I Don't Even Care Anymore

• While I'm glad that football is finally (almost) back, I won’t lie: things just aren’t the same. As we all know, the beautiful and talented Sideline Ninja himself is out for the entire season following an ACL tear to his beautiful and talented knee. Considering that this blog was about 87% pictures of Jordy Nelson, you can’t blame me if there’s a pall cast over O&E for the entire season.

• Here's a breakdown of my mental state:

• How I felt when Jordy limped off the field.

• How I felt when I heard the first reports that it was his ACL.

• How I felt when the reports were confirmed the next day.

• How I feel every time they show the replay.

• How I feel on the inside when I say everything’s going to be just fine.

• Aaron Rodgers will certainly miss Jordy. In passes to Nelson, Rodgers has a career 70% completion rate, 45 TDs, and a 130 passer rating.

• I’m still too upset to talk about Randall Cobb’s injury. I am pleased, however, that the Packers are bringing back James Jones. I may not have always been Jones’ biggest cheerleader, but I felt that we parted on good terms, and I’m glad he’s back in Green Bay.

• Despite the crushing blow, I’m not anti-preseason. Rodgers was angry, and indicated how he doesn’t think preseason games are needed. But when the league was trying to force an 18-game season down everybody’s throats a couple of years ago, the proposal included cutting the preseason down to two games and the players rebelled, saying the four preseason games were needed, so I don’t think it’s really fair to say preseason games are bad except when we're using them to get out of playing 18 games. Furthermore, the preseason isn’t really for the starters, which is why they generally only play a quarter or so. The preseason is for rookies to get acclimated to live snaps and for GMs and coaches to figure out who they’re going to cut. It wasn’t like dear, sweet Jordy got injured in the third quarter. It was a few snaps in and it was a non-contact injury.

Don't worry, Jordy. I won't let the world forget about
you and your #NinjaBiceps while you're gone.

• I shouldn’t dwell on this. It’s not good for me. Moving on …

• One of the big offseason changes was Green Bay head coach Mike McCarthy giving up playcalling duties so that he can focus more on game management. But since playcalling is his strength (NFC Championship games aside), and game management is a weakness, do we really want him spending more time managing the game?

• So the Washington Redskins are a disaster. I understand the quarterback situation has long been a prickly issue, but they really seem intent on destroying Robert Griffin III. A quick recap of his career with the Redskins prior to this season:
• Rookie season: he takes hits all year long and eventually sprains his LCL. He sits out for one play before going back in (he would leave a few plays later for good). Then-coach Mike Shanahan says it’s fine to send a franchise quarterback with a sprained knee in after one play because the doctor said so! Except the doctor never said so. RGIII gets a week off before returning. A few weeks later, he re-injures his knee (LCL and ACL this time) and requires surgery.

• Year 2: He doesn’t play all preseason of his sophomore season because his knee isn’t ready, but that doesn’t stop the team from starting him in Week 1, nor from blaming Griffin for his substandard play that season. Griffin was benched for the final three games.

• Year 3: In Week 2 of the next season -- last year -- Griffin dislocated his ankle. When he returned, the Skins didn’t do so well and Griffin was benched three games until his backup suffered a season-ending injury, and Griffin was awkwardly welcomed back as the starter.

• That brings us to this preseason. Griffin was put behind an atrocious offensive line and took two sacks early in the second game -- a preseason game. Unsurprisingly, Griffin suffered a concussion on a third sack in the second quarter. Head coach Jay Gruden affirmed after the game that Griffin would be the starter whenever he was cleared to play. Griffin was practicing three days later and cleared for the next week’s game. Except he wasn’t and was thankfully held for the next game. Then backup quarterback Kirk Cousins was named the starter -- not for Week 1, but for the 2015 season; not because RGIII was injured, but because Cousins had “earned the right,” according to Gruden. “It’s Kirk’s team,” he said. Sucks for Griffin to be demoted to backup, huh? Except it’s worse! Griffin went from starter to third-string quarterback!  

I really think Jay Gruden is trying to kill RG3.

• Now, I hear there are rumors of problems with Griffin and his attitude, but I can’t imagine that he could have done anything so egregious to merit the complete disrespect and lack of concern from his coach. The relationship between RGIII and the Redskins has been deteriorating for some time, before Gruden ever arrived. One clear piece of evidence of this is Washington’s letter to season ticket holders this summer: “Head Coach Jay Gruden, new General Manager Scot McCloughan, and Defensive Coordinator Joe Barry will lead a nucleus of Ryan Kerrigan, DeSean Jackson, plus Pro Bowlers Trent Williams and Alfred Morris. The Redskins are poised to rebound next season!” Ummmm, anyone missing from that list?

"Nope! Think we got them all!"

• “Eli Manning wants to be highest-paid player in NFL.” LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

• I don’t like the rule change of moving the point after touchdown from the 1-yard line to the 15-yard line (though I do like that teams are now able to return a blocked PAT or stuffed 2-point conversion). I just don’t see what the problem was with the old way. Sportswriters were pulling out their hair pretending it was a huge problem that kickers almost always make the PAT, but so what? It took all of five seconds. Now it’s just tough luck for cold-weather teams who will have to kick in worse conditions. If it was really such a problem, why not just mandate that everyone has to go for two from now on?

• It’s incredible to me that Peyton Manning is still playing and winning. His throws are so incredibly weak and wobbly now that I literally cannot understand how he is still doing so well. As he casually mentioned this offseason, he hasn’t had feelings in the fingertips of his throwing hand since his 2011 neck surgeries. I’m sure that’s totally normal and will not have any negative long-term effects down the road. Go get ‘em, Peyton!

• Our old friend Jim Schwartz is taking a year off of coaching football players on how to be dirty and will instead be a consultant to the officials. Hmm.

"Here's how to deal with a coach who's having a
toddler-like meltdown on the sidelines..."

• I had saved this picture and was going to spend some time talking about how superfly Jordy looks here, getting off the bus before that fateful game, but what’s the point anymore?

What's the point of anything?

• At least we play the Chicago Bears in Week 1. A Jay Cutler interception or six always makes me feel better.

I Don’t Care About the Patriots Winning; I Care About the Seahawks Losing

• The two most unlikable teams in the league met for a crazy Super Bowl that was nearly decided by a Bill Belichick gaffe, but was ultimately decided by a Pete Carroll gaffe.

• I’ll just go ahead and say what everyone in the country said in unison on Sunday night: “Why do you throw there?!?!?!”

• Yes, I understand the arguments for that call, but they still don’t make sense. No matter what defense the New England Patriots showed on the play, the Seattle Seahawks’ decision to throw instead of run is mind-boggling. You have Marshawn Lynch. You’re on the one-yard line. You probably want to run the most time possible off the clock (i.e. run the ball). And you have Marshawn Lynch. I don’t care about Lynch’s stats this year on runs from the one-yard line. If he doesn’t get it, the Seahawks still had a timeout and two more downs to go one yard with the most punishing back in the league.

• Speaking of timeouts, why didn’t the Patriots use a timeout prior to the play that led to the interception on the goal line?? This, to me, is more mystifying than Carroll’s (slash offensive coordinator Darrell Bevell’s) decision to throw the ball. If Belichick calls a timeout immediately after the Pats stopped the Seahawks on the one-yard line, there’s 58 seconds on the clock. They could have let the Seahawks score and gotten the ball back with about 50 seconds left and two timeouts. Instead, the Seahawks are able to run the clock down to about 30 seconds before snapping the ball and throwing the ill-fated pass. WHAT on earth could have Belichick’s motivation for not calling the timeout could have been??

I smell another conspiracy theory in the works!!

• It felt for sure like Seattle was going to have another one of their incredible, B.S., fairy tale endings after this absurd play:

• But the NFC karma train continued to roll. The Dallas Cowboys beat the Detroit Lions on a controversial no-call, the Green Bay Packers’ victory over the Cowboys included the enforcement of a controversial rule, and the Seahawks beat the Packers in a shocking series of last minute Green Bay mistakes. And it finally caught up to the Seahawks when they looked like they were going to take the lead with under a minute left.

• Perhaps the football gods smote Seattle because they were displeased with Doug Baldwin deciding to celebrate his Super Bowl touchdown by pretending to poop out the football. Or perhaps they were peeved by perpetual loudmouth Richard Sherman mocking New England cornerback Darrelle Revis after Revis was “beat” on the touchdown.

• Sherman's taunting didn’t make a whole lot of sense, as Revis was never in a position to make a play on the ball because Baldwin used the ref to set a pick and get open.

 

• The Seahawks had a rough time with injuries. Safety Earl Thomas and Sherman came into the game with injuries (shoulder and elbow, respectively), then they lost cornerback Jeremy Lane to an awful arm injury, and defensive end Cliff Avril to a concussion.

• The Patriots lost wide receiver Julian Edelman to a concussion late in the game -- oh, wait. Never mind. Despite the fact that Edelman took a huge hit from the monster Kam Chancellor and got up literally staggering, Edelman was back in the game on the next drive. He’ll probably lose several years off his life, but, hey, he was instrumental in the Patriots’ win.

• Edelman was seemingly never evaluated for a concussion, since he was allowed to talk to the media after the game, which players going through concussion protocol can’t do. Don't know if having his brain put in a helmet blender affected him though.

• After the game-ending interception, Seattle handled the gut-wrenching disappointment as you might expect: by starting a brawl the next play, leading to Seattle linebacker Bruce Irvin’s ejection.

• The best part of Seattle losing the Super Bowl is the fact that frequency of gloating gum chewing in the Pacific Northwest will plummet.

• Another perk of New England winning is there will probably be less “Deflate Gate” nonsense. Nothing is any clearer, except that the NFL (and the media) has handled this really badly. The league failed to mention for the first week-and-a-half that the refs didn’t log the exact PSI of the balls; they didn’t contradict the widely-circulated report that 11 of the 12 New England footballs were significantly under-inflated, and now another report claims that only one was significantly under-inflated and the rest were only very slightly below the requirement; they let all the fingers point at some ball boy whom they declared a “person of interest”; they allowed rampant speculation about who requested the ball measurement from the refs -- first it was Indianapolis linebacker D’Qwell Jackson, then Baltimore Ravens head coach John Harbaugh, then rumors that the league had set up some sort of sting. All in all, it’s been a stupid mess and everyone has known since the beginning what the end result will be: there won’t be enough evidence to prove that the Patriots intentionally altered the footballs.

• In more important and exciting news, Clay Matthews answered a burning question of mine:

• JJ Watt was the first ever unanimous Defensive Player of the Year.

Yay, JJ! Your second DPOY award will look so good on our mantel!

• Oh, and AARON RODGERS WAS NAMED NFL MVP. Again.

This Is Going to Be a Long Week

• Unless your head has been mercifully buried in sand for the last week, you probably have heard that the New England Patriots used under-inflated footballs in their victory over the Indianapolis Colts. The Colts, apparently tipped off by another team, complained to the official that the Pats were using under-inflated balls. Each team gets 12 footballs, which are checked by the official prior to the game, then the balls are sent to the respective sidelines. The officials checked both the Patriots’ and the Colts’ sets of footballs at halftime, only to discover that 11 of the New England balls were two pounds per square inch under the minimum requirement. Some delusional Patriots fans have been pointing to the cold weather as a factor, except that the Colts’ balls were at regulation pressure. Furthermore, the refs inflated the New England footballs to regulation at halftime, and they were still at regulation when they were measured after the game.

He knows nothing.

• A few things:
• This is getting old really fast.
• One of two things is going on: A) the NFL and the media are selectively releasing information that makes New England look guilty; or B) the Patriots are dirty cheaters. They didn’t need under-inflated footballs to win, but they did it anyway because they’re cheating cheaters who like to cheat. It makes me angrier that it didn’t really affect the game(s). If they cheated in a way that significantly increased their chances of winning, I’d get what they were doing. But it’s more irritating if they cheated just because they’re the Patriots and they’re ***holes and they think they can do whatever they want, rules be damned.
• I don’t think anything will come of this because I don’t think the league will be able to find any hard proof that someone on the New England payroll intentionally let air out of the footballs. The end result of this will most likely be just another reason for America to hate the Patriots.

• The only upside of this whole controversy is Andrew Luck, talking about his season-ending loss to the Patriots saying, “You do feel deflated,” before realizing what he had said and doing his endearingly-dorky, “Ohhhh shhoooot.”

• The Super Bowl-bound Seattle Seahawks (*vomits everywhere*) are -- whaddya know? -- talking a lot. We’ve got cornerback Jeremy Lane saying he doesn’t think New England Patriots tight end/freak of nature Rob Gronkowski is “that good.”

• Richard Sherman weighed in on the deflated footballs controversy, saying he doesn’t think the Patriots will receive any punishment since Roger Goodell is buddy-buddy with Pats owner Robert Kraft.

One of the many reasons I'm angry the Seahawks are in the Super Bowl is
that I'm already sick of the media attention that they'll get this week.

• Sherman, who owes much of his fame to his media-loving personality and brash statements, is apparently suddenly put off by the media baiting him. When a reporter asked, “Do you still think you’re best corner in the league?” Sherman replied, “I don't really answer preschool questions, so you improve your line of questioning, and we'll talk." So preschool statements by egomaniacal athletes are perfectly acceptable, it’s just the questions that go too far?

• Yes, the NFL threatening to ban Marshawn Lynch from a game for wearing gold cleats is ridiculous. Yes, the NFL is often hypocritical, but I’m all about them penalizing Lynch for a) refusing to talk to the media and b) his sophomoric touchdown celebration. I imagine it’s not fun to have to answer stupid questions from the media after every single game, but that’s kind of why they pay athletes millions of dollars. It’s not just because they’re very good at a specific skill; it’s because they’re entertainers, as well. I get annoyed at athletes who think they can pick and choose. “Hmmm, I’ll say yes to the money, yes to the fame and glory, but no, I don’t want any of the annoyances, thank you.” As for his celebration, players get fined $50,000 for flipping the bird, which is categorized as an “obscene” gesture. Grabbing your crotch is worse than flipping the bird, and Lynch should be glad he wasn’t fined more.

• Onion headline: Doug Baldwin Sick of Being Disrespected by Statistics.

Don't let reality get you down, Doug.

• AAAAARGGGGGH BOTH THESE TEAMS ARE SO UNLIKABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!

• Recently, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler's wife, the famous-for-no-reason Kristin Cavallari, had to fly out of town. When she landed, she was greeted by a series of SOS texts from Cutler regarding their two young sons. This is kinda the only thing I’ve ever seen that makes Jay a little likable.

• Doesn’t Josh Gordon have any friends or family who care about him?? Anyone who can tell him to stop drinking and smoking pot while he’s in the NFL substance abuse program? The uber-talented Cleveland Browns receiver is facing a year-long penalty for failing a drug test (this time for alcohol). Gordon was banned for the entirety of the 2014 season for a second fail drug test (marijuana), but that penalty was reduced to 10 games on appeal. Gordon was then suspended the final game of the season for skipping practice. Due to his 2014 DWI arrest, Gordon is not supposed to consume any alcohol while he is in the substance abuse program. Since this is his fourth substance violation, I don’t see Gordon being able to appeal what will be a year-long ban. It’s very sad to see.

Come on, dude! Get it together! You could be so amazing!

• So the Pro Bowl was pretty much all I had left to care about until August, so I had to half-heartedly watched it. It was fine, but it definitely could have used more Jordy and Cobb.

• Jordy, Randall, and JJ in one picture??? Why did I not fake press credentials and infiltrate Phoenix????? What was I thinking?!

I really dropped the ball on this.

• I think we all know Sam Shields is not quite Pro Bowl level yet. He got lit up quite a bit. As for John Kuhn, yay for him and all, but they need to make that fullback roster spot a fullback/tight end spot for the Pro Bowl because it’s not really that much of an honor when it’s between you and a couple of other guys who don’t play much.

• So the obvious highlight from the Pro Bowl was when Jordy Nelson caught a touchdown and then celebrated with Clay Matthews, who was playing for the opposing team. Squeal.

• One of the Pro Bowl gimmicks is live, in-game tweeting by the players, which led to a very rare occurrence: a Jordy Nelson tweet!!!!

• Is Lisa Salters the only non-annoying sideline reporter who has ever existed? I actually like her!

• The uniforms were hideous. Grey and highlighter orange and yellow are not attractive. I don’t know why, but these uniforms make me really mad.

Oh look, Sam Shields getting beat again.

• The Pro Bowl experimented with narrower field goal posts (14 feet instead of 18) and longer PATs, which led to some misses. Philadelphia Eagles kicker Cody Parkey, who kicked in the Pro Bowl, was not a fan: “They're picking on us … We're already the odd balls on the team.” He makes a good point.

• New York Giants receiver O’Dell Beckham Jr, who catches touchdowns like this:

• And warms up for the Pro Bowl like this:

• ...says he has not been healthy this entire year, due to a hamstring injury that kept him out for the first four games of the season. If what he says is true, and he hasn’t been at 100% this year, that really, really, really sucks for the defensive backs of the league.

• You know I love JJ Watt, and I had no problem with him winning the Pro Bowl defensive MVP -- he had an interception and a fumble recovery to go with his quarterback pressure -- but Miami Dolphins cornerback Brent Grimes really should have been defensive MVP. He was all over the place! Optimus Grimes, as he is also known, had one interception, and nearly had two or three more. He finished with five passes defensed against the best wide receivers in the NFL.

• It wouldn’t be a Pro Bowl without the standard wringing of hands over the quality of play. Sportswriters -- because they lead lonely lives mostly devoid of meaning -- can always be counted on to write a “The Pro Bowl Must Be Fixed” article this time of year since the players obviously are not trying very hard. Why should they? Why should they risk injury in a meaningless game? So what if it’s not very competitive? If you don’t like it, don’t watch it. The Pro Bowl is a chance to see cool trick plays, players playing out of position, players goofing off like it’s a backyard game. Yes, it’s boring. But why is that a problem? Millions of people still watch it every year. Since it doesn’t count for anything, people who complain so much about it are free to do something productive with their Sunday for the first time in five months.

Also, sportswriters, you get a free trip to a warm location, so quit with the angst.

• To be honest, I watched a lot of the game on fast-forward. The upside is the seemingly interminable game felt dragged on at a slightly faster pace. The downside is I’m sure I missed a lot of Jon Gruden lines. I caught one or two that made the game worthwhile, like:
• On JJ Watt: “I don’t know how he isn’t the MVP of pro football.”
  Mike Tirico: “So you would take him over Aaron Rodgers?” Gruden: “Well, I don’t know…”
• On Tony Romo: “Great to see him finally have a healthy season this year.” Do you mean other than the two vertebrae he fractured??

• Charles Woodson was just signed by the Oakland Raiders for his 18th season! I MISS YOU, CHARLES!!

We'll always have this moment.

Well, That Sucked.

• Wow. That hurt. A lot. More than anyone could reasonably expect a sporting event to hurt. In a never-going-to-get-over-this kind of way.

• There’s plenty of blame to go around. Brandon Bostick for leaving his assignment on the onside kick -- Jordy was going to get that if you just did your job and blocked! (Bostick was very, very sad after the game.); AJ Hawk for his inexplicable decision to chase the punter on Seattle’s fake field goal for a touchdown (apparently he thought a punter 20 yards from the goal line was so dangerous that he needed to leave his man open in the endzone to pursue the punter); Brad Jones for being so bad that Seattle designed the fake punt play around him; Morgan Burnett for his decision to go to the ground on his interception, even though he had open field in front of him (there was so much open field! They could have at least gotten into field goal position! Julius Peppers may have to take some of the blame here, as he was the one who signaled Burnett to go down.); HaHa Clinton-Dix on his pitiful coverage on the Seahawks’ two-point conversion (why didn’t he try?!); and Mike McCarthy. Oh lord. Mike. McCarthy.

Here's a screenshot a split second before Burnett's interception.
Run, Morgan, run!!

• McCarthy chose to kick field goals on a 4th-and-1 and a 4th-and-2, both on the goal line in the first quarter. I didn’t like those decisions at all. I hated them. Even if you fail to score, Seattle would have had to go 99 yards. At least go for the touchdown on one of those. That said, I do understand that McCarthy was thinking that the Seahawks are incredibly difficult to score against, so there is a real temptation to take any points when you can get them. But still.

If Bostick had just blocked, this was
going straight into Jordy's hands. 

• The real issue with McCarthy is that he just completely closed his playbook in the fourth quarter, trying to run out the clock while the Seahawks were roaring back. He played way too conservatively and it cost the Packers. He was essentially trying to run a four-minute offense with 15 minutes left in the game, and -- surprise! -- that didn’t work. Green Bay had zero first downs in the fourth quarter.

Here's Hawk worrying that a punter is going to run 20 yards past
two defenders to get into the endzone. Never mind about leaving your guy
unguarded in the endzone.

• As my brother said after the game, McCarthy coached scared. Instead of putting the ball in the hands of the best quarterback in the league, the Packers had a run-run-incomplete-punt for one fourth-quarter drive and a run-run-run-punt for another. WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? Richard Sherman is playing with one arm! Earl Thomas is playing with a shoulder harness! James Starks sucks! You have really awesome receivers! Again, YOU HAVE AARON RODGERS! You might just as well have taken kneel downs, since the strategy seemed to be just trying to run out the clock and hoping something would happen.

He's really, really good, Mike. 

• Aaron Rodgers was not happy with the unaggressive approach. He called the Packers “the better team” in his post-game, and echoed several other players when he stated, “We gave the game away.” Rodgers noted that the Packers “weren’t as aggressive as [they] have been.” When asked if he could elaborate on that, Rodgers paused before saying, “No, I can’t.”

• Here’s a nice gut punch. This succinct summary touches on how many different things had to go wrong for Green Bay to lose.

As Josh Sitton said, "Literally one of 10 plays you can pick that if we get it, we win the game."

• The Green Bay defense played incredibly well, forcing four Russell Wilson interceptions and racking up five sacks. Marshawn Lynch ran for 157 yards, but, despite the big number, they held him in check better than could be expected for the first three-quarters of the game.  

• Russell Wilson’s quarterback rating for the first half: 0.0. [This felt a lot better when I typed it at halftime.] At times, he looked so bad, you had to wonder if Wilson was concussed on the blindside block by Clay Matthews. Though Wilson had not been playing well before the hit, he seemed especially off after it. It’s just shocking that a quarterback could play so poorly for 7/8ths of a game, throw four interceptions, and still &%*$ing win. Mind-boggling.

• Rodgers threw an uncharacteristic two interceptions in the first half. On the first one, which was intercepted by Richard Sherman in the endzone, Rodgers said he thought he saw the defense jump and had a free play. As it turns out, that’s what it should have been.

The Packers obviously had a bajillion chances after this call to win the game, but this is just slicing me open,
pouring lemon juice on the wound, giving it a bit of time to heal, picking off the scab, and putting salt in it.

• The Seahawks were not able to create any points off of Green Bay’s two turnovers. Green Bay scored a measly %$@#ing six points off of Seattle’s five turnovers.

Now we have to endure a whole offseason without this....

• With five minutes left in the fourth quarter, the Green Bay Packers had a 96.1% chance of winning. 96.1%. The Seahawks had 3.9% chance of winning late in the game. The number of things that had to go wrong all within a tiny space of time for the Packers to lose is ridiculous. Ninety-bleeping-six percent chance. One more time: ninety-six point one percent.

...without Tramon's smile...

• Oh shut up, Doug Baldwin. The Seahawks receiver went on a tirade after the game, screaming at the reporters for being “doubters.” Ummm, dude, you guys were an insulting eight-point favorite in this game, everyone picked you to win the game, you’ve been a Super Bowl pick since preseason, commenters are having “is this the best defense of our generation?” debates about your team, and you’ve all been called the team with the best chance to repeat since the Patriots, so save me your “no one believed in us” crap.

...without sweet, pre-game texts from Eddie Lacy's mom...

• I tend to have the same feelings as Packers left guard Josh Sitton, who said it felt worse to lose such a close game than getting blown out.

...without Randall's piercing green eyes...

• I didn’t watch the Patriots-Colts game because I didn’t care. New England won a lot to a little. Don’t care who wins the Super Bowl.

...without Sideline Ninja and his #NinjaBiceps ninja-ing on the sidelines.

• I still love them, though, and they still love me.

.



*weeps inconsolably*