Even Without Cutler … the Bears Still Suck

• The Green Bay Packers-Chicago Bears game started just as well as one could imagine. The Packers started with the ball on offense and scored a touchdown on their first drive. Then, on the Chicago Bears’ very first snap of the game, Clay Matthews came charging through the line, forced the hapless Mike Glennon to fumble, and Green Bay recovered on the four-yard line. They scored three plays later. (Major props to Jake Ryan on recovering the ball. Great awareness. But does he fall while celebrating or is that part of his celebration??)

• That’s the series lead for Green Bay! They now lead 95-94-6 all-time versus Chicago. Hah! 

• It was especially fun that Matthews became the Packers’ all-time sack leader on that strip-sack, and against the rival Bears, too. Loooooove it! 

"I smell Bear blood!"

• The Packers did not play any offensive tackles playing on Thursday because they simply didn’t have any available. Bryan Bulaga and David Bakhtiari were out with injuries, and Kyle Murphy, Jason Spriggs, and Don Barclay are all on the IR. Guard Lane Taylor played left tackle for the first time in his life against the Bears and did a fantastic job!

• I totally agree with this fan. But I do have to say I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how much I still enjoy watching the Bears get destroyed, even without Jay Cutler. I didn’t expect how gleeful I would be when the Pack went up 14-0 in the first six minutes. 

• The Davante Adams hit was scary. I hate it when they bring out the backboard. Danny Trevathan has rightly been suspended two games for the dirty hit that sent Adams to the hospital. That kind of hit could easily end someone’s career. Adams was able to give the crowd a thumbs-up as he was wheeled off the field (I teared up, as I do every single time this happens in a football game) and tweeted Friday that he was back home.

• After the hit, the teams started to tussle. While everyone was getting in each other’s face, Randall Cobb didn’t even care about the scrape, but was kneeling by Davante Both Cobb and Jordy both went to the hospital after the game to visit their friend.

Awwwwww!

• After a snap bounced off Glennon’s knees and resulted in one of Chicago’s four turnovers of the night, the Twitter account for Butterfinger candy bar decided to rib the Bears a bit. The Bears Twitter tried to sass back, not knowing that Butterfinger is way sassier than anyone ever expected.

• There was some drama on the sidelines. Cornerback Damarious Randall got benched after giving up a touchdown and then was sent to the locker room, reportedly for arguing with a coach. Hmmm, you’re a little old for being sent to your (locker) room, D.

• Jordy Nelson scored four touchdowns in five days! *I* think that’s impressive, but apparently Chicago didn’t think he merited any coverage.

• Someone needs to tell CBS that branded their announcers suit jackets make them look really cheap. Like when you start a new job and you’re handed the used uniform of the person who quit the day before.

• The injuries somehow just keep on going. In addition to losing Adams, the Packers lost starting running back Ty Montgomery (ribs) and backup running back, rookie Jamaal Williams (knee). Last running back standing, rookie Aaron Jones stepped up and did pretty well running for 49 yards on 13 carries.

• Considering the weather delay, the injury delays, and the massive score gap, the announcers had to find some things to talk about. Luckily, the downtime led to them playing a video of Chicago rookie running back Tarik Cohen catching two footballs while doing a backflip. Wow.

• Thursday Night Football reminds me of the generic brands in the cereal aisle, like “Fruity Circles,” “Wheatums,” and “Apple Smacks,” because it’s trying so hard to be Monday Night Football, but it’ll always be a half-hearted off-brand imitation. They have the hot girl singing an intro … but she’s not famous enough to be recognizable. They used to have a painful feature called, “Stop it, playa,” or something that wasn’t even trying not to be a ripoff of  MNF’s super annoying “C’mon, man.” Just accept TNF for what it is -- a money grab by the NFL for their network that no one particularly likes, but they’ll watch if their team is playing. 

• What a great week! Both the Cowboys and the Patriots lost. Let’s start with New England first. I saw the Carolina Panthers up 30-16 at the start of the fourth quarter, but I didn’t bother getting excited because I made that mistake last week with the Texans, and they blew it. Sure enough, New England came back to tie the game 30-30 with just over three minutes left in the game. The Panthers got the ball back and steadily gain yards up the field and running the clock until they faced a 48-yard field with 0:04 left. Graham Gano FOR THE WIN!! That makes the Patriots 2-2, Tom.

• Then, even better was the Dallas Cowboys-Los Angeles Rams game. Dallas led for the majority of the game until the third quarter, but by the early fourth quarter, the Rams were holding on to a 32-24 lead. Dallas came back and scored a touchdown, and had to go for two. Tie game! Oh, wait, there was a holding call that nullified the conversion and on the second attempt, Terrance Williams dropped the ball in the endzone. (This was a very, very important play in the game, and yet this is the only highlight I could find. Doesn’t really show how bad Williams’ drop was.)

• But Terrance wasn’t done quite yet. The Rams scored a field after Dallas’ failed two-point attempt, so the score was 35-30, and it was touchdown or bust for the Cowboys. Williams again chose bust, dropping what would have been a first-down pass. They did eventually get a first down, but were stopped a few plays later on fourth down, ending the game as cheers errupted across America.

Final drive of the game. Terrance Williams drop on 2nd down. Sigh. pic.twitter.com/SNu22n9gEO

— Marcus Mosher (@Marcus_Mosher) October 2, 2017

• If this NFL thing doesn’t work out for Jeff Heath (#38, the white dude making the first “attempt” at tackling Todd Gurley on this play, around the 30-yard line), he can always start a career as an infomercial actor. He seems like a natural.

• Houston Texans quarterback Deshaun Watson gave his first-ever NFL paycheck to three cafeteria workers at the Texans’ complex who had lost their homes in Hurricane Harvey. That is very cool.

• Last week, we mocked Joe Flacco for only having 28 passing yards, but it turns out it was even worse than that. My brother pointed out that 30 of Joe Flacco’s passing yards were after the catch. 28 passing yards … 30 after the catch. His average pass was caught behind the line of scrimmage, and his longest completion was three yards. I’m … I’m stunned. I don’t know what to say.

If Joe had come out and just done this on every play, it
actually would have been more beneficial to the team.

• WHERE IS THAT MERCY RULE?? The Texans hung 57 points on the poor little Tennessee Titans. And the Texans aren’t even that good! 

• I wonder if Cris Collinsworth’s feelings are hurt by being thrown over for Tony Romo as most beloved color commenter. 

• Cole Beasley looks like a hobbit, and I have an intense, instinctive reaction against him every time I see him.

Grrr! Doesn't that face just make you angry??

• The New York Giants are 0-4.

• Another 0-4 team is the Los Angeles Chargers. Unlike the glee I feel at the Giant’s record, I actually feel bad for the Chargers. They’re perpetual disappointments, and they were forced to move to LA, even though they didn’t want LA and LA didn’t -- and doesn’t -- want them. They can’t fill the smallest stadium in the league, and the fans that do come are for the opponents. I can understand why Philip Rivers is so mad.

Rivers mad 😬 #Chargers pic.twitter.com/ihoOEVxORj

— Jim Russell (@JimRussellSD) October 1, 2017

• The Buffalo Bills beat the Atlanta Falcons to take the AFC North division lead! The upset is less surprising when you consider that the Falcons lost their top receivers Julio Jones and Mohamed Sanu during the game. Man, if the Packers had gotten to play the Falcons sans Jones and Sanu, Atlanta probably would have only put up 300 yards on them.

• Carl Lawson of the Bengals (you remember, the guy who spent Week 3 in the Green Bay backfield?) doesn’t wear a mouthguard. Why, I can’t even begin to guess, but it caught up to him Sunday when he lost two teeth during a tackle.

• I was hoping the Seattle Seahawks-Indianapolis Colts game could end after the first quarter so we could see a 3-2 final score. Didn’t quite work out that way as Seattle went on to score 43 more points for a 46-18 win. The crazy thing is that Indianapolis was leading 15-10 at halftime! Poor Colts were probably really excited in the locker room, thinking that they were finally not going to embarrass themselves on national television, in prime time, too.

• It was this kind of day for Matty Ice. Even when he wasn’t at quarterback, he struggled. The more I watch this, the funnier it gets. Matt Ryan’s earnest effort; his tripping on nothing for no reason; the Wildcat quarterback’s “what the hell?” hand gesture; Ryan giving him that thumbs-ups -- I can’t stop watching this!

• Let’s compare. Above was Matt Ryan on a Wildcat play. Below is Jay Cutler, at the bottom of the screen, on a Wildcat play. On the one hand, I find this absolutely freaking hilarious. On the other hand, if I were his coach, I would fine Cutler for this! That attitude and lack of effort from any player, much less the quarterback, is unacceptable!

• Seattle left tackle Rees Odhiambo reported having trouble breathing during the Sunday night game. He was taken the the hospital and diagnosed with a “bruised heart.” That sounds so painful … and profound. 

• Speaking of painful injuries, Oakland QB Derek Carr suffered a “minor” fracture after taking a knee to the back, and is out “2-4 weeks.” I don’t know, but that seems like it should take more than a couple of weeks to heal. But hey, Tony Romo did that a bunch of times and it worked out for him, right?

• I know we’re all supposed to love Travis Kelce -- he’s crazy! He’s hilarious! No filter! Having so much fun out there! -- but really he is a sophomoric dude-bro jerk whose constant unsportsmanlike penalties hurt his team. Grow up! (And stay off my lawn!)

• Next up for the Packers: the Dallas Cowboys. In the words of Bart Scott: