Ron Rivera Still Doesn't Understand How Timeouts Work and More Tidbits from Week 5

• Can we have just one tough running play without the announcers salivating about "old school football!" and "smash mouth football!" or launching into a rant about "that's how we used to play football!!"?

• New England Patriots vs. New York Jets - the Battle of the Most Annoying Coach vs. Most Evilest Coach.

This picture is the desktop background on the devil's computer.

• Okay, apparently Carolina coach Ron Rivera took my advice last week on using timeouts before the half to heart. The thing is, Ron, I meant using timeouts to help your team score, not the other team. So when the New Orleans Saints are without any timeouts and have about 6 seconds before halftime to get their field goal unit on the field and lined up, and they clearly are not going to beat the clock, that is an instance in which you would not want to call a timeout because that would allow New Orleans time to kick the field goal and gain 3 points they wouldn't have otherwise had. Hmm, I wonder if those 3 points ending up mattering in your 30-27 loss...

• Corollary: Another time not to call a timeout is when your team is down by 3, driving down the field with under a minute in the game, and you were just credited with a questionable catch. See, otherwise, Ron, the timeout might allow time for the replay operators to call for a review, thereby reversing a 16-yard pass that got you into New Orleans territory. Just for future reference. 

• It's always nice to see Eli Manning lose.

"Wait...you mean those receivers were on the other team?"

• You know Eli Manning looks like? The be-mulletted older brother from the Wonder Years.

Eli Manning or Wayne Arnold?

                                                                                                                     

WHICH ONE AM I??

•  Everyone loves making fun of Eli Manning - even Justin Timberlake. It's just so easy:

• I believe it was announcer John Lynch who dropped this pearl of wisdom during the New Orleans-Carolina game: "[Saints' coach] Sean Payton says Drew Brees is a special player, and I agree with him." Bold statement, John, bold statement.

• Re: Denver playing third-string QB Tim Tebow. What happened to second-string QB Brady Quinn??

"Oh...okay...it's just that I thought 2 came before 3..."

• The Panthers remind me a lot of last year's Lions - they're explosive, exciting, they play teams tough, but they always lose. They're really talented, they just need practice winning.

• Wow. The Eagles. Yikes. And doesn't it seem that every year Andy Reid is defending his job and yet he never loses it? I feel like his press conference this week was just a recycled video from the last time people were calling for his head.
• Side note: I'm sorry to be mean, but doesn't Andy Reid look like someone you'd see being interrogated on Dateline or To Catch a Predator?

"I'm telling ya, I don't know where the boy is!"

• But back to the Eagles. How on earth do you fall for a dummy call on 4th down??? The Bills were at midfield - they can't risk going for it. They were not going to go for it. All the Eagles defensive line had to do was nothing. Nothing.
• I did love the Bills' game plan for Eagles, making smart use of running back Fred Jackson against a weak middle in the Eagles' defense. On that note, here are some adorable pictures of Fred Jackson with his son:

  

Look at 1) how freaking cute this kid is, and 2) the size of Fred Jackson's feet.

• There are more, but I have to stop before this gets creepy.

• Tom Brady threw his first red-zone interception at home. No, no, not of the season - Ever. In his entire career.

• Hey, Minnesota finally figured out what everyone else in the world already knew: good things happen when Adrian Peterson gets the ball.

Beast.

• Enough with the shortcuts in the language. You cannot just make up words because it allows you to say something in fewer words. "Team A just out-physicalled Team B." Because saying "Team A played more physically than Team B" would just be much, much too tedious...and correct.

• Who's ready to see more of this for 3 hours tonight??

 

  

   Maybe we'll even see a little of this:

Week 5: Green Bay at Atlanta

We find ourselves talking, once again, about offensive lines. Matt Ryan’s line is terrible - he’s already been sacked 13 times and hit 28 times through four weeks!!! Poor Matty Ice! Will the Packers finally be able to get some pressure on the quarterback this week??

More of this, please.

Absolutely key to this game for Atlanta is the run game. Human bowling ball Michael Turner is a beast and crazy good at picking up yards after contact.  When Atlanta beat Green Bay in the regular season last year, Turner ran for 110 yards; when Atlanta lost in the playoffs, Turner managed only 39 yards. The Packers’ run defense is good, but so is Michael Turner. I think this whole game revolves around the Turner vs. the Packers’ run defense match-up, and whoever wins the match-up wins the game.

One way to avoid coming out on the wrong side of that match-up is for the Packers to keep doing what they’ve been doing and jump out to an early lead, forcing the Falcons away from the run.  (I thought Matt Ryan made an interesting, though overly-generous, remark this week when he pointed out that the Packers’ woeful secondary statistics could be partly attributed to the fact that opponents have to pass much more against the Packers when the Packers gain early leads.) I just hope Tramon Williams still has Matt Ryan’s number.

Do this again.

While I think the idea of this week’s game being a grudge match for Atlanta is overplayed, there is way more at stake for Atlanta than for Green Bay. After cruising through the regular season to a 13-3 record last year, Atlanta’s sitting at a disappointing .500 after four weeks and needs to win this game to prove they can play with the big boys. That’s what makes me nervous about this game. That, and the fact that Matt Ryan has only ever lost THRICE in the Georgia Dome. EVER. The last time was to Green Bay in the playoffs...I don’t know if the Falcons allow that to happen a second time.   

Watch out for that Jordy Nelson - he’s done pretty darn well against Atlanta. 

Mmmmm, Jordy.

 Also look for Aaron Rodgers and his favorite shoes - they seem to like the Georgia Dome almost as much as Matt Ryan. 

Aaron and the Magic Shoes.

 Though, I think right now Aaron Rodgers could play in quicksand and still post a 100+ QB rating. 

The Packers: A Very Thoughtful Commentary

I think it's time to bust out this video again. We need to see more of THIS on the field this Sunday:

I think we should all also take a moment to remember the classic Raji dance, which has been emulated in world-famous dance studios across the country:

And some Packers trying and failing to imitate him:

I think it's also worth taking note of these two serious fans who caught the original TD on tape:

I was also thinking today about how much I dislike Brett Favre. I hope you all haven't forgotten this video?? (Sorry, it wouldn't let me embed it. But trust me. You'll want to click that link.)


Anyways, I was also thinking today about the most important 5 seconds of the latest Sound FX video. Let's take a look at a professional video still:

And finally, an adorable moment between GJ and DD last week is eclipsed by the sheer size of Greg's right bicep:

 In conclusion, the Packers are the greatest of all time!








...Also, Jay Cutler sucks.

Dear Brett

It appears that Brett Favre thinks that his opinion is somehow still relevant in Green Bay. Let's take a look at what he had to say about Aaron Rodgers winning a Super Bowl:


 (From Yahoo! Sports)

"I'm going to be honest, I was not surprised. The biggest surprise to me would be that he didn't do it sooner. My last year in Green Bay prior to the first game, I made the remark that this was probably the most talented team that I've ever played on. And of course everyone looked up and was like, 'This guy's off his rocker.'

"We were very, very young; take me out of the mix and we were by far the youngest team in the league. But I could see the talent pool across the board was outstanding. Now our season kind of ended up being a reflection of that. We came close, and I think we took a lot of people by surprise, but guys emerged rather quickly. Aaron had a chance…even though the last couple years it's seemed like he's almost a rookie, he's been around awhile. And I'd like to think that he watched, he learned, and then when he got a chance to play, he brought in his ability which is obviously very good or they wouldn't have drafted him in the first round. He's got tremendous talent, he's very bright and he got a chance to watch and see successful teams do it right.

"And so, he just kind of fell into a good situation. On top of that, he's a good player. I don't think there's any pressure on him now, the talent around him is even better than when I was there. So I'm really kind of surprised it took him so long. In the early part of last year season, it hadn't quite clicked yet and I didn't know it would. I just kind of figured when they hit their stride, they're going to be hard to beat. And that's what happened."


Well done, Brett, well done. Way to not-so-subtly take shots at Aaron while still keeping the language neutral on the surface so you can pretend like you actually meant what you said as a compliment. Impressive.  But let's review a few things here:

1) Now, are you really "surprised" Aaron didn't win a Super Bowl sooner, Brett? Are you? Because in your 20 years as a starter, you only made it to the Super Bowl twice, so you obviously know it ain't easy. Aaron, in just his third year as a starter, made it to the Super Bowl, and won to boot! So I don't think there were many people sitting around, watching Aaron hoist that trophy and thinking, "Finally!" while rolling their eyes at Aaron's slow path to Champion of the Universe.

Also, he can fly.

You feel compelled to point out that "even though the last couple years it's seemed like [Rodgers's] almost a rookie, he's been around awhile." Sure, I guess. He did sit for three years. But you can't exactly count those years against him failing to reach the Super Bowl sooner because - as you might recall, Brett - he wasn't playing. You were. So if you're counting the years in which it was actually possible for Aaron to lead the team to a Super Bowl, three still sounds pretty efficient to me.

2) As for 'falling into a good sitch'... Sure, Aaron didn't get thrown into a dysfunctional organization like the Raiders, or an eternally rebuilding one like the Browns, but there's a bit more to it that just 'falling in' to a situation that leads to winning the Super Bowl. It's not like Aaron was just strolling along, tripped, landed the starting position of an NFL franchise, won over a locker room, won over an entire fan base, set some records along the way, played such extraordinary postseason football that he led his team to three road victories, then bested the league's best defense in the Super Bowl all by happy accident. There were some growing pains - the whole 2008 season - so it's not like Aaron was copy-and-pasted into a Super Bowl-ready team. The fact is that Aaron has contributed to the development of the entire team through his leadership and has made every one of his offensive teammates better through his play.

Also, let's not pretend that this was some sort of accident. Beginning in 2005, the Green Bay Packers started putting together a team around Aaron Rodgers. They let you stay on for a while, but they had their eyes on the future. (Remember that hissy fit you threw from 2005-2010? Yeah, that's what that was about.)  So he didn't "fall" into this situation as much as it was a situation carefully crafted around a superstar in the making.

3) "My last year in Green Bay prior to the first game, I made the remark that this was probably the most talented team that I've ever played on. And of course everyone looked up and was like, 'This guy's off his rocker.'" Brett. Come now, you can't have it both ways. See, you're trying to say that you are so prophetic and football-sagacious that you saw something in your teammates that no one else did. Okay.  But you also say "the talent around him is even better than when I was there." So you either had the same teammates you describe as the "most talented," or you didn't.  But you don't get to say both.

Perhaps you did recognize the talent on your team your last year in Green Bay. Good for you. And yet, less than half the players on the roster in 2007 were on the roster in 2010 (less than a third are on the roster this year). Soooooo, of all that talent you saw way back then, a lot of it had absolutely nothing to do with Aaron Rodgers winning the Super Bowl.

You are right that the talent around Rodgers improved from when you were there. I bet it did a lot of good for Aaron when most of it was sitting on the IR watching a bunch of unknowns make names for themselves as Packer starters dropped like flies.
(This 16-players-on-the-IR could also fit into the previous point's refutation of the idea of Aaron falling off a log into an easy situation.)

4) What's that you say, Brett? Aaron Rodgers is a "good player"? You don't say! How astute! What gave it away? His championship ring? His completion rate that's currently the best in NFL history? His consistent triple-digit quarterback rating? His stat line from last Sunday? His Super Bowl MVP award?? Cathy's blog post?


No, Brett, for you, the sum total evidence that Aaron's "good" is that otherwise "they wouldn't have drafted him in the first round." Ah, yes. Our most convincing proof yet.

Definitive proof of Aaron Rodgers being "good": The Belt

There is one thing I'm not going to dispute you on, Brett, and that's that Aaron certainly benefited from sitting on the bench and watching. No doubt. I really believe that is one of the keys of Aaron's success. But, let us not forget Brett, that you did everything you could to make those three years as unproductive as possible.  If you had actually spoken to the guy, hey, maybe you could take a little more credit for his development. (I see your ears perk up when I say "take credit," Brett. See? I'll bet you wish you had been nicer to Aaron now. Then everyone would be saying how his success was due to you and what a great mentor you were, blah blah.)

"Don't pout, Brett. There's one record of yours I promise not to break ... the interception one."

5) Just one last point, and it's my absolute favorite point of this whole thing. You say of the 2007 Green Bay team: "We were very, very young; take me out of the mix and we were by far the youngest team in the league. But I could see the talent pool across the board was outstanding. Now our season kind of ended up being a reflection of that. We came close, and I think we took a lot of people by surprise, but guys emerged rather quickly." Oohhhh, that was what happened. It was the youth and inexperience of the team that was the downfall. That's interesting, Brett, because I thought it was for a different reason. See, the way I remember it was that you threw a @$#&^$* INTERCEPTION IN OVERTIME OF THE NFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME THAT COST US A CHANCE AT THE SUPER BOWL.

Oops.

Now I see, though - if not for the team's youth and inexperience, you, Brett Favre, would have a second Super Bowl win to your name.

Hey, maybe you would have even won a Super Bowl MVP.

But you didn't. So shut your piehole.



Respectfully Yours,

                                 Cathy and Marisa



P.S. Here are some pictures to laugh at:

Ineptitude Around The League (aka: Why your team is not as good as the Packers)

• Pittsburgh offensive line is beyond atrocious. It was almost hard to watch, and I hate the Steelers. The 5 sacks and 8 hits on the quarterback don't even tell the whole story - no wonder Roethlisberger’s in a walking boot.

• Panthers' coach Ron Rivera does know what timeouts are for, right? They stop the clock - like, they stop those little numbers on the Jumbotron from ticking closer to zero, thereby giving your team more time to run more plays before the half during a tight game. You don’t get any extra points for taking timeouts into the half. I’m sure he knows this, but if someone wants to remind him, just in case...

• If Houston had lost that game to Pittsburgh, the entire Texans organization should have voluntarily disbanded. The stats don’t really show it, but the way Pittsburgh was playing, Houston should have won by at least three touchdowns.

• Wow. Let us recap the Dallas Cowboys’ second half:

o   After leading 20-3, Tony Romo throws back-to-back interceptions returned for touchdowns

o   Then, Romo throws a third interception to put Lions in the red zone

o   3rd-and-goal on Dallas’ 4-yard line, the Lions’ pass is incomplete - too bad! They’ll have to kick a field goal! But wait - defensive holding on Dallas, Detroit gets four new downs on the 4-yard line

o   Next play, Dallas gets called for a 12 men on the field penalty. It’s under two minutes and you get called for TWO defensive penalties, including one which means no one on your team knows how to count? How do you do that? This penalty was declined, however, as Calvin Johnson had already scored the touchdown. (Note: You have 12 freakin’ men on the field, yet only ONE is covering Calvin Johnson?)

o   But wait - the Cowboys aren’t done collapsing! 4th-and-20 with about 11 seconds left in the game, Dallas has one last shot to get into the endzone and win the game. It’s touchdown or die. Romo looks, doesn’t have much, checks down to Felix Jones. Run, Felix, run! I know you have to go 50 yards for the touchdown and it seems improbable, but go for it! Maybe you'll get some blockers, maybe you can try a lateral pass to your teammate! Maybe you can ... end the game by walking out of bounds after seven yards...?? Way to have that fighting spirit 'Boys.

• You know who doesn't get enough hate? Mark Sanchez.

• I hate the Chicago Bears - duh - but Devin Hester wins this week's best touchdown celebration

Victor Cruz wins it for last week.

 

• Hypothetical Gambling Dilemma: Quick! The Eagles, the Vikings, and the Cowboys are all playing important divisional games on Monday Night Football and all have second-half leads. It's the fourth quarter: who collapses first?

End of post?

?

?

?

Nope!

...

Now end of post.

Aaron Rodgers - God of Football

49-23, Packers are undefeated, 4-0, blah blah blah...whatever. The real story here is that AARON RODGERS IS A FOOTBALL TERMINATOR.

Denver = pwned. LOL.

As Marisa said to me the other day (actually it was about 20 minutes ago), "Aaron Rodgers is a freakin' Olympian! (The god kind, not the kind that shows up every 4 years.)"

That's right. How do I know this for sure? Aaron Rodgers was clean-shaven at kickoff, but by the fourth quarter, he had a full-blown five o'clock shadow! That's a real man for sure.

Okay, there were other reasons:

1) He threw for a career high of 408 yards, threw 4 touchdowns, and ran for 2 touchdowns.

2) He is the first NFL player to throw for 400 yards and four touchdowns and have two rushing touchdowns in the same game.

3) He's the first quarterback in Packers history to throw for four TDs and run for two TDs in a game.  

(I copied those last two reasons word-for-word from some website. Oops, copyright. I'm not too worried, though. Approximately 1/2 a person and my cat read this blog.)

 Also, first appearance of the belt this season!

Heavyweight champion of the world!

He even made James Jones look good.

Just kidding, JJ. I <3 you.

Watch the 16-yd catch here.

One thing though...that second rushing touchdown? I mean, I'm glad that Mikey M. challenged the ruling, and I'm glad he won the challenge...but I'm not gonna lie. I watched the replay about four times in extreme slow motion, and it def looked to me like his knee was down before the ball was down. But hey, I'm not complaining.

I'm athletic AND sexy!

Woodson had an ice-cold pick six, which makes me very happy for him, but I still wish he'd shave his goatee.

So attractive!

Less attractive!

Jordy Nelson did his thang:

2Fast4U.com/jordyisepic.html/hawt

J-Fin did some cool gymnastic moves:

Floor routine?

Greg Jennings was sexy, but confused, when he got a too-easy touchdown that left him unsatisfied.

I prefer to earn my glory

And in the all-time most "awwwwwwwwww" moment of the game, Donald Driver got some smoochy, mushy love from his teammates when he scored after a leg injury:

Everyone is weeping at the TV right now. Even Bronco fans.

I'ma steal something from this website now:

"When Driver went down, Greg Jennings feared the worst at first.

'Let me tell you, he's the ultimate gladiator,' Jennings said. 'He almost had us in tears because you see a guy who pours in everything week in, week out, every practice, doesn't miss a practice, and then you see him take a hit like that and you see him grabbing his knee and it's like, 'Oh, my gosh, please God, let this not be it.' Fortunately for us and for him, he was able to bounce back.' "

Aw, Greg! You're such a softie with a mushy fuzzy bunny heart! <3

The face that launched a thousand ships. In my heart.

James Jones and Randall Cobb (who is so explosive a rookie that he needs two "l"s and two "b"s in his name) shared another, only slightly less adorable, intimate moment:

Bros 4ever

Newhouse sure let a lot of guys past him, and made things tough for Aaron. However, that didn't really matter too much, because (if I haven't made it clear yet):


AARON RODGERS IS A GOD AMONGST MEN. (grew a 5 o'clock shadow in three hours)


Matt Flynn threw an interception on his first play, but no one really cared (except him).


And then, guess what?? The game ended, and we won.


~UNDEFEATED DANCE!~


(I'm not actually dancing. But I would be, if my cat weren't on my lap.)