Back to .500!

• Yes, being at .500 is a reason to celebrate for Green Bay Packers and also a good reminder not to celebrate too much. That said, what a fun game!!!! It had it all: perfect football weather, Randall making snow angels, Jordy making big plays, even the defense having good moments, key stops, long drives, Aaron Rodgers looking sharp, and, of course, victory.

• The game started out great with the Packers defense forcing a fumble, but then Rodgers fumbled the ball on the goal line. A couple of punts later, the defense again showed up, stopping Houston on 4th down at midfield. The drive contained a fourth-down conversion of Green Bay’s own and ended with a nice Randall Cobb touchdown and lovely snow angel. (Thank you, refs, for not flagging this.)

Snow angel by @rcobb18! #HOUvsGB #GoPackGo pic.twitter.com/ndHS5troIM

— Green Bay Packers (@packers) December 4, 2016

• After that, the game really stalled (punt, punt, punt, downs for Green Bay) before the offense woke up again. Jordy, in particular, had a monster fourth quarter and finished with eight catches for 118 yards. My favorite was this third-down catch where he just out-muscled the defender. #NinjaBiceps

• It was a tough weekend for Houston corner Charles James. First, he probably got frostbite during warmups.

• Then, he was called up after starting cornerback Jonathan Joseph went down, slipped in the snow and allowed Nelson’s wide open touchdown. And then … he got fired the next day. Poor guy. It’s not easy going up against Jordy.  

• Can I just say how much I love cocky Jordy? It’s so uncharacteristic! The best part is that you can tell it’s a conscious effort, which makes it even cuter that he has to try to be brash. When asked about it, Jordy got all embarrassed, “I was just being … never mind. Just having fun.” Aww!

👈 #GoPackGo pic.twitter.com/UQ70ipi1bm

— Green Bay Packers (@packers) December 4, 2016

• Ol’ Green Eyes brought a spark to special teams, with punt returns of 23 and 21 yards, which were great, but stop using Cobb on punt returns! It makes me nervous! He’s not worth risking. Let Trevor Davis out of the doghouse, for heaven’s sake, and put him back on punts.

• I thought Morgan Burnett had a very nice game, too. In addition to his early fumble recovery, he led the team in tackles and notched a QB hit, as well.

• Oh my gosh, we might have a real NFL running back in Christine (pronounced “Kristen,” remember) Michael! His game was nothing to write home about, but he showed some nice burst and didn’t fall down immediately upon contact!

• Texans linebacker Whitney Mercilus still has the best name for a defender.

• Jim Nantz and Phil Simms passive-aggressively fighting with each other through their commentary is my favorite. You can just tell when Jim Nantz has reached his limit and can’t take Simms’ wildly inaccurate commentary anymore, so he just starts subtly listing statistics that disprove everything Simms is saying.

• A round of applause for Julius Peppers, whose sack of Brock Osweiler Sunday earned him fifth place all-time in NFL history with 142.5 career sacks. Very impressive, Ju-Ju. (True story: I once met an adult man named Julius who introduced himself with “...but you can call me Ju-Ju.”)

• Players who recover onside kicks look like Gus-Gus from Cinderella. 

• Oof. Cam Newton did not start for the Carolina Panthers’ Sunday night game against the Seattle Seahawks due to disciplinary reasons. Carolina’s backup QB, Derek Anderson, took the game’s first snap…and threw an interception 18 yards from his own goal line. The benching was due to a dress code violation -- Cam reportedly did not wear a tie. I’m all for dress codes and punishments, but if you’re going to bench your quarterback for a drive, maybe start with some runs instead of a pass.

• Here’s Nick Fairley swatting at his ex-teammate’s face after a QB hit. You can’t take the player out of Detroit Lions, but not the Detroit Lions out of the player.

Nick Fairley smacked Matthew Stafford IN THE FACE! IN THE FAAAAAAAACE https://t.co/2nUmYKH46c pic.twitter.com/PHaRVbI1w4

— SB Nation GIF (@SBNationGIF) December 4, 2016

• You know how I said I like Kirk Cousins because he’s kind of a goofball? During a media session this week, Cousins got on the topic of his love for Broadway musicals. And here’s an adorably awkward video of him performing in high school. He’s good!

• Thanks for nothing, New Orleans. For the last 60 home games, Drew Brees has thrown a touchdown, but decide to give that up this Sunday when he played the Detroit Lions, who I really needed to lose. Not only did Brees not throw a touchdown in the Saints 28-13 loss, but he threw three interceptions! It’s also the first game of the season in which the Lions were not trailing in the final two minutes.

• And the Saints were wearing their baby-diarrhea-colored pants again. That’s probably why they lost.

• Tampa Bay receiver Cecil Shorts, whom I love for being named like an Oscar Wilde character, dislocated his knee, tore his ACL, tore his MCL, and tore his PCL on Sunday. That sounds just dreadful! Here’s wishing you a speedy recovery, Cecil. :’(

• I have to wonder what former Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Trent Green was thinking when he decided to take his team picture while wearing a mock turtleneck. He obviously wasn’t thinking long-term. That’s the picture that they’re going to show of you on TV for all time to come. 

• Aww, isn’t Von Miller sweet? The Denver Bronco’s defensive terror sent a bottle of wine to every single one of his AFC West opponents -- including the practice squaders! -- to say, “Thank you for helping to make our game great!”

• Eric Berry!!! The Kansas City Chiefs defensive back had a pick-six on Sunday, and it wasn’t even his best play of the game. That would be the pick-two he scored to win the game. And the game was played in his hometown of Atlanta, just a few miles from where he received chemotherapy last year. This game is going to be the emotional climax in the Disney movie that will be inevitably be made of the cancer survivor’s story. (Except that in the movie, it’ll be the Super Bowl, but Berry plays for the Chiefs, so that part will have to stay fictional.) Top it all off with the tear-jerking scene of Berry handing the ball to his mom in the stands.

• So, to recap: the Atlanta Falcons were down five points to the Chiefs, scored a touchdown, and lost. Here’s how that happened: Atlanta was down 27-22, then scored a touchdown to go up 28-27, and they decided to go for two, which makes sense. Unfortunately for them, Berry picked off the two-point conversion and ran it all the way back for the Chiefs to take the lead 29-27! And that was the final score. I can’t believe we’ve seen two game-winning two-point conversions by defenses this season!

• AAARRRGGGHH! The Dallas Cowboys pulled out a win on Thursday night against the Minnesota Vikings, aided largely by a missed call. Down eight points, Minnesota scored with just 25 seconds left, and needed a two-point conversion to tie. The conversion was incomplete, but there was an OBVIOUS roughing-the-passer penalty (can't hit the QB's head or neck area) that was not called that should have given the Vikings another chance.

Gah! Ref! Ref! Don't you see that?!?

• AAARRGGGHHH! And I’m still surrounded by Cowboys fans.

• Goodness gracious, Buffalo Bills, how did you lose?? When I saw the Bills up on the Oakland Raiders 24-9 halfway through the third quarter, I didn’t bother checking back in on the game. Imagine my surprise -- and probably Buffalo’s fans’ too -- when I saw the final was 38-24, Raiders! How do you allow 29 straight points in a quarter and a half?

• The San Francisco’s 49ers received a 15-yard penalty for excessively celebrating a touchdown … that was called back. That was one of San Fran’s less embarrassing moments on Sunday. Here are some of the more embarrassing:
• The 49ers had six passing yards. As in 1-2-3-4-5-6.

Here's a screenshot because you obviously thought I was lying. 

• They had fewer than half the total yards of the Chicago Bears, who had won two games before Sunday. It’s not like the Bears played well, either. They, too, were disastrous.
• They didn’t have any turnovers, which sounds like a good thing, but how do lose 20-6 and play that poorly and gain so few yards without turnovers as an excuse?
• San Francisco had 17 times more penalty yards (106) than they did passing yards.
• Most damning of all, the Niners chose to punt from the Bears’ 31-yard line!!

• Seriously, what was Kelly thinking punting from the Bears’ 31? That’s almost the redzone. And yes, it was snowing, but how little faith do you have in your kicker to punt instead of kick in that situation? Why are you even on the field if you’re not going to compete? Why not just forfeit the game?  

• Elsewhere in the silly 15-yard unsportsmanlike penalties file, the Oakland punter managed to get one on Sunday following a roughing the punter call against the Buffalo Bills. Apparently Marquette King was just too excited about the call to resist picking up the flag and dancing.

• After the game, King took to Twitter to identify whose fault the flag really was.

• King is giving the Colts’ Pat McAfee a run for the Most Entertaining Punter title.

There's no one like @PatMcAfeeShow 😂#INDvsNYJ pic.twitter.com/TYdr9zPeoT

— NFL (@NFL) December 6, 2016

• Here are some fun, odd, and sad stats from the week:

• The Carolina Panthers have never had consecutive winning seasons, and Sunday night’s loss ensures that they won’t be wiping away that statistic this season.

• For the first time in 130 games, Dallas tight end Jason Witten did not have a catch.

• On Thursday, Dez Bryant tied Cowboys’ great Michael Irvin for second in receiving touchdowns in franchise history. It took Bryant 66 fewer games to do so. Wow!

• Here's the probability chart for winning the NFC North throughout Sunday's games. I looked and looked and could only see three teams at first.

Considering that Green Bay's hovering just above 25%,
I probably shouldn't be snickering, but I can't help it.

Whoop-Di-Doo. We Won a Game.

• I’m happy, I really am. It was nice to see the Green Bay Packers beat the Philadelphia Eagles. It was good to see the offense clicking. And the defense wasn’t atrocious the entire time, but I’m just not getting my hopes up. I totally believe in Green Bay and am with them all the way, but they’re still below .500. There’s nothing to celebrate. Not yet. But this could be a start. 

• Hopefully the offense will keep on going. Not only does it keep the poor defense off the field, but playing with a lead does so much for the Green Bay defense, which has allowed more points in the first quarter than any other team.

• Aaron Rodgers had a nice line: 30-for-39, 313 yards, two touchdowns, zero interceptions, zero sacks. He also had 46 yards rushing. It’s not exactly a surprise, but Aaron Rodgers is Green Bay’s leading rusher since Eddie Lacy went down. 

💪💪#GBvsPHI #GoPackGo pic.twitter.com/S2SyvAt6WL

— Green Bay Packers (@packers) November 29, 2016

• The Packers came into the game down two starting inside linebackers (Jake Ryan and Blake Martinez), which pushed Clay Matthews into the inside linebacker position. When Matthews left temporarily with a shoulder injury, they had to have safety Morgan Burnett step in at inside linebacker. Yeesh.

• The Eagles tried to troll the Packers by having “4th & 26” on the scoreboard before the game, referencing a 13-year-old game wherein the Packers lost by failing to defend a 4th-and-26. But I ain’t mad because we’ve got bigger problems to worry about. We’re 4-6 coming in, so there are more pressing concerns than a 13-year-old memory.

• Davante Adams, whose relationship with Packers fans is, uh, tenuous, has had a very nice season thus far, and added a nice game to his resume on Monday night: five catches on six targets for 113 yards and two touchdowns. He’s had big plays in several games, and more than a few difficult catches, like this lovely touchdown.

• It sure did help that almost all of the Eagles receivers and running backs were injured. 

• Ha Ha Clinton-Dix had another interception! Yay!

• The Packers, who have not been good on third downs, were 10-for-14 on third-down conversions, which I think is the the most important offensive stat in this win. Great job, team! (You cannot even begin to imagine how often you will see this video from now on.)

• How bout Jordy on this key third-down conversion!?! That’s my boo.

Oh, @JordyRNelson. 👀#GBvsPHI pic.twitter.com/oNH4J5zA4R

— NFL (@NFL) November 29, 2016

• The most intriguing part of the game was when Rodgers ducked into a mysterious tent that the Packers just happened to have on the sidelines.

• But in all gravity, Rodgers went into the mystery tent for treatment for a hamstring injury. Pleeeeeaase let him be okay! And please let the Packers fire their entire training staff because it’s absurd how half the team at any given time is nursing hamstring injuries. 

• SIIIIIIDELIIIIINE NIIIIINJA! To. Seal. The. Game!

• New Packers running back Christine Michael’s name is pronounced “Kristen,” apparently. It’s odd to give your son one girl’s name and then have it pronounced as another girl’s name, no?

• I loved Charles Woodson representing with the gold ascot.

• So the bad news: Sam Shields and Eddie Lacy are both shut down for the season. I think Sam Shields needs to retire, which is very sad. I’ve always been a huge Shields fan, but I hope he doesn’t try to keep playing since his brain is probably scrambled eggs right now and he shouldn’t risk making it worse. Eddie Lacy’s contract is up at the end of this season. Given his injuries and weight issues, I’d be shocked if Green Bay offered him more than a one-year deal. The question is if other teams will offer him something better. I’m hopeful that the Pack can re-sign Lacy because I thought he looked fantastic at the start of the season and I really want him back!

• Despite being down to the Tennessee Titans 27-7, the Chicago Bears didn’t give up, they kept on trying. Well, some of them kept on trying. Here’s a video of the Bears receivers dropping everything thrown their way. (Tee hee.)

• Ooohhh but that video was played before the final minute. It actually got worse for the Bears. (Tee hee.) Chicago actually came back to get within a touchdown of Tennessee. They had first-and-goal from the 7-yard line with 47 seconds left, and then here’s what happened. (Tee hee.) No, watch the whole thing -- it happens more than once.

• The Detroit Lions have trailed in the fourth quarter of all 11 games this season, yet, somehow, they are 7-4. (What’s the opposite of ‘tee hee’?) In six of those wins, they trailed in the last two minutes! Impressive, but has to be worrisome to Detroit fans. That luck can’t hold, right? Right??

• Faithful followers will know that I’ve long been a Matthew Stafford believer, and here’s why. Check out this window.

• Since the Minnesota Vikings are in free fall, I can spare a little sympathy for their injury situation. Their biggest problem has been their offensive line and things got worse when they had two offensive linemen drop out during Thursday's game. This was when they were were already without three of their top players in Stefon Diggs, Marcus Sherels, and Terence Newman. That’s rough.

• Woo-hoo, go Bucs! Don’t much care for Tampa Bay or their uniforms, but when they beat the Seattle Seahawks, they have my fandom for the week. 

• I hate to praise the Dallas Cowboys if it can at all be avoided, but I can’t help but love this Terrance Williams toe-tap touchdown. 

• Dez Bryant had a solid game on the field, but it was his catwalk strut that was really on point.

• He wasn’t done preening for the day, either. Bryant, fresh from planting new geraniums in his garden, had words for Washington Redskins cornerback/loudmouth Josh Norman:

"Washington need to get their money back."

Dez talks Norman following #WASvsDAL.https://t.co/ddDhiHW4Oq

— NFL Network (@nflnetwork) November 25, 2016

• All that strutting must have been catching, because even a punter on a 5-6 team was feeling it.

• All week, I’ve seen headlines like: “In honor of the butt-fumble four-year anniversary, here are the top 4 moments Mark Sanchez probably isn’t proud of.” When are we going to be done humiliating the guy for a bad-luck play? The guy is a third-string quarterback -- why do we need to roll out a lowlight reel for him?

• After playing against Baltimore Ravens' Steve Smith last week, Dallas Cowboys rookie corner Anthony Brown said he “lost all respect” for the legendary receiver, echoing another rookie corner, Jalen Ramsey, who said the same thing after he faced Smith. Smith wasn’t too upset.

Smith is a jackass -- but an entertaining jackass.

• Sources say that the NFL will consider limiting or eliminating Thursday Night Football after the TV contracts ends in 2017. I’m not holding my breath that those greedy misers will willinging relinquish revenue, but a girl can hope.

• Cleveland Browns offensive tackle Joe Thomas played his first snap on September 10, 2007. Since then, he has played 10,000 snaps -- 10,000 consecutive snaps. In his 10-year career, Thomas has never missed a snap.

^I guess if you don't laugh, you cry, and in Cleveland, well, you
probably have to laugh a lot.

• Please,  please CBS, stop letting Bart Scott do the game updates and recaps. I might as well just run the garbage disposal while watching highlights for all the coherency he provides.

• Vontaze Burfict might be the least likable player in the league. In addition to being a dirty, dirty player who should be thrown out of the league, he’s also a punk. Here he is flopping to draw a penalty (successfully). 

• You know who else is a jerk? Aqib Talib. After his teammate muffed a punt that resulted in a turnover, Talib greeted him on the sideline with a shove. His teammate. What a jerk!

• Look, I understand it is ridiculous for me to be criticizing NFL players’ pain tolerance from the comfort of my couch, but Derek Carr’s complete lack of concern for the football he fumbled when he hurt his hand is surprising. I’m sure he was in a lot of pain that I cannot even imagine, and I understand not wanting to dive into a scrum with an injury, but he didn’t even look to see who recovered the ball. He just walked off the field. (In his defense, it sounds like his finger was dislocated in two places. But still.)

• I just read about how Carr’s son almost died when he was born, and now I feel very emotionally invested in Derek Carr’s success and really want him to do well. (Don’t worry, his son is fine and healthy now!) This is how I get attached to players. I feel bad for questioning his toughness. (But still.)

• Why on earth, Carolina, is your backup middle linebacker covering Michael Crabtree?? I guess because you normally have Luke Kuechly in that position and Luke Kuechly can do anything.

That lucky bitch.

• It was a really fun game between the Carolina Panthers and the Oakland Raiders. The Raiders jumped out to a huge lead and were up 24-7 at the half, but after Carr's injury, the Panthers went on a 25-0 run. Then Oakland scored and converted the two-point try, so the score was 32-32. The Raiders forced a punt, then hit a a field goal. Then Khalil Mack happened.

• Khalil Mack is fierce. In addition to having a pick-six to end the first half, he came up huge in the final moments of the game. Down 35-32, Carolina Panthers had a minute-and-a-half left to try to kick a field goal to send the game to overtime or else score a touchdown for the win. The Panthers picked up 32 yards in two plays to get just past midfield, but were still shy of field goal range. On first down, Mack breaks through the line to force Cam Newton to throw away the ball. On second down, Mack and teammate Bruce Irvin pressure Newton, who again has to throw away the ball. Third down, incomplete pass. Fourth down, Mack gets to Newton for a strip sack. End of game. Mack’s final line: interception, touchdown, sack, forced fumble, fumble recovery. You don’t want to be across the line from that man.

• If I have to hear that “You don’t own me” song in one more commercial during an NFL game, I’m going to actually pay attention to what company that is and then boycott them.

• The New Orleans Saints, always classy. Up 21 points over the 4-6 Los Angeles Rams in the fourth quarter, the Saints thought it a good time to put in a trick play. The result was a 50-yard touchdown thrown by wide receiver Willie Snead. It seems that the Saints couldn’t miss the chance to show up their former defensive coordinator Gregg William (of Bountygate infamy), who now coaches for the Rams.

• By the way, what is up with New Orleans’ field? Why is it always so ugly?? It looks like an old carpet that was vacuumed without any concern for the vacuum lines. It always looks shaggy and unkempt.

• Jason Pierre-Paul had a nice game* for the New York Giants, registering three sacks and a defensive touchdown. (*It was against the Cleveland Browns, though, so it doesn’t really count.)

• The Denver Broncos-Kansas City Chiefs was a defensive struggle -- it started with eight punts and the first points came on a safety -- but ended up being quite the entertaining game, featuring a last-minute touchdown, a last-second two-point conversion to send it to overtime, a missed 62-yard field goal attempt, and a winning field goal banked in off the upright. Bill Barnwell has a really good piece in which he analyzes all the weird decisions the coaches faced in the game.

• If you’re on your way to scoring a touchdown and you have time to high-five your teammate, you’re doing a good job.

Best friends. 👏#KCvsDEN pic.twitter.com/T1M5zAifmX

— NFL (@NFL) November 28, 2016

• More evidence that you’re doing a good job? You score all of your team’s touchdowns, including the one to force overtime. Rookie wide receiver Tyreek Hill carried the Kansas City Chiefs to victory overtime, where they beat the Broncos on this crazy field goal that hit the upright and bounced in. (Check out the Denver mascot’s reaction -- he’s behind the goal post. And all the Denver fans who think it was a miss. And the KC holder who thinks they missed.)

• The Packers are now 5-6 and face the Houston Texans. Onward and upward, right, Jordy?

I Wonder If the Packers Will Ever Win Another Game

• The Green Bay Packers lost to the Washington Redskins 42-24 on Sunday night.

• In other NFL news, the Dallas Cowboys continue to -- oh fine, we can talk about the Packers game, though “game” implies there was some sort of competitive spirit involved. Once again, the Packers came out slow, by which I mean barely with a pulse. They went three-and-out, three-and-out, and three-and-out to start the game. How, I don’t know. If you’ve lost three in a row and your chances at making the playoffs are rapidly dwindling, wouldn’t you come out with some fire? Given our defense, I thought the game was going to be tight, but I would have put money on the Packers offense coming out sharp, given what was at stake. But no, guess not.

THIS GIF WAS MEANT TO BE USED HUMOROUSLY DURING THE GOOD
TIMES, NOT TO DEPICT YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARD PLAYING TERRIBLY.

• The poor got poorer, or, in the case of the Green Bay defense, the bad somehow got even worse. Already without top defensive backs Sam Shields and Damarious Randall, the paper-thin secondary also lost Demetri Goodson (to a gruesome looking knee injury -- seriously, don’t click on that unless you’re okay with seeing a man’s knee go 90 degrees in the wrong direction) and, later, his replacement Kentrell Brice. Already without leading tackler Jake Ryan, the never-been-good linebacking corps also lost linebacker Nick Perry (returned) and Blake Martinez.

• Here’s a sad little clip of linebacker Kyle Fackrell (#51) racing onto the field to help “defend” and … well, he doesn’t ever really get the chance.

• The offense was okay in spots. James Starks -- credit where credit is due -- I thought had some nice plays, but didn’t get many opportunities in the second half, what with Green Bay getting the snot beat out of it. 

"Oh gosh, what do we do??"

"I don't know!"

"Should we tackle him?

"Maybe. But maybe we should let him pick up an extra yard or 10 first."

"Good idea."

• And Jared Cook, in his first game back since injuring his ankle in Week 3, played so well -- until. Oh, Jared. The tight end had 105 yards on six catches and provided a spark the Packers sorely needed, and I was so happy for him -- until. It doesn’t really matter, anyway. By the time Cook fumbled the ball, the Packers were down 11 with under four minutes to go, so it was a long shot anyway. But it was a painful nail in the coffin for the Pack. It was disappointing to see Cook’s strong night marred by a turnover, but in his defense, this is a pretty bad-ass move by Josh Norman.

• Yes, Cris Collinsworth, we understand that it is windy. Truly, we believe you.

• The offense, in increasingly typical fashion, kind of loafed about before coming alive for stretches. They put up 424 yards, which is pretty good until you consider that the Redskins put up 515. More damning was the Packers’ 50% success rate (or, as I like to call it, their 50% fail rate) in the redzone. Washington, meanwhile, scored touchdowns on four of their five trips to the redzone, and a field goal on their fifth.

• In the offseason, Kirk Cousins wanted a long-term deal that paid him like a top NFL quarterback. Washington wasn’t so sure that that’s what he was, so they offered him multi-year contract at about $16 million per year. Cousins said, “thanks but no thanks,” and the Redskins signed him under the franchise tag. That means that Cousins is the highest paid quarterback (in base salary) this season at just under $20 million, but he’s got no deal after 2016. As it turns out, betting on himself this year has gone pretty well so far, and on Sunday night, he had just one question for Redskins general manager Scot McCloughan:

• That's a little uncomfortable. But while I do kind of like Cousins because he’s such a odd little goofball, the answer, Kirk, is that I do not like you very much right now.

• In other news, I was shocked but pleased that Packers picked up with former Seahawks running back Christine Michael off of waivers. The Minnesota Vikings also put a claim in, but we have a worse record so we got him. (Hah! Take that, Minnesota!!)

But now that he's ours, we can't tease him about having a girl's name anymore.

• You wanna know something weird? In 2016, NFL kickers have missed just one field goal from 32-33 yards out. But they’ve missed 48 extra points from the same distance.

• If you needed another reason to like Cris Collinsworth (which you don’t), you have it in his Twitter takedown of perma-man-boy Bill Simmons. Simmons, though generally a fan of Collinsworth, occasionally has gone after him in his petty little way. When Simmons posted a condescending tweet about Collinsworth’s commentary last week, good-natured Cris took a shot at Simmons’ erstwhile TV show, which was cancelled due to poor ratings:

Zing! 

• Man, whenever I get down, I just think about the Cleveland Browns. This weekend Ben Roethlisberger won in Cleveland, and he now has as many wins in Cleveland as any Browns quarterback has in the last 17 years. In his career, Roethlisberger has faced 12 different Browns quarterbacks.

• And now their current quarterback, rookie Cody Kessler, just got his second concussion of the season, which puts his season in jeopardy and maybe even more.

• Josh McCown is set to start in place of Kessler, but watch him get destroyed by Stephon Tuitt and tell me how he doesn’t also have a concussion!?!? Seriously, I don't think he should be playing anytime soon.

• Normally, the Chicago Bears falling to 2-8 (tee hee) would make me happier, but people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. The Bears were always on the hook for Jay’s salary this year, but not so next year, and it’s becoming increasingly difficult to envision him being in a Chicago uniform in 2017. This week, Cutler had to deny that he’s “lost his teammates’ support.”

"Nonsense! I never had their support."

• Awww, now I feel bad because I just read that Cutler’s season may be over after he suffered a shoulder injury on Sunday. Sorry, Jay! I hope you heal up quick!

• Nooo, Luuuuuuke! Poor Luke Kuechly suffered a concussion on Thursday night in the Carolina Panthers’ 23-20 victory over the New Orleans Saints. It’s particularly worrisome because Kuechly missed three games last season due to a concussion. Presumably he’ll miss at least some time (please, Panthers, make him miss time, even if he clears protocol), which is a huge blow to the Panthers, for whom he has played 99.3% of defensive snaps this season. It was a heartbreaking and disturbing scene to see one of the game’s best players sobbing on the field.

Oh, Luke! I'll be your shoulder to cry on!

• I know the Carolina Panthers’ motto is #keeppounding, but tweeting that right after your star player gets concussed and when you lead the league in most concussions, you might want to leave off that hashtag.

• The good news is that Kuechly's teammate did post a photo of a much happier looking Luke the next day.

• Someone take pity on Cam Newton and tell him to do something about that nasty goatee. it looks like he accidentally dipped it in some honey mustard.

Just think: that was a conscious decision that took time and effort and money.

• The Tennessee Titans’ center is such a teacher’s pet. In the Titan’s loss to the Indianapolis Colts, a penalty flag was thrown, and the referee announced the penalty: “False start … everyone but the center.” I’ll bet his mom was always yelling, “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” at his siblings, too.

• The Minnesota Vikings have a terrible offense that is very bad at scoring. As such, they should have lost to the Arizona Cardinals, but the Arizona Cardinals declared with one voice, “Not on our watch!” And so they allowed not one, but two 100-yard non-offense touchdowns. One was a 100-yard pick-six from Xavier Rhodes and one was a 104-yard kickoff return from the terrifying Cordarrelle Patterson. The Vikings won by six. Argh!

• But the NFC North gods were not yet done smiting the Green Bay Packers because then there was the Detroit Lions-Jacksonville Jaguars game. The Lions had the ball, up 26-19 with 8:19 and are dragging out the clock as much as possible. Seven plays and five minutes later, they’re facing 3rd-and-6 and midfield, but the Jaguars stick ‘em! Woo-hoo! Now, they’ll force a punt and have about three minutes two-and-half minutes left with two timeouts and the two-minute warning left to score. But first, Detroit insists on trying that silly we’re-going-to-pretend-to-go-for-it-on-fourth-down-even-though-everyone-knows-we’re-not-really-going-for-it “trick” that never works. And the Jaguars jumped! Incredibly, eight-year veteran Sen’Derrick Marks jumped offsides, giving the Lions a whole new set of downs that allowed them to take the clock down to 22 seconds. Detroit won by seven. Argh!

• Poor Andrew Luck inevitably has a concussion and looks unlikely to be ready for Thursday’s game against the Pittsburgh Steelers. The upshot is we’ll get to see some Scott Tolzien action! 

• Look, I like the Oakland Raiders a lot, but the Houston Texans got royally worked over by the refs on Monday night. On the opening drive, Texans receiver extraordinaire DeAndre Hopkins would have had a touchdown if the refs hadn't blown the play dead, thinking he had stepped out of bounds when he hadn't! Then, in the fourth quarter, Houston CLEARLY  had the first down (see below), but the refs spotted them short and the Texans went for it on 4th-and-inches and again got the first down, and the refs again spotted the ball short! I'm so furious on behalf of the Texans!

• Baltimore Ravens wide receiver Steve Smith caught his 1,000 career catch, which is pretty awesome. He celebrated by flirting with Dallas Cowboys head coach Jason Garrett, who bashfully turned away and blushed demurely.

• All I want for the next 10 Christmases is for the Dallas Cowboys to trade away Tony Romo and then see Dak Prescott experience a Colin Kaepernick-like free fall. (Nothing personal, Dak.) Pleeeeeeaaaase, Santa, I’ve been such a good girl.

• The Cowboys won defeated the Ravens for their ninth straight win. The real highlight of the game for most of the internet, it seems, was Dak Prescott proving himself to be a polite young man who picks up after himself.

• Ugh you guys just don’t understand how rough it is to be a Green Bay fan in Dallas these days. These disloyal bandwagoners who will turn on Dak the second he loses a game, have 20 years worth of unsupported trash talk that they can finally spew without the entire world mocking them. And I have to sit in the middle of it all and listen to it because we’ve entered some sort of Twilight Zone where the Cowboys are good and the Packers are bad!

• I suppose there’s one person in Dallas who has it slightly worse than I, and that’s Tony Romo. His teammates have moved on without him:

"If Coach asks if you like me or Dak better, I need you to
say me, okay? Please? No, I need you to promise."

• His coach stopped listening to him ages ago:

"But you see, interceptions actually help us because they make our defense better, you see?
Plus, when I throw it over there, and the defender picks it off, all the offensive
guys have to get back to defend, too, so it's actually sharpening their skills, too!"
"Uh huh."

• Now he has nothing left to do except sit on the bench and look through the scrapbook he made of the good years:

• And remember when he was king.

• Up next: the Green Bay Packers will help the 5-5 Philadelphia Eagles get back on track next Monday night by making their rookie quarterback look like Tom Brady.

The defenders are so far away that they're blurry.