Odds and Endzones: Prepare For Total Domination

So it was a pretty good day at the office for Aaron Rodgers & Co. The quarterback, James Jones, Randall Cobb, and James Starks all set career highs.

Rodgers: 34/42 for 480 yards, an average of 11.4 yards per pass, 4 touchdowns, zero interceptions and a passer rating of 146.
Jones: 11 receptions for 178 yards
Cobb: Nine receptions for 128 yards and 1 touchdown.
James Starks (remember him?) had 20 carries for 132 yards, as well as 36 yards receiving and became the first Packer in 45 games to rush for over 100 yards! It was nice to see him out there, especially considering how he barely made the team. I had completely written him off, but was glad to have him prove me wrong.

Oh, hey there, buddy. Totally forgot about you.

283 of the 480 yards came after the catch. The Packers love their YAC.

"And I wasn't even trying."

It was almost sad to see how bad the Washington Redskins’ defense was. The final score made the game seem waaaay more competitive than it was. Here’s the first half stats:

Total yards: 373 vs. 155
First downs: 17 vs. 5
10+ yard plays: 14 vs. 6
Touchdowns: 3 vs. 0

The Redskins became the first team in the NFL to give up 1,000 yards in the first two weeks. Congrats.

The Redskins aren't even looking in the right direction!

Even Jermichael Finley is trying!

That's what a contract year will do!

There was a penalty on the Redskins’ long snapper. Has a long snapper ever had a penalty before in the history of football? That’s like the assistant strength and conditioning coach getting a penalty!

Poor Eddie Lacy took a monster hit from Washington safety Brandon Meriweather that knocked him out of the game. Who knows how long this will keep him out for.

Here's Meriweather trying to kill Lacy.

Though I’m not entirely clear on all the rules of what’s an allowable hit on a running back, there has to be some sort of discipline for Meriweather. He has a history of helmet-to-helmet hits, including one later in the game that backfired when he gave himself a concussion. This lack of respect for the rules and opponents can’t go on. Here's another sample of Meriweather's handiwork:

His name makes him sound so nice, too.

Oh. Wrong Merryweather.

As much as I enjoyed seeing Starks’ reemergence, where the heck was rookie Jonathan Franklin? I know he’s had a rough training camp, but give him a chance to get in the game!

Has Mike Shanahan’s face always been this red?

Yes.

I like Robert Griffin III. The Redskins, apparently, do not. Why is this guy playing? He had surgery in January! He didn’t play all of the offseason, training camp, or preseason! You have a very competent backup in Kirk Cousins -- let him play until RG is a little further removed from the operating table. Especially considering the way he got injured in the first place was that the team rushed him back from a serious injury.

Rodgers’ career high yards actually tied a Packers franchise record with …. Matt Flynn!

Aww! Remember when Flynn made $14.5M from that one game?

I think the referees felt bad for Washington because they gave them a touchdown even after the review showed that the receiver clearly didn’t have possession and two feet in the endzone.

This is a Washington offensive lineman. If this is your last name, shouldn’t you be required to wear lederhosen?

Also, you should be eating a sausage and drinking from a stein.

As fun as that was, there were still some troublesome spots: the three sacks on the first two drives, all-around poor tackling, the lack of a competent and consistent returner, and the fact that Washington scored 20 points!!

The Tickle Monster got Aaron!

As for the rest of the league:

Can we all calm the heck down about the Philadelphia Eagles and “the Chip Kelly era” now that they lost to the San Diego Chargers? Everyone lost their minds last week when Philly ran an unbelievable number of first half plays. People failed to mention that 1) they were playing a terrible defense in the Redskins (see above), and 2) THEY ONLY WON BY SIX.

"Defense? Damn. I knew I was forgetting something."

The Chicago Bears barely managed to beat a team that barely has a quarterback in the Minnesota Vikings. Disappointed as I was by the W, it was still nice to see Jay Cutler turn the ball over three times, including a strip fumble returned for six and an interception thrown in the endzone.

"Whatever."

Atlanta’s Osi Umenyiora took an interception to the house against St. Louis, and wow, he’s got some speed for a defensive end!!

Dallas' Jason Garrett is a total battered coach.

"Don't you think for a second you have any power here!"

"Watch your back, Jerry. Watch your back."

"Go to your corner and think about what you've done."

Tony Romo was trying with all his might to throw the game away, but the refs kept on undoing all his mistakes with some terrible pass interference calls.

I'm finally getting used to the Pittsburgh Steelers being really bad.

This is how I imagine I shall meet my Prince Charming, except a Chicago Bear is not usually involved. Can someone photoshop my head onto hers and replace Charles Tillman with Jordy?

A Jacksonville TV station had the good grace to apologize for showing the Jaguars game. Miss Manners would be proud.

Chicago’s head coach Marc Trestman reminds me of Randall from Monsters, Inc.

It was nice to see the Buffalo Bills and their rookie quarterback, EJ Manuel, get their first victory. I always cheer for the Bills because, really, who knows the next time they’ll get a victory?

The Patriots are 2-0, but it’s a shaky 2-0, after squeaking by the Bills and the only beating the New York Mess -- er, Jets -- by three.

Tom Brady sees his 2013 roster for the first time.

The Houston Texans had a nice play to capture the win over the Titans in overtime. They were able to score the final 24 points of last week’s game against the Chargers, but only after going down 21. Why isn’t Houston better? Ah, right. Matt Schaub. Now I remember.

Schaub looks like he was drawn in Microsoft Paint.

Two weeks into the season, the Kansas City Chiefs have as many wins as they had all of last year.

Miami’s defense has had a nice two weeks. Just watch what Cameron Wake does to this poor running back:

Get your popcorn ready! Oh, boy. That’s right -- it was Jacksonville versus Oakland: the Showdown. You know both teams had this game circled on their calendars -- it’s the best shot at not going 0-16 for both teams.

People do not like Philip Rivers.

Can we end this Eli-is-better-than-Peyton-because-he-has-more-rings nonsense? You realize that you’re saying Trent Dilfer was a better quarterback than Dan Marino, right?

In the first two weeks, Peyton has 9 touchdowns, 0 interceptions. Eli has 5 touchdowns and 7 interceptions.

"Even Mom likes stupid Peyton better than me!"

It must be so frustrating to be a Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan. Back-to-back heartbreaking losses to go along with twenty-three penalties in the first two weeks. Those penalties cost them 230 yards and resulted in nine first downs for their opponents. And their locker room is starting to sound like it could have its own Real Housewives series.

The Browns may be without starting quarterback Brandon Weeden next week, but does that really matter? Is it possible for the Browns to get worse?

I hate both the Niners and the Seahawks so much - I just didn’t know whom to cheer against! While I definitely hate the Seahawks, it’s okay that they won so now everyone can pause to wipe their mouths after spending the entire offseason drooling over the Niners.

Here’s why I hate Seattle: Marshawn Lynch stopping short of the goal line on his third touchdown before crossing into the endzone; Golden Tate jawing at a Niner over something completely non-offensive he had written on Twitter; Richard Sherman, every time he opens his mouth; Pete Carroll throwing the challenge flag to contest what he thought was a San Francisco fumble while up 29-3 with four minutes left in the game.

The Seattle Seahawks: mature, respectful, professional.

I really can’t feel bad for the Niners, though, cause they’d do the same thing if they were winning.

Poor NBC had to just keep going back and forth between the studio and the stadium while the commentors were trying to come up with something to say during the weather delay. Considering that several games were delayed due to lightning this week, I think networks should have a few go-to ideas in their back pocket for when they have to fill unexpected time. Here’s a few I came up with: