Monday, October 21, 2013

I've Never Been So Relieved to Beat the Cleveland Browns Before.

  • Such a huge win! No, not very exciting, but with Detroit and Chicago losing, the Packers moved from third in the division to first.

  • The Packers wore their throwback uniforms, which I think are so old-school awesome, but apparently everyone else thinks are ugly. Why, I have no idea. They are by far the coolest throwbacks in the league!
The Acme Packing Company.

  • The only tiny, little flaw in the uniforms is that they show everyone’s butt sweat.
Not the most flattering...

  • Jarrett Boykin had a rough week last week, dropping a couple of passes, but he came out strong this week and finished with 103 yards on eight receptions, including his first NFL touchdown!
You're not as cute as Randall, but don't feel bad - no one is.

  • Brandon Weeden is shockingly bad. Though every once in a while he can throw a strong (usually off-target) pass, his throws generally look like he’s trying to throw a feather in the wind. This pass from last week is quite possibly the worst NFL throw that has ever been attempted.

  • On Sunday, Weeden was 17-for-42 (yikes), for one touchdown, one interception, and a passer rating of 48.6. The Browns managed 216 total offensive yards for the game, and just 89 in the first half. Someone on the internet kindly put together his passing chart from this week.
Not that far off from what actually happened.

  • Poor Weeden has not been embraced by long-suffering Cleveland fans, as evidenced from this Craigslist ad.

I'm somewhat sorry for all the mean things I've said about you, JMike,

  • It was a disturbing day all around for NFL injuries. Quarterbacks Jay Cutler, Nick Foles, and Sam Bradford were injured, and Bradford is out for the season. Add to that season-ending injuries for Brian Cushing (who broke his leg after just coming back from a season-ending ACL injury last year), Reggie Wayne (who hasn’t missed a game in 12 years -- I jinxed him a couple of weeks ago by praising his incredible durability!), and possibly Doug Martin (could be a torn labrum.) And that’s not all:
    • Chicago’s Lance Brigg will be out for at least 6 weeks with a “minor” shoulder fracture. The Bears seemed to lose a different player every drive. Cutler will miss at least four weeks with a torn groin muscle (ow).
    • The San Diego Chargers had to play a tight end as an offensive lineman when they lost two linemen in the game against Jacksonville.
    • The Detroit Lions had to play an injured offensive lineman when his backup also got injured.
    • The Texans, in addition to losing Cushing and already having lost their quarterback, lost their running back Arian Foster. Ben Tate, their backup running back, was also injured, but was able to return to the game.
    • Entire teams like the Giants and the Falcons have just been absolutely decimated by injuries this year.

  • But hey! Who’s up for an 18-game season?
"Ooh, ooh, me! I am! I am!"

  • Did anyone happen to catch which team Peyton Manning was playing this week?

  • The Texans’ turnover differential is -11!!!! How does that happen?
Oh, right.

  • But the New York Giants' differential is -16!!!!! How does that happen??
Oh, right.

  • It was fun to see the Patriots lose at the last second to their bitter rivals, the New York Jets. But I have to admit, if I were a Pats fan, I would be furious that they lost on a never-been-called-before penalty on a field goal attempt.
Bill seems ... upset. 

  • Though Jay Cutler left the game early with a groin injury, the good news is I got to see him throw a pick-six before he left.

"Which ones are on my team again?"

  • The Bears probably wonder if they could just play defense and special teams. It was fitting that, on the sack that took him out Cutler became the most sacked quarterback in Bears’ history. (But seriously, I'm not happy that he's injured. Get better soon, Jay - it just won't be as much fun sacking Josh McCown.)

  • New York Jets quarterback Geno Smith got into the endzone all right, but had a little trouble with the celebration.

  • Washington Redskins safety Brandon Meriweather needs to be suspended. I have seen him level at least four helmet-to-helmet hits this season: one which concussed Eddie Lacy; one against James Starks, which led to Meriweather’s own concussion; and two against the Chicago Bears, including one that left Brandon Marshall reeling. Helmet-to-helmet hits have been a hallmark of Meriweather's career, as well. Marshall has rightly called for Meriweather's suspension and Bears tight end Martellus Bennet wants to "punch him in the face." Early reports are that he’ll be suspended for two games, which would be just, but the NFL, in my opinion, overturns these fines and suspension much too easily on appeal. We’ll see if they stand by their decision this time.
It's okay; I don't think Eddie needs that part of his body.

  • Calvin Johnson always manages to surprise me. I don't know why; I should be used to his awesomeness by now. I know he’s incredible; I know he’s a monster, but LOOK at this touchdown catch over three Cincinnati defenders. Unbelievable.

  • The Pack plays the Minnesota Vikings next week, which, of course, will mean rehashing the whole Greg Jennings saga. Jennings nearly reignited the drama by “joking” that he didn’t know if he would have come to the Vikings if he knew he’d be on his third quarterback seven weeks in.
Bet you'd do anything to be back with Aaron now!

  • The Indianapolis Colts punter Pat McAfee put a surprising and punishing hit on Broncos' return man Trindon Holliday.

  • And what did he get for his efforts? A random drug test from the NFL.

  • The Cowboys took a commanding lead in the NFC East by being the only team to manage to get above .500.

  • Chicago’s returner Devin Hester tied the NFL record for punt/kickoff touchdown returns. He’s always been a blast to watch.

  • Case Keenum continued the great Houston quarterback tradition. He didn’t throw a pick-six, exactly, but he did fumble on his own 1-yard line with under two minutes left to seal the game for the Kansas City Chiefs.

  • Those Chiefs are now an impressive 7-0. (Caveat: look at whom they have played.) They have sacked opposing QBs 35 times!!! They have two players in the top five for sacks!! They have 10 more sacks than the next highest team!

  • Jim Schwartz is just as effusive in cheering as in sulking.


  • Monday night’s game between the 1-4 Vikings and the 0-6 Giants is really just going to come down to who wants it less.

  • Denver’s Julius Thomas had one career reception before this season. So far this season, he has 8 touchdowns this season.

  • And he’s not the only Bronco racking up the stats. THREE of the top four touchdown leaders in the league play for the Denver Broncos. That might be the most incredible stat I’ve ever seen.

I guess I was wrong when I thought Peyton would be terrible after his neck surgeries.

  • Minnesota's Jared Allen has had a lot of sacks in his career; none more impressive, however, than this one against Eli Manning.
  • Even better than that sack? The face Eli made after it:

Share photos on twitter with Twitpic

  • Maybe it's a little unfair for the Vikings to sign Josh Freeman a couple of weeks ago and have him immediately succeed on the field. But "succeed" is different from "not be a complete and utter embarrassment." Of his 53 passing attempts, Freeman completed twenty. That's a 37.7% completion rate. Wow. It's almost impressive in its own way...

  • Tom Brady probably feels this way all the time, being surrounded by the plebs he has to work with:

  • Or like this:

  • Aaron Rodgers is so cool that they imitate him in rival states. Even Sparty, the Michigan State Spartans' mascot, couldn't resist throwing on the belt.


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