Tuesday, December 1, 2015

I Blame Brett

  • Stupid Brett Favre was at Lambeau Field on Thanksgiving night, and his presence tainted the entire game. How else can you explain Jay Cutler going an entire game against the Green Bay Packers without throwing an interception?!?!?! AN ENTIRE GAME. I’m willing to bet my left pinky that Jay Cutler has never had a turnover-free game against the Packers. Oh! The shame! The indignity!
(I checked. My pinky is safe.)

  • The Green Bay receivers have shown that they aren’t able to beat one-on-one matchups, so at what point is the coaching staff going to help them out by calling better plays? There’s rarely any picks, tricks, diversions, or anything to give the receivers an extra step on the defenders, so defenses just keep on sending pressure since they don’t need to keep extra guys in coverage. Rodgers is constantly dancing around in the pocket with nowhere to go. (See the last play in Thursday's game for a prime example of a vanilla call that gave Rodgers no options.) Though he has been willing to criticize the playcalling in the past, Rodgers has put the emphasis on the execution rather than the calls.  

  • Head coach Mike McCarthy is not willing to put any of the blame on the play calls, either, reiterating that it comes down to execution. “Just win the route or win the play called,” he said. Okay, fine, Coach, but if you’re players can’t execute, maybe you have to change the calls to give them some help!!

  • I’m really losing faith in Davante Adams. Rodgers’ interception was 95% Adams’ fault and he has too many drops and not-enough-effort plays. I’m not really sure who the Packers could turn to, though, since Ty Montgomery’s high ankle sprain is apparently never going to heal. (Jeff Janis!?!?!)

  • I don’t hold too much against James Jones because he was an emergency pickup for the Packers and started off the season quite well. That said, he was 0-for-6 on Thursday, and his drop in the endzone that would have been a game-winning touchdown might be the most excruciating drop of the season. WE WOULD HAVE WON.

  • You know things are bad at tight end when I’m antsily waiting the return of Andrew Quarless. Quarless sprained his MCL in Week 3 and, though eligible to play this week, was not made active. He just practiced for the first time on Monday, and the Packers have three weeks to make him active.

  • There’s a Chicago player named Hroniss Grasu.

His parents aren't big on vowels apparently.

  • Who the heck is Marc Mariani?? And why is a skinny little white guy who spells Mark with a “c” catching passes in an NFL game??
This man should not be burning you for first downs.

  • Right tackle Bryan Bulaga was injured, again. Please get better, Bryan; I don’t have confidence in Don Barclay.

  • The only people meaner to Jay Cutler than I am are the Chicago fans and media.

  • Ugh *%#^@*$ worthless Atlanta Falcons. The Minnesota Vikings regained the NFC North lead after defeating the limp Falcons 20-10.

  • Cleveland Browns quarterback Johnny Manziel went from starter to third-string without even playing a game in between. Following Manziel’s stint in rehab earlier this year and an incident of possible domestic violence, the Browns had made it extremely clear that they wanted pristine off-field behavior from the second-year quarterback, particularly during last week’s bye. When photos and video of Manziel partying at a club in Texas surfaced, Manziel lied to the Browns, telling them the video was old and got his friends to corroborate his lie. Because he’s not Ferris Bueller, Manziel was caught in his lie and promptly demoted to third-string.

I will not admit how long this took me to make.

  • What the Browns do about Manziel going forward is going to be a lot more interesting after quarterback Josh McCowan suffered a collarbone injury in Monday night's loss to the Baltimore Ravens. Newly promoted backup Austin Davis stepped up and threw a late touchdown to tie the game 27-27. Poor Ravens' backup QB Matt Schaub (who was doing so well -- he had only thrown one pick-six thus far!) then threw an interception to give the ball back to the Browns. Davis had a nice run to pick up a first down and get Cleveland into field goal range. Rookie kicker Travis Coons lined up for a career-long attempt of 50 yards, but it was BLOCKED and Baltimore ran it back for a touchdown, and THAT'S HOW THE GAME ENDED!!! I kinda wish Cleveland had won because I'm a sucker for third string quarterback cinderella stories, and because I feel so sorry for that poor kicker, and because I hate the Ravens, but I'm glad Poor Matt Schaub got a win.

  • So San Francisco 49ers quarterback Blaine Gabbert had a press conference, and no one showed up. Somehow this just seems so fitting.
Okay, fine, the real story is that he mistakenly wasn't listed
on the schedule so the media didn't know he'd be there.

  • St. Louis Rams wide receiver Stedman Bailey was shot in the head last week!! His injuries are said to be non-threatening. After the news broke, the Rams released this statement: “We are aware Stedman Bailey was involved in an incident this evening. We have spoken with Stedman and he is in the hospital in critical, but stable, condition. We are gathering facts about the situation and will provide updates as we learn more.” Dude! Your player just got shot in the freaking head! You couldn’t go beyond the standard bad-news press release? You’re not even going to include anything about your “thoughts and prayers” being with him and his family?? Or that you hope that he’s okay??

  • I mentioned last week the outrageousness of the 10-0 Carolina Panthers being underdogs to the 3-7 Dallas Cowboys in their Thanksgiving matchup. My brother pointed out to me that it’s not just that Carolina was undefeated and had a much better record, but that the Cowboys were (and are) in last place in the NFC. So the #16 team was favored over the #1 team! Let’s recap how that went:

  • Luke Kuechly got his first NFL touchdown!

  • Here's Dallas first-half possessions: pick-six, punt, field goal, punt, pick-six, interception.

    • Poor Tony Romo is out for the season after re-breaking his collarbone in his second game back. Head coach Jason Garrett insisted that “there’s no evidence we brought him back too soon.”
    Yeah, well, except for the suffering-the-exact-same-
    injury-he-was-coming-back-from part.

    • When’s the last time CBS “rules expert” Mike Carey was correct about a call? Mike Pereira is smug and insufferable, but he’s usually correct. It’s shocking to think that Carey used to be in charge of games.

    • Where does backup Arizona Cardinals quarterback Drew Stanton even find pants like these?

    • I wish he had been wearing those on the sideline last week when he was cheering on his team from the sideline:

    • The New England Patriots lost to the Denver Broncos! Woo hoo! See, I told you they were just benefiting from an easy schedule! (I’m kidding, I’m kidding.) The Broncos took a three-point lead with 1:09 left in the game, but the Patriots came right back and kicked a field goal to send the game into overtime. The Denver defense forced a three-and-out, and, three plays later, running back CJ Anderson broke off a 48-yard touchdown run to win the game!

    • It was funny watching the New England-Denver game when the marketing graphics and all the storylines had obviously been set up as a huge Manning-Brady showdown. “It’s Brady versus ….. uh, what’s his name? Brock Osweiler? You sure?”
    "Isn't he the kid from those vampire movies?"

    • The Patriots are probably happy to exchange the loss for good news on tight end Rob Gronkowski, who left the game with a knee injury. Gronkowski was diagnosed with a minor knee sprain and is week-to-week.

    • The Seattle Seahawks had no such good news when it came to Jimmy Graham, who will miss the rest of the season with a torn patellar tendon.

    • Almost-36-year-old Arizona Cardinals quarterback Carson Palmer scored this rushing touchdown with ease, but found out that celebrating is for the young guns.

    • The Detroit Lions steamrolled the flailing Philadelphia Eagles 45-14. My heart was aching for poor rookie Philly cornerback Eric Rowe who had to come in and defend Calvin Johnson after starter Nolan Carroll broke his ankle. Johnson had a lot of fun with Rowe, catching three of Matthew Stafford’s five touchdowns. I couldn’t choose just one; they’re all pretty awesome: one, two, and three. I love Megatron.

    • Bill Belichick and the Patriots have always been cold-hearted and unforgiving when it comes to players’ mistakes, and punt returner Chris Harper is the latest example. Harper muffed a punt on Sunday -- it was in the snow, in his defense -- and was cut the next morning.

    • I always enjoy Eli Manning interception, but this one was particularly fun:

    • Matt Hasselbeck won again! The 40-year-old led the Indianapolis Colts to victory over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and is now 4-0 on the season!

    • Sideline Ninja should get a raise next year.

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