Is This What It Feels Like?

• Ugh is this what it feels like to be a fan of a bad team like the Jaguars or the Browns or the Cowboys? The hopelessness: “Even if we win this game, we’re not going anywhere with all of these injuries...”; the straining to find the positives: “Solid performance by the punter!”; the inability to accept reality: “If only we had Aaron…”

• The injuries just keep coming. Green Bay’s best cornerback, Casey Hayward, went out last week with a reinjured hamstring, and it appears that it will be for the season. Waaaaaaaaaahhh!

The Packers and hamstrings do not go well together.

• So what’s worse than having your top cornerback out? Having your other best cornerback out. Sam Shields is dealing with -- you guessed it! -- a hamstring injury.

Please be alright, Sammy. Pleeaasse! We need you!

• It would be too much to hope that the Packers could go one game without more injuries. On Sunday, they lost another cornerback, James Nixon, and stalwart defensive lineman Johnny Jolly was added to the toll with a groin injury. Great.

• Announcer: “This has been the Achilles’ heel of the Packers’ defense…” Oh, you mean the entire secondary?

• Yes, the Packers secondary has been, hmmm, let’s just say less than satisfactory. One of the most hideous statistics I’ve ever seen is that Green Bay has recorded just FOUR interceptions. In NINE games! Against the likes of Joe Flacco, Brandon Weeden, Christian Ponder, Josh McCown, and Eli Manning. Those quarterbacks alone should be good for a couple of interceptions apiece!!

Come ON!

• The game started with Green Bay getting a 12-men-on-the-field defensive penalty … and then a 12-men-in-the-huddle offensive penalty.

"Nine...ten...eleven...eleven..."

• Check out this sweet mustache Eli Manning is trying to grow.

Eli finally hit puberty!

• Green Bay is 2-of-9 in the redzone without Rodgers.

I would sell a family member in exchange for a healthy Aaron. (Before
you say I'm a terrible person, one of my siblings has already volunteered.)

• Why would you not go for it on 4th-and-short against Green Bay? They've been terrible. What happened? They seemed like they were finally going to be good against the run this year!

• I’m always touched when a player gets injured on the opposing sideline, and the opponent’s medical staff immediately jump into help.

• I like the McCarthy’s guts on faking that 4th-and-7 punt. Sooooo close.

• My heart must have shattered into a million pieces when Scott Tolzien thew that pick-six. Right after that great scoring drive, and that fantastic stand by the defense to force three-and-out, too.

He raises my hopes just to crush them.

• Tolzien had some very bad throws, but I still think, on the whole, he played well. He’s playing behind a makeshift offensive line, whose starting right tackle was not playing (which meant Marshall Newhouse was playing -- aaahh!). I think they should just have Tolzien throw everything downfield, because he struggled a lot more with the short passes. He also got zero help from the run game, which contributed just 55 yards.

• This season had the makings of something special, with a running game finally showing up to complement the league’s best quarterback and receiving group, Jermichael Finley in a contract year, a young and athletic secondary, a realigned offensive line that put the best linemen on Rodgers’ blindside, and a bulked-up defensive line, but now I think it’s a real possibility that Green Bay will not make the playoffs. I'm trying not to lose all hope. The Packers play a terrible Minnesota team next week, and there's a chance Rodgers will be able to play in the Thanksgiving game against the Lions. So I'm just going to cling to that.

In happier times...

• The stupid Bears won on a stupid field goal in stupid overtime against the stupid Ravens.

They didn't even have stupid Jay Cutler to throw his stupid interceptions.

• I am a Kansas City Chiefs naysayer. Yes, they are good, but they’ve also had an incredibly easy schedule. ALSO, they’ve had the good fortune to play against backup quarterbacks four of the last six weeks. The rich get richer…

• For unknown reasons, the Pittsburgh Steelers decided to wear their throwback uniforms again.

I'd like this look better if it were black-and-white stripes,
and if Roethlisberger were actually in jail.

• I wish the Lions would hire someone to film Jim Schwartz on the sidelines for the entire game and just make GIFs of all his furious and violent reactions to everything.

• Well, at least Houston will get a great draft pick. I don't know what on earth is going on with their offensive line. I lost track of how many false starts they were flagged for, but I know one lineman was called for three alone!

• I don't know if I feel more sorry for Case Keenum or Matt Schaub. Keenum was benched on Sunday for Schaub, and the boos were so loud from the home crowd that the Texans hand to switch to a silent count. Schaub played well, but still is not forgiven for his terrible play early in the season. Coach Gary Kubiak optimistically said he didn't think Keenum's confidence would be affected. "I didn't want to put a young guy in a bad situation," explained Kubiak. Sooooo, you thought you'd just put your beleaguered, once-upon-a-time-Pro-Bowler quarterback in a bad situation?

Okay, I definitely feel worse for Schaub.

• Schaub certainly wasn't getting any love from receiver Andre Johnson either.

"Just emotions," they both said after the game. Yes, emotions of hatred, disgust, and anger.

• Andre Johnson sure sounds content in Houston. After ending the game with that little scene with his quarterback Matt Schaub, Johnson was asked if he was happy playing for the Texans, and he responded: “I'm under contract, so, I have to play my contract out. I can't do anything about that." Ooookay then.

• Andy Dalton had a 3.7 Quarterback Rating; that's how bad he is. The Bengals still won by 21 points; that's how bad the Cleveland Browns are.

• Matthew Stafford had 327 yards at halftime, but somehow finished with only 362 yards total. His stats are as big as his head.

I mean that literally, not figuratively.

• I love Carson Palmer’s official Arizona Cardinal picture because every single emotion he felt when choosing to sign with the Cardinals shows on his face.

"They're the Cardinals...but they have Fitzgerald...but they're the Cardinals."

• The Steelers may not be able to do much, but their punter kicked a 70-yard punt to completely reverse field position. By the way, that stat is measured from the snap, not the punt, so it was actually more like a 80-yard punt.

• I’m not a fan of the personal foul call on Niners for hitting Saints’ Drew Brees in “the neck area.” San Francisco forced a fumble on the play, which would have effectively sealed their victory. It looks bad on film because Brees’ head snaps back, but I think the defender’s arm is across the chest, not the neck. As it happened, it was called, allowing the Saints to eventually win the game.

• How does Calvin Johnson ever get open? Defensive mistakes happen, but leaving Calvin Johnson open should never, ever, ever happen.

Don't send a boy to do Optimus Prime's job, Pittsburgh.

• It makes it very easy for Detroit's offensive playcalling.

  

• OH MY GOSH! THAT’S AN OPPONENT’S HAIR IN HIS HAND!

• Here’s what I have to say to Jason Babin: 

• I guess it's all okay because Andre Ellington got his dreads back?

• I should predict when teams are going to fake a field goal or punt or do a surprise onside kick for a living, because I am always right. I knew Detroit was going to fake the field goal. I just need a way to prove this to the world… you can ask my cats!

"It's true. She's always right about these things."

• I don’t mind the Lions faking the field goal, but don’t you have a better play call for that? I mean, it was just the little holder dancing around and hoping the Steelers wouldn’t notice till it was too late.

The more I watch the holder in this, the funnier it gets.

• In case you didn't know, Pittsburgh is not very good. Let's put it this way: on Sunday, they averaged 1.5 yards per rush. If the running back had just fallen forward on each carry, they would have had a higher average!

• While I like officials trying to stay out of the game at the end, I was very surprised to see the refs throw a flag on the final play of the Patriots-Panthers, then pick it up. Rob Gronkowski was being bear-hugged in the endzone as Brady was trying to throw him a game-winning touchdown, and, while it would have been an incredibly difficult catch, I'm sure the Patriots would have liked to see how it would have played out if Gronk wasn't being interfered with. The officials ruled the ball was not catchable, but they've obviously never seen a Gronkowski highlight reel.

• Fumbling outside of the endzone results in a touchback, which is totally unfair. A Saints player picked off Colin Kaepernick and took it all the way back to almost the goal line, where the ball was knocked out of his hands and went out the back of the endzone, so the 49ers get the ball at the 20. How is that fair?? The Saints don’t get anything to show for an interception and long return? I don’t like this rule!

• LeSean McCoy is one of the most immature people in a field that is known for immature people.

Though I don't have a lot of sympathy for a grown man waving a stupid flag, either.

What Have the Packers Done to Deserve This??

• Word on the street is that Matty Flynn is back with the Pack!! He won’t be starting, but at the rate the Packers are losing quarterbacks, it’s nice to have a familiar face on the bench. (I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for Flynn, but that doesn’t mean I'm not worried about his elbow issues.)

MATT FLYNN SIGHTING IN GREEN BAY, WI.

• This is getting a little ridiculous. In Sunday’s loss to the Philadelphia Eagles, the Green Bay Packers lost another six players: Seneca Wallace, Nick Perry, Casey Hayward, Evan Dietrich-Smith, Don Barclay, and Johnny Jolly. Brad Jones and Davon House also suffered injuries, but returned to the game (as did Jolly), and while Ryan Pickett did not leave the game, he is scheduled to undergo tests on his knee.

• These injuries are, of course, in addition to many others that have occurred thus far in the season. Here’s a list of other Packers who have missed time thus far: Bryan Bulaga (out for season), DuJuan Harris (out for season), Randall Cobb, James Jones, James Starks, Greg Van Roten (out for season), Ryan Taylor, Andy Mulamba, Eddie Lacy, Brad Jones, Jermichael Finley (out for season), Morgan Burnett, Clay Matthews, TJ Lang, John Kuhn, Jarrett Bush, and Mr. Aaron Rodgers.

"Huh. This is not how I saw our season going."

• Before Sunday, Green Bay has started just three quarterbacks since Week 4 of 1992. That’s 372 games! With Scott Tolzien starting next week, that will be three different starting quarterbacks in three weeks.

• It was weird to hear a different voice calling out the “greeeeeen nineteen!” - it just didn’t feel right. And then, after spending my entire week pretending to believe in Seneca Wallace, I have to throw my allegiance behind a guy who was on the practice squad a week ago?? This takes an emotional toll on me, fellas!

So we're cheering for this guy now?

• Besides the injuries, the game was just an odd one. Philadelphia’s first touchdown was just an unlucky tip by the defenders that somehow fell right into the hands of DeSean Jackson (who should have been called for a taunting penalty on that play); the Packers dominated time of possession up until the final drive, but couldn’t get points on the board; Tramon Williams’ fumble recovery for a touchdown didn’t count because the refs blew the play dead, even though the Packers were given the turnover on review; Jordy Nelson had a very close catch in the endzone that was ruled incomplete; Philadelphia played much better than Green Bay in the first half, but somehow only had a seven-point lead at halftime; and -- here’s how you know when you’re in the Twilight Zone -- Jordy, aka Sideline Ninja, stepped out of bounds while running up the sideline towards the endzone! That never happens!

Ugh. This is why everyone hates DeSean Jackson.

• How ‘bout the refs? They were TERRIBLE. It wasn’t like they were unfair to just the Packers, or they called the game too tight or too loose; they were terrible from every aspect. They had horrible calls and missed calls against both teams, sometimes you couldn’t breathe too close to a player without getting called for a penalty (Jarrett Bush’s “block in the back” on a punt), and then sometimes you could, say, blatantly hold John Kuhn for the entire duration of an interception return, or piggyback on James Jones in the endzone, and there’d be no whistle.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed.

• Would someone please ask Coach McCarthy why the hell he won’t play running back Johnathan Franklin? The dude lost ONE fumble seven weeks ago in a game where he also put up 103 yards!! He’s gotten six carries total in the six games since. You have to give Eddie Lacy a break at some point!

Aww, so cute! Too bad only one of them ever gets to play.

• Sooooo I was very disconcerted during the game when I  realized that the Packers don’t really have any more backup offensive linemen. After the center went down, the right guard (who suffered a concussion and left the game last week) moved to center, the right tackle moved to right guard, and Marshall Newhouse came in at right tackle. Then when the right-tackle-now-right-guard got injured, some rookie I've never heard of and never knew was on the team came in. Ahh, just want you want, your 3rd-string quarterback being protected by a patchwork line

• My brother is always quick to point out not only how much the Packers get injured, but how often players suffer re-injury (this week, it looks like Casey Hayward - who injured his hamstring in training camp, then re-injured it right before the season - and Nick Perry have both suffered re-injuries). At what point does the Packers training and medical staff share some of the responsibility? Is it more than coincidence that the Packers seem to get the injury bug year after year?

• Clay Matthews returned! He had a pretty quiet day, unfortunately, but I imagine it must take some time getting used to playing like this:

• Hmmm, the end of this game sure looks a lot like the end of last game with the defense completely unable to stop the clock-draining run game. The difference is that they have no reason to be exhausted this week, as they were not on the field much. It really looked as though their spirit was broken late in the game.

• McCarthy immediately named Tolzien the starter for next week's game against the New York Giants. The Giants are terrible through and through, but they have won their last three games AND they’re somehow going to win because they always just seem to have the Packers’ number.

We may be on our 5th-string QB, but at least it's not Eli.

• Tolzien’s stats are not pretty, but I thought he looked calm behind center, which is what you want to see in a third-string quarterback. I wonder a bit about his arm strength since several of his passes seemed a bit late or underthrown, and I think that’s a product of him not being able to get enough zip on his throws.

You have my lukewarm support, sir.

• Nick Foles has 16 touchdowns and zero interceptions this season.

• I’m not the president of the AJ Hawk Fan Club, but I've always appreciated how he never minces words when it comes to an honest assessment of the defense:

“When you have a stud quarterback like [Rodgers], it covers up for a lot of mistakes you make as a defense...We haven't really helped [the offense] out like we should. They've been helping us out forever, it seems like, and we just haven't -- the last couple weeks especially, but this whole season."

Just saying what we're all thinking...

• We’ll really need Detroit and Chicago to start losing these next few weeks.

Does it help or hurt our chances when Jay's on the bench?

• Speaking of our old friend Jay, he should not have been playing this Sunday. After suffering a torn groin muscle and missing one game, Cutler was back in the lineup on Sunday. I understand that it was a big divisional game, but you have a backup in Josh McCown who is more than competent. Cutler should have never been allowed to play, and, when he did, he should have been pulled immediately, as it was clear the guy was in pain and not moving well. He was eventually pulled just before the end of the game because coach Marc Trestman recognized that Cutler could not run the two-minute drill. As it happened, Cutler was further injured in the game with a dreaded high ankle sprain. I get that players are competitive and Cutler has gotten a lot of unfair flak in the past for sitting out games, but can we all agree that people who get hit for a living don’t need to prove their toughness to the fans who are sitting at home and eating bean dip on their couches?

Have a cigarette and rest up, Jay.

• The Bears lost yet another defensive player on Sunday in Charles Tillman. He has a triceps injury and has been put on short-term IR. It’s a tough blow to a defense that’s already hanging together by duct tape.

• Eli Manning threw the 17th pick-six of his career!! =)

• The Bengals’ Hail Mary was so cool! Remember, defensive players: don't go for the interception; just bat the ball down!

• It was all for naught, however, as Baltimore won in overtime on a field goal. The kicker was so excited that he gave us a rare sight: an NFL kicker doing a celebratory dance!

Sorry, hon, still doesn't make you a real football player.

• It’s the Miami Dolphins and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in Monday Night Football’s Dysfunction Bowl! Which team will succumb to their cancerous locker room issues first??

"We are not the most screwed up team in the league, dammit!"

• After dominating Green Bay in the season opener, the San Francisco 49ers have only defeated one team with a winning record when they beat Arizona in Week 6. On the other hand, the teams they have defeated, they've done so by an average of 20 points. Sooo....in conclusion....I have no idea how good or bad the Niners are. Whatever the case, it's always worth tuning in to see Jim Harbaugh's khakis.

That's a lot of pleats.

• Yet another starting quarterback was injured, and the Tennessee Titans fear it is for the season, as Jake Locker is thought to have suffered a Lisfranc fracture.

• Nice to see that East is East, West is West, and New Yorkers are still New Yorkers.

• At the professional level, I don’t really believe in mercy rules, but I still don’t like the New Orleans Saints going for it on 4th &5 with two minutes left in the game when they’re up 23 points. By going for it -- and getting the first down -- the Saints set an NFL record with 40 first downs in a game, which is pretty cool. I agree with those who would say that if Dallas didn’t like it, they should have stopped it, but it also seems like you’re intentionally trying to embarrass your opponent there.

• All that aside, it’s always fun to see Jerry Jones’ awful GM decisions come back to bite him. That’s what you get when you spend all your money on flashy talent positions and forget to think about the boys in the trenches.

Just throw more money at the problem, Jerry. That always works.

• Jaguars won their first game! Congratulations! Don't be afraid to dream big - 2-14 is a real possibility. Well, at least in theory.

• Not to be outdone, the league's other previously winless team, Tampa Bay, also notched their first victory on Monday night.

You guys should probably just give up, though.

• Goodness gracious! The Colts only managed 18 rushing yards in their blowout loss to the St. Louis Rams -- and 17 of those yards came from quarterback Andrew Luck. Guess that’s what happens when you have no receivers.

Why, Reggie? Why did I jinx you? Why couldn't I have kept my mouth shut?

• I thought that 18 rushing yards was unsightly, but that was before Miami was held to TWO rushing yards on Monday night. TWO. As in one, two.

• Houston gets to play Oakland next week, Jacksonville the following week, and then Jacksonville again in Week 14, which is lucky, because I was starting to wonder if the Texans would win another game this season. At least they still have Andre to make amazing plays:

• And JJ Watt (*girlish sigh*). Here he is with the three-in-one play: sack, strip, fumble recovery.

• I have no idea what’s going on in Miami with the Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin situation, but now that the media has beaten every aspect of it to death, and we still don’t have any explanation or answers, I guess I just don’t really care.

• Tampa Bay doesn't make many highlight reels, but here's a cool "fat man touchdown" from offensive lineman Donald Penn:
  

• Let's replay that dunking celebration in penance for calling him fat.
  

• The Lions swept Chicago this season, and while I hope they don’t meet in the playoffs because it would mean the Packers’ chances are smaller, it would be fun to see them play again after Brandon Marshall had this to say about Detroit:

"It's the little brother that kind of grew up a little bit. He may be a little taller than the big brother. He's not stronger. He's not better than the big brother at anything. But that one day, he just says, 'I'm fed up. I'm done. I'm gonna punch my brother in the face'...It's the little brother that, big brother wants to go out and play with his friends and the little brother is annoying, [saying], 'Hey, can I go?' ‘No, you can't go, Detroit Lions. Sit back. Sit in your little city. Fix your financial problems and all of that, you know. You can't come with us right now.’”

Brandon Marshall: God's gift to sports reporters.

• Tom Brady has been good for about a GIF per week, but since New England was on a bye this week, we'll go back to early in the season for this half funny/half kinda offensive GIF of Brady checking out a girl on the sidelines, even though he's married to a freakin' supermodel.