What Have the Packers Done to Deserve This??

• Word on the street is that Matty Flynn is back with the Pack!! He won’t be starting, but at the rate the Packers are losing quarterbacks, it’s nice to have a familiar face on the bench. (I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for Flynn, but that doesn’t mean I'm not worried about his elbow issues.)

MATT FLYNN SIGHTING IN GREEN BAY, WI.

• This is getting a little ridiculous. In Sunday’s loss to the Philadelphia Eagles, the Green Bay Packers lost another six players: Seneca Wallace, Nick Perry, Casey Hayward, Evan Dietrich-Smith, Don Barclay, and Johnny Jolly. Brad Jones and Davon House also suffered injuries, but returned to the game (as did Jolly), and while Ryan Pickett did not leave the game, he is scheduled to undergo tests on his knee.

• These injuries are, of course, in addition to many others that have occurred thus far in the season. Here’s a list of other Packers who have missed time thus far: Bryan Bulaga (out for season), DuJuan Harris (out for season), Randall Cobb, James Jones, James Starks, Greg Van Roten (out for season), Ryan Taylor, Andy Mulamba, Eddie Lacy, Brad Jones, Jermichael Finley (out for season), Morgan Burnett, Clay Matthews, TJ Lang, John Kuhn, Jarrett Bush, and Mr. Aaron Rodgers.

"Huh. This is not how I saw our season going."

• Before Sunday, Green Bay has started just three quarterbacks since Week 4 of 1992. That’s 372 games! With Scott Tolzien starting next week, that will be three different starting quarterbacks in three weeks.

• It was weird to hear a different voice calling out the “greeeeeen nineteen!” - it just didn’t feel right. And then, after spending my entire week pretending to believe in Seneca Wallace, I have to throw my allegiance behind a guy who was on the practice squad a week ago?? This takes an emotional toll on me, fellas!

So we're cheering for this guy now?

• Besides the injuries, the game was just an odd one. Philadelphia’s first touchdown was just an unlucky tip by the defenders that somehow fell right into the hands of DeSean Jackson (who should have been called for a taunting penalty on that play); the Packers dominated time of possession up until the final drive, but couldn’t get points on the board; Tramon Williams’ fumble recovery for a touchdown didn’t count because the refs blew the play dead, even though the Packers were given the turnover on review; Jordy Nelson had a very close catch in the endzone that was ruled incomplete; Philadelphia played much better than Green Bay in the first half, but somehow only had a seven-point lead at halftime; and -- here’s how you know when you’re in the Twilight Zone -- Jordy, aka Sideline Ninja, stepped out of bounds while running up the sideline towards the endzone! That never happens!

Ugh. This is why everyone hates DeSean Jackson.

• How ‘bout the refs? They were TERRIBLE. It wasn’t like they were unfair to just the Packers, or they called the game too tight or too loose; they were terrible from every aspect. They had horrible calls and missed calls against both teams, sometimes you couldn’t breathe too close to a player without getting called for a penalty (Jarrett Bush’s “block in the back” on a punt), and then sometimes you could, say, blatantly hold John Kuhn for the entire duration of an interception return, or piggyback on James Jones in the endzone, and there’d be no whistle.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed.

• Would someone please ask Coach McCarthy why the hell he won’t play running back Johnathan Franklin? The dude lost ONE fumble seven weeks ago in a game where he also put up 103 yards!! He’s gotten six carries total in the six games since. You have to give Eddie Lacy a break at some point!

Aww, so cute! Too bad only one of them ever gets to play.

• Sooooo I was very disconcerted during the game when I  realized that the Packers don’t really have any more backup offensive linemen. After the center went down, the right guard (who suffered a concussion and left the game last week) moved to center, the right tackle moved to right guard, and Marshall Newhouse came in at right tackle. Then when the right-tackle-now-right-guard got injured, some rookie I've never heard of and never knew was on the team came in. Ahh, just want you want, your 3rd-string quarterback being protected by a patchwork line

• My brother is always quick to point out not only how much the Packers get injured, but how often players suffer re-injury (this week, it looks like Casey Hayward - who injured his hamstring in training camp, then re-injured it right before the season - and Nick Perry have both suffered re-injuries). At what point does the Packers training and medical staff share some of the responsibility? Is it more than coincidence that the Packers seem to get the injury bug year after year?

• Clay Matthews returned! He had a pretty quiet day, unfortunately, but I imagine it must take some time getting used to playing like this:

• Hmmm, the end of this game sure looks a lot like the end of last game with the defense completely unable to stop the clock-draining run game. The difference is that they have no reason to be exhausted this week, as they were not on the field much. It really looked as though their spirit was broken late in the game.

• McCarthy immediately named Tolzien the starter for next week's game against the New York Giants. The Giants are terrible through and through, but they have won their last three games AND they’re somehow going to win because they always just seem to have the Packers’ number.

We may be on our 5th-string QB, but at least it's not Eli.

• Tolzien’s stats are not pretty, but I thought he looked calm behind center, which is what you want to see in a third-string quarterback. I wonder a bit about his arm strength since several of his passes seemed a bit late or underthrown, and I think that’s a product of him not being able to get enough zip on his throws.

You have my lukewarm support, sir.

• Nick Foles has 16 touchdowns and zero interceptions this season.

• I’m not the president of the AJ Hawk Fan Club, but I've always appreciated how he never minces words when it comes to an honest assessment of the defense:

“When you have a stud quarterback like [Rodgers], it covers up for a lot of mistakes you make as a defense...We haven't really helped [the offense] out like we should. They've been helping us out forever, it seems like, and we just haven't -- the last couple weeks especially, but this whole season."

Just saying what we're all thinking...

• We’ll really need Detroit and Chicago to start losing these next few weeks.

Does it help or hurt our chances when Jay's on the bench?

• Speaking of our old friend Jay, he should not have been playing this Sunday. After suffering a torn groin muscle and missing one game, Cutler was back in the lineup on Sunday. I understand that it was a big divisional game, but you have a backup in Josh McCown who is more than competent. Cutler should have never been allowed to play, and, when he did, he should have been pulled immediately, as it was clear the guy was in pain and not moving well. He was eventually pulled just before the end of the game because coach Marc Trestman recognized that Cutler could not run the two-minute drill. As it happened, Cutler was further injured in the game with a dreaded high ankle sprain. I get that players are competitive and Cutler has gotten a lot of unfair flak in the past for sitting out games, but can we all agree that people who get hit for a living don’t need to prove their toughness to the fans who are sitting at home and eating bean dip on their couches?

Have a cigarette and rest up, Jay.

• The Bears lost yet another defensive player on Sunday in Charles Tillman. He has a triceps injury and has been put on short-term IR. It’s a tough blow to a defense that’s already hanging together by duct tape.

• Eli Manning threw the 17th pick-six of his career!! =)

• The Bengals’ Hail Mary was so cool! Remember, defensive players: don't go for the interception; just bat the ball down!

• It was all for naught, however, as Baltimore won in overtime on a field goal. The kicker was so excited that he gave us a rare sight: an NFL kicker doing a celebratory dance!

Sorry, hon, still doesn't make you a real football player.

• It’s the Miami Dolphins and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in Monday Night Football’s Dysfunction Bowl! Which team will succumb to their cancerous locker room issues first??

"We are not the most screwed up team in the league, dammit!"

• After dominating Green Bay in the season opener, the San Francisco 49ers have only defeated one team with a winning record when they beat Arizona in Week 6. On the other hand, the teams they have defeated, they've done so by an average of 20 points. Sooo....in conclusion....I have no idea how good or bad the Niners are. Whatever the case, it's always worth tuning in to see Jim Harbaugh's khakis.

That's a lot of pleats.

• Yet another starting quarterback was injured, and the Tennessee Titans fear it is for the season, as Jake Locker is thought to have suffered a Lisfranc fracture.

• Nice to see that East is East, West is West, and New Yorkers are still New Yorkers.

• At the professional level, I don’t really believe in mercy rules, but I still don’t like the New Orleans Saints going for it on 4th &5 with two minutes left in the game when they’re up 23 points. By going for it -- and getting the first down -- the Saints set an NFL record with 40 first downs in a game, which is pretty cool. I agree with those who would say that if Dallas didn’t like it, they should have stopped it, but it also seems like you’re intentionally trying to embarrass your opponent there.

• All that aside, it’s always fun to see Jerry Jones’ awful GM decisions come back to bite him. That’s what you get when you spend all your money on flashy talent positions and forget to think about the boys in the trenches.

Just throw more money at the problem, Jerry. That always works.

• Jaguars won their first game! Congratulations! Don't be afraid to dream big - 2-14 is a real possibility. Well, at least in theory.

• Not to be outdone, the league's other previously winless team, Tampa Bay, also notched their first victory on Monday night.

You guys should probably just give up, though.

• Goodness gracious! The Colts only managed 18 rushing yards in their blowout loss to the St. Louis Rams -- and 17 of those yards came from quarterback Andrew Luck. Guess that’s what happens when you have no receivers.

Why, Reggie? Why did I jinx you? Why couldn't I have kept my mouth shut?

• I thought that 18 rushing yards was unsightly, but that was before Miami was held to TWO rushing yards on Monday night. TWO. As in one, two.

• Houston gets to play Oakland next week, Jacksonville the following week, and then Jacksonville again in Week 14, which is lucky, because I was starting to wonder if the Texans would win another game this season. At least they still have Andre to make amazing plays:

• And JJ Watt (*girlish sigh*). Here he is with the three-in-one play: sack, strip, fumble recovery.

• I have no idea what’s going on in Miami with the Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin situation, but now that the media has beaten every aspect of it to death, and we still don’t have any explanation or answers, I guess I just don’t really care.

• Tampa Bay doesn't make many highlight reels, but here's a cool "fat man touchdown" from offensive lineman Donald Penn:
  

• Let's replay that dunking celebration in penance for calling him fat.
  

• The Lions swept Chicago this season, and while I hope they don’t meet in the playoffs because it would mean the Packers’ chances are smaller, it would be fun to see them play again after Brandon Marshall had this to say about Detroit:

"It's the little brother that kind of grew up a little bit. He may be a little taller than the big brother. He's not stronger. He's not better than the big brother at anything. But that one day, he just says, 'I'm fed up. I'm done. I'm gonna punch my brother in the face'...It's the little brother that, big brother wants to go out and play with his friends and the little brother is annoying, [saying], 'Hey, can I go?' ‘No, you can't go, Detroit Lions. Sit back. Sit in your little city. Fix your financial problems and all of that, you know. You can't come with us right now.’”

Brandon Marshall: God's gift to sports reporters.

• Tom Brady has been good for about a GIF per week, but since New England was on a bye this week, we'll go back to early in the season for this half funny/half kinda offensive GIF of Brady checking out a girl on the sidelines, even though he's married to a freakin' supermodel.

This Is the Worst Thing That Could Ever Happen in the World.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

• No Rodgers. No Clay. No Randall. No Jermichael. No Lang. No Perry. No Mulamba. No Barrington. AND DID I MENTION NO AARON CHARLES RODGERS??

• So -- breathe -- Aaron Rodgers, our star quarterback and the best player in the league -- deep breath -- has fractured his collarbone. Considering the diagnosis, the fact that the Packers are viewing this as a "week-to-week" injury makes me cautiously (desperately? delusionally?) optimistic.

Please, please, please be okay, Aaron!

• In other injury news, Jermichael Finley was put on injured reserve, officially ending his season. Linebacker Sam Barrington was also put on the IR (do they have any linebackers left??).

• Let's all hope and pray that right guard T.J. Lang doesn't miss any time after suffering a concussion against the Bears. Right tackle Don Barclay, who has struggled in pass protection, was moved to right guard and Marshall Newhouse came in at right tackle. I don't like to be mean to any of my Packers, but I just don't have any faith left in Newhouse.

• I'm trying my best to stay positive, so another sliver of good news is that Clay Matthews had the pins from his wrist removed and is slated to get back to the practice field this week. We need Triple G (The Greek God of the Gridiron, duh) back!

I miss the hair. I miss the biceps. But mostly, I miss
the ability to pressure opposing QBs.

• As if anything left on this earth mattered after the first drive of Monday night's game, but there is the rest of the game to discuss.

• Perhaps what upset me most, aside from LOSING AARON RODGERS, was how Mike McCarthy chose not to challenge the Andrew Quarless incompletion late in the first half! On a key third down, Seneca Wallace threw to Quarless on the sideline, Quarless bobbled the ball as he fell to the ground and it was ruled incomplete. There was some chance that the call would have been overturned, as Quarless looked like he had established possession a split second before his knee hit the ground, but McCarthy chose not to challenge for some absolutely incomprehensible reason, even though he had all three timeouts! Why didn't ya challenge, Mike, why? Even if the call was upheld, it totally would have been worth spending a timeout!

What was there to even think about??

• I wasn't a huge fan of McCarthy's playcalling the whole game, but his playbook did shrink to about 1/23 its usual size after he lost his MVP- and Super Bowl-winning quarterback.

• Special teams played well, which still doesn't fix Aaron's collarbone, but good job, I guess. Jamari Lattimore had a great game, not only blocking a punt (yay!), but also recovering the awesome onside kick.

Also, I like your hair.

• I knew the Packers were going to do an onside kick this game! They took Tim Masthay off of kickoffs last week and I swore it was so they could have the onside kick option! No kicker in the league is better at onside kicks than Mason Crosby. He always gets it to go the needed 10 yards while putting it in the best spot for his teammates. Props to McCarthy for the fantastic call.

• Eddie Lacy had a good game, but the run game is going to get significantly harder now that teams will be able to pretty much put 10 defenders in the box.

Eddie has no time for the weak stuff that #47 is trying to bring.

• I love watching Sam Shields in coverage. (I do have to note that he is terrible at tackling, though.) He's so good, even against the big receivers like Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffrey. Yes, the Bears receivers had good games, but, defensively, I put that more on the lack of quarterback pressure than on the defensive backs.

• I think Brandon Marshall is a fantastic player, but he should be called for holding or a push-off on every single play. That man does not know how to block legally.

Geez,get off him, Sam.

• So Josh McCown looked really good behind center for the Bears. I actually hope he continues to play well so that when Jay Cutler takes the field, fans will cry for his benching at the first interception.

"McCown" doesn't quite roll off the tongue like
"Tebow" does, but I'll still lead the chant.

• The Packers defense had a rough second half. The offense couldn't stay on the field and the defense couldn't get off of it, so I imagine they were pretty darn tired at the end. Still, it would have been nice if they could have come up with one significant stop during Chicago's final, 37-minute drive.

• Sooooo Seneca Wallace. Hmmm. Hard to get a firm take on him. 1) His name is cool. 2) He has really terrible career stats. 2a) But he's played for some really terrible teams. 3) He was dreadful Monday. 3a) But he hasn't really had much practice time.

4) He looks like he has as much confidence here as I have in him.

• Obviously nothing else matters besides Aaron's shoulder, but I guess there were other things happening this week, too.

• I don’t particularly like Redskins' coach Mike Shanahan, but I’m going to have to side with him on his assessment of Albert Haynesworth. After a former teammate called out Haynesworth for openly signing with teams, cashing the signing bonus, and then purposely getting cut, Haynesworth responded with a bunch of yakking about his former teammate being stupid and his former head coach being at fault. Shanahan responded by saying: ''When you don't get along with somebody as a head coach or an assistant coach, it usually falls into one of those areas - lazy, lack of passion, and, a lot of times, lack of character -- and he fits all three.'' Snap.

One of my all-time favorite Onion headlines.

• Adrian Peterson, you may have noticed, is other-worldly. Leslie Frazier is starting to catch on that when you give the ball to Adrian Peterson, good things happen. Huh, who would’ve guessed? Peterson was absolutely not to be denied on this touchdown.

• Poor Tony Romo gets so much flak for his worst-possible-timing mistakes, but in the Cowboys' four losses this season, Romo has thrown for 11 touchdowns and just one interception, with a passer rating of 115.3. He also has the league's 31st-ranked pass defense.

I tried to tell them, Tony, but no one will listen.

• San Diego had the ball on the one-foot line and a fresh set of downs with a chance to win the game and couldn’t get the ball in. After running on first down, the Chargers ran two weird, low-probability-of-success pass plays before having to kick the field goal to tie the game and send it into overtime, where they lost. I get that their run game was a little shaky, but why do you pass twice from the one-foot line???

• Because of the Chargers’ ineptitude, the Redskins were able to overcome RGIII throwing an incredibly unlucky interception in his own endzone.
  

• The babies-dressed-as-NFL-coaches-for-Halloween crowd really brought their A game.

The crying Rob Ryan was pretty good...

...but how do you beat Baby Andy Reid?

• What is going on with the Jets?? They beat the Saints! I suppose 200 yards rushing helped, 149 of them from former Saint Chris Ivory.

• New Orleans even had some crazy goofy luck on this Robert Meachum catch:

• The Bengals lost to the Dolphins on a safety in overtime! Miami’s beast of a defensive end, Cameron Wake, provided the sack.

• The night got worse for Cincinnati, who lost their star defensive player, Geno Atkins, for the season with an ACL injury. The Bengals can at least comfort themselves with the fact that they have a fantastic rookie running back. Check out this run!

• Atlanta lost yet again, this time to Carolina, but the real storyline was the meeting of Carolina defender Greg Hardy and Atlanta kicker Matt Bryant, who had a little tiff last year when Hardy called Bryant “small and weird shaped.” Gauntlet thrown!

Hardy's defense: "He is, is he not?"

• When Peyton Manning tied the NFL record for most touchdowns in an NFL game in the season opener, I think we all foresaw the next quarterback to join that club would be Philadelphia backup Nick Foles. Foles threw seven touchdowns against Oakland before taking a seat in the fourth quarter.

• Just to note, the Oakland Raiders have thrown seven touchdowns all season, which I don’t even want to make fun of; it just makes me feel sad.

• Former Packer Tom Crabtree had this ridiculous-looking and super dangerous touchdown reception, which was thrown by the running back. Yet that wasn’t enough to keep Tampa Bay from blowing a big lead against Seattle.

• Speaking of Tampa Bay, it’s time for our weekly check-in on what dysfunction is going on there. This time, the issue is that defensive tackle Gerald McCoy was taken to task by his coaches for -- gasp! -- helping an opponent up off the field.

"No! What are you talking about? Totally happy and healthy situation here."

• What the heck is going on in Miami?? Offensive tackle Jonathan Martin reportedly stormed out of the team facility after being teased in the team cafeteria last week. He is said to have suffered an emotional breakdown and has sought out psychiatric treatment. Rumor is that Martin has been the target of repeated hazing and teasing from teammates, particularly Richie Incognito. Who knows what has happened, but it’s not hard to believe nasty things about Incognito, who takes pride in the fact that his NFL peers regularly vote him one of the dirtiest player in the league for his hits after the whistle, as well as his reputation for twisting ankles and gouging eyes in the pile. Martin did not officially file a complaint with the players union for several days after the news broke, reportedly out of fear of retaliation from Incognito, who has sent him abusive and threatening texts and voicemails. Incognito has since been suspended indefinitely by the team.

Sounds like a real charmer.

• After Brandon Meriweather threatened to take out opponents’ knees since he’s been suspended for helmet-to-helmet hits, the NFL Players’ Association tried to smooth things over. The NFLPA president said he “knows” Merriweather is sorry for his comments. Merriweather had no comment. That sounds like sincere remorse to me.

• Philadelphia running back LeSean McCoy on Oakland quarterback Terrelle Pryor: “I tried to recruit him to [University of Pittsburgh], but we couldn’t afford him.”

Ya know, because Pryor got kicked out of school for taking payments....

• Last week, I said the pass interference call on Tramon Williams was the worst pass interference penalty ever called. I was wrong:

No, seriously, they called P.I. on the Redskins defender.

• All the teams in the dreadful NFC East won this week. Well, the New York Giants were on a bye this week, which pretty much counts as a win for them.

• I swear this blooper, courtesy of the St. Louis Rams, was choreographed. They need to work on the dismount a little bit, but other than that, pretty smooth.

• Tom Brady had a really good game this weekend, throwing for 432 yards and 4 touchdowns. He seemed to be really enjoying himself.

• Sooooo Matt Flynn was just cut the other day....

Just sayin.