Thank God for the Chicago Bears

• Ahhh! Nothing like a game against the Chicago Bears to restore a team’s confidence. The Green Bay Packers rolled to a 26-10 win over the Bears on Thursday night. Aaron Rodgers finally surpassed 300 yards in a game, totalling 326 and three touchdowns. The Pack had 32 first downs to Chicago’s 13, ran 81 plays to Chicago’s 45, racked up 406 yards to Chicago’s 189, and held the ball for 40 minutes to Chicago’s 20 minutes. Yikes.

• Hey, Thursday night games are a great idea, NFL! Football players are professionals, right? So three and a half days are more than enough for them to recover from playing an exceedingly violent game so they can play another exceedingly violent game. I know how much the NFL cares about its players’ health and well-being, so I would never doubt their motivation on forcing players to play on Thursday night solely for the purpose of their own tv network’s ratings, but I wonder if perhaps they’d like to reconsider screwing over teams and players every Thursday night.

• Mike McCarthy again deserves credit for getting creative with the playcalling, particularly in how he used wide receiver Ty Montgomery in the backfield. Montgomery had nine carries for 60 yards to go along with his 10 receptions for 66 yards. McCarthy also went for it on 4th-and-goal (hallelujah!). Even though the Packers did not get the touchdown and the result was a turnover on downs, I was very pleased to see  the attempt and I hope it will be the first of many. Here's a nice run by Ty:

• McCarthy had to get creative since Eddie Lacy was put on the IR with an ankle injury that will require surgery and backup running back James Starks is recovering from knee surgery. The Packers signed Kansas City Chiefs running back Knile Davis on Tuesday, who barely played since, ya  know, he just joined the team 36 hours before. Don Jackson was promoted from the practice squad on Thursday, had a couple of carries … and was promptly injured. Not a good time to be a running back for the Packers.

• I hope Jackson’s hand injury doesn’t keep him out for too long. He only had a couple of snaps, but he looked  pretty darn speedy.

• Considering that Lacy needs surgery, maybe he shouldn’t have played on a sprained ankle Sunday against the Cowboys, Coach.

• Apparently saying “put on the IR” is too long, so the announcers kept on saying that Lacy had been “IR’d,” but I’d like to advocate that to be pronounced “irrrred.”

• Welcome to the Packers, Knile Davis! Green Bay traded for the Kansas City Chiefs running back. I like the trade in the sense that the Packers gave up almost nothing (a conditional 2018 seventh-rounder), but not so much in that Davis has averaged only 3.3 yards per carry in his four-year career, or that he was KC’s fourth-string running back, or this:

• But I think his name is cool and I hope he plays well.

I'm trying really hard not to hold the fact that he looks at
least 40 years old against him. (He claims to be 25.)

• Poor Brian Hoyer snapped his forearm in half and will be out for the rest of the season (presumably). Third-string QB Matt Barkley came in and had a statistically horrible game (6-of-15 for 81 yards, two interceptions and no TDs), though I thought he had some nice throws and should have maybe been given a longer leash.

• The biggest winner of Thursday night might actually be Jay Cutler. There appeared to be a very, very good chance that he was not going to get his starting job back when his thumb healed because Hoyer had been playing fairly well. Now ol’ Jay will be welcomed back with open arms as soon as he is healthy. 

The secondary winner is all of us because it's really much more fun
to see the Bears lose week after week when Cutler's at the helm.

• Jeff Janis is a terrible blocker.

• Davante Adams, who perhaps, it could be argued, doesn’t always enjoy the most unblemished of reputations here at O&E, deserves praise for his excellent game. Check out how he fought for this touchdown against the defender who was hanging on to his facemask.

• Adams caught 13 of his 16 targets for 132 yards and two touchdowns. That’s more catches, more yards, and more touchdowns than the entire Bears receiving corps. Well done.

• Rookie safety Kentrell Brice had some fantastic hits on special teams. He’s one to keep an eye on.

• Thursday’s win was great, obviously, and I’m very happy -- really, I am. It’s just that … well, there were a lot of things not to like. Such as:
• Chicago is terrible, terrible team that has already lost to the Texans, Colts, and Jaguars. This should have been a blowout from the very start.
• Aaron had 326 yards, which is great, but it took him 56 throws to get there, which is not great.
• The Packers only managed six points in the first half. 
• Mason Crosby missed an extra point and had a field goal blocked! (I blame Jim Nantz, who highlighted that Crosby had not missed any kick all season. Crosby didn’t make a kick after that. Thanks, Jim.)
• More injuries, not only to Jackson, but TJ Lang left the game for a time with a back injury.
• I normally hate it when people talk about athletes’ body language (see just about every article written about Cam Newton), but someone might want to let the image-conscious Rodgers know that it doesn’t look great on TV to see how upset he gets after every incompletion.
• Chicago was playing their third-string quarterback. And again, they’re really bad. I mean they’re waiting for this man to return as some sort of savior! Jay, are you going to be able to help this team?

• Kurt Warner weighed in on the great “What’s Wrong with Aaron Rodgers?” debate, and his take seems to me to be spot on:

"I think what really has happened is that there is a lack of trust with Aaron Rodgers. And that lack of trust is when you go out as a quarterback and your receivers haven't gotten open, it's hard to anticipate that they're going to get open on time. So as a quarterback, you drop back and you kind of just in the back of your mind are going, 'Okay, probably not going to get open, I'm going to have to buy some time and make a play.' And then all of a sudden they get open on time and you're like, 'Hey, he got open' and you're a half-second late.”

"Finally, someone who understands me."

• After last week’s “missed” (whatever, the ref clearly saw it and decided not to call it) pass interference on Richard Sherman gave the Seattle Seahawks the win, many people echoed the call for every play to be reviewable, but I have to say I disagree, even though those missed calls suck. Imagine, for a moment, that Sherman, instead of grabbing and holding Julio Jones’ arm so that he couldn’t catch the ball, had illegally grabbed Jones’ arm, but immediately let go. Imagine Sherman technically committed pass interference but it didn’t affect the play. If the Falcons (or the booth) had challenged that, wouldn’t the refs be forced to call PI, even if it was ticky-tack? The officials wouldn’t be able to review the play, see the PI, and not call it. Another example would be the fact that there’s holding on just about every single NFL play. Do we really want coaches to be able to challenge every time there’s a minor hold? Do we want to see six challenges every single game? As frustrating as it is when referees’ judgment results in a bad call or no-call, it’d be worse to take their judgment out of the picture.

• The New York Jets benched Ryan Fitzpatrick after he threw 88 interceptions in the first few six weeks, so Geno Smith was named the starter. Asked about Smith, New York wide receiver Brandon Marshall said, “It has been amazing to see this guy grow [and] really punch adversity in the face.” Smith, you’ll remember, lost his starting job last season when he missed games due to a fractured jaw he got when his teammate, um, punched him in the face.

I can't confirm, but this is the face I imagine him making
right before he got his jaw broken.

• Smith, unfortunately for him, got injured in his first start on Sunday, paving the way for -- that’s right -- FITZMAGIC REDEMPTION!! Well, it wasn’t exactly magical, but it was a good performance with no interceptions that got the Jets the win over the Baltimore Ravens. 

• It’s always so awkward when you bench a guy, then need him the next game. It’s even more weekend when he spends his post-game press conference talking about how you gave up on him.

Ryan, Fitz, buddy, you know I love you, but you had thrown 5 TDs and
11 INTs; benching you was not so much a betrayal as the only logical move.

• As it turns out, the Jets will be needing Fitzpatrick for a while, since Smith appears to have torn his ACL. The good news is Geno can now tell Joe Namath that he told him so.

• The Philadelphia Eagles lined up for a field goal with 15 seconds left in the first half before the Minnesota Vikings tried to ice the kicker by calling a timeout. Coming out of the timeout, the Eagles actually ran a play, taking a shot at the endzone. It was incomplete and Philly kicked a field goal on the next play, but I would have loooooooved to see the Vikings punished for the stupid icing the kicker tactic. Alas. Maybe next time.

• The Eagles have a lineman named Halapoulivatti Vaitai. (Pronounced Ha-LEH-poop-la-di-da-VAT-di Vee-tah-tah.) 

• It was wonderful to see the Minnesota Vikings finally lose. The Eagles swarmed poor Sam Bradford to the tune of 19 quarterback hits, six sacks, one interceptions, and four fumbles. The Vikings bedraggled offensive line looked way overmatched by Philly’s defense, which I didn’t even realize was good, but apparently they’re top three in the league. Whoever the victors, I’m just glad to see the Vikes get their first loss.

"Please help."

• Which play chart is uglier? Minnesota-Philadelphia or Arizona-Seattle?

Minnesota vs. Philadelphia	Arizona vs. Seattle
Punt, punt, interception, interception, fumble, fumble, interception, punt, punt, field goal, touchdown, punt, punt, fumble, field goal, (half), punt, touchdown, downs, punt, field goal, downs, fumble, touchdown.	Punt, punt, punt, punt, punt, punt, blocked field goal, punt, field goal, punt, (half), punt, downs, punt, punt, punt, punt, punt, blocked punt, field goal, punt, (end of regulation), field goal, field goal, missed field goal, missed field goal.

• How about that Seattle Seahawks-Arizona Cardinals game? Peee-yeew! The game was 3-3 before going into overtime, Arizona kicked a 45-yard field goal on their opening OT possession, and Seattle answered with a 36-yard field goal of their own. I mention the kicking distance because the next two possessions would see Arizona miss a 24-yard field goal and Seattle miss a 28-yard field goal!! The game ended in a 6-6 tie. Yeesh. 

• That’s got to be particularly frustrating for Cardinals fans considering that their team had 186 more yards, more than double the first downs, 33 more plays, and a nearly 20-minute time of possession advantage. Oddly enough, in such a defensive game, neither team had a turnover. 

• You know what’s not helpful after a 6-6 tie? Calling out your teammates for not scoring any points, as Cardinals defensive back Tyrann Mathieu did: “It's a team sport. When the defense is playing well, the offense has to complement us, special teams has to complement everybody, [and] vice versa.” Not wrong, Tyrann, but again, not helpful.

Maybe he meant his teammates should have complimented the defense. Maybe
his feelings were hurt because they weren't telling him he was doing a good job.

• The Monday Night Football ESPN crew decided to test their own kicking skills to see if they could have made the field goals that the Cardinals and Seahawks missed, and they all whiffed terribly … except Randy Moss, who put two kicks right down the middle. In dress shoes.

Straight cash, homie.

• Those stupid, loser, awful Washington Redskins suck, losing to the Detroit Lions 20-17. Detroit had a 10-point lead a couple minutes into the final quarter before Washington cut the lead to three with a touchdown, forced a quick punt, and then had a shoulda-been-game-winning touchdown drive that culminated in 19-yard Kirk Cousins rushing touchdown with 1:05 left. Barely a minute left! And the Redskins do nothing except stand back and let Matthew Stafford and the Lions go 75 yards in 49 seconds! I mean, come on, Washington! Do something! On the winning drive, Stafford had successive completions of 23, 38, and 20 yards, then a couple of incompletions, then an 18-yard touchdown to Anquan Boldin. It was so easy! Gah! And now the Lions are 4-3 and showing signs of interest in the NFC North title.

I DON'T like that, Kirk!

• I thought that Philadelphia corner Ron Brooks rupturing his quad tendon would be the worst injury I’d hear about all week, but then poor Houston Texans right tackle Derek Newton tore patella tendons in both of his knees in the Monday Night loss to the Denver Broncos. That sounds just so gruesome. I hope he gets better soon. =(

• Rookie Carson Wentz received a $17.6 million signing bonus this year. If only he could have used a couple of hundred -- or even $20! -- of that for a shirt.

• Jacksonville Jaguar rookie cornerback Jalen Ramsey, who has already established a reputation as an obnoxious loudmouth just six games into his career, was ejected along with Oakland Raiders receiver Johnny Holton after the two got in a scuffle. Here’s Ramsey after the game on his ejection: “They probably don't want me to say this but I'm going to just keep it real with y'all: If I was out there nine more times, I would do the same thing.” There’s that maturity they’re looking for! Meanwhile, every coach in Jacksonville:

• Miami Dolphins and Houston Texans running back announced his retirement Monday. Throughout his career, Foster has suffered a litany injuries, which he cited as his reason for retiring. Foster is 5th in NFL history in yards per game with 110.9.

• I think the Cleveland Browns will join the 2008 Detroit Lions in infamy by going 0-16. They’re so bad, it makes me depressed looking at their stats. Going back to October of last year, the Browns have lost 17 of their last 18 games. They even went 0-4 in the preseason. They already lost to the two easiest opponents on their schedule -- Miami and Tennessee -- and I don’t really see a win anywhere. They play the 2-5 Jets next week, which may be their last best chance at reveling in the win column in 2016.

• When you’re playing against the Browns and you have AJ Green on your team and he's being defended by five guys, you should definitely go for the Hail Mary before the half because, again, you have AJ Green on your team.

• And AJ Green can do anything.

.@AJGreen_18 is out here making ridiculous one-handed catches look routine.

So good. #CLEvsCIN #WhoDeyhttps://t.co/p2SznwPnYZ

— NFL Network (@nflnetwork) October 23, 2016

• Here’s hoping that the Atlanta Falcons that always bomb in the playoffs are the team that shows up next Sunday against Green Bay instead of the team that leads the league in every offensive stat. Go Pack Go!

We, Um, Might Need to Talk About Aaron Rodgers

• The Green Bay Packers 30-16 loss to the Dallas Cowboys was not pretty. At all. From the Packers giving up their first opening drive touchdown to the Cowboys putting up more rushing yards than the Packers have allowed in the previous four games combined to the increasingly normal impotence of the offense, it was a rough day for the Green and Gold.

Ugh and you just know that, somewhere, Jerry Jones
was grinning like the creepy emperor from Star Wars.

• As much as I like to blame all passing game ills on Davante Adams and Richard Rodgers, the truth is Aaron Rodgers is obviously struggling. Set aside any drops by the receivers, any bad play-calling, and Rodgers is still just missing things he very rarely misses. His interception into the guy of Barry Church was a perfect example of Rodgers, whose field vision is usually spectacular, failing to see Church coming off the outside receiver.

• And while I’M TOTALLY NOT WORRIED, and I’m sure Aaron will get out of his slump soon, and I don’t want to pile on to the guy, I also have to admit that I’m less than impressed with his attitude. He seemed to think he only had a couple of bad throws. Said Rodgers: 

We were close tonight. I missed a couple, possibly the one to [Richard] Rodgers down the middle, and I obviously threw it right to Barry [Church]... Other than that, I mean, there were multiple times when we had to extend plays because guys weren’t open on the normal timing or even slightly later than normal timing.

• Are those really the only times you can think of, Aaron? Not throwing a sure-touchdown six feet too high to Cobb? Or leading Jordy Nelson into crossing defenders? I understand you’re not getting the help you need from your receivers or your playcalls, but I’m going to need a little more abjection from you than a dismissive, “I gotta play better, for sure.”

More like this.

• I’ll say the same thing to Mike McCarthy as I said all of last season: “DO SOMETHING!!!!” Now, to his credit, he’s using more personnel, working in receivers Ty Montgomery, Trevor Davis, and Jeff Janis. But he’s still not doing a whole lot to help those receivers as far as pre-snap formations, picks, or creative routes. After Nelson and Cobb, there’s little evidence to believe that the Green Bay receivers can out-and-out win individual match-ups. That makes it easy for teams to focus on Jordy and Randall since neither Adams nor Montgomery nor Janis nor Rodgers nor anyone else has proven that he warrants extra defensive attention.

This is not the facial expression of defensive coordinators who play the Packers.

• The ailing Green Bay secondary did not help matters. Already without top corner Sam Shields, the Packers lost Quinten Rollins and Damarious Randall. This propelled LaDarius Gunter into the lineup, who is, uh, let's just say not ready for prime time. The coaches are (were?) high on Gunter last season and I’m certainly not going to give up on him, but he was absolutely undressed on nearly every single snap he played. 

• I remain very worried about Shields. I love him, but he needs to retire. Shields has been out with yet another concussion since Week 1 and he needs to start thinking about himself and his long-term health. It’d leave Green Bay up a creek, though. Maybe we can lure Casey Hayward back from the San Diego Chargers at a much-reduced contract. Think he’ll go for it?

Remember all the good times, Case!

• Eddie Lacy came to play, injured ankle and all. He only finished with 65 yards, but ripped off a couple of nice and surprisingly agile runs. What in the sam hill was McCarthy thinking, though, going into a game with an injured running back and no backup??

• Yes, James Starks was out with an injury. Try to contain your surprise. Mr. Glass really wore himself out averaging 2.8 yards per carry last week and suffered a knee injury. It’s rumored that Starks tore his meniscus and underwent surgery this week. He is not expected back for a few weeks at least. So I guess that leaves Green Bay with no healthy running back and two days until the next game. Here’s hoping McCarthy decides to pick up a running back really soon. Like, today.

I'm sorry, James, for real. I hope you recover
quickly and find a nice home on some other team.

• Green Eyes did notch a touchdown, his first of the season. The even worse stat is that it was just Rodgers’ first second-half touchdown of the season.

• Besides Lacy, the only real positive was Montgomery. He didn’t have a spectacular game, but had over 100 all purpose yards and got some good reps in.

• It was another rough week for Jordy. He had five catches for 68 yards, but coughed up a fumble for just the second time in his career. 

Don't worry, boo. We'll get 'em Thursday.

• The biggest downer was the four turnovers. How can you win a game with four turnovers?! On the season, the Packers’ turnover differential, which is my favorite stat, is a dismal -3. 

• One thing to look forward to is Tony Romo being able to return pretty soon. Jerry Jones, right on cue, has chimed in that Romo is totally healed and just needs to get back in shape. Jones has recently backed off his previously unwavering support for Romo to regain his starting job once healthy.

• I keep going back and forth on the Pittsburgh Steelers, but I think they’re not good. They beat the Washington Redskins, who aren’t terrible. They beat the Cincinnati Bengals, who are terrible (2-4). They got trounced by the Philadelphia Eagles, then beat the Kansas City Chiefs who are so unthreatening that I’m not going to even bother looking up their record. (Fine, it’s 3-2.) Then they beat the New York Jets, who are no good (1-5), and then lost to the Miami Dolphins (2-4) this week! Even if they weren’t bad before, they certainly will be now that Ben Roethlisberger is out for at least a few games with a torn meniscus that required surgery.

• Rough, rough no-call on Richard Sherman’s obvious pass interference that stole the game from the Atlanta Falcons. 

• Why is it that the Seattle Seahawks are always, always on the winning end of bad calls?? No wonder Pete Carroll is so smug all the time.

• Tom Brady is now 49-1 at home against AFC opponents since 2007. Insane.

• Check out this Vernon Davis touchdown. Watch it again. Did you see that egregious touchdown celebration?!?! Davis’ jump shot cost his team 15 yards for “excessive celebration” since he used the ball as a prop.

• I hate that I have an opinion on this, but I really prefer Carrie Underwood’s old SNF opening.

• Vontaze Burfict is the dirtiest player in the league and needs to be suspended every single time he gets a personal foul from now on. It’s what he’s known for and he does this crap week in and week out.
• Here he is trying to injure Martellus Bennett:

Vontaze Burfict going low on Bennett. Seemed unnecessary but what do I know. #Patriots pic.twitter.com/4DWnqa76TD

— Will D. (@WAD1980) October 16, 2016

• And here he is intentionally stepping on a New England Patriots player:

Video: From coaches film (courtesy NFL), watch Vontaze Burfict (55) deliberately step on Blount's leg after TD. pic.twitter.com/wtTPqy3XHP

— Mike Reiss (@MikeReiss) October 17, 2016

• Ugh the worst sounding injury and the one that makes my skin crawl just hearing it is “lacerated kidney.” The Chargers’ Keenan Allen had one a couple of years ago, Andrew Luck dealt with that last year, and now Cleveland Browns safety Jordan Poyer looks to be out the rest of the year with the same.

• If your job were printing players’ names on their jerseys, wouldn’t you check the spelling before signing off on a jersey for someone named Prince Amukamara?

• The NFL is a mean and petty little tyrant. The league has declared that teams can no longer post their own highlights on their social media channels. Some teams, like the Eagles and the Browns, mocked the NFL by posting claymation-type videos of their highlights, which, hilariously, have now been pulled.

• Goodness gracious, the Indianapolis Colts had a 14 point lead with three minutes left and somehow lost! Much sympathy has been sent Andrew Luck’s way as the quarterback tries and tries to lift his dismal team out of the muck. One person who doesn’t have sympathy for Luck is Ryan Grigson, the Colts’ general manager. Grigson, defending himself against the charges of completely failing to put any talent around his #1 pick, blamed Luck’s contract, saying, "Once you pay Andrew what we did, it’s going to take some time to build on the other side of the ball.” Sorry, but uh-uh, Ryan. First off, boo-hoo, it’s so tough having had the top pick in the draft! Second, other teams have the salary cap, too. Other teams have quarterbacks with huge contracts, too, and they manage to pick better players than you have. Luck, for his part, continues to be entirely endearing and refuses to blame his horrible offensive line.

• Apparently, things are no good between Houston Texans head coach Bill O’Brien and quarterback Brock Osweiler, who reportedly had a blow up at a team meeting last week. It’s hardly a surprise considering their mail-order bride courtship, but Houston sportswriters must be tripping over themselves to write their “Houston, We Have a Problem” headlines.

"Whaddya mean it's been used? This is gold, I tells ya!"

• Ugghh the LA Rams not only lost to the Detroit Lions, but they also pulled my least favorite move during Detroit’s victory formation, injuring the Lions center and nearly injuring the quarterback. Nothing says low-class losers like trying to injure opponents after the game is over. I hate, hate, hate this bush league move. 

• I have to end with some devastating news: Green Eyes is engaged and, no, not to me. It’s a tough time, but I just want him to be happy.

We'll always have my near-constant Google Image searches of you.

A Week 4 Bye?? Come on, NFL!

Jordy probably spent his bye being a super adorbs farmer.

• The Green Bay Packers had their bye this week. After three games. Now, true, the Pack is pretty banged up -- Shields, Matthews, Burnett, Janis, Cook, Lang, and more -- so it might actually be a good thing, but still, it's the principle of the thing! Week 4 is way too early for a bye for any team. The Packers now have to go 13 straight weeks without a break. And it’s not just physical, either; players need a mid-season mental break, too. 

• At least this week will get them back to their best.

• This week’s slate looked pretty boring, but turned in some real surprises, like the Buffalo Bills shutting out the New England Patriots, 16-0. While the world naturally rejoiced, the Pats are still an impressive 3-1 through their long dark night without Tom Brady.

• When you beat the previously undefeated Patriots (even if it was against a third-string quarterback), you get to rock a cool hairstyle.

• When I think we were all surprised to see the Chicago Bears beat the Detroit Lions 17-14. The most surprising part, however, is probably that I don’t mind that the Bears won. They’re in the NFC North basement and are of no concern to the real teams in that division, so I’m happy to see them knock down the Lions. It did irk me that a Brian Hoyer-led team easily dispatched a team that gave the Packers a bit of a scare though.

Yes, this man.

• Okay, now, discerning readers of this blog may have picked up on a subtle dislike that I may harbor for Jay Cutler. That said, I almost feel bad for him, considering how publicly his own coach disdains him. When John Fox first took the reins last season, he announced that long-time starter Cutler would have to compete with Jimmy Clausen for the starting spot. Jimmy Clausen! (Oh the indignity!) This week, with Cutler out with a sprained thumb and Hoyer behind center, Fox said, “Anybody’s that performing well, I don’t think we’re going to be likely to change.” Now, in his defense, Fox is saddled with a quarterback he obviously doesn’t believe in but can’t get rid of for salary reasons (the Bears are on the hook for $17 million to Cutler this year). On the other hand, kinda sucks to have your coach very clearly not in your corner.

"Thanks, coach." *Emo sigh*

• Another surprise: after getting trounced 28-0 by the San Francisco 49ers in Week 1, Case Keenum and the Los Angeles Rams are 3-1 and atop the NFC West.

• A surprise that shouldn’t have been a surprise? The San Diego Chargers choking away a near-sure win. They had a 13-point lead halfway through the fourth quarter and lost!! San Diego, after lighting it up for three and a half quarters (Philip Rivers was 28-of-43 for 321 yards and two touchdowns) turned into the Three Stooges, fumbling the ball away on consecutive possessions, both in their own territory and both leading to New Orleans Saints touchdowns. The Chargers had two minutes left for a chance at the win, but had a sack, fumbled snap (recovered), incompletion, and interception to end the game. Sigh. I think being a Chargers fan would be the toughest because they actually have a ton of talent, but always disappoint. (This article is titled “The Chargers Are Unprecedented Late-Game Failures.”)

• *Tear* JJ Watt is out for the rest of the season after undergoing back surgery. Get better soon, bae.

• So Dez Bryant suffered a knee injury last week. Then was a no-show for his MRI on Monday, reportedly because he was scared to find out the result (a hairline fracture in his knee). Which has led to reports that Dez Bryant is still Dez Bryant and has been late or a no-show as many as 40 times in the last seven years.

Dez Bryant.

• I didn’t watch Thursday Night Football -- because who does? -- but I was trying to find out the results on Friday morning. It wasn’t on the Yahoo homepage. Or the ESPN home page. Or the ESPN NFL page. The Cincinnati Bengals defeated the Miami Dolphins 22-7, apparently, but I felt really sad for both teams that no one cared about the game, not even ESPN.

• Uh oh, the Atlanta Falcons are sort of making me believe in them again. Why won’t I learn? I’ve sworn to myself that I’d never believe in them because they always will let you down, but then they go and have a game like they did on Sunday: Matt Ryan was 28-for-37, for 503 YARDS, and FOUR touchdowns, and Julio Jones was on the receiving end of 300 of those yards. Don’t do it. Don’t weaken. Don’t believe!

• On a conference call with Minnesota Vikings reporters, New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning was asked about the Vikings “having his number” (he’s 2-5 in his career against Minnesota). Manning responded:
  “I don’t think anybody, eh, I don’t think anybody has my phone number on the Vikings. Maybe (former Giant) Linval (Joseph), I’m not sure. I’m trying to think if I have anybody’s number. Maybe somebody, I’m sure. I have (Sam) Bradford. I have his number. He’s got my number. Can’t think of anybody else’s off-hand though. I’ll look through my phone and get back to you.”
  This raises a question I never thought I’d ask: is Eli Manning actually really witty? Does the guy who makes this face actually have a really dry sense of humor??

• It's been a weird week. I cheered for the Bears and the Giants??!! Alas, my cheers weren't enough to overcome the Minnesota Vikings defense, which shut down the Giants, 24-10. The Vikings continue to be a concern.

• WILL FULLER! As I’ve mentioned, I was a huge fan of this guy when he was at Notre Dame, and I love watching him shred defenses week in and week out as a rookie for the Houston Texans!

• TEEEBOOOOOW! Okay, sure, Tim Tebow isn’t in the NFL anymore, so one might argue that he doesn’t have any place on this blog. But others might say that the Tebow magic transcends sports. At his first at-bat as a member of the New York Mets’ Minor League team, Tebow, of course, hit a home run.

• Do not get on Carolina Panthers’ running back Mike Tolbert’s bad side because he’s vindictive as bleep. Upset with the service (or lack of) that he received at a car shop, he paid his nearly $4,000 bill entirely in coins.

• The Panthers are now 1-3. Did not see that coming.

• My goodness, the end of the first half in the Houston Texans-Tennessee Titans game was a mess. The Texans got the ball with 2:28 left in the second and all three of their timeouts. An uninspired six plays later, Houston punts with 1:15 left. Tennessee, also retaining all three timeouts, start with a short gain, and Houston takes the timeout. An odd call, but turns out to be right, as Tennessee can’t make anything happen and punts back to the Texans with 58 seconds left. The Titans get called for a 10-yard holding penalty on the punt (and should have been called for a 15-yard face mask), which gave Houston the ball on the Tennessee 44 yardline, still with all three timeouts. 3rd-and-4, Houston throws just short of the first down. Thinking that they got the first down, Houston hesitates before taking their final timeout with 15 seconds left. Houston head coach Bill O’Brien is too busy arguing with officials to notice that the play clock has started and the Texans are milling about the field as the clock ticks down. The kicker doesn’t even get onto the field until the play clock is down to six seconds, and the Texans get a delay of game penalty, which knocks them out of field goal range. Instead of trying a 58-yard field goal, Houston throws on 4th-and-6 with no timeouts (how exactly did they see this playing out?). The Titans, however, commit pass interference on the play! That gives Houston a first down and puts them back in field goal range, and, after all that ineptitude, the Texans kick a field goal. Yeesh.

Remember when watching the Titans and the Texans.

• That was not the most embarrassing part of the game, however. That came from the officiating crew. On a Tennessee punt, Houston blew through the line and blocked the punt, picking it up and returning it for a touchdown while whistles blew. The Titans punter took a huge shot and was shaken up on the play, Houston players were wondering what the heck just happened, and the official came on the mic and said: “Prior to the snap, the play was shut down, assuming there were 12 men on defense. However, the 12th man did get off, so there is no foul. We’ll replay 4th down.” I’ll leave it to you to imagine how the Texans crowd reacted.

• I thought it’d be hard for Andrew Luck to be any more endearing, but then he started his own book club. Then he chose the Little House on the Prairie books for the kids’ version of his book club.

Here's why I picked #littlehouseontheprairie. Share pics of your copy using #albookclub. pic.twitter.com/DiPfYlZRzm

— AL Book Club (@ALBookClub) September 27, 2016

• I kind of love New York Jets receiver Brandon Marshall. I love how much he loves his quarterback, Ryan Fitzpatrick. After the second straight week devoid of Fitzmagic (poor Ryan threw one touchdown and three interceptions -- that’s nine interceptions and one touchdown in the last two weeks!), Marshall was asked about if it was time to switch quarterbacks. The devoted receiver got testy, staring down the reporter and answering very clearly: “I am. Going down. In a boat. With Ryan Fitzpatrick.” It’s kind of an insult, but kind of sweet, too.

Awww. But you should probably start playing better
if you want this bromance to last, Ryan.

• Poor, poor Navorro Bowman. In January 2013, the 49ers linebacker injured his knee in the NFC Championship Game. He tore both his ACL and MCL and missed all of the 2014 season. Last year he came back and led the league in tackles. Now, just four games into the 2016 season, Bowman suffered a torn Achilles tendon and is out for the rest season. That sucks. Get better soon, Navorro!  

• Man, the Indianapolis Colts are not good. After a loss to the Jacksonville Jaguars in London, the Colts are 1-3 and tied for last place in the worst division in the league.

• Josh Norman got a 15-yard penalty for mimicking archery because. Come on, NFL. He plays for the Redskins and it’s not a threat or violent. *Eye roll* Also the logo of another team, the Kansas City Chiefs is an arrowhead. Gasp! That’s a weapon! Should they have to change their name? Also, the Vikings were violent marauders known for pillaging villagers. Bears and Tigers maul people. 

Will the violence never end??

• Broncos QB Trevor Siemian (who?) injured his non-throwing shoulder, and rookie Paxton Lynch stepped up to finish off the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Not that it required much effort -- the Bucs didn’t score after the first quarter. The highlight of the boring game, which also featured an hour and half delay due to lightning, was Emmanuel Sanders’ perfectly executed cartwheel celebration.

• Drew Stanton, playing in relief of the concussed Carson Palmer, threw 11 passes. Seven of them were incomplete and two were interceptions. It can’t be fun for a backup QB to have to face that Rams defense.

• Oakland is fun to watch. It’s exciting to see a team that has been so terrible for my lifetime start to get really good. Derek Carr, Amari Cooper, Michael Crabtree, Khalil Mack -- there’s a lot for Raiders fans to be excited about.

• The good news is that the Cleveland Browns started the same quarterback that they had the previous week, which hasn’t happened since Christmas of last year, so yay for consistency. The bad news is that the Browns are 0-4, so ... yay for consistency?

This kind of implies that they had talent at some point.

• The Dallas Cowboys won 24-17 against the San Francisco 49ers, which just makes me more eager for Tony Romo’s return (targeted for Week 8) and the inevitable fallout. Quarterback Dak Prescott has been good, but fellow rookie Ezekiel Elliott has been even more impressive, averaging over 100 rushing yards again. Elliot, along with backup Alfred Morris, have taken a huge amount of pressure off of Prescott, so Dak hasn't had to do too much on his own.

 

***PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT***

There will be no O&E next week. The good news is I won’t have to talk about Tom Brady’s return blah blah blah. I know this will cast a pall over the week for the thousands of readers of this blog, but do your best to muddle through. We’ll be back for the Packers-Cowboys game. Till then, here’s some Jordy to get you through to Week 6.