Can We Play the Bears Every Week?

• Jay Cutler at quarterback for the Chicago Bears is such a safety blanket for Green Bay Packers fans. I tend to get very emotionally caught up in Packers games and have been known to stress out, but when the ball’s in Jay’s hands, I feel a sense of calm come over me. I have faith. I trust in Jay. I know he’ll throw the ball to us.

• Claaaaaaaaaaaaaayy Matthews with the pick and great return. The boy looked fast!!

The Greek God of the Gridiron.

• Also, Clay got married and had a kid over the summer. How does someone who stalks the Packers with the dedication that I do, not find this out until last week?? I'm ashamed of myself.

• Eddie Lacy, who is known to brag about his receiving skills in practice, put them on display with this beautiful, reaching, one-handed catch off a pitch from and under-pressure Aaron Rodgers.

We'll just call you Eddie Moss from now on.

• A big thank-you shout out to the New York Giants for cutting James Jones from their team in time for Green Bay to sign him. He caught the Packers’ first two touchdowns of the seasons as if he’d never been away.

Welcome back, JJ.

• I’m glad the Giants didn’t need you.

• Now that we’ve celebrated, let’s all start worrying about how much harder that game was than it should have been. There’s no need to overreact after one game, but the defense did not look good. Chicago running back Matt Forte faced little resistance in gaining any of his 141 yards.

A weak Green Bay run defense?? Shocking, I know.

• Also, safety Morgan Burnett needs to get healthy in a hurry since no one else in the secondary can make a tackle. Sam Shields, in particular, had some rough plays, whiffing on more than one tackle. (Though I still am totes a Shields apologist. I love that guy.)

• Commentor Joe Buck dyed his hair an awful shade of red and made some attempt at facial hair. I am not able to hazard a guess as to why he would have chosen to do this. Here’s what he looked like last year:

• Here’s what he looked like on Sunday:

This pic doesn't do justice to just  how terrible
his at-home dye job color was. It was like a neon rust color. 

• Marcus Mariota’s debut must have all (both?) Tennessee Titans fans pretty keyed up. Mariota was 13-of-16 for 209 yards, 4 touchdowns, no interceptions, and a perfect 158.3 passer rating. Just keep in mind, Titans fans (fan?), that they were playing the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

• As great a game Mariota had, things were a little bit rougher on the other side of the ball for the man picked just ahead of him at #1. Jameis Winston completed 48% of his passes for two touchdowns and two interceptions -- including a pick-six that came on his first-ever NFL throw.

• The St. Louis Rams' front seven continued to impress against the Seattle Seahawks. Not only did they sack Russell Wilson six times and get nine hits on him, but they held Marshawn Lynch on a 4th-and-1 that won the game in overtime! Yay to Pete Carroll losing!

We should all talk about how Seattle really should have thrown on 4th-and-1.

• Russell Wilson has had four games in his career in which he's been sacked six times. Three of those games came against St. Louis. We should all be afraid of the Rams.

• The New York Giants lost -- woohoo! Unfortunately, the Dallas Cowboys won. =( Giants fans have to feel terrible about the ending of Sunday night’s game. New York faced a 3rd-and-1 at the 1-yard line with 1:43 left in the game, up 23-20. For absolutely no reason at all, the Giants call a pass play instead of running the clock down with a run (never mind actually picking up the one yard and ending the game right there). Then, for absolutely no reason at all, Giants’ quarterback Eli Manning decides to throw the ball away instead of taking a sack, which would have allowed New York to run an extra 40 seconds or so off the clock. The Giants kicked a field goal to go up 26-20. So instead of getting the ball with 49 seconds and no timeouts, the Cowboys had 1:29 to march down the field and score a touchdown to win by one, which is exactly what they did.

• Oh, and also, Giants running back Rashad Jennings had a chance to score on the Giants’ final meaningful drive -- twice -- but was told not to score -- twice.

• The Cowboys lost superstar receiver Dez Bryant to a broken foot, which will keep him out four-to-six weeks. I’m always glad when Cowboy fans are sad, but I never gloat over injuries. Get better soon, Dez!

• Also, how the heck does a broken foot only keep a player out for four-to-six weeks???

• I’m usually an old curmudgeon when it comes to players taunting, but waving at an opponent who can’t catch you after you’ve intercepted the ball is kinda funny enough for me to give it a pass.

• What’s that?? The Patriots cheating again?? You don't say!

• Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Alex Smith threw three touchdown passes: one to a tight end and two to his running back, extending KC’s no-touchdown-catches-by-a-wide-receiver that began in December of 2013!!!

• I HATE ESPN’S NEW WEBSITE. It’s awful.

• JJ Watt had two sacks and six tackles for losses (the rest of his team had one). Yawn. You’re going to have to at least score a touchdown or record double-digit sacks in a game to get my attention, JJ.

Just kidding. You have my attention. You have my full attention.

• Also, one of his sacks came after he got his helmet knocked off.

• It must have been a busy Monday for the Oakland Raiders MRI technicians -- quarterback Derek Carr, safety Charles Woodson (nooooooooo), and safety Nate Allen were all scheduled for further tests after suffering injuries in Sunday’s opener.

• There were 11 penalties called in the Cincinnati Bengals-Oakland Raiders game; five of them were personal fouls. Worst of all was Pacman Jones knocking off Amari Cooper’s helmet, then slamming Cooper’s unhelmeted head into the displaced helmet. Shockingly, reports say Jones will receive a fine but not a suspension. I have no idea how the league justifies not suspending this guy!!

• I’m never, ever happy to see a player to get injured … but I’m not sad to see Terrell Suggs go down for the season with an Achilles tear.

That may sound mean, but Suggs is a p.o.s. wife-beater and one of
those guys who has a "Legal Troubles" subsection on his Wikipedia page.

• The Cleveland Browns kicked a 48-yard extra point.  

• Even when he was on the Bears, I always respected Brandon Marshall’s talent. (Still don't understand why they traded him...) I love him here not only stopping the return on an interception (he was probably used to doing that when he played with Cutler), but ripping it from the defender and running it upfield.

• After spending four seasons at backup in Baltimore, Buffalo Bills’ quarterback Tyrod Taylor had his first NFL start on Sunday ... but he didn’t technically start. The Bills’ first snap was a trick play that saw Taylor at wide receiver while backup Matt Cassel was under center.

• Why didn’t the Cowboys let Dan Bailey retake his national tv picture??

• Report: Head coach Chuck Pagano is ‘fighting for his job’ with the Colts. WTF?? They lost their first game; chill out. Pagano's led his team to the playoffs each of his first three seasons. Indianapolis went 11-5 last season and won two playoff games before losing to the eventual Super Bowl champions.

• Adrian Peterson is back with a vengeance. (Uhhh not enough vengeance to keep the Minnesota Vikings from getting beat by San Francisco 49ers 20-3, but still.)

• The Jason Pierre-Paul story gets weirder and sadder every day. JPP lost his right index finger and broke his thumb in a fireworks accident July 4th. He then stonewalled his team, refusing to talk to them or see them for two months, but indicating that he’d be ready to play sooner rather than later. The Giants only just saw Pierre-Paul for the first time since the accident last Monday, and it sounds like it didn’t go so great. JPP apparently lost parts of his other fingers, as well, and some sources don’t think he’ll be able to play at all this season.

• Don’t worry, Jordy, I haven't forgotten you. Here’s a picture of you scoring on the Bears, just as you would have surely done if you could have played Sunday.