We, Um, Might Need to Talk About Aaron Rodgers

• The Green Bay Packers 30-16 loss to the Dallas Cowboys was not pretty. At all. From the Packers giving up their first opening drive touchdown to the Cowboys putting up more rushing yards than the Packers have allowed in the previous four games combined to the increasingly normal impotence of the offense, it was a rough day for the Green and Gold.

Ugh and you just know that, somewhere, Jerry Jones
was grinning like the creepy emperor from Star Wars.

• As much as I like to blame all passing game ills on Davante Adams and Richard Rodgers, the truth is Aaron Rodgers is obviously struggling. Set aside any drops by the receivers, any bad play-calling, and Rodgers is still just missing things he very rarely misses. His interception into the guy of Barry Church was a perfect example of Rodgers, whose field vision is usually spectacular, failing to see Church coming off the outside receiver.

• And while I’M TOTALLY NOT WORRIED, and I’m sure Aaron will get out of his slump soon, and I don’t want to pile on to the guy, I also have to admit that I’m less than impressed with his attitude. He seemed to think he only had a couple of bad throws. Said Rodgers: 

We were close tonight. I missed a couple, possibly the one to [Richard] Rodgers down the middle, and I obviously threw it right to Barry [Church]... Other than that, I mean, there were multiple times when we had to extend plays because guys weren’t open on the normal timing or even slightly later than normal timing.

• Are those really the only times you can think of, Aaron? Not throwing a sure-touchdown six feet too high to Cobb? Or leading Jordy Nelson into crossing defenders? I understand you’re not getting the help you need from your receivers or your playcalls, but I’m going to need a little more abjection from you than a dismissive, “I gotta play better, for sure.”

More like this.

• I’ll say the same thing to Mike McCarthy as I said all of last season: “DO SOMETHING!!!!” Now, to his credit, he’s using more personnel, working in receivers Ty Montgomery, Trevor Davis, and Jeff Janis. But he’s still not doing a whole lot to help those receivers as far as pre-snap formations, picks, or creative routes. After Nelson and Cobb, there’s little evidence to believe that the Green Bay receivers can out-and-out win individual match-ups. That makes it easy for teams to focus on Jordy and Randall since neither Adams nor Montgomery nor Janis nor Rodgers nor anyone else has proven that he warrants extra defensive attention.

This is not the facial expression of defensive coordinators who play the Packers.

• The ailing Green Bay secondary did not help matters. Already without top corner Sam Shields, the Packers lost Quinten Rollins and Damarious Randall. This propelled LaDarius Gunter into the lineup, who is, uh, let's just say not ready for prime time. The coaches are (were?) high on Gunter last season and I’m certainly not going to give up on him, but he was absolutely undressed on nearly every single snap he played. 

• I remain very worried about Shields. I love him, but he needs to retire. Shields has been out with yet another concussion since Week 1 and he needs to start thinking about himself and his long-term health. It’d leave Green Bay up a creek, though. Maybe we can lure Casey Hayward back from the San Diego Chargers at a much-reduced contract. Think he’ll go for it?

Remember all the good times, Case!

• Eddie Lacy came to play, injured ankle and all. He only finished with 65 yards, but ripped off a couple of nice and surprisingly agile runs. What in the sam hill was McCarthy thinking, though, going into a game with an injured running back and no backup??

• Yes, James Starks was out with an injury. Try to contain your surprise. Mr. Glass really wore himself out averaging 2.8 yards per carry last week and suffered a knee injury. It’s rumored that Starks tore his meniscus and underwent surgery this week. He is not expected back for a few weeks at least. So I guess that leaves Green Bay with no healthy running back and two days until the next game. Here’s hoping McCarthy decides to pick up a running back really soon. Like, today.

I'm sorry, James, for real. I hope you recover
quickly and find a nice home on some other team.

• Green Eyes did notch a touchdown, his first of the season. The even worse stat is that it was just Rodgers’ first second-half touchdown of the season.

• Besides Lacy, the only real positive was Montgomery. He didn’t have a spectacular game, but had over 100 all purpose yards and got some good reps in.

• It was another rough week for Jordy. He had five catches for 68 yards, but coughed up a fumble for just the second time in his career. 

Don't worry, boo. We'll get 'em Thursday.

• The biggest downer was the four turnovers. How can you win a game with four turnovers?! On the season, the Packers’ turnover differential, which is my favorite stat, is a dismal -3. 

• One thing to look forward to is Tony Romo being able to return pretty soon. Jerry Jones, right on cue, has chimed in that Romo is totally healed and just needs to get back in shape. Jones has recently backed off his previously unwavering support for Romo to regain his starting job once healthy.

• I keep going back and forth on the Pittsburgh Steelers, but I think they’re not good. They beat the Washington Redskins, who aren’t terrible. They beat the Cincinnati Bengals, who are terrible (2-4). They got trounced by the Philadelphia Eagles, then beat the Kansas City Chiefs who are so unthreatening that I’m not going to even bother looking up their record. (Fine, it’s 3-2.) Then they beat the New York Jets, who are no good (1-5), and then lost to the Miami Dolphins (2-4) this week! Even if they weren’t bad before, they certainly will be now that Ben Roethlisberger is out for at least a few games with a torn meniscus that required surgery.

• Rough, rough no-call on Richard Sherman’s obvious pass interference that stole the game from the Atlanta Falcons. 

• Why is it that the Seattle Seahawks are always, always on the winning end of bad calls?? No wonder Pete Carroll is so smug all the time.

• Tom Brady is now 49-1 at home against AFC opponents since 2007. Insane.

• Check out this Vernon Davis touchdown. Watch it again. Did you see that egregious touchdown celebration?!?! Davis’ jump shot cost his team 15 yards for “excessive celebration” since he used the ball as a prop.

• I hate that I have an opinion on this, but I really prefer Carrie Underwood’s old SNF opening.

• Vontaze Burfict is the dirtiest player in the league and needs to be suspended every single time he gets a personal foul from now on. It’s what he’s known for and he does this crap week in and week out.
• Here he is trying to injure Martellus Bennett:

Vontaze Burfict going low on Bennett. Seemed unnecessary but what do I know. #Patriots pic.twitter.com/4DWnqa76TD

— Will D. (@WAD1980) October 16, 2016

• And here he is intentionally stepping on a New England Patriots player:

Video: From coaches film (courtesy NFL), watch Vontaze Burfict (55) deliberately step on Blount's leg after TD. pic.twitter.com/wtTPqy3XHP

— Mike Reiss (@MikeReiss) October 17, 2016

• Ugh the worst sounding injury and the one that makes my skin crawl just hearing it is “lacerated kidney.” The Chargers’ Keenan Allen had one a couple of years ago, Andrew Luck dealt with that last year, and now Cleveland Browns safety Jordan Poyer looks to be out the rest of the year with the same.

• If your job were printing players’ names on their jerseys, wouldn’t you check the spelling before signing off on a jersey for someone named Prince Amukamara?

• The NFL is a mean and petty little tyrant. The league has declared that teams can no longer post their own highlights on their social media channels. Some teams, like the Eagles and the Browns, mocked the NFL by posting claymation-type videos of their highlights, which, hilariously, have now been pulled.

• Goodness gracious, the Indianapolis Colts had a 14 point lead with three minutes left and somehow lost! Much sympathy has been sent Andrew Luck’s way as the quarterback tries and tries to lift his dismal team out of the muck. One person who doesn’t have sympathy for Luck is Ryan Grigson, the Colts’ general manager. Grigson, defending himself against the charges of completely failing to put any talent around his #1 pick, blamed Luck’s contract, saying, "Once you pay Andrew what we did, it’s going to take some time to build on the other side of the ball.” Sorry, but uh-uh, Ryan. First off, boo-hoo, it’s so tough having had the top pick in the draft! Second, other teams have the salary cap, too. Other teams have quarterbacks with huge contracts, too, and they manage to pick better players than you have. Luck, for his part, continues to be entirely endearing and refuses to blame his horrible offensive line.

• Apparently, things are no good between Houston Texans head coach Bill O’Brien and quarterback Brock Osweiler, who reportedly had a blow up at a team meeting last week. It’s hardly a surprise considering their mail-order bride courtship, but Houston sportswriters must be tripping over themselves to write their “Houston, We Have a Problem” headlines.

"Whaddya mean it's been used? This is gold, I tells ya!"

• Ugghh the LA Rams not only lost to the Detroit Lions, but they also pulled my least favorite move during Detroit’s victory formation, injuring the Lions center and nearly injuring the quarterback. Nothing says low-class losers like trying to injure opponents after the game is over. I hate, hate, hate this bush league move. 

• I have to end with some devastating news: Green Eyes is engaged and, no, not to me. It’s a tough time, but I just want him to be happy.

We'll always have my near-constant Google Image searches of you.

WE WON A PLAYOFF GAME!!!!!!!!!!!

• AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! We won a playoff game!! It was just like old times! GO PACK GO!! (It should be noted that the Washington Redskins have the one of the worst defenses in the league and did not beat a single team with a winning record all season.) The Green Bay Packers are the best team in the woooorld! Woo hoo!

• I was pretty doleful after last week’s loss to the Minnesota Vikings, but I regained my faith as the week went on. Listening to interviews of Green Bay Packers players and coaches, I thought, Yeah, this game is winnable! I was a bit discouraged by the week’s injury report, which hosted 18 Packers, but still felt good going into the game. Then the first quarter happened. It was an exact repeat of the previous ten games. After gaining 11 yards on the first play, the Packers gained -4 on their next 12 plays, which produced a punt, a safety, another punt, and another punt to start the game. It was shaping up to be a loooooooong day.

• But then, the clouds broke and the sun shone through. After breaking off of 34-yard pass to James Jones, the Packers suddenly looked sharper. Aaron Rodgers was more decisive than he’s been in a long time, and receivers actually caught the balls thrown their way! Green Bay scored on their next five drives as part of a 32-7 run.

• Not only did Rodgers embrace the “let it fly” mentality, it also seemed to me that the playcalls were (slightly) more diverse. Not as varied as I’d like to see, perhaps, but Cobb was in the backfield, and he caught some quick darts to the sideline -- both of which utilize what Cobb does best -- plus the Packers were back in no-huddle, something we’ve seen far too little of this season.

"Hmm let's try not doing the exact same thing every down. Just
might be crazy enough to work."

• A game ball has to go to JC Tretter. The backup center was called into duty at left tackle, and, after giving up a safety in the first quarter, settled down and kept Rodgers clean for the rest of the game. The protection was a huge improvement over recent weeks and gave Rodgers good time.

• The defense was once again impressive, getting six sacks on Kirk Cousins and forcing a fumble as well. They made a fantastic goal stand, forcing Washington to kick a field goal after having the ball at 1st-and-1 after DeSean Jackson’s almost touchdown, and held the Redskins to just seven points in the final 43 minutes.

• Jay Gruden’s wearing a fat suit, right? He looks very much like a skinny man in an SNL skit.

• Washington’s punter’s name is Tress Way. Which is obviously an alias. Which he obviously had to come up with on short notice.

There's also a strong possibility that it's an investment
firm or something. If so, I think would invest with
them. They sound very trustworthy.

• You know who has some serious swagger? Official Gene Steratore. He’s always super casual when he strides onto the field to make a ruling, as if this is all NBD, and he's got places he's needs to be after the game.

• I’m so worried about Sam Shields. The Green Bay cornerback has now missed four games with a concussion. That’s scarily long for a head injury -- career-implications kind of scary. I hope he’s okay!

• The already depleted backfield lost cornerback Quinten Rollins to a quadriceps injury on Sunday. Damarious Randall, who was playing with a groin injury, reaggravated the injury but was able to return to the game. Backup cornerbacks Demetri Goodson and Ladarius Gunter played well, particularly this key third-down breakup by Gunter late in the game.

• Typing the above made me realize how good a year 2015 was a for Green Bay corners. Rollins, Randall, and Gunter are all first-year players and have played very, very well. (Gunter has hardly played this season, so it’s a small sample size, but he had an incredible preseason.)

• I have to say that I’ve become something of a Kirk Cousins fan this season. I watched his SoundFX -- how likable is he? Also, some internet genius discovered what “KC” from KC and the Sunshine Band stands for:

• Awwww, look at the Green Bay playoff captains photo! What adorable little nerds they are. They all look like their mothers combed their hair for them. (Well, not Clay…). I love the Olan Mills portrait posing.

"Yep, just casually clench your fists and rest them on your
knees. Thumbs out. Perfect!"

• All four road teams won in the Wild Card round for the first time ever! This crazy stat might have a little something to do with that:

• It was indeed a wild Wild Card round. Let’s talk about the Minnesota Vikings-Seattle Seahawks game. HOW DO YOU MISS A 27-YARD FIELD GOAL?!?!?!?!

• Laces in or laces out, that’s a huge choke, but poor Blair Walsh!! He was so sad after the game! I just want to fly to Minnesota and give him a hug. Walsh, as you can imagine, is being raked over the social media coals. His coach didn’t exactly support him after the game, even though Walsh was responsible for every single point the Vikes scored. At least he got some kind words from former Vikings and Detroit Lions receiver Nate Burleson.

• It would have been so, so, so, so wonderful if Pete Carroll and the evil Seahawks had been knocked out of the playoffs in the divisional round. There would have been much rejoicing throughout the lands. It just stinks extra because I have a hard time foreseeing Seattle playing that badly again.

• Minnesota had “home field advantage,” but I wonder how much an advantage it is when the temperature at kickoff is -6 degrees. And that’s for a team that usually plays in a dome. I feel like the Vikings beating the Packers in the final week of the regular season was kind of the worst thing they could have done for their chances.

• Whenever punters do anything other than their strict job description, they always get injured. Such was the case with Seattle punter Jon Ryan who, given a low snap, had to make the (probably smart) decision to pick up the ball and run. Unfortunately, he was tackled and landed on his face. Don’t ever ask punters to do anything athletic!

No, but seriously, the injury was pretty bad.

• I can’t feel too bad for Minnesota, however, because if you don’t score a single touchdown in a playoff game, you can’t very well be surprised you lost.

• Speaking of not scoring, how ‘bout them Houston Texans? Gosh, they’re awful. They lost 30-0 to the Kansas City Chiefs, averaging 3.6 yards a play and turning it over FIVE times!! How did all those turnovers happen? This man was playing quarterback:

I wanted to put an interception video here, but
I couldn't decide which one to choose! 

• Can you imagine the deep, deep depression Texans fans must feel when they find themselves screaming, “Put Brandon Weeden in!!” at their tvs? And can you imagine how bad backup Brandon Weeden must feel about himself that, after Hoyer turned the ball over four times in the first half, they still didn’t put Weeden in?

"Please play me. Please?"

• I can’t read lips exactly, but it appears that receiver DeAndre Hopkins is suggesting that perhaps the coaches consider removing Hoyer from the field of play.

• You can’t really blame Hopkins for being upset. When you can make catches like this, it’d be nice to have a real quarterback to throw to you.

• Head coach, Bill O’Brien, you’ve had absolutely no problem benching quarterbacks this season. You even benched Brian Hoyer in the first game of the season (coincidentally, against the Chiefs). Do you have any possible explanation for why you didn’t bench Hoyer after his four-turnover first half?

• Normally I would take a team's fans to task for leaving a playoff game before the conclusion, but I'll take pity on the Texans "fans" this time.

 

• I know KC won 30-0, but I can’t be impressed with a team that was only up 13 points at halftime after a touchdown return on the opening kickoff and -- I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this -- four opponent’s turnovers in the first half. If another team gifts you the ball four times in a half, you should probably be able to manage more than six points if you want to play with the big boys.

• Okay, what the heck was going on in the Cincinnati Bengals-Pittsburgh Steelers game? The rivalry got way out of control. Here are some of the lowlights:

• Here’s Pittsburgh coach Mike Munchak trying to throw a Cincinnati player to the ground on the sidelines. Munchak received a penalty on the play.

• Here’s Pittsburgh linebacker Ryan Shazier putting his helmet right into Bengals running back Giovani Bernard’s chin. Inexplicably, there was no penalty called on this, and the fumble stands.

• Here’s Cincinnati fans throwing things at Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger as he’s carted off the field after suffering an injury.

• Here’s Bengals linebacker Vontaze Burfict concussing Antonio Brown’s with a shoulder to his head.

• And here’s Pittsburgh coach Joey Porter illegally on the field talking trash to the Bengals players, provoking Adams Jones -- primarily known for his bad decision making -- into a scuffle. Jones pushed a ref and got the penalty.

• The last two plays pretty much decided the game. With 1:36 left in the game, Cincinnati holding on to a 16-15 lead, the Bengals fumbled the ball! The Steelers recovered, and a few plays later, Pittsburgh had the ball to the Cincinnati 47-yard line with 22 seconds left and no timeouts. That’s when the last two penalties -- the Burfict hit and Jones push -- occurred. That gave the Steelers 30 yards in penalties, putting them into easy field goal range, and Pittsburgh kicked for the win.

• I am the only one who does not think the Burfict hit is objectively dirty. It’s hard for a defender to predict how a player is going to fall, and he hit him with his shoulder, not his helmet. That said, Burfict is a dirty, dirty player who has a history of intentionally trying to injure opponents, so he’s used up any benefit of the doubt that I may be inclined to give. His history is the main reason he was suspended three games for the hit on Brown.

• Likewise for Jones. Porter had no business being on the field and should not have been allowed to stand there trash talking the Bengals. Pacman, however, is a headcase who has also used up his goodwill. Many are talking about the lack of discipline on the part of the Bengals players, but I find it more unforgivable that two Steelers coaches behaved the way they did on Saturday. All in all, it was a bad mess of a game.

• There were some highlights, my favorite of which is this insane, physically improbable, somersaulting, pin-the-ball-to-the-back-of-his-legs touchdown by Martavis Bryant.

• The Packers next face the Arizona Cardinals. Yes, the Cards just beat Green Bay 38-8 a few weeks ago. Yes, they won 13 games this season. Yes, their defense is #5 in the league and their offense is #1. But … but … but … anything can happen in the playoffs!! Right??

Oh, Jordy. Things would look so much brighter if you were suiting up.