The Playoffs. Yay.

• The Green Bay Packers lost to the Minnesota Vikings at home in the final game of the regular season, but the joke’s really on Minnesota. If the Vikes had lost, they would be back at Lambeau next week, playing the crumbling Packers. Because of their win, however, they now have to face the Seattle Seahawks. Hah! So there, Vikings!

• A loss was actually not the worst outcome for Green Bay. The Packers and Vikings could have tied, which would have sent Seattle to Green Bay, so … yay?

• The loss ended a four-year streak of NFC North Championships for Green Bay. It was disappointing, but familiar: an inability to convert in the redzone (1-for-4), a seeming incapability to convert third downs (2-for-15!!!!), turnovers (two interceptions), and an offense that didn’t show up until the final quarter (three points in the first three quarters).

• The offensive line backups are so bad that, instead of using one of them to replace injured left tackle David Bakhtiari, the Packers moved right guard Josh Sitton to left tackle (a position he hasn’t played since high school), and had backup guard Lane Taylor in at right guard. Don Barclay, mercifully, did not leave the bench, and Josh Walker, even more mercifully, was not even active. (That might be something you want to address in the draft, Mr. General Manager, sir.)

"Soooo, any of you want to try to keep me from getting killed? No? Okay."

• The patchwork line led to a lot of two-tight-end sets, which doesn’t exactly help a team whose biggest problem seems to be getting receivers open.

• In their last 10 games, the Packers are 4-6 -- and that includes a wild and crazy last-minute Hail Mary win. And they lost all three of their divisional home games for the first time since 1968.

• Look, I didn’t want to do this. I really didn’t, but Al Michaels wouldn’t stop talking about how great Green Bay was through the first six games of the season. They started off 6-0! But we Packers fans need to be real with ourselves and admit the offense was never very good this season. (The defense and even special teams have been pretty solid.) What happened was that it took other teams about three weeks to figure out that they didn’t need to defend Green Bay the way they used to. Like the Green Bay coaching staff, opposing defenses were playing as if the Packers had the same personnel (i.e. Jordy) as last year. Once they realized they didn't need to respect the deep throw, and once teams showed discipline by not getting drawn offsides for free plays, life got much harder for the Packers. It wasn't, as Michaels kept on saying, six amazing weeks and then suddenly everything went off the rails. To prove this, we need to go through those six victories and see what they were really hiding.

• Week 1: Green Bay 31, Chicago Bears 23
• Chicago outgained the Packers 402 yards to 322 yards, and Rodgers threw for fewer than 200 yards. The offense played fairly well, but got some field position help from Ty Montgomery (106 yards on three kick returns) and Clay Matthews (42-yard interception return).
• Week 2: Green Bay 27, Seattle Seahawks 17
• A good win for the Packers against the Kam Chancellor-less Seahawks team. The defense created two turnovers and prevented Seattle from scoring off a James Starks fumble, and the Packers gained 92 yards in penalties from Seattle. One of their touchdowns also came on a "free play." Green Bay was 4-for-11 on third downs and 1-for-3 in the redzone. After scoring a touchdown on the opening drive, Green Bay’s next six possessions were: field goal, punt, fumble, punt, field goal, punt. It was not a terrible performance, but definitely contained a few early signs of issues to come. Nobody cared, though, because the hated Seahawks were defeated!
• Week 3: Green Bay 38, Kansas City Chiefs 28
• Green Bay’s best offensive performance of the season came against the Chiefs. The Packers put up 448 yards and no turnovers, Rodgers threw for five touchdowns (one came on a free play), and concerns about the somewhat-flat offense of the previous two weeks were assuaged. The only bone fans could pick was that the Pack wasn’t great on third downs: 4-of-11, but they put up so many points that that seemed unimportant.
• Week 4: Green Bay 17, San Francisco 49ers 3
• This is where things started to get ugly, but it was San Fran, so it was still an easy win. Third down conversions: 5-of-15. Green Bay possessions: touchdown, punt, punt, punt, missed field goal, touchdown, field goal, punt, punt, punt. They wouldn’t have lost to the 49ers even if they were playing 8-on-11, but the number of punts was disappointing for an Aaron Rodgers-led offense. This was the first win that didn’t really sit that well because everyone knew the Packers should have scored about 40 more points against the Niners.
• Week 5: Green Bay 24, St. Louis Rams 10
• The Packers turned the ball over three times, but St. Louis only scored three points off of those turnovers. Nick Foles had four interceptions. One was returned for a touchdown, but the off the other three, the Green Bay offense managed zero points. Zero. From the 12-minute mark of the first quarter until the 1-minute mark of the fourth quarter, the Packers offense managed seven points. They won by two scores, but it was an ugly and uncomfortable win that saw two Aaron Rodgers interceptions and a 4-for-14 third down conversion rate.
• Week 6: Green Bay 27, San Diego Chargers 20
• After scoring on their first three possessions to take a 17-3 lead, Green Bay’s offense had three consecutive three-and-outs that allowed the Chargers to tie the game. The offense was not awful in Week 6, but let's keep in mind that San Diego finished the season 4-12.

I'm sorry I had to do that. Just remember, it was Al's fault.

• Now that we’re all sufficiently depressed, I’ll move on to good things that happened this week.

• Ty Montgomery being injured is definitely not good (especially since he’s the closest thing to a replacement for Jordy that the Packers had), but I do love his use of 1920s slang phrases. It genuinely made me happy.

• Micah Hyde had this incredible interception off of one of the worst quarterback decisions ever. How on earth did he hang on to that?!?

• My favorite play of the game, however, was kicker Mason Crosby not only tackling one of the fastest players in the game, but stripping him of the ball! 

• I’ve noted before that Crosby (and punter Tim Masthay) are both darn good tacklers for their positions, but I never would have expected Crosby to pull off the Charles Woodson-like forced fumble!

• Speaking of the one-and-only Woodson, he finally rode off into the sunset after 18 seasons. I'm going to miss him so much!! He better go in the Packers Hall of Fame. Gooooooodbye! I loooooove you!

A photo posted by Oakland Raiders (@raiders) on Jan 3, 2016 at 4:36pm PST

• Here’s a fun stat for Dallas Cowboys fans: the Alabama Crimson Tide won more games this season at the Cowboys' stadium (two) than the ‘Boys themselves (one).

• The Fitzmagic finally ran out! After pulling off a surprise upset last week against the New England Patriots, all the New York Jets had to do to make the playoffs was earn a victory over the nothing-to-play-for Buffalo Bills in the final week. Ryan Fitzpatrick -- who was only named quarterback because Geno Smith’s jaw was broken in a fight with a teammate right before the season started -- had led the Jets to a disappointing 5-5 start before tearing off a five-game win streak to get them into a position to play for the postseason in Week 16. Then, early in the fourth, with the Jets trailing by two and within field goal range, Fitzpatrick threw his first redzone interception of the season. Next possession, he threw another interception as he was taking a hit. Next possession, right after his teammate dropped a would-be game-winning touchdown, Fitz threw another desperate, last-chance interception. It was a terrible end to a great season for Fitzpatrick.

Maybe he'll at least shave the beard now.

• Cowboys’ linebacker Sean Lee was set to receive a $2 million bonus if he played in Sunday’s game, but he had tweaked a hamstring injury during the week. He was given the choice to play (at least he says), but chose not to because he didn’t want “to disrespect [his] teammates and [his] coaches and be out there not playing the right way.” Lee said he has a great contract that pays him a ton of money, and is grateful for the Cowboys’ patience with his injury issues over recent years. If that’s on the level, that’s very admirable of him! Way to be, Sean!

• Holy blast from the past! When I saw early reports that Kansas City offensive coordinator Doug Pederson was the leading candidate for the Philadelphia Eagles head coach position, I thought, No, it can’t be the same guy! But lo and behold, it’s our old friend who served as the longtime backup quarterback for the Packers! I guess years and years of holding a clipboard behind Brett Favre really suited him.

Hiya, buddy! (I don't know why I feel like
I've just reconnected with an old friend, but I do.)

• Oh my gosh, Johnny Manziel, STOP! Can’t you just be bored for one weekend?!? The Cleveland Browns quarterback was ruled out for the season finale against the Pittsburgh Steelers with a concussion. He was (reportedly) supposed to check in with the training staff Monday morning, and, when he didn’t show, they were unable to get a hold of him and didn’t know where he was. Then came the reports that Manziel was seen at a Las Vegas casino the night before. Next came reports (which I doubt are true, but would be hilarious if they were) that Manziel was in Vegas in disguise, namely, "a blonde wig, fake mustache, glasses, and a hoodie." Buddy, if you're dressing up and sneaking away from your multi-million dollar job to gamble in Vegas when you could just wait literally a few days before the season's over, I think you may have a problem. Several, in fact.

If you want to keep your Johnny Football nickname, maybe you should
try to find a way to, ya know, keep playing football and not get fired.

• No matter how bad your team’s situation was last week, it couldn’t have been worse than that of the Indianapolis Colts. Starting quarterback Andrew Luck continued to sit with numerous injuries, including a lacerated kidney; backup Matt Hasselbeck was out with a shoulder injury; and third-string quarterback Charlie Whitehurst was just sent to the IR this week with a hamstring injury. With literally had no one to play quarterback, they went out and signed Josh Freeman, who last played in the NFL more than two calendar years ago. He threw a touchdown in the game (yay) before getting injured (seriously, don’t play QB for the Colts; it’s very dangerous). In came another guy they signed this week who also hasn’t played in two years -- Ryan Lindley. He also scored a touchdown (yay), and the Colts went on to win the game!

• The victory must have made an impression on Indianapolis' management. After speculation about his job security began around Week 3 and persisted throughout the year, it seemed like Chuck Pagano's coaching days with the Colts were coming to an end. It was a big surprise to find out on Monday that Indianapolis had signed Pagano to a four-year contract. His players were happy. (No, seriously, read that link. Those tweets are actually pretty touching.) I'm also happy since, you may remember, Pagano is my Secret Old Man Crush.

I DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU!!!

• You have to listen really carefully, but you can hear a Carolina Panther lineman (I think) interrupt Cam Newton's pre-snap call to ask, "Is that real?"

• Though we discussed that the problems with Green Bay existed from the beginning, it was after Week 6 that things really began to turn sour. Do you know who else's season also took a turn about that same time? KIRK COUSINS. While the Packers took a plunge, the Washington Redskins quarterback began an upswing. In the first six games of this season, Kirk threw six touchdowns and eight interceptions. In the 10 games since? 23 touchdowns and three interceptions!

No, Kirk, I do not like that. Not at all.

• If the Packers are going to beat the Redskins next week, they’re going to need a lot of help from their defense, which has played well (almost) all year. That means multiple takeaways are needed and/or a defensive (or special teams) score. If the offense could convert a third down or two, that'd be great, but I don't want to get my hopes up.

Everything would be so much better if he were playing.

That Was Very Bad

• Look, I knew things were going to be ugly when the Green Bay Packers were playing against the number one offense in the league and a top-five defense, but that was way worse than what I was fearing. The Arizona Cardinals had twice as many yards, and the Packers managed just 2.8 yards per play and were a dreadful 5-for-17 on third down conversions. The Arizona defense outscored the Green Bay offense.

You can tell by Aaron's expression that he saw this
coming pre-snap and had just resigned himself to it.

• Worst of all was the turnovers. Previously one of the best teams in the league at protecting the ball, Green Bay turned it over four times. In the first 14 games of the season, the Packers allowed just 24 points off of their turnovers; on Sunday, they allowed 28 points.

• Aaron Rodgers took eight sacks in the game behind a woeful offensive line. Green Bay’s line has been dealing with injuries all year. Left tackle David Bakhtiari was out for the game, meaning Don Barclay was in, so Rodgers should have known he was in for a beating. (Barclay was responsible for four of the sacks and God knows how many quarterback hits.)

"Hmm, it's funny that I don't have anyone to block. Maybe they
dropped extra guys into coverage. I'll keep my post, though. After all,
it's my job to protect Aaron, and he's counting on me."

• Things got a lot worse when right tackle Bryan Bulaga left the game with an injury. Backup/turnstile Josh Walker replaced Bulaga, but he was so bad that they had to play their backup center JC Tretter at right tackle. For 90% of the game, coach Mike McCarthy refused to give his offensive line help. By the time he eventually did put a tight end on the line, it had all the effect of bailing water on the Titanic.

"Heh heh, oops. My bad. Again."

• In McCarthy’s defense, when much of the problem is your receivers’ inability to get open, I can understand not wanting to take a receiving option out of the field of play.

"Please, Mr. Freeney, sir, don't hurt me. I promise
I won't try to stop you; just don't hurt me!"

• With the game quickly out of reach and Rodgers was getting assaulted nearly every snap, I kept on praying that McCarthy would pull Rodgers and put in backup Scott Tolzien. It then occurred to me that it must kind of suck to be a backup quarterback: “Hey, our starting quarterback is getting creamed by defenders every single play. He’s too valuable; you go take the hits instead.”

"Uhhh, this doesn't seem very fair, guys."

• James Starks shouldn’t be allowed to touch the ball again, not after he fumbled yet again on Sunday. Davante Adams, too, should be black-balled. I just have no faith left in him. The only thing he’s consistent at is dropping touchdowns.

• Captains Josh Sitton and Casey Hayward look like they somehow looked into the future and saw exactly how the game was going to go.

They don't seem to have shared their knowledge with Joe Thomas, though.

• There’s not much to say about the defense. They seemed to have played fairly well against the top offense in the league. You can’t really judge their play when they’re put in a 28-0 hole by turnovers. Right guard Josh Sitton put it best when he said, “I’d be pissed off at us if I was our defense.”

"Aaaaaahhhhhh!"

• I’m worried about cornerback Sam Shields. He was inactive again this week, meaning he still hasn’t recovered from his concussion two weeks ago. It was a nasty concussion -- he slammed his head against the concrete ground on the sidelines -- and it’s always scary when they linger. I hope he’s okay.

• The best part of the game, by far, was the impressive and impressively loyal Packers fans at the game. Arizona was practicing a silent count at home prior to kickoff because of the amount of Green Bay fans. Even very, very late in the game, you could hear (drunken, I assume) “Go Pack Go” chants. Way to represent, fans.

• 95% of Joe Buck says, “Hey, I’m super cool. You can tell because I dress just like the super cool kids do.” But then his clear plastic old lady glasses say, “Excuse me, dear, could you read this for me? They make the writing so small on everything nowadays...”

• The Atlanta Falcons won their first division game of the year on Sunday … against the previously undefeated Carolina Panthers. I’m pleased that Carolina lost. One, because I think it’s always more fun and interesting when the top teams lose. Two, because I hold them responsible for this idiotic dabbing trend that won’t go away.

• In a 7-7 game against the Carolina Panthers, the Atlanta Falcons got the ball back with 1:38 left before halftime, 99 yards to go, three timeouts. They started with a quick first down to Julio Jones ... and didn’t take a timeout. Then they picked up six yards over the middle ... and didn’t take a timeout. Then they had a three-yard run … and didn’t take a timeout … and let the clock run out. Are we sure Mike Smith isn’t still coaching from the shadows? I mean, isn’t that exactly the situation for which a two-minute drill is designed?

• I guess those kind of decisions don’t matter much when you have JULIO JONES!!

• Look at the effort!

• I’m not really sure how, but the Kansas City Chiefs clinched a playoff berth on Sunday, even though the Denver Broncos -- who had not yet clinched a berth (they played on Monday) -- led the division.

The "x" denotes that the team has made the playoffs. I only
took this screenshot to prove that I'm not crazy.

• As I’ve mentioned, I’m a big Ryan Fitzpatrick fan, so even though I don’t like the New York Jets, I was really, really pleased to see them defeat the New England Patriots in overtime. (So was Fitzpatrick.) After winning the coin toss to begin overtime, New England chose to kick off rather than receive the ball, and watched the Jets march down field for the game-winning touchdown.

• Philadelphia Eagles left tackle Jason Peters took himself out of Saturday’s game against the Washington Redskins as soon as it was clear the Eagles were not going to win. While everyone can understand not wanting to get hurt for nothing, this is not a good look. It just seems like a guaranteed way make your teammates hate you.  

• My sorta-kinda-maybe belief in Kirk Cousins was validated when he threw for 365 yards, four touchdowns, and no interceptions against the Eagles to secure a spot in the playoffs for the Redskins. My sorta-kinda-maybe faith in him was shaken, however, when, with six seconds left before halftime, up six, on the six-yard line, he knelt down and ran out the clock when Washington could have kicked a gimme field goal. He seems to have thought the clock was still running (it wasn’t) and that he needed to spike the ball (he didn’t), but instead knelt and then tried to spike it after he kneeled. Not his finest moment.

No, no, Kirk! Put your thumb down!

• In Sunday night’s game between the Minnesota Vikings and the New York Giants, Minnesota had two more first downs that Giants, five more total yards than the Giants, and one yard fewer per play than the Giants, yet the won 49-17. Three Eli Manning interceptions will do that to you.

• The Oakland Raiders pulled out an overtime win against the San Diego Chargers on Thursday night, but it was ugly -- barely competent -- all around. This quote from the recap pretty much sums it up: “The Raiders won despite 16 penalties, including five on their overtime drive, and despite getting their only first down of the second half on a 3-yard touchdown drive.” Ew.

• I didn't watch the Detroit Lions-San Francisco game, so I have absolutely no idea what is going on here, but how did this play even happen? It hasn't even started...

• Miko Grimes, the, uh, outspoken wife of Miami Dolphins cornerback Brent Grimes was, once again, talking a lot of trash on Twitter about her husband’s teammates. Best known for her foul-mouthed Twitter rants and getting arrested before a game for headbutting a police officer, she is not one to shy away from expressing herself. Apparently, she is not a fan of quarterback Ryan Tannehill: “How many people does ryan tannehill have to get fired before you realize he’s the problem,” read one tweet. Another: “yall do realize that no legitimate coach will come here if he’s our qb, right? we’re screwed as long as he’s under center!” I’m sure her husband had a lot of fun walking into the locker room the next day. Thanks, babe!

• The Arizona Cardinals have a little weekly competition among the quarterbacks each week, and the loser has to wear something ridiculous, and, apparently, Carson Palmer was this week’s loser.

• The San Diego Chargers and safety Eric Weddle are going to part ways after nine years on a very sour note. Weddle and the Chargers have been unable to come to a contract agreement this season, setting up Weddle’s likely, but not guaranteed, exit. Two weeks ago, however, in San Diego’s final game in their stadium, Weddle skipped halftime (without informing his coaches) to watch his daughter dance in a special halftime performance. Weddle was fined $10,000 for this, but did not say anything because he didn’t want to air dirty laundry in public. This week, the Chargers put Weddle on the injured reserve list against Weddle’s wishes. Not only does that essentially end Weddle’s career with the Chargers, but they then told him there was no room for him on the team plane for next week’s game against the Denver Broncos -- Weddle’s last game with the team he has played with for nine years. It was after that move that Weddle’s agent tweeted about the halftime fine. It’s very sad for Weddle, and kind of ridiculous that the Chargers are ending his time with the team like this.

• St. Louis Rams defensive end Chris Long was caught on camera saying what looked to be some naughty words to the Seattle Seahawks crowd.

• But Long was able to explain what was really going on after the game.

• Awww here’s a sweet video about James Jones’ journey back to the Packers.  He and Jordy Nelson and their families are such good friends, that Jones’ wife felt bad that Jones was benefiting from Jordy’s injury, and Jordy told her, “If there had to be someone brought in because I’m hurt, who better to bring in than James?”

• The only, only silver lining to Coach Jordy’s absence is getting to see how good he looks in street clothes.

And he looks very, very good.

Double-Digit Wins!

• In their victory over the Oakland Raiders, the Green Bay Packers reached the double-digit mark in the win column and secured a ticket to the playoffs. Yay!

• As for how the Packers are feeling, that depends whom you ask. Coach Mike McCarthy got snippy with reporters focusing too much on the negative: “The style points, you can flush that. I'm sick and tired of talking about the negativities. We've won 10 games. We lost three games on the last play of the game and Denver beat us. That's the overview of our season, and we've got a chance to win 11 next week."

• Aaron Rodgers and the rest of the locker room, however, weren’t overjoyed at their play. Rodgers said they were ineffective, while TJ Lang acknowledged that “we feel like we’re not playing up to our talent level.”

• Lang also pointed out 14 of their 30 points came from the defense -- well, essentially. Micah Hyde returned an interception inside the 20-yard line, and Demarious Randall recorded a pick-six. Those two lost possessions skewed the numbers against the offense a bit, but if you take away those, the offense managed one touchdown and three field goals against a sub-.500 team.

• There wasn’t a lot to love about the offensive game, but I’m sick of typing the exact same thing every week, so let’s focus on the goods: James Jones had a nice game! Back in Oakland, Jones had six catches for 82 yards and a touchdown. Reporters wanted to hype up Jones before and after the game about playing against the team that cut him, but JJ wasn’t having any of it: “I don’t hold no grudges on nobody. I just go out every game and try to play well. It wasn’t trying to get back at the Raiders. I love the dudes over there.” I love how chill and good-natured he is about everything.

Cali cool. The hoodie helps.

• Randall Cobb also had a nice game. His effort doesn’t necessarily show up in the box score -- 40 yards receiving, 18 yards rushing -- but he had some crucial catches, and his runs opened up the field a bit more. Second-year receiver Jared Abbrederis also played well, catching all three targets that came his way.

It probably easy to be so good when you have huge, strong, sculpted biceps.

• I insist on watching Green Bay games all the way till the clock hits zeros, even if the outcome is decided, but ooohhh mmyyy goooosshh this was the game that wouldn’t end! It felt like the third Lord of the Rings movie! The teams were just trading timeouts and penalties! I thought it was maybe just in my head, so I went back and checked: the last three game minutes took 25 real-life minutes!!! TWENTY-FIVE.

• Raiders quarterback Derek Carr has serial killer eyes.

And face.

• Injuries continue to be a problem for the Packers. Left tackle David Bakhtieri left the game with an ankle injury (Ahh! No! Please, not Don Barclay!!), and center JC Tretter was limping heavily near the end of the game. Kinda stinks considering how banged up the offensive line has been all season. This is how they came into the game:

This might have something to do with why the
Packers couldn't run anything this week.

• A few days after announcing yet another “setback” for Ty Montgomery on what must be the worst ankle sprain in history, Green Bay put the receiver on IR, ending his season. To take his place, the Packers activated tight end Andrew Quarless. Yay!! Andrew Quarless!! Oh no. I’m actually hoping Andrew Quarless is going to save the day.

• The best part of a rather boring game was seeing Charles Woodson. IloveyouCharlescomeback. I, of course, was not happy to see James Starks fumble (again), but I appreciated that Charles was the one who forced it. He also almost intercepted Rodgers, but his teammate grabbed it away from him. Watching Woodson go around and hug all the Packers after the game was, to me, the most interesting part. I won’t admit how hard I was scouring the screen for Woodson talking to Jordy. (I didn’t find them, obviously. Otherwise, that's all that this week's blog would be.)

Awww they all love each other so much.

• AAHHH Charles Woodson just announced he’s retiring at the end of the season! Even after 18 years, he’s going out on top. Woodson’s career highlights include the Heisman, a Super Bowl, Defensive Player of the Year, 65 interceptions, 11 interception returns, and 33 forced fumbles. I’m going to miss him! Mostly I’m sad because I’m not going to get to use this picture much anymore:

Also I NEED him to get a pick-six in the next two games.
He's only one away from tying the record!
PLEEAASSE Philip Rivers  or Alex Smith, throw him a pick-six!

• I always cheer for Ryan Fitzpatrick because the guy scored a 1580 on his SAT, has an economics degree from Harvard, has had a four-touchdown game with four different teams, has five kids -- at least one of whom is a budding math genius -- and is known for never taking off his wedding ring. Naturally, I enjoyed watching Fitzpatrick and the New York Jets mathematically eliminate the Dallas Cowboys from the playoffs on Saturday night. I especially enjoyed how the Jets waited until there were 36 seconds left in the game to kick a field goal to go up three points. Just enough time for Cowboys’ fans to think, “Hey, maybe this is possible. We have one of the best kickers in the league, after all. We just need to get into field goal range. Plus, we finally benched Matt Cassel. That guy’s awful. Now we have Kellen Moore. And I don’t want to jinx us, but our division’s so bad, that there’s still a tiny sliver of hope that something crazy could happen. I mean, if we win this game, then win our last two and get some help from other teams… but it all starts with tonight. Maybe, just maybe, Kellen can pull this off.” And then Moore threw his third interception of the night.

• Before Matt Cassel was benched, he achieved a truly spectacular feat. He threw an interception (surprise), but even though the ball was intercepted, Cassel was still called for intentional grounding! The penalty came because there was not a Dallas receiver in the area. There was another flag for having an ineligible receiver downfield. The whole play was like the Cowboys’ season in a nutshell.

• Maybe it’s because I’ve watched this Vine dozens of time, or maybe because in the last six games he’s completed 75% of his passes, has 12 touchdowns, two interceptions, and an average passer rating of 120, but I think I’m becoming a believer in Kirk Cousins.

• Detroit Lions defensive end Devin Taylor’s shoes really clash with his suit.

• The New York Giants were so close to beating the now 14-0 Carolina Panthers. Carolina’s final two opponents are the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Atlanta Falcons, so New York was pretty much the last chance to defeat the Panthers in the regular season. Carolina was up 35-7 with five minutes left in the third quarter before New York began mounting an improbable comeback. They scored a touchdown, forced a three-and-out, scored a touchdown, and blocked a field goal! All of a sudden, it’s a two-score game! But then Eli Manning, in a very Eli Manning-y way (JK it actually wasn't his fault), threw an interception in the endzone, thus taking all the wind out of the Giants’ sails. BUT THEN, Carolina fumbled the ball, New York scored a touchdown, forced another three-and-out, and scored another touchdown! Oh my gosh! It’s 35-35 with 1:46 left. Carolina goes into we’ve-won-13-games-thank-you-very-much mode and, after returning the kickoff 26 yards, completes passes of nine, two, 16, and 12 yards, just like that. The Panthers are at the 35-yard line with 32 seconds left. That would be about a 52-yard field goal; doable, but tough. The Panthers decide to go for one more play … and the Giants decide not to cover Cam Newton, ya know, the quarterback who has more rushing yards than James Starks. Newton picks up an extra 10 yards, and the Panthers kick a field goal to stay perfect.

• The game wasn’t even where the real drama was between the Panthers and Giants. New York’s fabulous receiver Odell Beckham Jr was matched up with one of the best corners in the league in Carolina’s Josh Norman, and the two struggled to get along. Seriously, it got really ugly. Beckham was called for three unnecessary roughness penalties (Norman was not an innocent bystander in all of this), plus should have been flagged for at least a couple more, like when he grabbed Norman’s ankle as he was walking away, or when he threw a punch at Cortland Finnegan, and Finnegan was called for the penalty. The most egregious instance -- and one that should have led to Beckham’s immediate ejection -- was when Beckham, doubling back on a play, came charging at Norman and blindsided him with a dangerous hit to the helmet. Beckham was rightly suspended for a game.

• The gangrenous NFC East has captured everyone’s disgust as a division, but let’s not overlook the AFC South, which is actually somehow worse (maybe we’re just used to that?). Just when you thought the Indianapolis Colts and the Houston Texans couldn’t be more terrible, both their quarterbacks get injured. Or, to be more accurate, both their backup quarterbacks get injured. So in came the Colts’ third-string QB, Charlie Whitehurst (though Matt Hasselbeck would return) and fourth-stringer Brandon Weeden for the Texans. If Hasselbeck isn’t ready to go next week, the Colts are in some trouble. Whitehurst is the backup, and the emergency quarterback -- receiver Griff Whalen -- was placed on IR on Monday. Things might actually be more dire for Houston, who lost quarterback TJ Yates to a torn ACL. Their season now lies in the hands of Weeden.

• The net gain in the box score on this play is -3, but the ball travels about 100 yards before being recovered by the quarterback who threw it in the first place.

• Poor Justin Blackmon; the kid obviously needs help. The talented wide receiver has a very long history of off-field troubles. He was arrested for a DUI in college, then again his rookie year. The next offseason, he was suspended for testing positive for marijuana. He missed the first four games of the next season serving that suspension, then a few weeks after he came back, he failed another drug test, leading to an indefinite suspension. Several months into that indefinite suspension, Blackmon was arrested for marijuana possession, and went through a rehab program. The league denied his request for reinstatement early this offseason. Then, on Saturday, the 25-year-old was arrested for yet another DUI. I hope he has someone in his circle who cares enough about him to try to get him help.

• Watch #76 on the Chicago Bears in this video. All the way through.

• Next week, the Packers play the Arizona Cardinals and I’M SCARED. If only we still had these two.