Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Well, We Didn't Lose.

  • It’s great that Green Bay was able to come back from down 13 to force overtime and a tie, but they really blew a huge opportunity. Both Chicago and Detroit lost in big upsets and, had the Packers managed a victory, they would have been in a three-way tie for a division lead. Now, they’re a half game behind with a game against Detroit on Thursday and pretty much no chance to win unless Rodgers plays. Alas, what could have been!

I blame the creepy mustache. The broken collarbone, too,
but mostly the mustache.

  • Of course, it wouldn’t be a Packers game without some major injuries. Backup running back Johnathan Franklin, whom Coach McCarthy wanted to get involved, went out on the very first play of the game with a concussion. CJ Wilson, who was playing for an injured Johnny Jolly, left the game. Eddie Lacy, who had a fantastic game and kept the Packers in it, left the field late in the game. He returned for one play before sitting again. Green Bay’s next game is on Thursday, which doesn’t bode well for these injured players’ chances (Franklin won’t even have a chance, given the concussion protocol). 

  • After the game, Lacy said his asthma forced him to leave the game. Wait, a starting NFL running back has asthma??
But isn't running fast while being able to breathe in your job description?

  • Lacy had 158 all-purpose yards on the day. More than half those yards came after contact. BEAST.

  • Cornerback Casey Hayward officially went on the IR on Saturday, ending his season, as did cornerback James Nixon. Cornerback Sam Shields also did not suit up on Sunday. This should be fun trying to guard Calvin Johnson.
So which of our third-string defensive backs would like to cover this guy?

  • Will someone PLEASE tell me why the Vikings continue to start Christian Ponder over Matt Cassel? Ponder didn’t have a bad game on Sunday, but Cassel played two games this season, winning one. That’s half of Minnesota’s win total; that should count for something!

  • Scott Tolzien was pulled in favor of Matt Flynn. Both played pretty unremarkably, but how awesome was Tolzien’s 6-yard rushing touchdown? What a spin move, Scoots!  

  • I guess I don’t really have any feelings about whether Tolzien or Flynn starts on Thursday. Seems sorta six of one, half-dozen of the other.
But hey, last time Flynn played the Lions, he threw for 480 yards and 6 TDs.

  • The Green Bay run defense was pretty bad. I understand they were pretty gassed at the end, but dig deep, boys! I mean, Toby Gerhart? You’re letting someone named “Toby” run all over you?? Where’s your pride?
Come on, there's no way this guy is even
old enough to play in the NFL!

  • The offense really didn’t do themselves any favor with their inability to play hurry up. They were dawdling the whole last drive in regulation, as well all of overtime. It was the slowest no-huddle offense I've ever seen.
  • UGH. Certain reporters won't shut up about how the Packers made a mistake by going for two too early in the game. Because they failed at the two-point conversion, this guy keeps crowing that a team should never go for two when there are more than eight minutes left in the game. Why? Why eight minutes? What about nine minutes? The Packers were down by 16 points, then they scored a touchdown, leaving them down by 10. If they kick an extra point, it's a 9-point lead and a two-score game. If they convert a two-point conversion, it's an 8-point lead and a one-score game. It's a no-brainer to go for two. It's easy to do the math in retrospect and say, "Hey if they had that extra point, they would have won in regulation!" but it would have been a stupid move to pass up the chance to make it a one-score game. There's absolutely no guarantee -- especially the way the Packers were playing on both offense and defense -- that Green Bay would have gotten the ball three times in the fourth quarter.
  • It’s hard to get over Green Bay getting the ball on the 5-yard line with a new set of downs in overtime and having to settle for a field goal.
  • Oof. The Packers were 3-for-16 on third-down conversions, and 3-for-5 in the redzone.
  • Apparently, not many Packers realize that there wasn't a second overtime. The overtime rules are kind of screwy, but when it's your job, that's probably something you should know.

  • The Ram's Tavon Austin is very, very fast.

Rams' Tavon Austin Fakes out Bears Defense for 65-Yard TD

  • There was a scuffle after the whistle in the Chicago-St. Louis game, resulting in three penalties -- all of them were on the Bears.

  • Chicago played St. Louis, Detroit played Tampa Bay, and Green Bay played Minnesota, and yet it was a winless Sunday for the NFC North. Didn’t see that coming.

  • Though, when you hear that the Lions turned it over five times and that the Bears racked up 84 yards in penalties and 3 turnovers, it makes a little more sense. Here's Detroit's final turnover, right on the goal line with a chance for the lead!

  • Turns out that Boomer Esaison feels the same way about Shannon Sharpe as we all do.

The Best GIFs Of NFL Week 12: Baby, It's Cold Outside

  • Houston lost to Jacksonville. At home. The Texans and the Jaguars now have the same record.

  • Aww, Browns fans are as inept as their team - they couldn't even hold their banner right side up.
Embedded image permalink
Maybe they're trying to encourage the fans above them, not the team.

  • Oh my gosh. Arizona is ahead of Green Bay in the playoff hunt. PANIC!

  • Trent Richardson has averaged 2.8 yards per carry since being traded from the Cleveland Browns to the Indianapolis Colts, but he’s not frustrated at all. “I think I’ve been playing good,” he said, despite all evidence to the contrary.
"And my mother still loves me."

  • Speaking of delusional, Jerry Jones thinks he's been "doing his best work" of late. He at least has the decency to qualify it: "The facts are I really do think, the way things have rolled out, I'm getting to do some of the best work that I've done, relatively speaking in my career, over these last several years." The Cowboys have won one playoff game since 1997 and are projected to be $31 million over the salary cap next year.

Keep up the good work, Jer!

  • The Saints beat the Falcons in the Georgia Dome, and freak tight end Jimmy Graham wanted to leave his mark on the stadium.
View image on Twitter
This is what happens when Jimmy Graham dunks on your goal post.

  • Remember when we were all wondering what on earth Mark Sanchez was doing growing out his hair?

  • Now it makes .... sense?
Mark Sanchez Has Cornrows
On or off the field, Sanchez makes bad decisions.

  • I'm not a fan of these ticky-tack, fraction-of-a-second late hit calls, especially when they're faked, such as Cam Newton's here.

  • The Steelers really had the Browns confused when they lined up to go for it on 4th-and-18 while up 17 points. Things got weirder when quarterback Ben Roethlisberger took the snap and then punted the ball - right to the one-yard line.

I guess drunk co-eds aren't the only ones Roethlisberger can back into corners.

  • New York Giants' tight end Brandon Myers caught the ball at the 10-yard line and went to the ground. The Dallas Cowboys were already headed back to the huddle when Myers, who wasn't touched by the Cowboys, got up and ran into the endzone. Ladies and gentlemen, the Dallas Cowboys defense!

  • The San Diego Chargers overcame 97 yards in penalties (!!) to beat the Kansas City Chiefs in a game that featured eight lead changes and came down to the wire.

The Best GIFs Of NFL Week 12: Baby, It's Cold Outside
Philip Rivers remained his usual, even-keeled self.

  • Except for the fact that they play in the NFC East, I would say the wheels are coming off for the Washington Redskins. After a loss to the Philadelphia Eagles last week, quarterback Robert Griffin III made some passive aggressive comments about the scheme his team was running, as well as his receivers' inability to get open. Receiver Santana Moss felt the need to call out his quarterback to the media, saying RGIII needs to take more responsibility for the team's losses. 
"[If I'm the quarterback,] I don't need to be going back and forth in the media about who didn't do this and who didn't do what. At the end of the day, I was seen with the ball in my hand last. As a quarterback, I'm saying, and if it didn't get done, then I'm going to let you know it was me. Whether it was me or not, it was me. And I'm going to get better. And we're going to get better together."
  • I'm inclined to agree with Moss' sentiments, but I'm not sure I'd say that on the record. I have to think that makes for a bit of tension around the Gatorade cooler.
  • Crazy game on Sunday night! I stopped watching at halftime, when the Denver Broncos were up 24-0 on the New England Patriots. Lo and behold, the Pats came storming back and won the game in overtime! The game featured ELEVEN fumbles, including this final one -- an incredibly unlucky bounce on a punt that New England recovered.

  • The Broncos' loss led to more of the moronic chatter about how Peyton Manning "can't play in the cold." Umm, his team put up 31 points and lost on a field goal in overtime.

  • The game also gave us our Tom Brady GIF of the week. He was very excited about the win.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Is This What It Feels Like?

  • Ugh is this what it feels like to be a fan of a bad team like the Jaguars or the Browns or the Cowboys? The hopelessness: “Even if we win this game, we’re not going anywhere with all of these injuries...”; the straining to find the positives: “Solid performance by the punter!”; the inability to accept reality: “If only we had Aaron…”

  • The injuries just keep coming. Green Bay’s best cornerback, Casey Hayward, went out last week with a reinjured hamstring, and it appears that it will be for the season. Waaaaaaaaaahhh!

The Packers and hamstrings do not go well together.

  • So what’s worse than having your top cornerback out? Having your other best cornerback out. Sam Shields is dealing with -- you guessed it! -- a hamstring injury.

Please be alright, Sammy. Pleeaasse! We need you!

  • It would be too much to hope that the Packers could go one game without more injuries. On Sunday, they lost another cornerback, James Nixon, and stalwart defensive lineman Johnny Jolly was added to the toll with a groin injury. Great.

  • Announcer: “This has been the Achilles’ heel of the Packers’ defense…” Oh, you mean the entire secondary?
  • Yes, the Packers secondary has been, hmmm, let’s just say less than satisfactory. One of the most hideous statistics I’ve ever seen is that Green Bay has recorded just FOUR interceptions. In NINE games! Against the likes of Joe Flacco, Brandon Weeden, Christian Ponder, Josh McCown, and Eli Manning. Those quarterbacks alone should be good for a couple of interceptions apiece!!

Come ON!

  • The game started with Green Bay getting a 12-men-on-the-field defensive penalty … and then a 12-men-in-the-huddle offensive penalty.


  • Check out this sweet mustache Eli Manning is trying to grow.

Eli finally hit puberty!

  • Green Bay is 2-of-9 in the redzone without Rodgers.

I would sell a family member in exchange for a healthy Aaron. (Before
you say I'm a terrible person, one of my siblings has already volunteered.)

  • Why would you not go for it on 4th-and-short against Green Bay? They've been terrible. What happened? They seemed like they were finally going to be good against the run this year!

  • I’m always touched when a player gets injured on the opposing sideline, and the opponent’s medical staff immediately jump into help.

  • I like the McCarthy’s guts on faking that 4th-and-7 punt. Sooooo close.

  • My heart must have shattered into a million pieces when Scott Tolzien thew that pick-six. Right after that great scoring drive, and that fantastic stand by the defense to force three-and-out, too.

He raises my hopes just to crush them.

  • Tolzien had some very bad throws, but I still think, on the whole, he played well. He’s playing behind a makeshift offensive line, whose starting right tackle was not playing (which meant Marshall Newhouse was playing -- aaahh!). I think they should just have Tolzien throw everything downfield, because he struggled a lot more with the short passes. He also got zero help from the run game, which contributed just 55 yards.

  • This season had the makings of something special, with a running game finally showing up to complement the league’s best quarterback and receiving group, Jermichael Finley in a contract year, a young and athletic secondary, a realigned offensive line that put the best linemen on Rodgers’ blindside, and a bulked-up defensive line, but now I think it’s a real possibility that Green Bay will not make the playoffs. I'm trying not to lose all hope. The Packers play a terrible Minnesota team next week, and there's a chance Rodgers will be able to play in the Thanksgiving game against the Lions. So I'm just going to cling to that.
In happier times...

  • The stupid Bears won on a stupid field goal in stupid overtime against the stupid Ravens.

They didn't even have stupid Jay Cutler to throw his stupid interceptions.

  • I am a Kansas City Chiefs naysayer. Yes, they are good, but they’ve also had an incredibly easy schedule. ALSO, they’ve had the good fortune to play against backup quarterbacks four of the last six weeks. The rich get richer…

  • For unknown reasons, the Pittsburgh Steelers decided to wear their throwback uniforms again.

I'd like this look better if it were black-and-white stripes,
and if Roethlisberger were actually in jail.

  • I wish the Lions would hire someone to film Jim Schwartz on the sidelines for the entire game and just make GIFs of all his furious and violent reactions to everything.

  • Well, at least Houston will get a great draft pick. I don't know what on earth is going on with their offensive line. I lost track of how many false starts they were flagged for, but I know one lineman was called for three alone!

  • I don't know if I feel more sorry for Case Keenum or Matt Schaub. Keenum was benched on Sunday for Schaub, and the boos were so loud from the home crowd that the Texans hand to switch to a silent count. Schaub played well, but still is not forgiven for his terrible play early in the season. Coach Gary Kubiak optimistically said he didn't think Keenum's confidence would be affected. "I didn't want to put a young guy in a bad situation," explained Kubiak. Sooooo, you thought you'd just put your beleaguered, once-upon-a-time-Pro-Bowler quarterback in a bad situation?
Okay, I definitely feel worse for Schaub.

  • Schaub certainly wasn't getting any love from receiver Andre Johnson either.

"Just emotions," they both said after the game. Yes, emotions of hatred, disgust, and anger.

  • Andre Johnson sure sounds content in Houston. After ending the game with that little scene with his quarterback Matt Schaub, Johnson was asked if he was happy playing for the Texans, and he responded: “I'm under contract, so, I have to play my contract out. I can't do anything about that." Ooookay then.

  • Andy Dalton had a 3.7 Quarterback Rating; that's how bad he is. The Bengals still won by 21 points; that's how bad the Cleveland Browns are.

  • Matthew Stafford had 327 yards at halftime, but somehow finished with only 362 yards total. His stats are as big as his head.

I mean that literally, not figuratively.

  • I love Carson Palmer’s official Arizona Cardinal picture because every single emotion he felt when choosing to sign with the Cardinals shows on his face.

"They're the Cardinals...but they have Fitzgerald...but they're the Cardinals."

  • The Steelers may not be able to do much, but their punter kicked a 70-yard punt to completely reverse field position. By the way, that stat is measured from the snap, not the punt, so it was actually more like a 80-yard punt.

  • I’m not a fan of the personal foul call on Niners for hitting Saints’ Drew Brees in “the neck area.” San Francisco forced a fumble on the play, which would have effectively sealed their victory. It looks bad on film because Brees’ head snaps back, but I think the defender’s arm is across the chest, not the neck. As it happened, it was called, allowing the Saints to eventually win the game.

  • How does Calvin Johnson ever get open? Defensive mistakes happen, but leaving Calvin Johnson open should never, ever, ever happen.

Don't send a boy to do Optimus Prime's job, Pittsburgh.

  • It makes it very easy for Detroit's offensive playcalling.



  • Here’s what I have to say to Jason Babin: 

  • I guess it's all okay because Andre Ellington got his dreads back?

View image on Twitter

  • I should predict when teams are going to fake a field goal or punt or do a surprise onside kick for a living, because I am always right. I knew Detroit was going to fake the field goal. I just need a way to prove this to the world… you can ask my cats!

"It's true. She's always right about these things."

  • I don’t mind the Lions faking the field goal, but don’t you have a better play call for that? I mean, it was just the little holder dancing around and hoping the Steelers wouldn’t notice till it was too late.

The more I watch the holder in this, the funnier it gets.

  • In case you didn't know, Pittsburgh is not very good. Let's put it this way: on Sunday, they averaged 1.5 yards per rush. If the running back had just fallen forward on each carry, they would have had a higher average!

  • While I like officials trying to stay out of the game at the end, I was very surprised to see the refs throw a flag on the final play of the Patriots-Panthers, then pick it up. Rob Gronkowski was being bear-hugged in the endzone as Brady was trying to throw him a game-winning touchdown, and, while it would have been an incredibly difficult catch, I'm sure the Patriots would have liked to see how it would have played out if Gronk wasn't being interfered with. The officials ruled the ball was not catchable, but they've obviously never seen a Gronkowski highlight reel.

  • Fumbling outside of the endzone results in a touchback, which is totally unfair. A Saints player picked off Colin Kaepernick and took it all the way back to almost the goal line, where the ball was knocked out of his hands and went out the back of the endzone, so the 49ers get the ball at the 20. How is that fair?? The Saints don’t get anything to show for an interception and long return? I don’t like this rule!

  • LeSean McCoy is one of the most immature people in a field that is known for immature people.

Though I don't have a lot of sympathy for a grown man waving a stupid flag, either.

Monday, November 11, 2013

What Have the Packers Done to Deserve This??

  • Word on the street is that Matty Flynn is back with the Pack!! He won’t be starting, but at the rate the Packers are losing quarterbacks, it’s nice to have a familiar face on the bench. (I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for Flynn, but that doesn’t mean I'm not worried about his elbow issues.)


  • This is getting a little ridiculous. In Sunday’s loss to the Philadelphia Eagles, the Green Bay Packers lost another six players: Seneca Wallace, Nick Perry, Casey Hayward, Evan Dietrich-Smith, Don Barclay, and Johnny Jolly. Brad Jones and Davon House also suffered injuries, but returned to the game (as did Jolly), and while Ryan Pickett did not leave the game, he is scheduled to undergo tests on his knee.

  • These injuries are, of course, in addition to many others that have occurred thus far in the season. Here’s a list of other Packers who have missed time thus far: Bryan Bulaga (out for season), DuJuan Harris (out for season), Randall Cobb, James Jones, James Starks, Greg Van Roten (out for season), Ryan Taylor, Andy Mulamba, Eddie Lacy, Brad Jones, Jermichael Finley (out for season), Morgan Burnett, Clay Matthews, TJ Lang, John Kuhn, Jarrett Bush, and Mr. Aaron Rodgers.

"Huh. This is not how I saw our season going."

  • Before Sunday, Green Bay has started just three quarterbacks since Week 4 of 1992. That’s 372 games! With Scott Tolzien starting next week, that will be three different starting quarterbacks in three weeks.

  • It was weird to hear a different voice calling out the “greeeeeen nineteen!” - it just didn’t feel right. And then, after spending my entire week pretending to believe in Seneca Wallace, I have to throw my allegiance behind a guy who was on the practice squad a week ago?? This takes an emotional toll on me, fellas!

So we're cheering for this guy now?

  • Besides the injuries, the game was just an odd one. Philadelphia’s first touchdown was just an unlucky tip by the defenders that somehow fell right into the hands of DeSean Jackson (who should have been called for a taunting penalty on that play); the Packers dominated time of possession up until the final drive, but couldn’t get points on the board; Tramon Williams’ fumble recovery for a touchdown didn’t count because the refs blew the play dead, even though the Packers were given the turnover on review; Jordy Nelson had a very close catch in the endzone that was ruled incomplete; Philadelphia played much better than Green Bay in the first half, but somehow only had a seven-point lead at halftime; and -- here’s how you know when you’re in the Twilight Zone -- Jordy, aka Sideline Ninja, stepped out of bounds while running up the sideline towards the endzone! That never happens!

Ugh. This is why everyone hates DeSean Jackson.

  • How ‘bout the refs? They were TERRIBLE. It wasn’t like they were unfair to just the Packers, or they called the game too tight or too loose; they were terrible from every aspect. They had horrible calls and missed calls against both teams, sometimes you couldn’t breathe too close to a player without getting called for a penalty (Jarrett Bush’s “block in the back” on a punt), and then sometimes you could, say, blatantly hold John Kuhn for the entire duration of an interception return, or piggyback on James Jones in the endzone, and there’d be no whistle.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed.

  • Would someone please ask Coach McCarthy why the hell he won’t play running back Johnathan Franklin? The dude lost ONE fumble seven weeks ago in a game where he also put up 103 yards!! He’s gotten six carries total in the six games since. You have to give Eddie Lacy a break at some point!

Aww, so cute! Too bad only one of them ever gets to play.

  • Sooooo I was very disconcerted during the game when I  realized that the Packers don’t really have any more backup offensive linemen. After the center went down, the right guard (who suffered a concussion and left the game last week) moved to center, the right tackle moved to right guard, and Marshall Newhouse came in at right tackle. Then when the right-tackle-now-right-guard got injured, some rookie I've never heard of and never knew was on the team came in. Ahh, just want you want, your 3rd-string quarterback being protected by a patchwork line

  • My brother is always quick to point out not only how much the Packers get injured, but how often players suffer re-injury (this week, it looks like Casey Hayward - who injured his hamstring in training camp, then re-injured it right before the season - and Nick Perry have both suffered re-injuries). At what point does the Packers training and medical staff share some of the responsibility? Is it more than coincidence that the Packers seem to get the injury bug year after year?

  • Clay Matthews returned! He had a pretty quiet day, unfortunately, but I imagine it must take some time getting used to playing like this:

  • Hmmm, the end of this game sure looks a lot like the end of last game with the defense completely unable to stop the clock-draining run game. The difference is that they have no reason to be exhausted this week, as they were not on the field much. It really looked as though their spirit was broken late in the game.

  • McCarthy immediately named Tolzien the starter for next week's game against the New York Giants. The Giants are terrible through and through, but they have won their last three games AND they’re somehow going to win because they always just seem to have the Packers’ number.

We may be on our 5th-string QB, but at least it's not Eli.

  • Tolzien’s stats are not pretty, but I thought he looked calm behind center, which is what you want to see in a third-string quarterback. I wonder a bit about his arm strength since several of his passes seemed a bit late or underthrown, and I think that’s a product of him not being able to get enough zip on his throws.

You have my lukewarm support, sir.

  • Nick Foles has 16 touchdowns and zero interceptions this season.

  • I’m not the president of the AJ Hawk Fan Club, but I've always appreciated how he never minces words when it comes to an honest assessment of the defense:
“When you have a stud quarterback like [Rodgers], it covers up for a lot of mistakes you make as a defense...We haven't really helped [the offense] out like we should. They've been helping us out forever, it seems like, and we just haven't -- the last couple weeks especially, but this whole season."

Just saying what we're all thinking...

  • We’ll really need Detroit and Chicago to start losing these next few weeks.

Does it help or hurt our chances when Jay's on the bench?

  • Speaking of our old friend Jay, he should not have been playing this Sunday. After suffering a torn groin muscle and missing one game, Cutler was back in the lineup on Sunday. I understand that it was a big divisional game, but you have a backup in Josh McCown who is more than competent. Cutler should have never been allowed to play, and, when he did, he should have been pulled immediately, as it was clear the guy was in pain and not moving well. He was eventually pulled just before the end of the game because coach Marc Trestman recognized that Cutler could not run the two-minute drill. As it happened, Cutler was further injured in the game with a dreaded high ankle sprain. I get that players are competitive and Cutler has gotten a lot of unfair flak in the past for sitting out games, but can we all agree that people who get hit for a living don’t need to prove their toughness to the fans who are sitting at home and eating bean dip on their couches?

Have a cigarette and rest up, Jay.

  • The Bears lost yet another defensive player on Sunday in Charles Tillman. He has a triceps injury and has been put on short-term IR. It’s a tough blow to a defense that’s already hanging together by duct tape.

  • Eli Manning threw the 17th pick-six of his career!! =)

  • The Bengals’ Hail Mary was so cool! Remember, defensive players: don't go for the interception; just bat the ball down!

  • It was all for naught, however, as Baltimore won in overtime on a field goal. The kicker was so excited that he gave us a rare sight: an NFL kicker doing a celebratory dance!

Ravens Kicker Justin Tucker Attempts 'TerRio' Dance After GW 46-Yard FG in OT
Sorry, hon, still doesn't make you a real football player.

  • It’s the Miami Dolphins and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in Monday Night Football’s Dysfunction Bowl! Which team will succumb to their cancerous locker room issues first??

"We are not the most screwed up team in the league, dammit!"

  • After dominating Green Bay in the season opener, the San Francisco 49ers have only defeated one team with a winning record when they beat Arizona in Week 6. On the other hand, the teams they have defeated, they've done so by an average of 20 points. Sooo....in conclusion....I have no idea how good or bad the Niners are. Whatever the case, it's always worth tuning in to see Jim Harbaugh's khakis.

That's a lot of pleats.

  • Yet another starting quarterback was injured, and the Tennessee Titans fear it is for the season, as Jake Locker is thought to have suffered a Lisfranc fracture.

  • Nice to see that East is East, West is West, and New Yorkers are still New Yorkers.

  • At the professional level, I don’t really believe in mercy rules, but I still don’t like the New Orleans Saints going for it on 4th &5 with two minutes left in the game when they’re up 23 points. By going for it -- and getting the first down -- the Saints set an NFL record with 40 first downs in a game, which is pretty cool. I agree with those who would say that if Dallas didn’t like it, they should have stopped it, but it also seems like you’re intentionally trying to embarrass your opponent there.

  • All that aside, it’s always fun to see Jerry Jones’ awful GM decisions come back to bite him. That’s what you get when you spend all your money on flashy talent positions and forget to think about the boys in the trenches.

Just throw more money at the problem, Jerry. That always works.

  • Jaguars won their first game! Congratulations! Don't be afraid to dream big - 2-14 is a real possibility. Well, at least in theory.

  • Not to be outdone, the league's other previously winless team, Tampa Bay, also notched their first victory on Monday night.
You guys should probably just give up, though.

  • Goodness gracious! The Colts only managed 18 rushing yards in their blowout loss to the St. Louis Rams -- and 17 of those yards came from quarterback Andrew Luck. Guess that’s what happens when you have no receivers.

Why, Reggie? Why did I jinx you? Why couldn't I have kept my mouth shut?

  • I thought that 18 rushing yards was unsightly, but that was before Miami was held to TWO rushing yards on Monday night. TWO. As in one, two.

  • Houston gets to play Oakland next week, Jacksonville the following week, and then Jacksonville again in Week 14, which is lucky, because I was starting to wonder if the Texans would win another game this season. At least they still have Andre to make amazing plays:

  • And JJ Watt (*girlish sigh*). Here he is with the three-in-one play: sack, strip, fumble recovery.


  • I have no idea what’s going on in Miami with the Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin situation, but now that the media has beaten every aspect of it to death, and we still don’t have any explanation or answers, I guess I just don’t really care.

  • Tampa Bay doesn't make many highlight reels, but here's a cool "fat man touchdown" from offensive lineman Donald Penn:

  • Let's replay that dunking celebration in penance for calling him fat.

  • The Lions swept Chicago this season, and while I hope they don’t meet in the playoffs because it would mean the Packers’ chances are smaller, it would be fun to see them play again after Brandon Marshall had this to say about Detroit:
"It's the little brother that kind of grew up a little bit. He may be a little taller than the big brother. He's not stronger. He's not better than the big brother at anything. But that one day, he just says, 'I'm fed up. I'm done. I'm gonna punch my brother in the face'...It's the little brother that, big brother wants to go out and play with his friends and the little brother is annoying, [saying], 'Hey, can I go?' ‘No, you can't go, Detroit Lions. Sit back. Sit in your little city. Fix your financial problems and all of that, you know. You can't come with us right now.’”

Brandon Marshall: God's gift to sports reporters.

  • Tom Brady has been good for about a GIF per week, but since New England was on a bye this week, we'll go back to early in the season for this half funny/half kinda offensive GIF of Brady checking out a girl on the sidelines, even though he's married to a freakin' supermodel.