Hey! Turns Out It’s Hard to Win When You Give Up 21 Points in the First Quarter

• Well, then. That was not an ideal way to begin a game for the Green Bay Packers. Let’s run through the opening period real quick:
• TEN: onside kick; GB recovered.
• GB: 3-and-out.
• GB: missed opportunity to down their punt at the 1-yard line.
• GB LB Jake Ryan carted off with ankle injury.
• TEN: 75-yd rushing TD on first snap from scrimmage.
• GB: 12-yard drive before punting.
• GB OL TJ Lang carted off with an ankle injury.
• TEN: 21-yard play.
• TEN: 41-yard play.
• GB: Timeout to avoid 10-men-on-the-field penalty.
• TEN: touchdown.
• GB: 3-and-out.
• GB S Burnett injured.
• TEN: touchdown.

• So at the end of the first quarter, the score was 21-0, Tennessee. The Titans had 231 yards to the Packers’ 26; nine first downs to one; Aaron Rodgers had two completions; and Titans’ tight end Delanie Walker had gained more than three times the yards that the entire Packers offense had.

• The lack of pressure up front from the Packers defensive front seven further exposed a secondary that is reeeeeaaaaally struggling. Our secondary is just not good. Plus, they can’t defend tight ends, and Tennessee obviously knew that coming in -- wide receivers accounted for just 40% of Sunday’s receptions, the rest were to tight ends and running backs. Walker played with some extra juice, thanks to the a Milwaukee Journal Sentinel preview he felt had slighted him.

• Clay Matthews missed his third straight game and fourth of the season with a hamstring injury, which is too bad since he appears to be the only player on the defense capable of generating any pressure. I had reserved this space to rail against Matthews injury history and count all the games he’s missed and ponder if it’s really worth paying him so much money considering his availability. I looked up his stats, however, and he actually hasn’t missed nearly as many games as I thought. Packer fans, back me up -- it seems like he’s missed way more games than this, right?? 

• Speaking of players who are never healthy, backup running back James Starks made his return after missing four games, and I spent all last week reading about how James Starks being back in the lineup somehow assuaged the Packers’ concerns at that position, as if his return were the cavalry riding over the hill rather than someone who will waste possessions by falling down upon contact. HAS ANYONE ACTUALLY SEEN STARKS PLAY? The guy has averaged 1.8 yards per play this season! He had 33 yards on seven carries Sunday. Our quarterback had 27 yards on three rushes. Why am I the only person who notices that James Starks is not particularly good at his job? Even the coaches don’t seem to know, which is presumably why Don Jackson was a healthy scratch.

"How does James Starks have a job in the NFL??"

• And we’re all out of offensive linemen. The line has done a great job protecting Rodgers, but there has to be a lot of concern right now. Down center JC Tretter going into Sunday’s game, the Packers also lost right guard TJ Lang (who was on crutches and in a walking boot, eek) and left tackle David Bakhtiari, so they have zero available backup offensive linemen right now.

• The offense actually played fairly decently for the last three quarters. Just imagine what the game would have been like if they hadn’t spotted Tennessee 21 points before waking up and trying? (And if the Packers hadn’t unfairly lost a possession on Trevor Davis’ muffed punt, which should have been a penalty on Tennessee and Green Bay’s ball, not Tennessee’s ball on the 12-yard line!) One thing I could not fathom, however, was why a coach would continue to kick field goals when when you’re down three scores! Come on, McCarthy!

• I feel like Mike McCarthy is as dismissive toward aggressive fourth-down strategy as Aaron Rodgers is toward Matt Cassel.

"Aaron! Hey, Aaron! Remember me? I used to be a starter!"
"Sorry, no autographs. Thanks for watching, buddy."

• Sportswriters and announcers need to stop touting the Packers as a top run defense. They are not. They were ranked first in the league until this week (now fourth), but the truth is they’ve just played really bad rushing teams. Let’s run through the teams they’ve played and where those teams currently rank in rushing yards: Jaguars, 26th ; Vikings, 31st; Lions, 27th; Giants, 32nd; Cowboys, 1st (rushed for 191 against Green Bay); Bears, 21st; Falcons, 15th; Colts, 23rd; and Titans, 3rd (put up 162). Other than the Falcons (whom they held to 90 yards), every team they’ve played that’s ranked higher than 20th exceeded their average yards per game against the Packers. So, no, they are not a “top run defense.”

• Titans’ defensive coordinator Dick LeBeau is in his 59th season in the NFL as player or coach!

• Adding insult to insult, that cotton-mouthed Kenny Albert called Green Bay’s game. I had to listen to that voice for the entire painful game. And I’m sorry, but he looks like Peter Pettigrew from the Harry Potter movies, so I subconsciously mistrust him and think him cowardly.

• Hard to find highlights when you lose by 22 points, but here’s a nice moment of Jordy ninja-ing on the sideline.

• The Tennessee Titans have a better record than the Green Bay Packers. The Cubs won the World Series. A reality TV star is President. Hell hath frozen over, right?

• Luckily for the Packers, the Minnesota Vikings and Chicago Bears also suck. The Detroit Lions were the big winners of the division this week by not playing. Who would have thought that the NFC North would have been one of the worst divisions?

• I’m pretty morose after this weekend, but you have to look for joy in the little things. For me, that’s Jay Cutler’s Sunday. In a 36-10 loss to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Jay had two interceptions (one returned for a touchdown), two fumbles (one in the endzone, resulting in a safety), four sacks, and a 4.0 quarterback rating.

• Hail to the Redskins! And hail to Washington linebacker Preston Smith, who had two sacks and an interception in the Redskins 26-20 win over the Minnesota Vikings.

• The Vikings scored 20 points in the second quarter, and none in any of the other three quarters. Odd.

• Blair Walsh has missed FOUR extra points this season, along with four field goals. (This is not looped.)

• Bears' leading receiver Alshon Jeffrey was suspended for four games for testing positive for performance-enhancing drugs. If I were team management, I'd be upset that he took PEDs because that's cheating and that's bad. But I'd also be upset that he cheated and only has one touchdown on the season to show for it.

• Robert Quinn’s celebrating his teammate’s game-winning interception is my new favorite reaction gif. I just need someone smarter than me actually to make this into a gif.

• Oh my goodness, the Denver Broncos-New Orleans Saints game had one of the craziest endings. In a tight back-and-forth contest against the Super Bowl champs, New Orleans got the ball, down six with 2:50 left in the game. Drew Brees marches his crew down the field and with 1:22 hits this absolutely gorgeous touchdown to Brandin Cooks. Yay Saints!!

• Everyone’s celebrating the New Orleans win, except they still have to kick the extra point … AND IT’S BLOCKED! And returned for two points!!!

• I thought that the officials had missed a penalty when the Broncos appeared to hold the Saints’ center down, but apparently that’s legal!? But the worst part is that it looks like the returner did, in fact, step out of bounds. Unfortunately for New Orleans, the referees did not have a definitive angle to overturn the call.

• You know what that makes me think of? The other incredibly painful New Orleans loss on an extra point. In 2003, the Saints were playing the Jacksonville Jaguars for the chance to make the playoffs. On their own 25-yard line, down seven points with just seven seconds left on the clock, the Saints throw a 25-yard completion to the wide receiver, who breaks one tackle, then more as he cuts across the field! At this point, the clock has run out so it’s all on this play. Around the 30-yard line, the receiver knows he’s in trouble and laterals it to his teammate, who has to go backwards, but then tosses it to another teammate behind him. Then that Saint throws it across the field to a wide-open teammate who runs it in for a touchdown!!! Pandemonium!! After the play has been reviewed and upheld, kicker John Carney comes onto the field for the extra point … and he misses it. The Saints lose! It’s one of the most heart-wrenching endings ever. I honestly want to cry when I watch it … though it is hard not to be amused by the play callers. You have to watch this with the sound on:

• Normally, punters don’t make the highlight reel, but Johnny Hekker isn’t a normal punter. Check out how far back the Jets returner has to go to field this!

• These NFL commercials showing how much they care about player safety are laughable. This is another factor in the NFL’s (slightly) waning popularity. Find me one NFL fan who reacts to those commercials with anything but derision. Does the NFL really think this is going to help their image at all on player safety? This will make people trust the league less because it’s so ridiculously transparent and phony.

• If you have to take a timeout before the first snap of the game, you might be the Cleveland Browns.

This happened at 14:55 in the first quarter.

• Not to rub it in, but Cleveland passed on Dak Prescott eight times in the draft. Eight.

• Arrrgghhh I just knew the stupid Dallas Cowboys would pull out some ridiculous win. Even after the Pittsburgh Steelers took a one-point lead with 42 seconds left on a fake-spike touchdown play, I knew that was going to be too much time with Dallas having all three timeouts. Helped by a 15-yard facemask penalty, Dallas was already in field goal range when -- who else? -- Ezekiel Elliott broke loose for a touchdown. That’s eight-straight for the rookie-led Cowboys. I hope Tony Romo’s agent is working the phone lines.

• I wonder if Tony’s face is frozen like this since he knows the camera cuts to him after every play. “Just smile. Don’t… stop… smiling.”

• Here’s a less controversial touchdown in the Broncos-Saints game that I thought was one of the most impressive of the weekend. The defender is incredible in dislodging the ball as he’s falling, but Denver receiver Jordan Taylor not only lands in-bounds and makes sure he gets two feet down after getting hit in the air, but he also manages to regain possession before going to the ground.

• And he looks like a merry little cherub.

• There must have been tremors in Foxborough on Sunday night with the presence of both The Emperor and The Robber-Barron. I envision it as something out of MacBeth, with vultures taking to the skies, plants mysteriously wilting, babies wailing, and animals fleeing.

"Muuahahahahahaha!!!"

• And what do you know? Mysterious forces were at work. Once again, the Seattle Seahawks won a night game at the last-minute on a controversial no call when Kam Chancellor appears to have held Rob Gronkowski on a fourth-down pass in the endzone that would have allowed the New England Patriots to tie (or take the lead) with 11 seconds left. I don’t feel bad for the Patriots because 1) they’re the Patriots, and 2) they had four chances to score from the two-yard line and didn’t.

• Philip Rivers threw four interceptions … in the fourth quarter! Somehow, despite this, the Miami Dolphins only won by seven. Definitely calls for a Rivers’ “Worst Day Ever” throwback.

• The Jacksonville Jaguars’ colors are black, teal, and gold. That means the equipment manager had two other options besides golds for the mouthpieces, either of which would have been better than making your players look like they haven’t brushed their teeth since Jacksonville had a winning season.

• The Pack plays the Washington Redskins on Sunday Night Football next week. The most likely scenario is Green Bay getting humiliated on primetime national television, but maybe, just maybe, they’ll get Clay Matthews, Damarious Randall, and Jared Cook back. Maybe they’ll put James Starks on the practice squad and give Don Jackson a chance. Maybe the offensive linemen will magically heal. Maybe Aaron Rodgers will trust his receivers enough to make accurate throws. And maybe they’ll actually reward his trust instead of dropping passes. That’s how I see next Sunday going. A girl can dream, right? Right, Aaron?

Packers Get What They Give

• That was a half-assed effort by the Green Bay Packers on offense, defense, and special teams. The Indianapolis Colts were 3-5 coming into Lambeau and are one of the least talented teams in the league, and they lit up the Packers for the first 53 minutes of the game.

• Let’s start with special teams since they started off the game with such a bang. Indy returner Jordan Todman took the opening kickoff 99 yards for a touchdown, untouched the entire time. 

• The next kickoff Todman returned 61 yards, for an average kick return of 80 yards for the Colts. Oh, and Mason Crosby missed another field goal. 

• The defense, still without Clay Matthews, Sam Shields, and Damarious Randall (they also lost safety Micah Hyde during the game), didn’t offer much resistance to the Colts. Now, Andrew Luck and his receivers are pretty good, but the offensive line is one of the worst in the league. Luck has been sacked 31 times this season, the most of any quarterback. The Packers sacked Luck only two times. That’s fine, because they often only rushed three. If you’re only sending three men, however, why did Indianapolis have such an easy time moving the ball?? The Colts were 7-of-14 on third-down conversions, compared to Green Bay’s 4-of-12 conversions. 

• When the team needed a stop, the defense could not answer the bell. They blitzed on almost every snap on the Colts’ final drive, and the secondary couldn’t handle the strain. Indianapolis converted two huge third downs on the final drive to seal the win 31-26. 

• In an attempt not to be entirely negative, I will mention that Ha-Ha Clinton-Dix did have two interceptions and a half-sack. Unfortunately, it was also Ha-Ha who missed a sack on Luck that would have given the Pack a chance to win the game. But still, good job. I guess.

• As for the offense. Sigh. They were facing a terrible secondary, a secondary that ranks no higher than 29th in any pass defense statistics. Twelve of Green Bay’s first 13 plays were in Colts’ territory, and the Packers came away with a grand total of three points.

• Rodgers was 7-of-17 for 77 yards in the first half against this secondary. As has been the case for a year and a half, the receivers couldn’t get open, and Rodgers, as has been the case for the majority of the season, has been missing his receivers when they do get opened. 

"Anyone? Seriously, anyone? I've been
running around for 12 seconds here."

• One high note was Jordy’s manly touchdown grab, wrestling the ball from the defender. It was also manly how he angrily unstrapped his helmet. #FierceNinja

• Mike McCarthy, who has shown some creativity on his sets this season by necessity, seemed to regress. There were a couple of pick plays (yay!), but we didn’t see Trevor Davis or Geronimo Allison or much of Jeff Janis in the line-up. With Randall Cobb active but injured, I thought there’d be more switch-ups like there were against Atlanta. He also abandoned the run with Ty Montgomery too early. I will say, however, I was really glad to see Green Bay taking a good number of shots down the field. Now, they didn’t really pay off, unfortunately, between drops and Rodgers being not perfectly accurate, but it was nice to see them test the defense like that. 

• Richard Rodgers is the softest tight end ever. He is always being leveled by defenders half his size. Compare him to Montgomery, who’s four inches shorter and 40 pounds lighter and always fights for additional yards.

"Oh, wait, am I supposed to block?

• Randall Cobb, who missed last week with a hamstring injury, did not play the first half, but was called upon in the second half. I was number happy with risking him, but he had a beautiful touchdown late in the game off this beauty from Rodgers that provided a glimmer of hope for those that didn’t know better.

• The game followed a familiar pattern: stagnant offense for 85% of the game, then a furious comeback attempt made possible because Aaron Rodgers is that good, ending in a final letdown by the defense. It feels like the script for half the games since 2014. 

• Green Bay wasted such an opportunity to take the lead in the NFC North with Minnesota losing on Sunday. (Well, actually it would have been a tie, and they would lose the tiebreaker, but still). Instead of sitting on top, the Packers are now in third place at 4-4.

• As many have noted, it was upsetting to see the Packers’ lack of energy in every phase of the game. I get trap games, but it’s one thing to get lackadaisical against a bad team when you’re playing really well and maybe it goes to your head, but the Packers have been a disappointment since this season began, so they weren’t exactly resting on their laurels. They were just resting, so it appeared. The most excited the crowd got, as Rodgers noted, was when a determined squirrel kept on running onto the field.

The Colts website literally has an entire
photo album titled "Lambeau Squirrel"

• I’m annoyed with Andrew Luck for winning, of course, but it’s so hard not to like him. What other quarterback, or football player, gets tackled, then helps his tackler up? Also, I still find 56-year-old Indianapolis head coach Chuck Pagano attractive.

It can't just be me, right?

• Awww, remember beloved Green Bay backup QB Scott Tolzien? He now plays for the Colts and here he is hanging out with Aaron and Jordy before the game.

♫ Reunited and it feels so good ♫

• Minnesota Vikings offensive coordinator Norv Turner shockingly resigned this week in the wake of the Vikings’ upset loss to the Chicago Bears last Monday, citing differences of offensive philosophy with the team. The move was a surprise to everyone in the Vikings organization, but now puts Pat Shurmur, who’s long been a champion of Sam Bradford and coached him in St. Louis and Philadelphia, in position of interim offensive coordinator.

The biggest question I had about the whole thing is
what "Norv" stands for. Norval, for those wondering.

• Shurmur wasn’t enough to help the Vikings win on Sunday in an overtime game against the Detroit Lions. Once again, Matthew Stafford and the Lions came back in the final moments to win, this time in overtime. With 23 seconds and no timeouts left in regulation, Detroit moved 35 yards down field, which was enough for a 58-yard (!) Matt Prater field goal to tie the game. On the first drive in overtime, after Detroit was helped by a serendipitous pass interference penalty on a 3rd-and-10, Golden Tate exhibited crazy impressive body control on this game-ending, walk-off touchdown. (A more impressive, non-embeddable angle here.)

• AND the Vikings kicker missed an extra point in the third quarter in a game that went into overtime! Minnesota must be reeling -- that’s their third loss in a row after they started the season 5-0. Tee hee.

• If it seems like the Lions have a last-minute comeback every other week, it’s because they do. In each of its five wins Detroit has trailed in the last 90 seconds!!! 

• I like Derek Carr, but I find it hard not to be suspicious of him because he looks like a villain. In a rom-com, he’d be the rich, handsome, successful guy who shows up halfway through the movie as a possible love interest, but turns out to be a cad. 

I actually think he looks like a serial killer,
but I thought saying so would be too harsh.

• Like most, I thought the Oakland Raiders were going to be pretty good this year, but not 7-2 good. After knocking off the reigning champs in the Denver Broncos, the Raiders lead the AFC West and have the most wins of any team, along with Dallas (ugh) and New England (yuck).

• The Raiders are the hot new thing right now, and everyone’s madly in love with them, which I’m down with because they are fun and exciting, but let’s keep in mind that Monday night’s victory is their only win against a team that is currently above .500, so let’s go easy on the “Super Bowl sleeper” talk. For now, at least.

• You don’t see too many in-your-face punters, but the Raiders’ Marquette King is an exception. In addition to his celebratory dances for his punts, he also has a great story about how, on his first career punt, the opponents saw him and were convinced that the play was going to be a fake punt: “A black punter? It’s a fake! Yo, it’s a fake!”

• The Los Angeles Rams’ onside kick attempt was, um, kind of cool in its own way, I guess, but made absolutely no sense. What exactly was the desired outcome here??

• Remember Knile Davis? He was a Kansas City running back who was signed by the Packers on October 18 (yay for Knile!). The Packers ended up cutting him just two weeks later (awww). He was claimed off waivers by the New York Jets (yay), but then they cut him just a few hours later (ouch). Three days after that, he was signed by the Chiefs again (yay?), for a total of four stints with three teams in 19 days.

• This week was the NFL’s Salute to Service week where they honor military members in different ways. Normally this just means some clashing camouflage is added to the players’ gear, but the Chiefs did something really cool by putting the name of a fallen soldier from Missouri on each players’ warm-ups. The players were also given a card with a short biography of their soldier. The Los Angeles Rams did something similar, and I thought both were neat and touching ways to pay tribute.

• It was a rough night for Buffalo Bills kicker Dan Carpenter. On a field goal attempt just before the half, he was drilled by a way, way offsides Richard Sherman and injured his leg. The whistle was never blown for the offsides, so Sherman kept on going. He was penalized for being offsides after the play, but there was no roughing the kicker penalty! (Technically, it should have been a late hit call.) Since the trainer came onto the field to look at Carpenter, the kicker, by rule, had to come out for a play. It had only been first down, so the Bills just spiked the ball on the next play to stop the clock at :01. Carpenter came back out and made the 49-yard field goal -- except that it was after the play clock had expired, so Buffalo got a delay-of-game penalty. But the refs should have re-set the play clock since they were still over the ball with under five seconds left!! The penalty pushed the field goal back to a 54-yard try, which Carpenter missed. Yet another controversial Monday Night win for the Seattle Seahawks.

• Carson Wentz saved Eli Manning from himself on Sunday. With just under four minutes left, the New York Giants got the ball, up five points and looking to seal the the game. Things didn’t look great for the Philadelphia Eagles, but I wasn’t worried because: Eli Manning. As the clock ticked below the two-minute warning, the Giants faced third down -- if they make it, the game’s over. Eli takes the snap and … throws an interception! Hah! Of course! He’s Eli Manning, after all. Unfortunately, Wentz, who had a rough day at the office, threw four straight incompletions to end the game, so Eli escaped the repercussions of being Eli -- for now.

• Travis Kelce, how stupid do you have to be? The Kansas City Chiefs tight end angrily disputed a no-call with the referee after a incompletion in the endzone. He must have said something naughty, because the ref flagged him for unsportsmanlike conduct. Kelce responded by throwing his towel at the ref as if it were a flag. That earned him a second unsportsmanlike conduct and an automatic ejection. “I can’t throw my flag on the ref, but he can throw his all day long,” complained Kelce after the game. Uh, yeah, Trav, that’s how it works: he’s the ref, you’re the player. That’s like the ref whining that Andy Reid didn’t draw up any plays for him. Yeesh. Anyway, the best part of any ejection is seeing how sophomorically excited the other team gets -- the Jaguars players look like it’s Christmas morning.

Travis Kelce ejected for throwing towel at official pic.twitter.com/NcvgXKsIZw

— Vikings Blogger (@firstandskol) November 6, 2016

• Poor Case Keenum. It must hurt his feelings to have the crowd chanting for his backup. The LA crowd also chanted for Tim Tebow, who doesn’t even play football these days, which must have hurt even more.

"La la la la la I can't hear you!"

• The NFL's low ratings this season hint at possible cracks in the NFL's previously impervious appeal. One factor is a growing distaste for the NFL's imperious attitude and handling of things (Deflategate, domestic violence, celebration penalties, refusing to have full-time refs, &c.), but the thing that has been irritating me the most is their draconian control over media. After they banned teams from posting their own highlights on social media, the effects are obvious. There were several awesome big plays this week that I could only find one angle of on the internet (like Golden Tate's and Jordy Nelson's touchdowns, both of which look a lot better from a different angle), despite the fact that I saw clearer and better angles on the TV highlights all Sunday long. The dip in the ratings probably have more to do with the election cycle than anything else, but it'd be nice to see the NFL get a little comeuppance. 

• I would say thank goodness we’re playing the Tennessee Titans next week, but who knows if the Packers will even bother to show up for that game. But we have to think positive. The Pack will be great next week. Everything will be great.

So. Many. Emotions.

• The first emotion was just straight-up fear. I woke up in a cold sweat several times this week at the thought of Ladarius Gunter guarding Julio Jones. The last time he played the Green Bay Packers, Jones put up 259 yards, and Gunter has struggled this season, to put it gently. But Gunter played pretty solid, so go you, Ladarius. (It helped that Jones was hobbled for much of the game. It helped a lot.)

• Next, there was despair when I read that not only were the Packers going to be without their top three cornerbacks (Sam Shields is out with a concussion, probably for life. Quinten Rollins and Damarious Randall are both out with groin injury, and Randall just had surgery, so he’s not going to be back any time soon), but Clay Matthews was also out with a hamstring. (Yes, another hamstring injury. Packer fans need to accept that Matthews will never play a 16-game season.) Not only were they without their top (only) two running backs, but they would also be without their wide receiver they’ve been using as a running back, Ty Montgomery (out with an “illness,” which is believed to be related to sickle cell trait). Oh, and their number-two receiver, Randall Cobb. (I’ll give you one guess what his injury is. Yep, hamstring. COME ON.) Oh, and the Atlanta Falcons have the top-rated offense in the league.

• Then, there was definitely a feeling of hope. Three touchdowns on their first three drives! All right! Way to go, Pack! 

• Replaced quickly by stoicism. Don’t get your hopes up too much. It’s still early and they have Julio Jones and Matt Ryan and we have so many injuries.

• By the second half, I was pretty proud of my boys. They were right in it, playing really well, despite all the starters in street clothes. Players like Trevor Davis and Geronimo Allison stepped up. Davis had a 55-yard punt return, as well as a touchdown. Allison, whom the Packers had cut after training camp because they had so many receivers, was just re-signed this week, played in his first NFL game, and scored a touchdown! Yay, Geronimo! 

• With about three minutes left, the disappointment started to swell in my breast. There hadn’t been an overabundance of defense in the game, and you could tell that it was probably going to come down to whoever had the ball last, and it was becoming increasingly clear that Atlanta was going to have the last real shot. 

• The dull disappointment was tough enough, but it was made much worse by stabbing pangs of near jubilation when Green Bay had not one, but two dropped interceptions on the Falcons’ last drive. If only!!!!!!!! Siiigh.

• There was also anger: WHY WAS JAKE RYAN COVERING A WIDE RECEIVER ON THE GAME-WINNING SCORE? 



Does this 6'2", 240 lb white linebacker look like someone who should be
covering a top receiver in the endzone on a fourth-quarter drive??  NO!

• Final feeling? Sad, but still really proud of the Packers. See, they can’t have moral victories, but I can, on their behalf. Whether they lose by one or 20, it goes down as an L, but I’ll remember their valiant effort.

• Aaron Rodgers had a nice game: 28/38 for 246 yards, four touchdowns, and no turnovers. He played well enough to earn this yatchy headline from ESPN:

• The Packers certainly lucked out with the injury to Julio Jones, who racked up 259 yards last time he played Green Bay and had a 300-yard game earlier this season. Jones was limited to just three catches for 29 yards on Sunday, but Taylor Gabriel stepped up to provide the ridiculous highlight touchdown on this impeccable Matt Ryan throw. I mean, seriously, if he had closed his eyes and put his arms out, he still would have caught that touchdown.

• I like how Gabriel got up and started pointing to his name on the back of the jersey. First of all, that's a d-bag-y thing for anyone to do anytime, but he didn't have to do anything on that touchdown!! It was all Matt Ryan. I wonder how Atlanta's QB felt watching Gabriel celebrate.

• Stop acting like Jordy is dead, announcers and commenters. Yes, he had a quiet week against the Bears, but the guy had 5 touchdowns in his first four weeks before adding another on Sunday. He hasn’t exactly been a ghost.

• Blake Martinez is going to have to tackle better than he did this week.

• So much for Knile Davis. He played a total of 13 snaps in the two weeks he was with the Packers before they released him Monday. Umm, okay, interesting coming off a game where Aaron Rodgers was the leading rusher with 60 yards. Running backs are totally overrated in the NFL anyway, right?

• Okay, you all know how I feel about Ryan Fitzpatrick, and I’m trying really hard not to turn my back on him, but he has put up some of the most atrocious stats. In Sunday’s win over the Cleveland Browns, Fitz only completed 3 of his first 14 possessions. But no interceptions! And at least he knows he’s stinking it up. Said Ryan, “I think the biggest thing is I haven't played well.I think that's where it starts.” Um, yeah, sweetie, you have the lowest completion rate in the league and have turned the ball over at more than double the rate you’ve throw touchdowns.

• Luckily for Fitzpatrick, he was playing against the Cleveland Browns. The city of Cleveland may be about to win their second title of the year, but they’ll always have the Browns to drag them down. The ineptitude even extends to the fans, the long-suffering Dawg Pound.

Sigh. This is just such a Cleveland Browns fans' sign,

• LeBron James is not NFL-related, but his commercial aired during the game, so close enough. Nike has a “Come Out of Nowhere” commercial/campaign with James, and I couldn’t help but giggle at the thought of James “coming out of nowhere” when they televised his high school games on ESPN!! You can't claim to come out of nowhere when you were literally the most anticipated athlete in sports history.

• Is there a tight end in the league who isn’t described by announcers as a “security blanket” for his quarterback? Maybe that should be the official position for Jason Witten.

• Speaking of that big fink, Witten scored the winning touchdown in the Dallas Cowboys’ overtime victory over the division rival Philadelphia Eagles. The game pitted two rookie quarterbacks who have exceeded expectations against each other in Dak Prescott and Carson Wentz. I’m always disappointed when the Cowboys win, but I was especially disappointed on Sunday night because Prescott threw a redzone interception late in the first half, and if that had ended up costing them the game, the quarterback controversy would be revived and Jerry Jones would say something stupid and the Cowboys fans would revolt and the team would collapse, as is there destiny. Alas, we’ll have to wait a few more weeks, since Tony Romo is not yet ready, plus Prescott will walk all over the Browns next week.

Like so many seasons before, this man will be the undoing of the Cowboys.

• Have to give props for the Cowboys’ fake punt on 4th-and-8 from their own 27 late in the third! That call takes guts. And props to the punter’s speed.

• You might have expected Eagles players to be beating themselves up over the tough lost, but you’d be wrong, at least when it comes to wide receiver Nelson Agholor. Agholor had a big drop on a third down on Philly’s opening drive, which would have given them a first down inside the ten-yard line, but he isn’t one to dwell on his mistakes, apparently:

“I don't give a damn, man, that s--- is nothing ... No one is perfect. I don't look at no drops, or that type of s---. I'm tired of hearing that s---. It's just stupid … I dropped the first one. I didn't drop one after that. What does it matter? Because if we lose, then it's like we'll place blame on this person did this. No! As a team, we have a responsibility to win football games, and I get it, some plays could have helped. But there are still four quarters of football to be played, and we got to win. I don't got time for that no more. I got time to win football games, only. No statistics. No 'Who did this?' Win, that's all that matters.”

• Earl Thomas had a fumble recovery for a touchdown and celebrated by showing his affection for the official. Alas, the feeling was unrequited, and came with a 15-yard penalty.

• Last week, Drew Brees became the first quarterback in league history to have a hundred 300-yard games. That’s crazy! I don’t know why, but for some reason, I always forget just how good Brees is. Here’s a screenshot of all the NFL records he holds.

• I really hate to say this, but everyone once in a long, long while, Jay Cutler will say something that almost makes me like him. After coach John Fox hinted that Cutler would not reclaim his starting position from Brian Hoyer when Cutler’s sprained thumb healed, Hoyer went and broke his arm, vaulting Cutler back to first-string. When asked if he felt that he had Fox’s support, Cutler replied, “He doesn’t have a choice.”

To get the bad taste of saying something nice about Jay out
of my mouth, here's a picture of him getting sack.

• Hey, hey, the Carolina Panthers won a second game! 

• The Detroit Lions were kind enough to lose, keeping them behind Green Bay in the standings. PLUS in the shock of the week, the 1-6 Chicago Bears stomped on the 5-1 Minnesota Vikings! It was much more dominant than the 20-10 score indicated.

• I actually had pre-written the Bears-Vikings section bemoaning Chicago sucking so much and mocking Jay, but the Bears looked ... almost, like, good. The Vikings offensive line is a hot, hot mess, but even so, I thought they'd manage more than a field goal and a garbage-time touchdown against the Chicago Bears defense. If Minnesota ever wants to score, it looks like it's going to have to come from their defense or special teams.

"Please! Everybody just stop sacking our quarterback! Pleeeaaaasse!"

• And I definitely expected their defense to shut down the Bears, who put up 403 yards against the Vikes' vaunted defense. I guess Jay Cutler's triumphant return to the field was enough to spur the troops. Running back Jordan Howard had a very nice night, gaining 153 yards, 69 of which came from this run: 

• Sam Bradford has crazy eyes. I don’t think he blinked once during his pre-MNF sit-down with Jon Gruden. He probably looks like this because he's shell-shocked from being sacked so much.

Honestly, I think a little mascara would help.
(With the crazy eyes, not with the sacks.)

• I feel for linebacker Jamie Collins, who was traded from the New England Patriots to the Cleveland Browns this week. Talk about a reversal of fortune -- going from the best team with the best quarterback to the worst team with no quarterback.

• Eagles corner Jalen Mills looks like a moldy Chia pet.

• Speaking of New England, I seriously wonder if Tom Brady is going to lose a game this season. Granted, he’s played four fewer games this season, but the man has a 73% completion rate, 12 touchdowns, no interceptions, and a passer rating of 133.9, which is nearly 20 points higher than MVP-front runner Matt Ryan. Don’t piss off Tom Brady.

• I kinda like Carson Wentz because he’s got that whole aw-shucks country bumpkin thing going and seems pretty chill for all his early success. But I also like him because his “All Business” tie-straightening celebration is my favorite celebration.

• ANOTHER tie! Six days apart, no less! The Washington Redskins and Cincinnati Bengals, playing in London, ended up tying 27-27 in overtime. After scoring 54 points in regulation, both teams seemed to have run out of steam. Overtime possessions were an ugly punt, punt, missed field goal, fumble, downs. I’m sure neither team feels good about the game, but Washington should feel particularly bad -- they missed a 34-yard field goal in overtime that would have won the game and they forced a fumble on the Bengals’ next possession!

• Take note, Cubs fans:

• I never like to count chickens before they’re hatched, but I’ll just say I’m glad the Packers are playing the 3-5 Indianapolis Colts next week.