Well, That Sucked.

• Wow. That hurt. A lot. More than anyone could reasonably expect a sporting event to hurt. In a never-going-to-get-over-this kind of way.

• There’s plenty of blame to go around. Brandon Bostick for leaving his assignment on the onside kick -- Jordy was going to get that if you just did your job and blocked! (Bostick was very, very sad after the game.); AJ Hawk for his inexplicable decision to chase the punter on Seattle’s fake field goal for a touchdown (apparently he thought a punter 20 yards from the goal line was so dangerous that he needed to leave his man open in the endzone to pursue the punter); Brad Jones for being so bad that Seattle designed the fake punt play around him; Morgan Burnett for his decision to go to the ground on his interception, even though he had open field in front of him (there was so much open field! They could have at least gotten into field goal position! Julius Peppers may have to take some of the blame here, as he was the one who signaled Burnett to go down.); HaHa Clinton-Dix on his pitiful coverage on the Seahawks’ two-point conversion (why didn’t he try?!); and Mike McCarthy. Oh lord. Mike. McCarthy.

Here's a screenshot a split second before Burnett's interception.
Run, Morgan, run!!

• McCarthy chose to kick field goals on a 4th-and-1 and a 4th-and-2, both on the goal line in the first quarter. I didn’t like those decisions at all. I hated them. Even if you fail to score, Seattle would have had to go 99 yards. At least go for the touchdown on one of those. That said, I do understand that McCarthy was thinking that the Seahawks are incredibly difficult to score against, so there is a real temptation to take any points when you can get them. But still.

If Bostick had just blocked, this was
going straight into Jordy's hands. 

• The real issue with McCarthy is that he just completely closed his playbook in the fourth quarter, trying to run out the clock while the Seahawks were roaring back. He played way too conservatively and it cost the Packers. He was essentially trying to run a four-minute offense with 15 minutes left in the game, and -- surprise! -- that didn’t work. Green Bay had zero first downs in the fourth quarter.

Here's Hawk worrying that a punter is going to run 20 yards past
two defenders to get into the endzone. Never mind about leaving your guy
unguarded in the endzone.

• As my brother said after the game, McCarthy coached scared. Instead of putting the ball in the hands of the best quarterback in the league, the Packers had a run-run-incomplete-punt for one fourth-quarter drive and a run-run-run-punt for another. WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? Richard Sherman is playing with one arm! Earl Thomas is playing with a shoulder harness! James Starks sucks! You have really awesome receivers! Again, YOU HAVE AARON RODGERS! You might just as well have taken kneel downs, since the strategy seemed to be just trying to run out the clock and hoping something would happen.

He's really, really good, Mike. 

• Aaron Rodgers was not happy with the unaggressive approach. He called the Packers “the better team” in his post-game, and echoed several other players when he stated, “We gave the game away.” Rodgers noted that the Packers “weren’t as aggressive as [they] have been.” When asked if he could elaborate on that, Rodgers paused before saying, “No, I can’t.”

• Here’s a nice gut punch. This succinct summary touches on how many different things had to go wrong for Green Bay to lose.

As Josh Sitton said, "Literally one of 10 plays you can pick that if we get it, we win the game."

• The Green Bay defense played incredibly well, forcing four Russell Wilson interceptions and racking up five sacks. Marshawn Lynch ran for 157 yards, but, despite the big number, they held him in check better than could be expected for the first three-quarters of the game.  

• Russell Wilson’s quarterback rating for the first half: 0.0. [This felt a lot better when I typed it at halftime.] At times, he looked so bad, you had to wonder if Wilson was concussed on the blindside block by Clay Matthews. Though Wilson had not been playing well before the hit, he seemed especially off after it. It’s just shocking that a quarterback could play so poorly for 7/8ths of a game, throw four interceptions, and still &%*$ing win. Mind-boggling.

• Rodgers threw an uncharacteristic two interceptions in the first half. On the first one, which was intercepted by Richard Sherman in the endzone, Rodgers said he thought he saw the defense jump and had a free play. As it turns out, that’s what it should have been.

The Packers obviously had a bajillion chances after this call to win the game, but this is just slicing me open,
pouring lemon juice on the wound, giving it a bit of time to heal, picking off the scab, and putting salt in it.

• The Seahawks were not able to create any points off of Green Bay’s two turnovers. Green Bay scored a measly %$@#ing six points off of Seattle’s five turnovers.

Now we have to endure a whole offseason without this....

• With five minutes left in the fourth quarter, the Green Bay Packers had a 96.1% chance of winning. 96.1%. The Seahawks had 3.9% chance of winning late in the game. The number of things that had to go wrong all within a tiny space of time for the Packers to lose is ridiculous. Ninety-bleeping-six percent chance. One more time: ninety-six point one percent.

...without Tramon's smile...

• Oh shut up, Doug Baldwin. The Seahawks receiver went on a tirade after the game, screaming at the reporters for being “doubters.” Ummm, dude, you guys were an insulting eight-point favorite in this game, everyone picked you to win the game, you’ve been a Super Bowl pick since preseason, commenters are having “is this the best defense of our generation?” debates about your team, and you’ve all been called the team with the best chance to repeat since the Patriots, so save me your “no one believed in us” crap.

...without sweet, pre-game texts from Eddie Lacy's mom...

• I tend to have the same feelings as Packers left guard Josh Sitton, who said it felt worse to lose such a close game than getting blown out.

...without Randall's piercing green eyes...

• I didn’t watch the Patriots-Colts game because I didn’t care. New England won a lot to a little. Don’t care who wins the Super Bowl.

...without Sideline Ninja and his #NinjaBiceps ninja-ing on the sidelines.

• I still love them, though, and they still love me.

.



*weeps inconsolably*

BRING ON SEATTLE!!

• Okay, so let’s talk about that call. I think the Dez Bryant incompletion was a good call according to the rule book. But…. I think it’s a terrible rule. The Calvin Johnson/”process of the catch” rule is awful and needs to be changed. I think the refs called it in a consistent manner, but find an honest, non-NFL person who can watch the replay says Bryant’s catch was not a catch. (Here’s the play in real time. If you are a Cowboys fan trying to say that Bryant had full, indisputable possession when he took the steps and fell forward, I would argue that the real-time clip suggests otherwise.)

• The crazy thing about how awful the Calvin Johnson rule is if Sam Shields had pushed Dez Bryant out of bounds before Bryant had dived for the endzone, I’m pretty sure that would have been ruled a completion on the goal line.

• Nota Bene: Bryant’s incompletion would not have been a “game-winning” catch, as some had said. The Cowboys would have had to score a touchdown from the one-yard line, and successfully converted the two-point try for a three-point lead, meaning the Packers would have had four minutes and Aaron Rodgers to get within field goal range, if not score a touchdown.

If Rodgers can get the ball into this window, don't tell me he couldn't
get the Packers within field goal range.

• Why didn’t they show Jerry Jones after the Bryant call?!?! That was by far the most disappointing aspect of the game.

More of THIS.

• The Detroit Lions expressed some “sympathy” for the Cowboys on the controversial call, tweeting a picture of the infamous Calvin Johnson touchdown-ruled-an-incompletion, but the Lions also got in a nice troll over last week’s controversial pass-interference-oh-wait-never-mind call.

Football Karma.

• Some of the Lions players had decidedly less sympathy for the ‘Boys.

• But, hey, some Cowboys fans are taking it well.

• Julius Peppers has Inspector Gadget arms. Peppers had a great day, forcing two fumbles, one on Romo (which Romo recovered) and one potentially touchdown-saving strip of Dallas running back DeMarco Murray. (He also has an insane vertical!)

"Go go gadget arms!"

• I have given a lot of (well-deserved) flak to both Davante Adams and Andrew Quarless, but both played really well on Sunday. Adams had 117 yards on 7 catches, and Quarless had some huge third-down catches (and a fumble recovery). Now, if only they could do that consistently.

• Stop. Talking. About. the. Damn. Ice. Bowl.

• Troy Aikman: “Cole Beasley reminds me of Wes Welker and Danny Amendola. ” Uhh, because they’re all white?

"Nelson reminds me of Welker, even though they have completely different
skill sets. Just something about them ... can't quite put my finger on it."

• I know Packer fans should be wary about complaining about the officiating, but there were two huge pass interference penalties called against Tramon Williams that were ticky-tack at best. And the personal foul call on TJ Lang was horrendous. He was called for a late hit, but the problem was the play was still ongoing, the whistle hadn’t been blown, and he was blocking for his receiver, who was still being pummeled by multiple Cowboys defenders.

• Eddie Lacy had a strong day, particularly in the first few drives. He ended with 101 yards, but was used sparingly later in the game due to asthma issues brought on by the cold.

• Aaron Rodgers was obviously not himself due to his calf injury, most noticeably in the first half. He was able to find a rhythm in the second half, when he completed 15-of-20 passes, including going 9-for-9 in the fourth quarter. Gutting through the pain for that kind of performance deserves ...THE BELT! (And a Shooter McGavin nod.)

• The third-down throw to Randall Cobb that sealed the game was actually intended for Jarrett Boykin, but the ball got tipped at the line of scrimmage and Cobb was mercifully able to adjust and catch it.

• In other happy Packers news:

Yay, Mason!

• There are a lot of teams that can beat Green Bay, but the Seattle Seahawks are the only team I’m scared of. Very, very scared for next week.

• If it makes Cowboys fans feel any better, this explains so much about Tony Romo. Just imagine how good he’d be if he threw the ball with his eyes open!

• The New England Patriots pulled out some trickery against the Baltimore Ravens. That’s right, I mean Tom Brady’s lateral to receiver Julian Edelman (who played quarterback in college), who threw a beautiful pass to receiver Danny Amendola for a touchdown.

• As for the other New England trickery … I’m not really sure where I stand on the fairness of the Patriots’ substitution schemes. As I understand it, here’s what happened: the Patriots threw the Ravens for a loop by only playing four offensive lineman (which is legal because they had one of their receivers or tight ends declare themselves ineligible, meaning that player could not catch a pass on that play. Declaring themselves eligible or ineligible just means telling the ref that, and the ref then announces it on the PA so the defense knows about it.). This means one of the New England players who lined up where you would usually see the offensive linemen line up was actually an eligible receiver, who burnt the Ravens defense because you obviously don’t plan to guard someone you think is an offensive lineman down the field. This is all legal, but if an offense makes a substitution, the rules dictate that the defense must be given time to make their own substitutions. The head ref said he gave that time, but the Ravens felt like they were not given sufficient time. (The length of time is a “judgment call” -- oy.) Sometimes, a ref will stand over the ball until the signal is given that the defense has had enough time for substitutions, which did not happen in the New England-Baltimore game (nor is it required, I don’t think). The thing is, the Ravens have to be allowed enough time to literally get men on the field, but they are not owed time to sit and figure out opponents’ formations. That’s what timeouts are for. (Read the links; they explain it a lot better than I.) The Pats were able to use this strategy four times, all for big gains.

Coach Harbaugh respectfully disagrees.

• The Ravens played well, twice taking a 14-point lead before New England came roaring back. The Patriots went pass-heavy against the battered Baltimore secondary, only running the ball seven times! Tom Brady threw for three touchdowns, but also had an interception, which led to a Ravens touchdown, which led to Sad Brady.

Don't worry, Tom; it gets better!

• I was so impressed with the Carolina Panthers hanging in for so long against the Seattle Seahawks, despite being a far, far inferior team. The final score doesn’t reflect how valiant Carolina’s effort was, but the game was still within reach for them in the fourth quarter (then things got ugly).

• Surely, surely, the Panthers must have a better options at punt returner than Brenton Bersin. Your returner should instill fear in the hearts of the opponents, not your fans.

What about this man could possibly make the Panthers have faith in him?

• So Seattle safety Kam Chancellor is very athletic. He nearly blocked a field goal by hurdling the line (but the kick was nullified by a Carolina penalty).

• So the Panthers lined up to try the kick again, and Chancellor did the same thing (but the down was replayed because Chancellor was flagged for running into the kicker).

• So Carolina kicker Graham Gano courageously tried a third time, though that couldn’t have been a fun situation for him. Chancellor shutdown freak mode this time and stayed on his side, and the kick was good.

• I just have to say that I think it’s totally and completely unfair that the Seahawks have probably the top two safeties in the league in Chancellor and Earl Thomas. Shouldn’t there be some sort of antitrust-type rule to break up injustice like this? And shouldn’t that rule be created and enforced before next Sunday? PLEASE?

• The number three pick in the 2012 NFL draft was a healthy inactive for the Indianapolis Colts. Trent Richardson, epic running back bust, was not active. That left the Colts with Daniel Herron (whose “Boom” nickname seems a little bit of an overreach; he had 63 yards on 23 carries) and someone named Zurlon Tipton, who had 14 yards. As it turned out, Indianapolis didn’t really need a run game, as they handled the Broncos 24-13.

• I certainly did not expect the Indianapolis Colts to beat the Denver Broncos. Peyton Manning, who reportedly has been playing through a torn right quad the last month, looked terrible. He was 26-for-46 for 211 yards and one touchdown, which aren’t really awful numbers by themselves, but get worse when you break them down. Manning was just 6-for-21 on throws of five or more yards, and 5-of-14 on third downs, plus garbage time improved his numbers.

This meant a lot of Manning Face, which was more pitiful than funny
because of the possibility that Manning has played his last game.

• Now, excuse me, I have to go talk to the Football Gods and see what I can sacrifice in return for a win next week.

BUT I HAVE FAAAIIIIIITH!! I BELIEVE!

Wild Card Round

• The Arizona Cardinals were truly painful to watch. They managed a record-low 78 yards of offense. I try really hard to be sympathetic to third-string quarterbacks forced into situations far beyond their experience (and ability), but it’s hard to imagine that there aren’t average joes playing pickup football in their backyards who wouldn’t be better than Ryan Lindley. (I’m sorry, Ryan.)

• The Cardinals’ fruitless lateral final play lost them 19 yards, which enabled them to set that record, but it they weren’t exactly tearing up the turf before then.

So sad. So true.

• There have been 28 individual plays this season that gained more yards than the Cardinals did all of Saturday.

Jordy probably had, like, ten of them.

• Don’t think special teams are important? Then, boy, was the Arizona-Carolina game for you!! Carolina returner Brenton Bierson had a mighty tough time, muffing one punt and nearly muffing a couple of others. You wouldn’t think a punter that important until you watched Arizona’s punter struggle to get the ball to mid-field. In his defense, the offense usually had him backed up against the goal post, but it was still pretty bad.

• Ugh it looks like the NFL will expand the playoffs from 12 teams to 14 teams next year. I’m sure we were all thinking how much better the playoffs would be this year if only the Houston Texans had been allowed in.

What these playoffs need is more Case Keenum!

• I know the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Baltimore Ravens are one of the marquee rivalries in the NFL, but, try as I might, I just can’t seem to care about their games. Maybe it’s the uniforms; I just hate both teams’ uniforms!

Yellow-and-black and black leggings. Not exactly the Paris runway.

• Who the heck decided to allow Bart Scott on television as an “analyst”??

• Pittsburgh had more passing yards, more rushing yards, ran 17 more plays, had a better quarterback completion percentage, and still lost. The three turnovers and the 114 yards in penalties probably had something to do with that.

• LOLOLOLOLOL. Baltimore Ravens head coach John Harbaugh called his quarterback, Joe Flacco, the “best quarterback in football.” LOLOLOLOLOLOL. John, I don’t even think Flacco’s mother thinks he’s the best quarterback in football.

"I love my daddy, but there are at least 5 other QBs I would take over him."

• Andy Dalton has lost his first four playoff games, joining YA Tittle as the only two quarterbacks with that dishonor.

• Has anyone noticed that YA Tittle holds nearly every obscure record, good or bad? Whenever somebody breaks the record for most games played on a Tuesday or most 100-point games or most passes thrown to self or something, ol’ Yelberton Abraham Tittle’s name always shows up.

• Watching quarterbacks desperately trying to lure defenses offsides on 4th downs is always a little sad and pathetic. Especially when the quarterback admits how ridiculous it is while trying to draw the offsides. While it still doesn’t top a Carolina defender mocking Minnesota’s attempt to draw them offsides, Andrew Luck’s “Ohhhh, stop it!” from this weekend was pretty good. (Bonus points because it’s in Luck’s endearingly dorky voice.) 

• THERE ARE TWO PLAYERS NAMED CJ MOSLEY. And they’re not related!

Does anyone else know about this?? I think everyone has been assuming they're the same person.

• Argh the Detroit Lions gave the game away to the Dallas Cowboys. They scored two touchdowns in the first six minutes, then only managed two field goals the rest of the way.

Never trust a man who doesn't blink.

• The Dallas Cowboys punter had the best punt I've ever seen, landing the ball inside about the one-foot line. AND the Detroit Lions got a penalty on the play, leading to the worst field position imaginable, yet Detroit was able to go 99 yards on the drive.

• Now, everyone’s in a big fuss over the controversial pass interference call that was hugely important in the game. It seems to me that Dallas linebacker Anthony Hitchens committed clear pass interference on Detroit tight end Brandon Pettigrew. While making contact (and holding earlier in the route), Hitchens never gets his head around to find the ball. He’s playing the player, not the ball, which will almost always get you a PI call.  

• That said, it wasn’t so egregious a foul that I would have been very upset if it hadn’t been called. The problem was that the refs threw the flag, announced the penalty, spotted the ball at the place of the foul, and the teams were ready for the next snap when the refs picked up the flag without explanation. (I won’t even address the fact that Dez Bryant came onto the field without his helmet to argue the call, which should have resulted in a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty.) So instead of having the Lions having a first down just outside the redzone, it was fourth-and-one around midfield and the Lions punted the ball away.

• When Detroit had the ball, down four with two minutes left in the game, all I could think was, “I’d feel so much better about Detroit’s chances if the ball were in Tony Romo’s hands.” Alas, Detroit’s ridiculous last-minute luck that has saved them all season finally ran out.

Saving up the choking for next week.

• Detroit defensive tackle/wild animal Ndamukong Suh had his suspension for stepping on Aaron Rodgers reduced to a $70,000, which makes no sense. If you’re fining him any amount -- especially that high an amount -- it’s because he did something bad, namely intentionally stepping on an injured player’s injured body part. If the league believed it was unintentional, then they would have overturned the suspension (rather than reducing it to a fine) and not punished him at all. By fining him, the league is saying that they think he intentionally stepped on Rodgers. If a player is intentionally stepping on an opponent’s leg, how is that not a suspension-worthy offense??

• Maybe they bought Suh’s “it was so cold that my feet were numb, so I couldn’t tell what I was stepping on” defense. No, seriously, Suh tried to argue that.

• Suh was very upset after the loss to Dallas, crying in his press conference and having to leave to compose himself. As you can see by this local coverage, Wisconsin doesn’t have a whole lot of sympathy for Suh.

• I would have loved for the Cowboys to have lost because the meltdown in Dallas is always fun to watch. Sigh, now I’ll have to wait another week.