Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Whoop-Di-Doo. We Won a Game.


  • I’m happy, I really am. It was nice to see the Green Bay Packers beat the Philadelphia Eagles. It was good to see the offense clicking. And the defense wasn’t atrocious the entire time, but I’m just not getting my hopes up. I totally believe in Green Bay and am with them all the way, but they’re still below .500. There’s nothing to celebrate. Not yet. But this could be a start. 
green bay packers packers aaron rodgers clay matthews should be on barneys get psyched mix


  • Hopefully the offense will keep on going. Not only does it keep the poor defense off the field, but playing with a lead does so much for the Green Bay defense, which has allowed more points in the first quarter than any other team.


  • Aaron Rodgers had a nice line: 30-for-39, 313 yards, two touchdowns, zero interceptions, zero sacks. He also had 46 yards rushing. It’s not exactly a surprise, but Aaron Rodgers is Green Bay’s leading rusher since Eddie Lacy went down. 



  • The Packers came into the game down two starting inside linebackers (Jake Ryan and Blake Martinez), which pushed Clay Matthews into the inside linebacker position. When Matthews left temporarily with a shoulder injury, they had to have safety Morgan Burnett step in at inside linebacker. Yeesh.


  • The Eagles tried to troll the Packers by having “4th & 26” on the scoreboard before the game, referencing a 13-year-old game wherein the Packers lost by failing to defend a 4th-and-26. But I ain’t mad because we’ve got bigger problems to worry about. We’re 4-6 coming in, so there are more pressing concerns than a 13-year-old memory.
  • Davante Adams, whose relationship with Packers fans is, uh, tenuous, has had a very nice season thus far, and added a nice game to his resume on Monday night: five catches on six targets for 113 yards and two touchdowns. He’s had big plays in several games, and more than a few difficult catches, like this lovely touchdown.


  • It sure did help that almost all of the Eagles receivers and running backs were injured. 
  • Ha Ha Clinton-Dix had another interception! Yay!
The Simpsons season 7 episode 21 laugh humor


  • The Packers, who have not been good on third downs, were 10-for-14 on third-down conversions, which I think is the the most important offensive stat in this win. Great job, team! (You cannot even begin to imagine how often you will see this video from now on.)


  • How bout Jordy on this key third-down conversion!?! That’s my boo.



  • The most intriguing part of the game was when Rodgers ducked into a mysterious tent that the Packers just happened to have on the sidelines.


  • But in all gravity, Rodgers went into the mystery tent for treatment for a hamstring injury. Pleeeeeaase let him be okay! And please let the Packers fire their entire training staff because it’s absurd how half the team at any given time is nursing hamstring injuries. 


  • SIIIIIIDELIIIIINE NIIIIINJA! To. Seal. The. Game!
  • New Packers running back Christine Michael’s name is pronounced “Kristen,” apparently. It’s odd to give your son one girl’s name and then have it pronounced as another girl’s name, no?

  • I loved Charles Woodson representing with the gold ascot.
  • So the bad news: Sam Shields and Eddie Lacy are both shut down for the season. I think Sam Shields needs to retire, which is very sad. I’ve always been a huge Shields fan, but I hope he doesn’t try to keep playing since his brain is probably scrambled eggs right now and he shouldn’t risk making it worse. Eddie Lacy’s contract is up at the end of this season. Given his injuries and weight issues, I’d be shocked if Green Bay offered him more than a one-year deal. The question is if other teams will offer him something better. I’m hopeful that the Pack can re-sign Lacy because I thought he looked fantastic at the start of the season and I really want him back!

  • Despite being down to the Tennessee Titans 27-7, the Chicago Bears didn’t give up, they kept on trying. Well, some of them kept on trying. Here’s a video of the Bears receivers dropping everything thrown their way. (Tee hee.)



  • Ooohhh but that video was played before the final minute. It actually got worse for the Bears. (Tee hee.) Chicago actually came back to get within a touchdown of Tennessee. They had first-and-goal from the 7-yard line with 47 seconds left, and then here’s what happened. (Tee hee.) No, watch the whole thing -- it happens more than once.



  • The Detroit Lions have trailed in the fourth quarter of all 11 games this season, yet, somehow, they are 7-4. (What’s the opposite of ‘tee hee’?) In six of those wins, they trailed in the last two minutes! Impressive, but has to be worrisome to Detroit fans. That luck can’t hold, right? Right??

  • Faithful followers will know that I’ve long been a Matthew Stafford believer, and here’s why. Check out this window.


  • Since the Minnesota Vikings are in free fall, I can spare a little sympathy for their injury situation. Their biggest problem has been their offensive line and things got worse when they had two offensive linemen drop out during Thursday's game. This was when they were were already without three of their top players in Stefon Diggs, Marcus Sherels, and Terence Newman. That’s rough.
  • Woo-hoo, go Bucs! Don’t much care for Tampa Bay or their uniforms, but when they beat the Seattle Seahawks, they have my fandom for the week. 

  • I hate to praise the Dallas Cowboys if it can at all be avoided, but I can’t help but love this Terrance Williams toe-tap touchdown. 
  • Dez Bryant had a solid game on the field, but it was his catwalk strut that was really on point.
NFL football swag dallas cowboys swagger


  • He wasn’t done preening for the day, either. Bryant, fresh from planting new geraniums in his garden, had words for Washington Redskins cornerback/loudmouth Josh Norman:


  • All that strutting must have been catching, because even a punter on a 5-6 team was feeling it.


  • All week, I’ve seen headlines like: “In honor of the butt-fumble four-year anniversary, here are the top 4 moments Mark Sanchez probably isn’t proud of.” When are we going to be done humiliating the guy for a bad-luck play? The guy is a third-string quarterback -- why do we need to roll out a lowlight reel for him?


  • After playing against Baltimore Ravens' Steve Smith last week, Dallas Cowboys rookie corner Anthony Brown said he “lost all respect” for the legendary receiver, echoing another rookie corner, Jalen Ramsey, who said the same thing after he faced Smith. Smith wasn’t too upset.
Smith is a jackass -- but an entertaining jackass.



  • Sources say that the NFL will consider limiting or eliminating Thursday Night Football after the TV contracts ends in 2017. I’m not holding my breath that those greedy misers will willinging relinquish revenue, but a girl can hope.



  • Cleveland Browns offensive tackle Joe Thomas played his first snap on September 10, 2007. Since then, he has played 10,000 snaps -- 10,000 consecutive snaps. In his 10-year career, Thomas has never missed a snap.
^I guess if you don't laugh, you cry, and in Cleveland, well, you
probably have to laugh a lot.

  • Please,  please CBS, stop letting Bart Scott do the game updates and recaps. I might as well just run the garbage disposal while watching highlights for all the coherency he provides.


  • Vontaze Burfict might be the least likable player in the league. In addition to being a dirty, dirty player who should be thrown out of the league, he’s also a punk. Here he is flopping to draw a penalty (successfully). 
  • You know who else is a jerk? Aqib Talib. After his teammate muffed a punt that resulted in a turnover, Talib greeted him on the sideline with a shove. His teammate. What a jerk!


  • Look, I understand it is ridiculous for me to be criticizing NFL players’ pain tolerance from the comfort of my couch, but Derek Carr’s complete lack of concern for the football he fumbled when he hurt his hand is surprising. I’m sure he was in a lot of pain that I cannot even imagine, and I understand not wanting to dive into a scrum with an injury, but he didn’t even look to see who recovered the ball. He just walked off the field. (In his defense, it sounds like his finger was dislocated in two places. But still.)



  • I just read about how Carr’s son almost died when he was born, and now I feel very emotionally invested in Derek Carr’s success and really want him to do well. (Don’t worry, his son is fine and healthy now!) This is how I get attached to players. I feel bad for questioning his toughness. (But still.)

  • Why on earth, Carolina, is your backup middle linebacker covering Michael Crabtree?? I guess because you normally have Luke Kuechly in that position and Luke Kuechly can do anything.
That lucky bitch.

  • It was a really fun game between the Carolina Panthers and the Oakland Raiders. The Raiders jumped out to a huge lead and were up 24-7 at the half, but after Carr's injury, the Panthers went on a 25-0 run. Then Oakland scored and converted the two-point try, so the score was 32-32. The Raiders forced a punt, then hit a a field goal. Then Khalil Mack happened.


  • Khalil Mack is fierce. In addition to having a pick-six to end the first half, he came up huge in the final moments of the game. Down 35-32, Carolina Panthers had a minute-and-a-half left to try to kick a field goal to send the game to overtime or else score a touchdown for the win. The Panthers picked up 32 yards in two plays to get just past midfield, but were still shy of field goal range. On first down, Mack breaks through the line to force Cam Newton to throw away the ball. On second down, Mack and teammate Bruce Irvin pressure Newton, who again has to throw away the ball. Third down, incomplete pass. Fourth down, Mack gets to Newton for a strip sack. End of game. Mack’s final line: interception, touchdown, sack, forced fumble, fumble recovery. You don’t want to be across the line from that man.


  • If I have to hear that “You don’t own me” song in one more commercial during an NFL game, I’m going to actually pay attention to what company that is and then boycott them.

  • The New Orleans Saints, always classy. Up 21 points over the 4-6 Los Angeles Rams in the fourth quarter, the Saints thought it a good time to put in a trick play. The result was a 50-yard touchdown thrown by wide receiver Willie Snead. It seems that the Saints couldn’t miss the chance to show up their former defensive coordinator Gregg William (of Bountygate infamy), who now coaches for the Rams.


  • By the way, what is up with New Orleans’ field? Why is it always so ugly?? It looks like an old carpet that was vacuumed without any concern for the vacuum lines. It always looks shaggy and unkempt.
  • Jason Pierre-Paul had a nice game* for the New York Giants, registering three sacks and a defensive touchdown. (*It was against the Cleveland Browns, though, so it doesn’t really count.)

  • The Denver Broncos-Kansas City Chiefs was a defensive struggle -- it started with eight punts and the first points came on a safety -- but ended up being quite the entertaining game, featuring a last-minute touchdown, a last-second two-point conversion to send it to overtime, a missed 62-yard field goal attempt, and a winning field goal banked in off the upright. Bill Barnwell has a really good piece in which he analyzes all the weird decisions the coaches faced in the game.


  • If you’re on your way to scoring a touchdown and you have time to high-five your teammate, you’re doing a good job.




  • More evidence that you’re doing a good job? You score all of your team’s touchdowns, including the one to force overtime. Rookie wide receiver Tyreek Hill carried the Kansas City Chiefs to victory overtime, where they beat the Broncos on this crazy field goal that hit the upright and bounced in. (Check out the Denver mascot’s reaction -- he’s behind the goal post. And all the Denver fans who think it was a miss. And the KC holder who thinks they missed.)

  • The Packers are now 5-6 and face the Houston Texans. Onward and upward, right, Jordy?







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