Packers Get What They Give

• That was a half-assed effort by the Green Bay Packers on offense, defense, and special teams. The Indianapolis Colts were 3-5 coming into Lambeau and are one of the least talented teams in the league, and they lit up the Packers for the first 53 minutes of the game.

• Let’s start with special teams since they started off the game with such a bang. Indy returner Jordan Todman took the opening kickoff 99 yards for a touchdown, untouched the entire time. 

• The next kickoff Todman returned 61 yards, for an average kick return of 80 yards for the Colts. Oh, and Mason Crosby missed another field goal. 

• The defense, still without Clay Matthews, Sam Shields, and Damarious Randall (they also lost safety Micah Hyde during the game), didn’t offer much resistance to the Colts. Now, Andrew Luck and his receivers are pretty good, but the offensive line is one of the worst in the league. Luck has been sacked 31 times this season, the most of any quarterback. The Packers sacked Luck only two times. That’s fine, because they often only rushed three. If you’re only sending three men, however, why did Indianapolis have such an easy time moving the ball?? The Colts were 7-of-14 on third-down conversions, compared to Green Bay’s 4-of-12 conversions. 

• When the team needed a stop, the defense could not answer the bell. They blitzed on almost every snap on the Colts’ final drive, and the secondary couldn’t handle the strain. Indianapolis converted two huge third downs on the final drive to seal the win 31-26. 

• In an attempt not to be entirely negative, I will mention that Ha-Ha Clinton-Dix did have two interceptions and a half-sack. Unfortunately, it was also Ha-Ha who missed a sack on Luck that would have given the Pack a chance to win the game. But still, good job. I guess.

• As for the offense. Sigh. They were facing a terrible secondary, a secondary that ranks no higher than 29th in any pass defense statistics. Twelve of Green Bay’s first 13 plays were in Colts’ territory, and the Packers came away with a grand total of three points.

• Rodgers was 7-of-17 for 77 yards in the first half against this secondary. As has been the case for a year and a half, the receivers couldn’t get open, and Rodgers, as has been the case for the majority of the season, has been missing his receivers when they do get opened. 

"Anyone? Seriously, anyone? I've been
running around for 12 seconds here."

• One high note was Jordy’s manly touchdown grab, wrestling the ball from the defender. It was also manly how he angrily unstrapped his helmet. #FierceNinja

• Mike McCarthy, who has shown some creativity on his sets this season by necessity, seemed to regress. There were a couple of pick plays (yay!), but we didn’t see Trevor Davis or Geronimo Allison or much of Jeff Janis in the line-up. With Randall Cobb active but injured, I thought there’d be more switch-ups like there were against Atlanta. He also abandoned the run with Ty Montgomery too early. I will say, however, I was really glad to see Green Bay taking a good number of shots down the field. Now, they didn’t really pay off, unfortunately, between drops and Rodgers being not perfectly accurate, but it was nice to see them test the defense like that. 

• Richard Rodgers is the softest tight end ever. He is always being leveled by defenders half his size. Compare him to Montgomery, who’s four inches shorter and 40 pounds lighter and always fights for additional yards.

"Oh, wait, am I supposed to block?

• Randall Cobb, who missed last week with a hamstring injury, did not play the first half, but was called upon in the second half. I was number happy with risking him, but he had a beautiful touchdown late in the game off this beauty from Rodgers that provided a glimmer of hope for those that didn’t know better.

• The game followed a familiar pattern: stagnant offense for 85% of the game, then a furious comeback attempt made possible because Aaron Rodgers is that good, ending in a final letdown by the defense. It feels like the script for half the games since 2014. 

• Green Bay wasted such an opportunity to take the lead in the NFC North with Minnesota losing on Sunday. (Well, actually it would have been a tie, and they would lose the tiebreaker, but still). Instead of sitting on top, the Packers are now in third place at 4-4.

• As many have noted, it was upsetting to see the Packers’ lack of energy in every phase of the game. I get trap games, but it’s one thing to get lackadaisical against a bad team when you’re playing really well and maybe it goes to your head, but the Packers have been a disappointment since this season began, so they weren’t exactly resting on their laurels. They were just resting, so it appeared. The most excited the crowd got, as Rodgers noted, was when a determined squirrel kept on running onto the field.

The Colts website literally has an entire
photo album titled "Lambeau Squirrel"

• I’m annoyed with Andrew Luck for winning, of course, but it’s so hard not to like him. What other quarterback, or football player, gets tackled, then helps his tackler up? Also, I still find 56-year-old Indianapolis head coach Chuck Pagano attractive.

It can't just be me, right?

• Awww, remember beloved Green Bay backup QB Scott Tolzien? He now plays for the Colts and here he is hanging out with Aaron and Jordy before the game.

♫ Reunited and it feels so good ♫

• Minnesota Vikings offensive coordinator Norv Turner shockingly resigned this week in the wake of the Vikings’ upset loss to the Chicago Bears last Monday, citing differences of offensive philosophy with the team. The move was a surprise to everyone in the Vikings organization, but now puts Pat Shurmur, who’s long been a champion of Sam Bradford and coached him in St. Louis and Philadelphia, in position of interim offensive coordinator.

The biggest question I had about the whole thing is
what "Norv" stands for. Norval, for those wondering.

• Shurmur wasn’t enough to help the Vikings win on Sunday in an overtime game against the Detroit Lions. Once again, Matthew Stafford and the Lions came back in the final moments to win, this time in overtime. With 23 seconds and no timeouts left in regulation, Detroit moved 35 yards down field, which was enough for a 58-yard (!) Matt Prater field goal to tie the game. On the first drive in overtime, after Detroit was helped by a serendipitous pass interference penalty on a 3rd-and-10, Golden Tate exhibited crazy impressive body control on this game-ending, walk-off touchdown. (A more impressive, non-embeddable angle here.)

• AND the Vikings kicker missed an extra point in the third quarter in a game that went into overtime! Minnesota must be reeling -- that’s their third loss in a row after they started the season 5-0. Tee hee.

• If it seems like the Lions have a last-minute comeback every other week, it’s because they do. In each of its five wins Detroit has trailed in the last 90 seconds!!! 

• I like Derek Carr, but I find it hard not to be suspicious of him because he looks like a villain. In a rom-com, he’d be the rich, handsome, successful guy who shows up halfway through the movie as a possible love interest, but turns out to be a cad. 

I actually think he looks like a serial killer,
but I thought saying so would be too harsh.

• Like most, I thought the Oakland Raiders were going to be pretty good this year, but not 7-2 good. After knocking off the reigning champs in the Denver Broncos, the Raiders lead the AFC West and have the most wins of any team, along with Dallas (ugh) and New England (yuck).

• The Raiders are the hot new thing right now, and everyone’s madly in love with them, which I’m down with because they are fun and exciting, but let’s keep in mind that Monday night’s victory is their only win against a team that is currently above .500, so let’s go easy on the “Super Bowl sleeper” talk. For now, at least.

• You don’t see too many in-your-face punters, but the Raiders’ Marquette King is an exception. In addition to his celebratory dances for his punts, he also has a great story about how, on his first career punt, the opponents saw him and were convinced that the play was going to be a fake punt: “A black punter? It’s a fake! Yo, it’s a fake!”

• The Los Angeles Rams’ onside kick attempt was, um, kind of cool in its own way, I guess, but made absolutely no sense. What exactly was the desired outcome here??

• Remember Knile Davis? He was a Kansas City running back who was signed by the Packers on October 18 (yay for Knile!). The Packers ended up cutting him just two weeks later (awww). He was claimed off waivers by the New York Jets (yay), but then they cut him just a few hours later (ouch). Three days after that, he was signed by the Chiefs again (yay?), for a total of four stints with three teams in 19 days.

• This week was the NFL’s Salute to Service week where they honor military members in different ways. Normally this just means some clashing camouflage is added to the players’ gear, but the Chiefs did something really cool by putting the name of a fallen soldier from Missouri on each players’ warm-ups. The players were also given a card with a short biography of their soldier. The Los Angeles Rams did something similar, and I thought both were neat and touching ways to pay tribute.

• It was a rough night for Buffalo Bills kicker Dan Carpenter. On a field goal attempt just before the half, he was drilled by a way, way offsides Richard Sherman and injured his leg. The whistle was never blown for the offsides, so Sherman kept on going. He was penalized for being offsides after the play, but there was no roughing the kicker penalty! (Technically, it should have been a late hit call.) Since the trainer came onto the field to look at Carpenter, the kicker, by rule, had to come out for a play. It had only been first down, so the Bills just spiked the ball on the next play to stop the clock at :01. Carpenter came back out and made the 49-yard field goal -- except that it was after the play clock had expired, so Buffalo got a delay-of-game penalty. But the refs should have re-set the play clock since they were still over the ball with under five seconds left!! The penalty pushed the field goal back to a 54-yard try, which Carpenter missed. Yet another controversial Monday Night win for the Seattle Seahawks.

• Carson Wentz saved Eli Manning from himself on Sunday. With just under four minutes left, the New York Giants got the ball, up five points and looking to seal the the game. Things didn’t look great for the Philadelphia Eagles, but I wasn’t worried because: Eli Manning. As the clock ticked below the two-minute warning, the Giants faced third down -- if they make it, the game’s over. Eli takes the snap and … throws an interception! Hah! Of course! He’s Eli Manning, after all. Unfortunately, Wentz, who had a rough day at the office, threw four straight incompletions to end the game, so Eli escaped the repercussions of being Eli -- for now.

• Travis Kelce, how stupid do you have to be? The Kansas City Chiefs tight end angrily disputed a no-call with the referee after a incompletion in the endzone. He must have said something naughty, because the ref flagged him for unsportsmanlike conduct. Kelce responded by throwing his towel at the ref as if it were a flag. That earned him a second unsportsmanlike conduct and an automatic ejection. “I can’t throw my flag on the ref, but he can throw his all day long,” complained Kelce after the game. Uh, yeah, Trav, that’s how it works: he’s the ref, you’re the player. That’s like the ref whining that Andy Reid didn’t draw up any plays for him. Yeesh. Anyway, the best part of any ejection is seeing how sophomorically excited the other team gets -- the Jaguars players look like it’s Christmas morning.

Travis Kelce ejected for throwing towel at official pic.twitter.com/NcvgXKsIZw

— Vikings Blogger (@firstandskol) November 6, 2016

• Poor Case Keenum. It must hurt his feelings to have the crowd chanting for his backup. The LA crowd also chanted for Tim Tebow, who doesn’t even play football these days, which must have hurt even more.

"La la la la la I can't hear you!"

• The NFL's low ratings this season hint at possible cracks in the NFL's previously impervious appeal. One factor is a growing distaste for the NFL's imperious attitude and handling of things (Deflategate, domestic violence, celebration penalties, refusing to have full-time refs, &c.), but the thing that has been irritating me the most is their draconian control over media. After they banned teams from posting their own highlights on social media, the effects are obvious. There were several awesome big plays this week that I could only find one angle of on the internet (like Golden Tate's and Jordy Nelson's touchdowns, both of which look a lot better from a different angle), despite the fact that I saw clearer and better angles on the TV highlights all Sunday long. The dip in the ratings probably have more to do with the election cycle than anything else, but it'd be nice to see the NFL get a little comeuppance. 

• I would say thank goodness we’re playing the Tennessee Titans next week, but who knows if the Packers will even bother to show up for that game. But we have to think positive. The Pack will be great next week. Everything will be great.

We, Um, Might Need to Talk About Aaron Rodgers

• The Green Bay Packers 30-16 loss to the Dallas Cowboys was not pretty. At all. From the Packers giving up their first opening drive touchdown to the Cowboys putting up more rushing yards than the Packers have allowed in the previous four games combined to the increasingly normal impotence of the offense, it was a rough day for the Green and Gold.

Ugh and you just know that, somewhere, Jerry Jones
was grinning like the creepy emperor from Star Wars.

• As much as I like to blame all passing game ills on Davante Adams and Richard Rodgers, the truth is Aaron Rodgers is obviously struggling. Set aside any drops by the receivers, any bad play-calling, and Rodgers is still just missing things he very rarely misses. His interception into the guy of Barry Church was a perfect example of Rodgers, whose field vision is usually spectacular, failing to see Church coming off the outside receiver.

• And while I’M TOTALLY NOT WORRIED, and I’m sure Aaron will get out of his slump soon, and I don’t want to pile on to the guy, I also have to admit that I’m less than impressed with his attitude. He seemed to think he only had a couple of bad throws. Said Rodgers: 

We were close tonight. I missed a couple, possibly the one to [Richard] Rodgers down the middle, and I obviously threw it right to Barry [Church]... Other than that, I mean, there were multiple times when we had to extend plays because guys weren’t open on the normal timing or even slightly later than normal timing.

• Are those really the only times you can think of, Aaron? Not throwing a sure-touchdown six feet too high to Cobb? Or leading Jordy Nelson into crossing defenders? I understand you’re not getting the help you need from your receivers or your playcalls, but I’m going to need a little more abjection from you than a dismissive, “I gotta play better, for sure.”

More like this.

• I’ll say the same thing to Mike McCarthy as I said all of last season: “DO SOMETHING!!!!” Now, to his credit, he’s using more personnel, working in receivers Ty Montgomery, Trevor Davis, and Jeff Janis. But he’s still not doing a whole lot to help those receivers as far as pre-snap formations, picks, or creative routes. After Nelson and Cobb, there’s little evidence to believe that the Green Bay receivers can out-and-out win individual match-ups. That makes it easy for teams to focus on Jordy and Randall since neither Adams nor Montgomery nor Janis nor Rodgers nor anyone else has proven that he warrants extra defensive attention.

This is not the facial expression of defensive coordinators who play the Packers.

• The ailing Green Bay secondary did not help matters. Already without top corner Sam Shields, the Packers lost Quinten Rollins and Damarious Randall. This propelled LaDarius Gunter into the lineup, who is, uh, let's just say not ready for prime time. The coaches are (were?) high on Gunter last season and I’m certainly not going to give up on him, but he was absolutely undressed on nearly every single snap he played. 

• I remain very worried about Shields. I love him, but he needs to retire. Shields has been out with yet another concussion since Week 1 and he needs to start thinking about himself and his long-term health. It’d leave Green Bay up a creek, though. Maybe we can lure Casey Hayward back from the San Diego Chargers at a much-reduced contract. Think he’ll go for it?

Remember all the good times, Case!

• Eddie Lacy came to play, injured ankle and all. He only finished with 65 yards, but ripped off a couple of nice and surprisingly agile runs. What in the sam hill was McCarthy thinking, though, going into a game with an injured running back and no backup??

• Yes, James Starks was out with an injury. Try to contain your surprise. Mr. Glass really wore himself out averaging 2.8 yards per carry last week and suffered a knee injury. It’s rumored that Starks tore his meniscus and underwent surgery this week. He is not expected back for a few weeks at least. So I guess that leaves Green Bay with no healthy running back and two days until the next game. Here’s hoping McCarthy decides to pick up a running back really soon. Like, today.

I'm sorry, James, for real. I hope you recover
quickly and find a nice home on some other team.

• Green Eyes did notch a touchdown, his first of the season. The even worse stat is that it was just Rodgers’ first second-half touchdown of the season.

• Besides Lacy, the only real positive was Montgomery. He didn’t have a spectacular game, but had over 100 all purpose yards and got some good reps in.

• It was another rough week for Jordy. He had five catches for 68 yards, but coughed up a fumble for just the second time in his career. 

Don't worry, boo. We'll get 'em Thursday.

• The biggest downer was the four turnovers. How can you win a game with four turnovers?! On the season, the Packers’ turnover differential, which is my favorite stat, is a dismal -3. 

• One thing to look forward to is Tony Romo being able to return pretty soon. Jerry Jones, right on cue, has chimed in that Romo is totally healed and just needs to get back in shape. Jones has recently backed off his previously unwavering support for Romo to regain his starting job once healthy.

• I keep going back and forth on the Pittsburgh Steelers, but I think they’re not good. They beat the Washington Redskins, who aren’t terrible. They beat the Cincinnati Bengals, who are terrible (2-4). They got trounced by the Philadelphia Eagles, then beat the Kansas City Chiefs who are so unthreatening that I’m not going to even bother looking up their record. (Fine, it’s 3-2.) Then they beat the New York Jets, who are no good (1-5), and then lost to the Miami Dolphins (2-4) this week! Even if they weren’t bad before, they certainly will be now that Ben Roethlisberger is out for at least a few games with a torn meniscus that required surgery.

• Rough, rough no-call on Richard Sherman’s obvious pass interference that stole the game from the Atlanta Falcons. 

• Why is it that the Seattle Seahawks are always, always on the winning end of bad calls?? No wonder Pete Carroll is so smug all the time.

• Tom Brady is now 49-1 at home against AFC opponents since 2007. Insane.

• Check out this Vernon Davis touchdown. Watch it again. Did you see that egregious touchdown celebration?!?! Davis’ jump shot cost his team 15 yards for “excessive celebration” since he used the ball as a prop.

• I hate that I have an opinion on this, but I really prefer Carrie Underwood’s old SNF opening.

• Vontaze Burfict is the dirtiest player in the league and needs to be suspended every single time he gets a personal foul from now on. It’s what he’s known for and he does this crap week in and week out.
• Here he is trying to injure Martellus Bennett:

Vontaze Burfict going low on Bennett. Seemed unnecessary but what do I know. #Patriots pic.twitter.com/4DWnqa76TD

— Will D. (@WAD1980) October 16, 2016

• And here he is intentionally stepping on a New England Patriots player:

Video: From coaches film (courtesy NFL), watch Vontaze Burfict (55) deliberately step on Blount's leg after TD. pic.twitter.com/wtTPqy3XHP

— Mike Reiss (@MikeReiss) October 17, 2016

• Ugh the worst sounding injury and the one that makes my skin crawl just hearing it is “lacerated kidney.” The Chargers’ Keenan Allen had one a couple of years ago, Andrew Luck dealt with that last year, and now Cleveland Browns safety Jordan Poyer looks to be out the rest of the year with the same.

• If your job were printing players’ names on their jerseys, wouldn’t you check the spelling before signing off on a jersey for someone named Prince Amukamara?

• The NFL is a mean and petty little tyrant. The league has declared that teams can no longer post their own highlights on their social media channels. Some teams, like the Eagles and the Browns, mocked the NFL by posting claymation-type videos of their highlights, which, hilariously, have now been pulled.

• Goodness gracious, the Indianapolis Colts had a 14 point lead with three minutes left and somehow lost! Much sympathy has been sent Andrew Luck’s way as the quarterback tries and tries to lift his dismal team out of the muck. One person who doesn’t have sympathy for Luck is Ryan Grigson, the Colts’ general manager. Grigson, defending himself against the charges of completely failing to put any talent around his #1 pick, blamed Luck’s contract, saying, "Once you pay Andrew what we did, it’s going to take some time to build on the other side of the ball.” Sorry, but uh-uh, Ryan. First off, boo-hoo, it’s so tough having had the top pick in the draft! Second, other teams have the salary cap, too. Other teams have quarterbacks with huge contracts, too, and they manage to pick better players than you have. Luck, for his part, continues to be entirely endearing and refuses to blame his horrible offensive line.

• Apparently, things are no good between Houston Texans head coach Bill O’Brien and quarterback Brock Osweiler, who reportedly had a blow up at a team meeting last week. It’s hardly a surprise considering their mail-order bride courtship, but Houston sportswriters must be tripping over themselves to write their “Houston, We Have a Problem” headlines.

"Whaddya mean it's been used? This is gold, I tells ya!"

• Ugghh the LA Rams not only lost to the Detroit Lions, but they also pulled my least favorite move during Detroit’s victory formation, injuring the Lions center and nearly injuring the quarterback. Nothing says low-class losers like trying to injure opponents after the game is over. I hate, hate, hate this bush league move. 

• I have to end with some devastating news: Green Eyes is engaged and, no, not to me. It’s a tough time, but I just want him to be happy.

We'll always have my near-constant Google Image searches of you.