Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Whatever. No One Cares About Week 1 Anyway.

  • So. That Colin Kaepernick is pretty good, huh?
  • How ‘bout Jordy Nelson! 130 yards on 7 catches! And you were worried about his knee after he had surgery in the preseason. Look. At. This.

I really wanted SF to challenge this so I could watch it over and over in slow motion.

  • Though the run blocking certainly left something to be desired, the pass protection from a young offensive line was promising, especially considering the caliber of the defensive front seven they were facing.
  • Mason Crosby’s had well-documented struggles with accuracy, but his length strength has always been his best quality, which is why it was confusing to see punter Tim Masthay handle all the kickoffs. Masthay not only killed it on the kickoffs, he had two fan-tastic tackles to save big returns.

The Ginger Wolverine is a man of many talents.

  • Would anyone care to cover Anquan Boldin? No? Okay.
  • I’m hoping Green Bay’s 11 penalties for 85 yards is just a factor of this being the first game of the season, because that was really frustrating to watch.

  • Backup safety Jerron McMillian’s braids are really impressive. Do you know what’s not impressive? His ability to defend any pass. That guy was getting spun around like a ballerina all game long. In addition to allowing six receptions on six targets -- including one for a touchdown -- he missed four tackles.

But, hey, like I said - nice braids.
  • It’s not all on McMillian. I mean, how are so many professional defensive players so bad at open-field tackling? And why do so many of them play for the Packers?

  • Read this carefully: San Francisco 49ers cornerback Nnamdi Asomugha is making more money this year from the Philadelphia Eagles (his former team) than Jordy Nelson is making from the Green Bay Packers.

"I love my jobs! Especially the one that still pays me after I stopped working!"
  • Even more pathetic than the time of possession stat - 21:25 vs. 38:35 - was the Packers’ final play of the game. Looking for a Hail Mary, Rodgers got sacked - against a THREE-MAN RUSH. Five offensive lineman versus three pass rushers. Come ON!

  • It stinks that the Packers lost, but there’s some good to be taken away: 
    • 1. Our run defense was pretty good. San Francisco only had 90 yards on 34 attempts.
    • 2. It was a close game; the Packers hung in there despite allowing almost 500 yards.
    • 3. Green Bay has a tough schedule, but probably the toughest opponent is out of the way.
    • 4. There was an officiating mistake that altered the game, so I can whine about that all season long!

  • Clay Matthews’ late hit on Kaepernick and the ensuing scuffle resulted in off-setting penalties. The refs mistakenly replayed the down as a 3rd-and-6th when it should have been a 4th-and-1 because both penalties came after the play. San Francisco would score a touchdown on that 3rd-and-6th.

  • I like coach Mike McCarthy’s reaction to the officiating mistake: "That's part of the game. The ball doesn't always bounce your way." The Packers had two turnovers, zero takeaways, and allowed 494 yards, so they had their chances. Furthermore, I think Matthews deserved a second penalty for the (sorta) punch he threw at Niners offensive lineman Joe Staley during the post-play skirmish.
  • Regarding Clay's late hit, I really don't think it was as terrible as everyone else apparently does. The late hit rule is a little ridiculous in the way it's enforced. You can't expect time and physics to just halt the second a player goes out of bounds. These defenders are charging full speed ahead; they can't stop themselves after they've committed to the tackle. These offensive players are often able to pick up a couple of extra yards tiptoeing along the sideline because they know the defenders are worried about getting flags. It's similar to the quarterback slide rule - quarterbacks take advantage of the unreasonable rules to which defenders are held to pick up vital extra yards.
  • Here's a still of Matthews. At this point, he's pretty much committed to the tackle and Kaepernick's still in bounds.
Late? Yes. Dirty or egregious? No way.

  • Even worse was the call against Tampa Bay linebacker Lavonte David. David was whistled for a late hit with seven seconds remaining in the game that put the New York Jets in field goal range, allowing for an improbable Jets victory. I was going to make fun of David for making a stupid play, but then I saw two things: one, they showed him crying on the sidelines, which made me very sad; and two, it wasn't a late hit!

Come on! The guy's still in-bounds at contact!!

As for the rest of the league:

  • Adrian Peterson’s first touch of the season was a 78-yard touchdown. Of course it was.
  • The Detroit Lions are right back to their bumbling, Inspector Closeau ways, fumbling the snap on a 30-yard field goal attempt on their first drive. The Lions’ first half was littered with turnovers and near-turnovers, dropped passes, and their trademark stupid penalties. Ndamukong Suh is the same jerk we all remember and cost his team a touchdown after a pick-six was called back because of a chop block he leveled at Minnesota lineman’s knee. As always with Detroit, it’s not a lack of talent, it’s a lack of discipline. You know whom I’m going to blame for that.

He grew the facial hair solely for the purpose of looking more evil.

  • But Christian Ponder was not to be outdone! No, he said to himself, I can counteract the fact that the opposing team is trying to give away the game and the fact that we have the best running back in the league all by myself! True to his word, Christian threw 3 interceptions and allowed a wildly sloppy Detroit team to win by 10 points.

Never doubt Christian Ponder.

  • Four of this weekend’s games featured a safety! How weird is that? The Pittsburgh Steelers almost began their game 4-0, but the second safety was overturned on review. The refs really should have just let that go so that we could all enjoy the weirdest score in the world.

  • Mark Sanchez really does not make his life any easier for himself. Just look at his hair.

This hairstyle was all the rage on my high school volleyball team.

  • Speaking of high school, Minnesota’s new uniforms look like high school uniforms. Which I suppose is fitting since their quarterback plays like a high school high school quarterback.

I am digging the matte finish on the helmets, though.

  • I used to watch Minnesota safety Harrison Smith in college and he was not this good. He’s becoming a fantastic player.

  • I’ve always been a Danny Amendola fan, but he is Mr. Glass. That guy is always injured, coming back from an injury, or about to be injured. In his defense, he did come back in after leaving this weekend’s game and owned the final drive.

"Fine, Danny, I'll kiss it and make it better, but then you have to shut up!"

  • The Cleveland Browns began their season this way: interception, punt, interception, punt, interception -- and they still led at the half! They did eventually lose, of course. They are the Browns, after all.

I, too, struggle with dry, frizzy hair, Adrian.

  • Jerry Jones is worth about $2,700,000,000, according to Forbes, yet there is no commercial that he won’t do.

Yes, the commercial is as embarrassing as this photo suggests.

  • Troy Polomalu. 

People should set their watches to this.
  • Larry Fitzgerald must be crying tears of joys over having an actual quarterback. Carson Palmer must look like Drew Brees after having Matt Leinart, Kevin Kolb, John Skelton, Ryan Lindley (who?), and Brian Hoyer throw to you. Fitzy had two touchdowns this week after only four touchdowns all last season. I have terrible hand-eye coordination, depth perception problems, and my arm looks like a spaghetti noodle, but I think even I could get Larry Fitzgerald four touchdowns in a season.
  •  Oh, poor Phillip Rivers. Just when things were going right for him..
Giving up 21 unanswered points makes me mad, too.

  • Whoa, NBC really shook things up with the Sunday Night Football opening! They replaced a pretty, leggy, blonde country singer with a pretty, leggy, blonde country singer to sing the exact same song for SNF? Edgy.

  • Michael Floyd had an amazing one-handed catch:


  • But that wasn't even the best play of the weekend by an Arizona Cardinal. Tyrann Mathieu put on the burners to catch up and prevent this touchdown with a strip:

Honey Badger don't care how far ahead of him you are.

  • The Sunday Night Football game really was a win-win for me. No matter who wins, either Eli Manning or Tony Romo loses!
  • The Cowboys had 12 take-aways all last season and three in the first 6:10 of the season -- six takeaways total in the first game.
  • Don’t let those numbers fool you into thinking that the Cowboys played well, though -- heavens no! Dallas converted their first three takeaways into a whopping three points.

"Yes! A QB threw 3 INTs - and it wasn't me!"

  • Yes, yes, the Philadelphia Eagles' fast-paced offense looked good, but can we give them more than one half of a football game before we declare them "unstoppable"??

  • Between Joseph Fauria and Joique Bell, Detroit wins the week for best touchdown dances:

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