Tuesday, September 19, 2017

At Least Aaron Rodgers Survived

  • When it was announced shortly before kickoff that neither the Green Bay Packers starting left tackle nor their starting right tackle would be playing against the Atlanta Falcons, the goal of the game shifted to just hoping Aaron Rodgers survived. He did. He’s been sacked seven times in the last two weeks, but he’s alive. So there’s that. 

  • The same cannot be said for the rest of the team. Already down two starting tackles, the Packers almost immediately lost star defensive lineman Mike Daniels (hamstring). Then Jordy Nelson (quad). Then safety Kentrell Brice (groin). Then Randall Cobb (shoulder). Then cornerback Davon House (quad).
 sad upset ben affleck depressed batman v superman GIF

  • Given that the line was a patchwork quilt, I’m trying to be nice, but 10 penalties really didn’t help the cause.

  • One play wouldn’t have changed how badly the Falcons were beating the Packers, but the alleged “pick” on Martellus Bennett really screwed the Packers over. The call negated a 36-yard gain by Cobb and backed the Packers up against their own goal line. Two plays later, Rodgers was intercepted and Atlanta scored almost immediately. Bennett claimed that it wasn’t a pick play and the defender ran into him, but regardless, the play happened within one yard of the line of scrimmage, where picks are legal. I’m glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t understand the pick play rules, though.

  • Look! A Green Bay highlight! Enjoy the beautiful touchdown to Davante Adams because that’s just about all the happy there was to be had.

  • Sunday night witnessed the 300th touchdown pass of Aaron Rodgers’ career. Rodgers is just the 11th player to reach the milestone and did it in fewer games (144) than anyone. Congrats, A-A-Ron!

  • As we touched on last week, Rodgers has only thrown one pick-six in his career. Brett Favre threw three pick-sixes … in a game. And a playoff game no less! (He actually threw six interceptions that game.)

  • Sunday’s game wasn’t great, it’s true, but I’m coming around to a brighter outlook. As Rodgers said in his post-game press conference, the Falcons got 14 points off of Green Bay’s uncharacteristic turnovers and they ended up winning by 11 points.  Taking into consideration the injuries, the game wasn’t as terrible as it felt.

  • Obviously not football, but the Miami Marlins were forced to play their home games against the Milwaukee Brewers in Milwaukee because of the hurricane. The Brewers did their best to make Miller Park feel like home for the Marlins by adding “Florida decorations” of palm trees, fish, and flamingos.
Aww, good ol' Milwaukee.

  • Green Bay wide receiver Trevor Davis’ twins are the CUTEST!
And they have little jerseys that say "Double" and Trouble"!

  • As we touched on last week, Rodgers has only thrown one pick-six in his career. Brett Favre threw three pick-sixes … in one game. And a playoff game no less! (He actually threw six interceptions that game.)

  • Though it was a sad Sunday, there were some redeeming factors: the Chicago Bears got stomped, the Minnesota Vikings got stomped, and the Dallas Cowboys really got stomped. That did cheer me up a little.

  • Jay Cutler won his debut with the Miami Dolphins, unfortunately, but we still got to see him make this dismal throw to end the first half. Same ol’ Jay.

  • And who needs Cutler in the Windy City when they’ve got Mike Glennon? Glennon threw for one touchdown and two interceptions, and fumbled the ball away, too, in Chicago’s 29-7 loss to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

  • It almost seems unfair to rejoice over each and every Eli Manning sack when his offensive line is as bad as it is. Oh well!

  • Miami's victory came on the San Diego Los Angeles Chargers’ missed last-minute field goal. Someone on the Chargers’ stadium crew, however, didn’t realize that the kick was no good and set off the celebratory fireworks in a situation that sadly seemed very fitting to the San Diego Los Angeles team in general.
"Los Angeles Chargers" sounds stupid, so I'll probably
just keep calling them San Diego.

  • A nice heads-up play by Philadelphia’s Zach Ertz, not missing a beat on this deflected pass.

  • Dak Prescott threw two interceptions in the Dallas Cowboys' 42-17 loss to the Denver Broncos, one of which was returned 103 yards for a touchdown.

  • Ezekiel Elliott had a pretty rough game, too. Eight total yards on nine carries.

  • Oh, and this great highlight of him doing nothing while a defender near him intercepts the ball and runs it back. 

  • Said Denver defender Derek Wolfe, “The idea was to make Prescott beat us because we knew he couldn’t.” Daaaaaaaaang!

  • Todd Gurley is quite athletic. 

  • Cleveland Browns offensive tackle Joe Thomas played his 10,000 consecutive snap on Sunday. I can’t get over that! Consecutive game streaks are cool and all, but consecutive snaps are crazy. He never, ever needed even a single play off!

  • Speaking of streaks, an interesting one was snapped out in LA. Miami Dolphins linebacker Lawrence Timmons, who just joined the team after a decade with the Pittsburgh Steelers decided to not show up to the game, apparently because something had “angered” him, though it’s not clear that the issue was football-related. Since Miami didn’t play last week due to the hurricane, this was Miami’s first game of the season, and would have been Timmons’ 102nd consecutive game.

  • Last week everyone was cheersing the Jacksonville Jaguars for their resounding victory over the Houston Texans. This week, the Texans managed a win over the Cincinnati Bengals and the Jaguars lost to the Tennessee Titans 37-16. Houston’s victory came on newly-appointed starting quarterback Deshaun Watson’s 22nd birthday, and I’ll give him props for knowing how to dress to impress for your first NFL start.

  • So Eddie Lacy was a healthy scratch in Seattle. He had a unimpressive debut last week, but that’s on his miserable o-line, not him. It sounds like the Seahawks just had a lot of running backs available, but that makes you wonder why they went out and signed a running back in free agency then.

  • I’m not criticizing Antonio Brown, but I find this video hilarious. I’ve watched it a dozen times at least. Brown walks up to the kid who’s holding out a football, ignores the football, grabs the unprepared kid and pulls him in for an unexpected hug, knocks his cap off, gives a thumbs up to the cameras, and walks away all in about three seconds. 

  • Helpful, Coach Zimmer.

  • The Cincinnati Bengals haven’t scored a touchdown yet this season. Let’s hope they don’t start next week against Green Bay. They look really bad, but I’m also always wary of playing down-and-out teams.

  • It sounds like most of the Packers injuries are not too serious. I’m just going to stare at this picture of Green Eyes for a little while and hope his shoulder (and Jordy’s quad and Daniels’ hammy and House’s quad and Brice’s groin and Bryan Bulaga’s ankle and David Bakhtiari’s hammy) all heal up sooner rather than later.
*Adoring heart-eyes emoji*

Monday, September 11, 2017

Double Win for Green Bay!

  • Not only did the Green Bay Packers win, but the Seattle Seahawks lost. That’s what we call a win-win, folks.

  • Mike Daniels caught a lot of attention last season for his play, and he showed why Sunday. Seven tackles, 1.5 sacks, 2.5 tackles for a loss, a forced fumble, and a loooong afternoon for Russell Wilson. 

  • Great game by the Green Bay defense as a whole. They didn’t allow any touchdowns, and until the last 30 seconds of the second quarter, the Seahawks managed only one first down. 
I feel like this photo totally captures each defender's personality.

  • Even when Aaron Rodgers throws a pick-six, he doesn’t. That’s how good he is. A penalty brought back what would have only been the second pick-six of his career. The Packers defense held after the interception and didn’t allow Seattle any points off the turnover.

  • Jordy Nelson joined James Lofton, Sterling Sharpe, and Donald Driver as the only Green Bay Packers with 500 career receptions. Woo hoo!! 
Picking up right where he left off.

  • I don’t want to wish ill on anyone, but part of me hopes Michael Bennett suffers a shoulder injury for wearing those idiotic shoulder pads.

  • Green Bay really needs Bryan Bulaga back. Kyle Murphy started at right tackle in Bulaga’s stead. It’s a tough matchup to face the Seattle defense in your first start, and Murphy wasn’t disastrous, but he struggled with the pressure. Rodgers and the offense couldn’t get into a rhythm facing near-constant pressure, and Mike McCarthy refuses to help his struggling linemen, so it’ll be this way until Bulaga gets back. 

  • What’s the point of signing two tight ends in the offseason if you don’t make use of them? Keeping back either Martellus Bennett or Lance Kendricks to help block would be a fantastic and super useful employment of those players.

  • Speaking of tight ends, it’s terribly exciting to have a real one! (All offense intended to Richard Rodgers.) Here’s how a tight end is supposed to block, Richard: (Bennett is #80):

  • And how sick is this pass from Rodgers to Bennett? Talk about threading the needle. 

  • Ty Montgomery has more false alarms than anyone in terms of injuries. He’ll get up limping and look like he might need to be carted off, and then he’ll reappear in the game two minutes later, completely fine. No judgment, though. I literally Google, “how can you tell if your toe is broken” every time I stub my toe.

  • White Lightning with a throwback touchdown! Ahh no matter how many times I see the exact same play, it never gets old. 

  • Check out how speedily the Packers go from the huddle to formation to snap when they see Seattle trying to substitute on the play that led to Nelson’s touchdown. Machine-like efficiency!

  • I thought Randall Cobb had a nice, solid first game, leading the team with nine receptions for 85 yards. Green Eyes has struggled with injuries the last couple of seasons, so I hope he stays healthy this year! 

  • Look! Old friend and recently retired James Jones surprised his former teammates before the game!

  • Yes, I agree that Jeremy Lane should not have been ejected. Yes, I agree that the block in the back that negated the touchdown off of Rodgers’ interception was a bad call. And yes, I agree that pass interference should have been called against the Packers defending Jimmy Graham in the endzone. But that’s not what happened, so. 

  • Bad news is the offense struggled. Their two touchdowns came on a turnover that gave them the ball near the goal line and on a free play. Good news is that they won’t face many defenses as tough as Seattle.

  • Good news is that the Packers defense played really well -- no touchdowns allowed! Bad news is that the Seahawks offensive line might be really bad.  
Generally not a good sign when your offensive line is in hot pursuit of their men.

  • Good news is that the Packers controlled the ball for twice as long as the Seahawks did. Bad news is if you have the ball for 40 minutes, you should probably score more than 17 points. 

  • Andy Dalton had four touchdowns, five sacks, no touchdowns and a 0.7 QBR.

  • Since the Cleveland Browns returned to the league in 1999 (apparently they were “deactivated” for a few years?), the quarterback with the most wins in Cleveland is … Ben Roethlisberger.

  • In 2015, the Chicago Bears took wide receiver Kevin White as the #7 draft pick. By the start of his fourth season in 2018, he will likely have played in five games total. He missed his entire rookie season with a shin injury, played only four games his sophomore season before breaking his fibula, and now he broke his collarbone in the very first game of the 2017 season. There’s injury-prone, and then there’s Kevin White. 

  • We’ve covered how much I love the Andrew Luck Book Club, but I can’t help myself. Did you know the quarterback picks all the books himself??

  • If you’re a rookie running back who fumbles the first time your team gives you the ball, you best do something to make up for it pretty quick. Kansas City Chiefs running back Kareem Hunt did just that, recovering from his oopsie to have 148 yards running, 133 yards receiving, and three touchdowns in the opener over the New England Patriots. 

  • Much maligned (by me) Chiefs quarterback Alex Smith became the first passer to throw for 300 yards, four touchdowns, and no interceptions against the Bill Belichick-led Patriots. (Still doesn’t change my mind about him.) The 42 points the Chiefs scored were also the most points allowed under Belichick.
Green Bay fans wondering what it's like to have only given up 42 points once.

  • Remember how I said people always overreact after the first few games? ESPN said the Kansas City Chiefs were the frontrunner to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl literally six hours into the season. Now, God willing, the New England Patriots will never win another game again, but why don’t we give the team that has won 7 Super Bowls in the last 5 years more than one game before we leave them for dead?

  • Goodness gracious look at this stiff arm Jamie White lays on the defender! The poor Chief’s feet even make a little swoop in the turf.

  • Here you go again, Houston Texans fans. Starting quarterback Tom Savage (who?) was benched for rookie QB Deshaun Watson in the first game, despite the “Tom Savage is our quarterback” mantra of the preseason. It took all of one half of one football game for the quarterback carousel to start spinning. It’s a bad sign when you long for the stability of Brock Osweiler. 

  • TJ Watt looks ready to continue the family tradition. JJ’s little brother had an outstanding debut for the Pittsburgh Steelers with two sacks, 2.5 tackles for loss, and an interception. Some nice highlights for his first NFL game.
Image result for tj watt
I'm officially at an age where it is inappropriate to comment on a
22-year-old's looks. (But he's cute like his brother.)

  • The luster of Chicago Bears losses is certainly dulled by the absence of Jay Cutler, but I still really, really enjoyed watching their last-minute drive against the Atlanta Falcons fail. Chicago was down 23-17 with 21 seconds left when they got a first down at the Atlanta 5-yard line and stopped the clock. They had four chances to gain 5 yards. 
    • First down: dropped in the endzone (with an itty bitty hold on the defense).
    • Second down: running back Jordan Howard DROPS a pass at the 1-inch line that would have won the game for the Bears. 
    • Third down: incomplete pass to the tight end. 
    • Fourth down: Mike Glennon (who?) takes the snap, looks right … looks left … scrambles left … SACK! Hahahaha! Falcons win!

  • My poor Scott Tolzien! Starting in the place of the still-injured Andrew Luck, Tolzien’s very first pass of the game was a pick-six. And later in the 46-9 loss, he threw another pick-six, thereby doubling in a single game the number of pick-sixes Aaron Rodgers has in his career. #DeactivateTolzien :(
Sunday was even sadder than the time none of his college
teammates would give him a high five.

  • The league should create a mercy rule for teams like the Colts. They didn’t even manage a single third-down conversion. They only had one drive of more than five plays (and it resulted in a punt)!

  • Really rough call on the Washington Redskins’ fumble late in the fourth that cost them the game against the Philadelphia Eagles. Replays showed pretty clearly that Washington quarterback Kirk Cousins’ arm was moving forward when the pass was stuffed by an Eagles defender and the Eagles recovered the “fumble” and ran it in for a touchdown. 

  • A football game that starts at 10:15pm EST? On a Monday? Are you insane, NFL? We’re not all 19-year-old college students! I have nothing to say about this game because I was obviously and sensibly in bed.

  • The Cowboys-Giants game was a snoozer, but at least we got a good helping of Manning Face. Considering the way the Giants played, I think we can look forward to much more of this during the season.

  • It’s unfortunate that he plays for the Dallas Cowboys, but I am so happy for Jaylon Smith, who made his NFL debut on Sunday night. He was a huge star at Notre Dame before annihilating his knee in a useless bowl game his senior year. The Cowboys drafted him last season, knowing he would not be ready to play until 2017 and not know if/when he would be ready. On Sunday, he started and made seven tackles and forced a fumble.

  • For those of you upset with Roger Goodell and the league for the Ezekiel Elliott trial and more, spare me your bellyaching. The players’ union should have read the fine print in the CBA where it says Roger can do pretty much whatever wants for pretty much any reason he wants. They were too busy celebrating the end of two-a-days to pay attention to the things that mattered.

  • It was only one game against a very bad team, but the Jacksonville Jaguars had some darn impressive stats in their 29-7 win over the Houston Texans. They sacked Houston quarterbacks 10 times while allowing no sacks on Blake Bortles against a tough defensive line; they shut out Houston in the first half; and they forced four turnovers while committing none themselves. I hope this is finally the year where things start looking up for Jacksonville. They’ve been patiently building the team for the last few years, and it’d be nice for them not to be terrible.

  • Minnesota Vikings wide receiver Stefon Diggs lit up the Saints in the Vikings 29-19 win. Diggs finished with seven catches, 93 yards, and two touchdowns. Perhaps he got a little magic from his custom cleats, which celebrated Randy Moss' induction into the Vikings' Ring of Honor and memorialized Moss' "disgusting act" of pretending to moon Green Bay Packers fans once upon a time. 

  • The Miami-Tampa Bay game got cancelled because of a hurricane. How strange and super convenient that Miami and Tampa Bay have the same bye, at which point they’ll play their rescheduled game. Also, it really sucks for them that they both have to play 16 straight weeks without a bye -- and one of Miami’s games is in London! Obviously neither of them are making the playoffs, so they should play their meaningless makeup game during the Wild Card weekend. MMQB broke down the crazy challenging schedule that Miami faces.

    Good luck with that. 

  • Next week, the Packers play the Atlanta Falcons on Sunday Night Football. Maybe we can get back a little of the pride we left on their field in the NFC championship.
Image result for green bay packers

Monday, September 4, 2017


  • Let’s shake off the filth and slime from last year’s Super Bowl and turn to a new season!

  • I had an entire blog post written titled “An Ode to Jay,” but I’m not even mad that I did all that work for nothing. JAY CUTLER IS BACK, ladies and gentlemen!
And as apathetic as ever!

  • We all have to pray mightily that Green Bay left tackle David Bakhtiari doesn't get injured, because his backup is awful. If Jason Spriggs is forced into playing time, Aaron Rodgers might die, and the Packers could be in serious trouble.

  • Very, very serious trouble. 

  • The wonderful thing about having Rodgers as your quarterback is that the Super Bowl is always in reach. That said, there are certainly some concerns this year. Defensively, I think Green Bay will be stronger in the secondary, but once again, we’ll have next to nothing in the way of linebackers. [Ed: I wrote this before they signed Ahmad Brooks. Not sure how much he'll help.] Besides Mike Daniels, I’m not sure how strong the defensive line is. The running game looks to be suspect, as usual. I’m not going to overreact to the first few games of the season, good or bad, but the offensive, for the millionth season is in a row, is going to have to carry the team.

  • Too bad about Micah Hyde. I don’t think he was amazing or anything, but I thought he was solid, versatile, and dependable. And nice. Sad to see him go. We’ll always have this interception against the Cowboys from last season’s playoff victory.

  • I’m so excited to have Davon House back! I’m not totally and completely sold on his talent, but it’s good to have veteran presence, and also, he just seems really sweet. And he love the Packers. Even when he went to Jacksonville, he kept all his Packers gear, and was always hoping he’d end up back here someday.

  • How many games do you think Tony Romo will last as a commenter before getting injured?

  • New England Patriots receiver Julian Edelman tore his ACL in a preseason game and will miss the entire 2017 season. Even though he is a Patriot, I do feel bad for him. But not too bad, because I have limited sympathy for any man who wears sneakers with suits.
You're not a 17-year-old at the Kids' Choice Awards.
Wear a pair of adult shoes.

  • Aaron Rodgers is about to become the 11th quarterback to throw for 300 touchdowns. That’s cool and all, but NBD for the best quarterback in the history of the game. The really cool part is how few interceptions he’s thrown along the way. Rodgers, right now, has 72 career interceptions -- that’s 43 fewer interceptions than the guy (Drew Brees) with the next fewest. The average number of interceptions for quarterbacks when they reach 300 TDs is 171!

  • I’m rooting for Tampa Bay Buccaneers receiver Bernard Reedy to make the roster ever since I read about his offseason job as a driver for the elderly and wheelchair-bound.

  • Microsoft is apparently planning on deep-sixing the Paint application. What am I going to do without Microsoft Paint?!? This is the death knell for all the high-tech graphics you see on this blog. 

  • Cincinnati Bengals punter Kevin Huber couldn’t make something out of nothing when a defender burst through his protection, but he still made a really cool highlight (even if he was tackled a second after).

  • Greg Jennings, once again, was talking trash about his former team. This time, he was laying the blame for the Packers lack of multiple Super Bowl wins at the feet of coach Mike McCarthy. "If we had a lead,” Jennings said, “our issue wasn't the defense, our issue was Mike McCarthy -- cause he would cuff us.” Jennings is only wrong in that the issue has usually been the defense and McCarthy. I think everyone would agree that if Bill Belichick were the Packers’ coach, Rodgers would have multiple rings. The question I have is would Rodgers have multiple rings if McCarthy were swapped out for an average NFL coach?

  • My favorite quote from the offseason comes from Dak Prescott: “We’re the Cowboys. We’re gonna win the NFC East.”

  • Jordy Nelson was talking about how much longer he envisions playing (two to four years), and added: “At some point, I have to get my family back to Kansas.” First of all, swoooon. What other multimillionaire sports star is concerned about getting his family back to farm life? Second, doesn’t he sound like a superhero who came to rescue Green Bay or something and, once his work is done, he must return to his home planet?
He already has the cape.

  • I'm going to try to remember to tweet during the games, so follow me on Twitter! @oddsandendzones

  • Go Pack Go!!!

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Cheaters Always Prosper

  • So the cheating cheats from Cheatsville won again. How nice for them.

  • The Atlanta Falcons. The Atlanta Falcons, man. They were up 28-3 late in the third quarter! They allowed three points the entire first half, then allowed 31 straight points to end the game!!! To them, I can only say:

  • No, no, I really do feel for Falcons fans. That must have hurt a lot. Seriously, it finally felt like your year! Nine years after taking Matt Ryan with the #3 pick in the draft, five years after trading away almost two drafts’ worth of picks for Julio Jones, after years of watching the New Orleans Saints and Carolina Panthers make the playoffs, after years and years of being good but never really doing anything about it, you guys finally buckled down and took care of business. You marched through the season, steamrolling other teams to take your division. You earned your Wild Card bye. You dismissed the Seattle Seahawks without ceremony. You stomped on the Green Bay Packers. You made it, at last, to the Super Bowl. The entire country wanted you to win and had your back. You came out and knocked those reviled Patriots right in the mouth. You did this to their defense:

  • ...You got the rare Brady pick-six.

  • ...You came out on fire and took a 25-point second-half lead. And then -- you -- after all that -- you just -- I’m sorry! I can’t!
sad glee crying drama santana lopez

  • I just want you all to know that it was way worse for me because I KNEW THIS WAS COMING! Before the game, I thought Atlanta was going to win, but with about one minute left in the first half, with the Falcons up 21-0, I turned to my brother (he’s my witness!) in a panic and told him, “The Patriots are going to win!” He tried to soothe me, saying that Atlanta would score a bunch more points in the second half, but it was too late because I knew! I could feel it! I could feel the cliched articles being written. I could feel idiots across the country celebrating Brady “sticking it” to Roger Goodell. I could feel the “experience matters” tweets being prepared. I COULD FEEL IT AND THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO TO STOP IT.

  • Even as I cheered this absolutely incredible Julio Jones catch, my heart was ill at ease.

  • Because, sure enough, the Patriots had to one-up Julio.

  • There’s certainly blame enough to go around in Atlanta, but there were two HUGE plays that really cost the Falcons, and both saw a failure in protection. On a third-and-1 in the fourth quarter, Ryan dropped back to pass (even though running back Devonta Freeman had been averaging 8.2 yards a carry) and Freeman (maybe?) failed to pick up a rushing Dont'a Hightower, who sacked Ryan and forced a killer fumble midway through the fourth.
NFL football omg super bowl atlanta falcons

  • The second absolutely brutal play came with Atlanta up 28-20 with 3:50 left in regulation on the New England 23-yard line. Atlanta could have just kicked a field goal and all but sealed the game right there! Instead, after losing a yard on a first-down run, Ryan was sacked for a loss of 12 yards, pushing the Falcons to the edge of their kicker’s range. (Really? 50 yards is his limit? In a dome? Whatever.) A holding penalty on the next snap snuffed out the field goal hopes and Atlanta was forced to punt to New England.
NFL football atlanta falcons falcons super bowl 51

  • I’m not sure who takes the blame there: the offensive line for allowing the sack? Matt Ryan for not throwing the ball away? The offensive coordinator for not just running the darn ball in a game where Atlanta had been gaining most of their offense on the ground?

  • The last point is a huge issue the decision to pass got them sacked out of field goal range and the incompletions kept on stopping the clock. Not only did they come away with no points, but they gifted New England the extra time it so desperately needed!

  • That Atlanta found its early success running rather than throwing was actually the biggest surprise to me. (Since I could feel the bile of dread rising in my throat the entire game, the comeback wasn’t that much of a surprise.) The box score doesn’t really reflect this -- Atlanta and New England somehow both finished with 104 rushing yards??? -- but the Falcons were killing the Patriots in the run game the entire first half.

  • If I were a New England fan  -- well, if I were, I’d kill myself, but for the purpose of this football discussion, I’m going to continue the sentence -- I would have been horribly upset with the time management in the entire second half. Down three scores, the Patriots were still huddling up and moseying to the line. Things ended up working out for them, but they very well could have cost themselves the victory with their completely unhurried approach for the entire third and much of the fourth quarters.

  • Why is Matt Ryan’s face so gaunt? Doesn’t he get enough food?

  • Ugh this is all just so horrible! I’m so unhappy. The Patriots now have the most Super Bowl appearances. Tom Brady has the most Super Bowl wins among quarterbacks. Bill Belichick has the most Super Bowls for a coach. It’s all just so devastating. Because you know who are the only bigger ---------s than the New England Patriots players? Every single New England Patriots fan. 
angry oprah die oprah winfrey bad people

  • Next year’s Super Bowl will be held in Minneapolis. The Vikings have a dome, so lucky for the fans during the actual game, but have any of the people who made this decision ever actually been in Minnesota in February? The high today is 13 degrees. Without the windchill.

  • This article features 51 facts about Super Bowl 51, and it numbers them all in Roman numerals, except for #50. Did they think we’d all get thrown by “L”? Or that we wouldn’t be able to piece it together from the 50 other context clues we had?

  • I am soooooo sad about Teddy Bridgewater! The Minnesota Vikings’ QB blew out his knee in training camp this season, missing all of the 2016 season. Now, it’s being reported that he’s going to miss all of 2017 too, since the damage to his knee requires more than a year-and-a-half recovery period. Yes, of course, the Vikings are my mortal enemy, but how do you not feel bad for this kid? It would not be surprising for this injury to turn out to be career-ending, but I really, really hope that he’s able to come back in 2018 and play great. (Not too great, though. He is still a Viking.)

  • Minnesota fans must be extra depressed since that means another season of Sam Bradford. Sam Bradford’s probably not too excited about it, either.
"Pleeaaassee! Somebody help me! This isn't about
the game anymore! I don't want to die!"

  • The Pro Bowl was played, reportedly, though who knows because no one watched it. The final score was 20-13 AFC, which is really, really low considering that no defense was played. On that note, since the players don’t play defense, which I totally understand in the Pro Bowl, they should make it two-hand touch or something so that the offensive players have to actually try.

  • Speaking of trying, one player in the Pro Bowl did try, and I absolutely love him for it. Kirk Cousins, who is a free agent looking for a big payday, threw a pass that was tipped and intercepted. The intecepter returned it a ways, then lateraled it to a teammate, who was headed for the endzone when my man Cousins chased him down and stripped the ball! Now, Cousins’ team did not recover the fumble and that was pretty much the end of the game, but STILL! How do you not appreciate that man’s effort?

  • I watched the NFL Honors show so you didn’t have to. By far the best line of the night from host Keegan-Michael Key: “Dak and Zeke led the Dallas Cowboys to the NFC’s number one seed. And even though they’re both rookies, they looked like Cowboys veterans in the way they immediately lost in the playoffs.”  Hahahahahahaha it’s funny because it’s true.

  • Key also got a zing in on Green Bay: “The playoffs got really great ratings this year. For instance, the NFC Championship was watched by 46 million people -- and the Packers’ secondary.”
sad crying omfg i cant sobbing

  • Can someone tell me why the BLEEP Jerral Jones was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame? Saying as, ya know, he never played in the NFL?
Maybe there'd be more room for guys like Terrell Owens if
we didn't include people who weren't in the NFL.

  • The best part of the NFL Honors was Jordy Nelson winning Comeback Player of the Year!!

  • Besides Packers winning, the other best part of these awards shows is getting to see Green Bay players all dressed up and looking dapper.
(I cropped out his fiancee.)

  • Some clever fans introduced us to Sideline Ninja’s non-superhero alter ego: Nerdy Jelson!

  • It was a roller coaster year for Green Bay. There were a lot of highs, but it eventually ended with disappointment. I feel good about 2017, though. It'll be our year! Till next season, Packers fans.