Sunday, September 25, 2011

Why the Eagles are not the Dream Team, Baby Diarrhea, and Tom Brady's Hair

Fun day for games! I was freaking out trying to flip channels between the end of the Houston-Atlanta game and the Detroit-Minnesota game while keeping an eye on the Buffalo-New England and NY Giants-Philadelphia games!! So much excitement! And all the games turned out the way I wanted! The football gods must love me!

I think Michael Vick’s anger and frustration are misdirected. He should be pissed at the Eagles organization. The Eagles spent a fortune in the offseason building a dynamo defense. What they didn’t spend a dime on was the offensive line, and it shows. Last year, Philadelphia gave up 52 sacks, including 9 in two meetings with the Packers - remember Philadelphia’s starting right tackle Winston Justice sitting alone on the bench after suffering humiliation at the hands of Clay Matthews in the playoff game? 

 You give up 52 sacks and you don’t think to address your offensive line in the offseason? Instead, the Eagles preferred to put the glitz and the glamour on the other side of the ball. I do not understand how you can spend $100 MILLION DOLLARS on your quarterback and then do nothing to protect him. Sure, Vick deserves some of the fault for his sacks, as do the referees, probably, and the offensive coordinator, &c, but the real issue is the Eagles opening up their pocketbook for just about every other position except the one that was their biggest problem last season. (But yeah. Vick didn’t want to complain or anything. He just wanted to make everyone aware.)

What in the heck were the New Orleans Saints wearing? Their pants were the exact color of baby diarrhea. 

Having been a babysitter for most of my tweens, this brought back bad memories.

Can we all just take a minute to note how Tom Brady stood still and watched as Drayton Florence picked off his pass and ran it into the endzone? (Can we also take a minute to note how vomitrocious his hair was in the post-game? 
...Shudder.) Sure, Tom could have stopped him from scoring, but hey, when you have a face like that, you don’t want to risk messing it up. 7 points to the Bills is worth not bruising up Brady. (Though if Brady had tackled Florence, Florence would probably have been flagged for a touching-or-coming-within-arm’s-reach-of-Tom-Brady penalty.)

My favorite part of the Bills win besides the Patriots losing? The holder jumping so high in celebration that he landed on the kicker’s shoulder. And the kicker was so excited, he didn’t even notice how weird they looked and it took him a full 4 seconds to push the holder off him.

I mean, this is an impressive leap. Let's look at what he had to do in order to get up there.

I don't even know what to say. Ouch?

I don’t get how teams can have baseball diamonds in the middle of their field. First of all, it looks very backyard and a little bit silly. Secondly, isn’t it hard for runners to go from grass to dirt to grass without losing speed or footing?

The Jets lost. I don’t know to whom. Doesn’t matter. I’m just glad they lost.

Should I take time now to rail against how much I hate Mike Pereira and his glasses? Nah, I’ll save it for a slower week.

Current undefeated teams: Green Bay (of course), Detroit (Whoaa! Surprise!), potentially Washington (no one saw THAT coming!), and Buffalo (I’m building a time machine, going back three weeks and betting every single person I know that Buffalo will be 3-0 to start the season. See? Now I’m a millionaire and no longer rely on this blog to launch me to fame and financial independence.)

So when Vick’s non-throwing hand was broken, why didn’t the trainers put anything on it? Tape? A protective glove? A band-aid?

Is Atlanta for real or not? I can’t tell. I was impressed by them last year, but as someone recently pointed out to me, was there any time last year when you thought, “Wow. That’s a championship team!”? They were consistent, even surgical at times, but I didn’t ever think there was even a chance they’d beat the Packers in the playoffs. (And that’s not just because I’m a Packers’ fan, I swear.) They lose by 18 to a bad Bears team Week 1, but then take a victory in the final minutes of a slugfest with Philadelphia in Week 2, and now score one touchdown against Tampa Bay in Week 3. What do you make of them? I have to say as much as I like Atlanta and I like the way they play, I no longer think they’re a “for real” team. They’re one Jeremy Maclin drop away from being 0-3.

Why do quarterbacks always wear baseball caps on the sidelines, but none of the other players ever do? My theory is that quarterbacks, like band frontmen, are more vain than their peers, and therefore more concerned about helmet hair.

What do you think the over/under is on shots of Peyton Manning in the coaches' booth on Sunday Night Football? If this were a drinking game, I’d be drunk before the end of the first quarter.


  1. Once again, your articles are beautifully written. A few thoughts. The Eagles are good, or at least they would be if they ran something other than screen passes. Tom Brady's hair is stupid, and he should realize that he cannot pull off the long yet not quite mullet like Stark and I can. Question: isnt the kicker supposed to jump for joy? Why was the holder so excited? And why did he ride the kicker's shoulder like a pony? Oh Buffalo...but a final thought. The Hats. The Steelers game said something about the number of QBs in hats and how the hats some designate which QBs are active and eligible to play. Not certain and couldnt find evidence, but Tomlin said "I wish I would have had more QBs in hats" when referring to the hit Little Ben took last week. Also, every single back up QB for ND wears a hat. Ut could be arrogance, or it could be some weird rule. No idea.

  2. OK,let's get real. The Pack finally looked like a championship team this weak. Far from perfect, but to go to Soldier Field and dominate, that is impressive. Unless . . .
    the Bears are what we thought they were, which is to say, terrible. You never know with Chicago. One year they are a Windy City embarassment and the next, with the same coaches and personnel, they are division champs playing in the NFC title game. This might be the year their record returns to the mean. They sure lookd offensively challenged. Cutler does not scare me. They have no recievers (ROY WILLIAMS!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! HE CAUSED TWO INTERCEPTIONS WITH HIS ROUTE RUNNING AND LACKADASICAL ATTEMPT TO GET THE BALL!!) their offensive line is offensive and their defense looked old (except for Briggs).
    Does this mean this is the year of the Lion? Minnesota has become adept at finding a way to lose, but Detroit is 3-0. Can't wait to play them at Ford Field on Nov. 24. That looks to be the test for the North Division.
    By the way, Vick is fine.
    And if Buffalo is going to do crotch jumps every time they win, I for one, am off their bandwagon.

  3. I think I know who "Unknown" is, but who is "Anonymous"?!

  4. No idea. I have a name now...i think

  5. Ok, I don't know if it was Marisa or Cathy who wrote the baby diarrhea comment but if it was Marisa, I'd like credit. I recall recently pointing out to her that Oliver (from Project Runway) had hair the color diarrhea! A coincidence? I think not