me giggle.

• After Thursday night’s win over Houston, Jacksonville was the proud owner of the longest win streak in the AFC (after Sunday, they share that streak with three other teams). The Jaguars have more wins that Atlanta, Houston, Washington, and Minnesota.

• Who's worse at tackling: Pittsburgh?

• Or Cincinnati?

• Before losing to New Orleans on Sunday, the Carolina Panthers had won eight in a row! They're 9-4! I knew they were on some sort of streak, but I never took them seriously after their 1-3 start.

• Peyton Manning is as sick of the Peyton-can't-play-in-the-cold stories as I am. "Whoever wrote that narrative," he said, "can shove it where the sun don't shine."

How long before Papa John figures out how to work
that catch phrase into a commercial?

• You know what would make the Super Bowl even more fun? Banning tailgating and making it impossible to get to the game. If you want to get to the actual stadium for the game, you have a few options. You can take a $51 shuttle (the "Fan Express"!). Or you can purchase an outrageously-priced parking pass (there's about 13,000 parking spots for the 80,000 attendees). You cannot, however, be dropped off, unless the car has a parking pass and stays on the premise the whole time (... which means you are parking, not getting dropped off). Oh, and don't even think about parking elsewhere and walking to the stadium: "Fans who had considered parking farther from the stadium and getting there on foot will not be allowed to enter." This sounds like a logistical success already!

• Uuuugggghhh the Cowboys are so bad! The Bears knelt down on their final possession in their 45-28 victory on Monday night, but scored on every other possession! They didn't punt once! Stupid, awful Cowboys. Serves me right for cheering for Dallas. (But the Packers need the Bears to lose, so it's acceptable for me to cheer for the Cowboys. And, really, I was cheering against Chicago, not for Dallas.) Still, I feel like I should shower or go to confession or something.

Though cheering for the Cowboys is really penance in itself.

• Tom Brady. Peace out.

Happy Thanksgiving, I Guess.

• This was the least fun Green Bay Packer game I have ever watched. There was no glimmer of hope that they could storm back. It was just waiting out the slaughter.

• I'm just going to start listing some really depressing statistics:

• Detroit put up 561 yards while Green Bay amassed a grand total of 126. The Packers managed only 24 rushing yards. 
• The Packers had seven first downs to Detroit's 30 (!), and not a single rushing first down. 
• Green Bay was 2-of-10 on third-down conversions, while Detroit converted 9 of their 12 third-down attempts.
• Green Bay held the ball for 19:34, while the Lions had it for 40:26.
• The Packers completed 10 passes. The whole game.

• Now let’s count the Detroit Lions who scored more touchdowns than the entire Green Bay offense: Matthew Stafford, Calvin Johnson, Reggie Bush, Joique Bell, Kevin Ogletree, and Jeremy Ross.

• Yes, that Jeremy Ross. As in, the guy who could not hang on to a ball if his life depended on it while on the Packers, but suddenly can put up 145 all-purpose yards when he puts on a Lions uniform. YOU OWE US AT LEAST ONE GAME, JEREMY!

We haven't forgotten, Jeremy.

• I couldn’t decide which was worse, the offense or the defense. The defense allowed 561 yards and their tackling looked like a Three Stooges skit. Detroit punted once during the game! On the other hand, the defense at least forced four turnovers and scored a touchdown. What did the offense do?

• The offensive line allowed seven sacks. Matt Flynn wasn’t doing much himself, but he didn’t exactly have a lot of much time. Center Evan Dietrich-Smith was injured, meaning the right guard switched to center and Marshall Newhouse (noooooooooooooo!) came in at right guard. Newhouse was eventually benched for a rookie lineman. I’m sure he’s a very nice guy, but Newhouse needs to go in the offseason. He’s a huge liability.

• Lineman TJ Lang summed it up nicely: “Probably the worst (expletive) offensive day in the history of the (expletive) Packers.”

• Some sorta positive news for the offensive line was that Derek Sherrod played in his first game since December of 2011, when he broke both multiple bones in his right leg.

• To counteract that sorta positive news, here’s some definitely terribly news: Jonathan Franklin has been put on the IR. Franklin suffered a concussion/neck injury in the Minnesota game a week ago and was put on the IR on Thursday. Neither Franklin nor the team has said anything more about the injury.

• But good news! The Packers have signed a washed-up former Chicago running back. That makes me feel a lot better.

• To understand how bad the Packers injury situation has been this year, check this out: the Packers played their 57th player on special teams on Thursday. That’s more than an entire team’s worth! And that 57th player was on the practice squad just the day before he played in Thursday's game.

This could be their warmups, or it could be the bodies strewn across the field at the end of each game

• The hope is obviously that Rodgers will be ready to play by next game, at which point he will have to play well enough to overcome not only the opponent, but his defense, too. The Packers would need to win all their remaining games and get some help on top of it. There is a report, however, that Rodgers might not be able to play next week, at which Green Bay would have to start thinking of shutting Rodgers down for the season. Rodgers has said he'll play next Sunday, but I'm sure the team will have something to say about that.

• Here's an amazing catch by James Jones that still doesn't make me feel any better about the game.

• Left guard Josh Sitton made some waves prior to the game when he called the Lions “dirtbags” and “scumbags,” and said they like to take “cheap shots.” He also had an opinion on Lions coach Jim Schwartz, whom he called a “d---” and charged that “it all starts with [Schwartz].” Sitton stood by his remarks after the game, as well. Maybe it’s best to keep such thoughts to oneself, but c’mon, he’s totally right.

• AJ Hawk needs a new helmet. It drives me crazy that he loses his helmet at least once a game and no one has made him get a new helmet. A helmet has to actually stay on the head in order to fully fulfill its purpose. Shouldn't Hawk say something? Or a teammate? A trainer? A coach? His wife? Someone? Anyone?!

• Some people say the Dallas Cowboys lack toughness, but at least this offense lineman was able to flail his arms in warning to his quarterback Tony Romo.

"Tony, you're about to get saaaaaaacked!"

• Guy Whimper is the worst name for an NFL player. He could only be a third-string offensive lineman.

• Guy Whimper plays for the Pittsburgh Steelers. I know I whine about Green Bay's injuries a lot, but Pittsburgh had a pretty rough game on Thanksgiving, too. In the game, they lost their first-string left tackle (Kelvin Beachum), then they lost their second-string left tackle (Mike Adams), their starting right guard (David DeCastro), their second-string center (Fernando Velasco),  and their starting running back (Le'Veon Bell)!

The game ended not with a Beachum but with a Whimper.

• Thanksgiving day also featured two pathetic on-side kick attempts from Oakland and Pittsburgh; neither even came close to going the required 10 yards. They need to study Mason Crosby.

Honestly, it didn't go much farther than this.

• Seattle coach Pete Carroll was feeling awfully smug as his team was destroying the Saints on Monday night. I guess I would feel smug, too, but there's something eminently hateable about this guy. Doesn't his face make you just want to punch that horrible smirk off his face?!?!

• Christian Ponder left the Vikings-Bears game with an injury and was replaced by Matt Cassel. Guess what - they won!!! How many times do I have to say this: play Matt Cassel over Christian Ponder!?

• Let’s look at the numbers. Before leaving the game shortly before half, Ponder was 3-of-8 for 40 yards. In the remainder of the game (including overtime), Cassel was 20-of-33 for 243 yards, one interception, and one touchdown. I’m not saying that Cassel is Tom Brady or anything, but how is he behind Christian Freakin’ Ponder??

I know Cassel looks like someone photoshopped his head onto his
girlfriend's body, but that's still no excuse for playing Ponder.

• It was a strange feeling cheering for the Vikings. I didn't like it. But the game was had a pretty crazy ending. The Vikes destroyed the Chicago defense in the final drive of regulation to get into field goal range and tie the game. In overtime, Minnesota forced Chicago to punt, then drove into field goal range. They made the kick -- yay! -- but there was a penalty. The refs called a facemask (come on, refs!) on Minnesota that negated the field goal and backed them up 15 yards, and they missed a 57 yarder, which gave Chicago pretty good field position. The Bears, however, missed a 47-yard field goal, which then gave Minnesota pretty good field position. The Vikings finally were able to make a field goal to win, which is pretty much the most positive thing that happened for Green Bay this week.

I felt conflicted, like this official.

• At least one Bear had a good game, though. Receiver Alshon Jeffrey now holds the top two single game receiving yards in Chicago history as he racked up 249 yards, including this crazy tough catch.

• Adrian Peterson had a record, himself, becoming the fifth running back in history to reach 10,000 yards.

• I'm not a huge Eric Decker fan -- probably because I'm jealous that he's prettier than I am -- but he had a nice day, hauling in 8 catches, 4 of them for touchdowns as the Denver Broncos handed the Kansas City Chiefs their third straight loss.

How's a girl supposed to compete with this?

• Poor Houston. I really thought they might actually win a game when they took a big lead against the Patriots, but then the Houston Texans really Houston Texaned it up and laid a big Houston Texan.

• Here's the most shocking part of the Houston Texans' 2-10 record: they have the fourth best defense in the league!! Prior to this week, they were first in the league in yards allowed. How can your defense be so good and the rest of your team so, so bad?

Ah, yes. That's how.

• Speaking of shocking statistics, the Green Bay Packers are third in the league in sacks. HOW? How are your only options sacking the quarterback or giving up a 30-yard play??

• Players are always complaining about the rules, but San Francisco's Vernon Davis' objection seems rather reasonable to me. I think I'll forego the GIF on this one.

• Cleveland quarterback Brandon Weeden should really think about patenting his backwards, underhand, no-chance-in-hell-this-is-going-to-be-a-completion flip.

• Tom Brady does not like it when you drop his passes.

• But as fun as Tom Brady frustration GIFs are, no one can touch Eli Manning. I feel like he probably reacts this way to a lot of things: dropped passes, interceptions, his bunny rabbit dying, finding out someone didn't refill the ice cube tray after using the last ice cube...

• The Packers don't have much to brag about these day, but the captains' photo from Thursday was pretty good. Rodgers didn't just bring in an old props, he brought in customized, Thanksgiving props.

Hide the pain with smiles. Hide...the...pain.