4-0: A Good Start

• It felt like it was harder than it should have been, but the Green Bay Packers stayed perfect by beating the San Francisco 49ers 17-3. It was nice to fiiiinally beat those darn Niners!

• I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again -- what happened to Colin Kaepernick?! 13-of-25, 160 yards, 0 touchdowns, one interception, six sacks.

• I know California is hot, but Jim Tomsula was pouring sweat before the game even started. I wondered if his players had given him the celebratory Gatorade bath pre-game?

• Nope. He looks like that even when he’s inside.

• Green Bay’s offense wasn’t clicking as fans are used to, particularly on third-down conversions. The Pack started a dismal 1-for-7, went 3-for-3 on the John Kuhn touchdown drive, then went 1-for-5. That wouldn’t have happened if Jordy had been there.

• Joe Buck referred to Jordy Nelson as Green Bay’s “Sideline Catchmaster.” Hmm, I appreciate the love for Jordy, but it doesn’t have quite the same ring as “Sideline Ninja.”

• Aaron Rodgers has thrown 170 touchdowns in the red zone to just six interceptions. ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY TO SIX.

• It’s just unfair what Mr. Rodgers can do to defenses. I mean, look at this! The defensive backs have no chance!

• Hmm, this is a new tune from our old friend JMike.

• Let’s see what he had to say a few weeks ago.

The 2 league MVPs, Super Bowl MVP, and highest
passer rating in NFL history weren't enough to convince you ?

• It sounded like a home game for the Packers in Levi’s Stadium. Check out the audio. That’s gotta be salt in the many, many wounds of Niners fans.

• The offensive line has me worried. Right tackle Bryan Bulaga is progressing from his knee injury, but next week would be rather early for him to return. His replacement, Don Barclay, as well as left tackle David Bakhtiari, have struggled. Next week will be a big challenge against the St. Louis Rams’ fierce front seven. Eek.

• Let’s play a little game I like to call “Green Bay Head Coach Mike McCarthy or Olympic Champion Figure Skater Dorothy Hamill?”

Use your context clues.

• The Packers defense has 17 sacks on the season, tied with the St. Louis Rams, and just one fewer than the Denver Broncos. Speaking of Denver’s awesome defense, they already have 11 players with at least one sack four weeks in!

• I have to stifle a laugh when the New York Giants are trying out receivers who are out of the league a few weeks after cutting James Jones. Bet this would come in handy for the Giants right about now:

• Julius Peppers, talking about taking Aaron Rodgers’ greatness for granted: “Trust me, I don’t. I played on some teams where I wish I had a guy like him.”

Whomever could he be talking about??

• WAIT! I WAS RIGHT! Seattle Seahawks linebacker KJ Wright intentionally -- and therefore illegally -- batted the ball out of the end zone after Calvin Johnson fumbled it on Monday Night Football! I knew I had seen games where that was indeed a penalty! (I believe the Bears were penalized for that in a game against the Packers three or four seasons ago.) What the heck?!?! Why is Johnson always being screwed over by the referees?! It's not bad enough that he has the most maligned NFL rule named after him?? The Seahawks sure get awfully lucky when playing in Seattle on Monday night games.

• How do NONE of the commenters -- most of whom are former players! -- not know this rule? I understand that it doesn't come up that much, but it's not that obscure if I know about it! The NFL VP of Officiating acknowledged the missed call, but said that it was a "judgment call," and the back judge didn't feel that the illegal bat was "overt." "That's why he didn't call it on the field." Either that or he didn't know the rules. I'm going to bet on the latter.

• Seahawks' defender Michael Bennett has always been a little crazy, but he upped the ante with this post-game quote:

• Carolina Panthers cornerback Josh Norman, whom no one had heard of a few weeks ago, is leading the (albeit very early!) race for best defensive player. Norman has four interceptions -- including two pick-sixes -- and a forced fumble in four games.

• Is anyone able to tell the difference between Houston Texans quarterback Ryan Mallett and Houston Texans quarterback Brian Hoyer? Coach Bill O’Brien keeps going back and forth on who his starting QB is, but maybe we should let him in on the secret that everyone knows: they’re both backup quarterbacks.

• People talk about offensive linemen "keeping their quarterback upright," but usually they don't mean so literally.

• The San Diego Chargers, tied at 27-27 with two seconds left, were kicking for the win, but missed it. Too bad; on to overtime, right? Nope, because they were playing the Cleveland Browns, and the Browns committed an offsides penalty. San Diego re-kicked, made it, won the game. So very Cleveland.

• It was the week of missed field goals -- three teams essentially lost on missed kicks (Steelers, Jaguars, Eagles), and two more almost lost (Chargers, Saints). There were 14 missed field goals, four missed PATs, and two kickers fired (Buccaneers, Steelers). Yikes.

• There’s a report that has Miami Dolphins quarterback Ryan Tannehill has been struggling in practice against the scout team -- getting easily rattled, throwing interceptions. How does Tannehill, a professional athlete who’s supposed to be the leader of his team, handle this? With motivational, inspirational words like, “Enjoy your practice squad paycheck.”

He kinda totally looks like a guy who would say that.

• That whole Dolphins team has got issues. The team signed Ndamukong Suh to $114 million contract, yet the defensive line has struggled. Here’s King Kong half-heartedly jogging after the running back who beat him:

• And then there was Suh’s post-game conference, in which he answered multiple queries, by just repeating, "Next question." When asked about his embattled head coach Joe Philbin being on the hot seat, Suh told reporters they should ask other players because he’s “not an emotional guy.” (Thanks for that support, Ndamukong!) Philbin, who was on the hot seat all of last season as well, was fired Monday.

• The Arizona Cardinals were handed their first loss of the season by the Rams, but it was Arizona quarterback Carson Palmer’s  first loss since December 2013.

• I know Nick Foles had a lot of success in Philadelphia last year, but it’s hard to be afraid of someone who looks just like Napoleon Dynamite.

If it weren't for the field goal posts, I honestly don't know
if I could tell who is who.

• I was super tired and about to go to bed on Sunday night, but decided to stay up for overtime on Sunday night. It was very much worth it.

• Fun way to get your 400th touchdown: throw the game-winning pass in overtime! New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees joined the 400 club on Sunday night, and was the fastest in NFL history to that mark.

• Regarding the loss, Jerry Jones said, “It’s not quite apples and oranges when the guy on the other side of the deal is Brees and you’re dealing with a guy as limited as Weeden.” Ouch. So much for Weeden being the most “gifted passer” Jones had ever seen just a week earlier.

"Can you believe he said that about me?!"
"Umm, yep. Uh-huh. Sounds about right."

• Retired linebacker London Fletcher was highly amused by Jerry Jones’ panegyric on Weeden. Recalling playing against Weeden, Fletcher said intercepting the quarterback was like “playing catch with [his] kids.” Double ouch.

• I hate to say it, but I’m starting to feel bad for the Dallas Cowboys. They're already without their starting quarterback, star receiver, and starting corner, now they’ve lost running back Lance Dunbar, who had 100 receiving yards last week, to a torn ACL and MCL.

At least Cowboys' fans won't have to try so hard to make excuses this year.

• Aww, Washington Redskins running back Alfred Morris actually sounds like a good guy. He has a tradition of hanging out with the stadium ushers and security guards before every game.

• Jay Cutler wins one game and all of a sudden he thinks he’s the Fonz.

Smokin'JayCutler needs to get on this right now.

• Ugh, somehow the Chicago Bears managed their first win of the season on a last-minute field goal over the Oakland Raiders. Tight game, down to the wire, season on the line -- how do the Bears not choke that away? I’m shocked.

• A reporter asked Chicago Bears tight end Martellus Bennett if quarterback Jay Cutler is criticized too much. Bennett responded, “They threw rocks at Jesus, and Jesus was an excellent guy who did a lot of awesome stuff."

AND THEY HAVE THE SAME INITIALS!

• You have to admire the Oakland Raiders’ effort on this last-ditch, lateral-filled (well, fumble-filled) final play.

• Charles Woodson moved into top 10 in career interceptions! Woo hoo! Yay, Charles! I’ll give you one guess who threw him the ball.

• Indianapolis Colts quarterback Andrew Luck sat Sunday with a shoulder injury, meaning that 40-year-old Matt Hasselbeck took the helm and led the Colts to victory! “I am playing with guys closer in age to my kids than they are to me,” said the well-loved Hasselbeck. Seriously, everybody who has played with this guy adores him. Awww, look how happy they all are for him!

• The Buffalo Bills had 17 penalties on Sunday, and Rex Ryan sorta doesn’t think that’s a problem but also promises to fix it??

• JJ Watt is obviously just trolling the women of the world.

I kid you not, the other JJ headline that day
was about him visiting some kid in the hospital.

• Jordy’s still my One True though.

I Can't Believe I Was Worried about the Kansas City Chiefs

• Ever since they destroyed the Green Bay Packers’ near-perfect, 15-1 season, I’ve been very wary of the Kansas City Chiefs. Plus, before Monday, KC had never lost at Lambeau. As it turns out, there was no need for apprehension, not when you’ve got Aaron Freakin’ Rodgers at quarterback. Rodgers was 24-for-35 for 325 yards and FIVE touchdowns!

• And what a game for Randall Cobb!! Ol’ Green Eyes took three Lambeau Leaps on Monday night.

So good. Soooo preeeetty.

• Rookie wide receiver Ty Montgomery got his first touchdown and Lambeau Leap! Yay! I love watching rookies get their first TD.

• Another free play touchdown! And a second free play almost-touchdown. How many times can Rodgers score touchdowns on teams before they catch on? Alex Smith tried to take of advantaged of a free play, but threw an interception.

Lolz you ain't Aaron Rodgers.

• Kansas City had three yards in the first quarter -- when you have to spell out a team's yards instead of using the number, you know it's bad. At half, KC had 94 yards to Green Bay’s 304.

• Is no lower leg safe in Green Bay? Safeties Morgan Burnett and Sean Richardson were both out for the game after suffering calf and ankle injuries, respectively, during the week. Eddie Lacy and Davante Adams were both coming off of ankle injuries. Ty Montgomery hurt his ankle on the the the very first play of the game (he would return), and Adams re-injured his ankle a few plays later (he did not return). Tight end Andrew Quarless, who was nowhere to be found in the first two games, left the game with a knee injury.

• A Phil-Simms-esque line from Mike Tirico: Aaron Rodgers wants to prove to everyone that he “should have been taken at the top of that [2005] draft, if not higher."

• I won't lie, it was very disappointing to be the team against which Kansas City broke their no-touchdowns-to-wide-receivers-since-2013 drought. The defense also allowed Chiefs running back Jamaal Charles to score three touchdowns, though it's hard to grade a defense when they're playing with such a large lead.

• Yes, I'm being petty, but I couldn't help but smile when I saw this.

• ESPN’s talk show Mike & Mike was live from Lambeau on Monday. Some people couldn't handle it.

I'm tearing up with pride for my home state. 

• The New England Patriots have scored 119 points in their first three games! The crazy thing is that’s not even the highest in the league -- the Arizona Cardinals have scored 126!!

• Megatron making a play on this almost-guaranteed interception!

• After the Green Bay game last week, in which newly-acquired Seattle Seahawks tight end Jimmy Graham had only one reception, there were a lot of reports about how unhappy Graham was with his lack of targets. I have nooooo idea what the Seahawks were thinking by throwing to Graham only seven times in the first two weeks, but they seemed to catch on that this guy is pretty good. He caught seven catches for 83 yards and a touchdown on Sunday against the Chicago Bears.

• I’m very grateful that the Seahawks waited until after playing Green Bay to finally throw the ball to Graham. I would also like to extend a warm “thank you” to Kam Chancellor for waiting to end his contract holdout until after Seattle played Green Bay.

• The Tennessee Titans, down eight points, scored in the closing seconds of their game against the Indianapolis Colts and needed a two-point conversion to force the game into overtime. I really appreciate this runner’s never-say-die attitude, but why didn’t he throw it back to the quarterback??

• So the Baltimore Ravens are 0-3. I don’t know why, but I’ve never liked the Ravens, so I’m kinda happy.

• Baltimore Ravens head coach John Harbaugh, however, was not happy after his team’s loss to the Cincinnati Bengals, especially their inability to stop Bengals receiver AJ Green: “One of these days we'll figure out how to cover A.J. Green. It would be nice if we did that before he retires.”

• Everyone was freaking out over all the players the San Francisco 49ers lost in the offseason. I thought people were overreacting and that the Niners would end up being mediocre, but not terrible. I was wrong. Very wrong. They’ve lost their first three games by an average of 27 points!!

• The Arizona Cardinals’ opening drive against the Niners ended with a punt. The next time the Cardinals’ offense touched the ball, they were up 14-0, thanks to back-to-back Colin Kaepernick pick-sixes. Arizona went on to win 47-7.

• I seriously don’t understand what happened to Colin Kaepernick. He looked like the next big quarterback and every sports analyst was in love with him. And it wasn’t a fluke. I clearly remember the Packers getting destroyed by him every freaking time they played. But after starting a not-terrible 7-4 last year, the Niners dropped four of their last five and the spiraling has continued into this season. It can’t all be on the playcalling, right? I’m honestly confounded by how fast his descent has been.

• The Atlanta Falcons scored 25 unanswered points to beat the Dallas Cowboys.

It was a good Sunday.

• Steve Smith making his farewell tour count.

• I really tried to feel sympathy for Ben Roethlisberger as he was carted off the field after a knee injury, but all I felt was concern for the female athletic trainer who was on the cart with him.

• Even before the results of the MRI were known (MCL sprain and bone bruise), there was approximately 0% chance Roethlisberger would be able to play in the Steelers’ next game since it’s four days after their last. Yay for Thursday Night Football.

• Jim Bob Cooter is the actual name of a Detroit Lions coach.

• When I Googled his name, I was really expecting something more like this to come up:

• The Chicago Bears traded Jared Allen to the Carolina Panthers on Monday. Sooooooo this season, Allen will be paid $11.5 million by the Bears for three games (in the form of a roster bonus back in March), and $823,000 by the Panthers for 13 games. There’s that shrewd management that keeps the Bears on top!

• Brandon Weeden perpetually has the look of an amateur con man who knows he is seconds away from being exposed.

• What’s the point of CBS paying former official Mike Carey as a consultant on disputed calls when his “expert analysis” is -- and I quote -- “It’s a close one. We’ll see.”

• Speaking of CBS, if you are forced to sit through a Phil Simms-narrated game, you need to be following Phil Simms Quotes on Twitter.

• Wow, it’s going to be a long season for Russell Wilson. He’s already been sacked a league-high 12 times in three games.

• Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton likes to make bold fashion statements, but I have a fashion question: where does one even find a blue camouflage suit jacket?

• How does Larry Fitzgerald hold onto this touchdown???

• Oakland Raiders safety Charles Woodson had a game-winning interception this week. Sigh. I miss him.

• Awwww, Woodson posted a picture of his sons celebrating their dad’s interception. I really, really miss him. :’(  

• Now, the good news for the Chicago Bears is that, without starting quarterback Jay Cutler, they didn’t have any turnovers! The bad news…

• I love watching Darren Sproles.

• There’s something that’s been bothering me for a long while now and it’s only because of my admirable self-control that I haven’t said anything, but I really hate the NFL twitter feed. In particular, I hate their incessant use of the phrase, “Have a day!” That doesn’t mean anything! STOP SAYING THAT. (Note also that these were all posted in a two-hour span.)

• Tom Brady threw his 400th touchdown on Sunday to Danny Amendola. The receiver then handed the ball to a fan in the stands! Said Brady, “I don’t care. It’s just a ball.” (Don’t worry, he ended up getting it back.)

• WHAT WAS BRANDON MARSHALL THINKING? (In his defense, he did call it the “worst play in NFL history.”)

• So the New York Jets have a tight end coach, and that tight end coach has a son whom he brought into the locker room, and that son has a Twitter account. I don’t think that son will be returning to the locker room.

• Monday night was fun, but I still miss Jordy a lot. I'll bet Aaron and Randall do, too.

BFF