Sunday, October 2, 2011

Ineptitude Around The League (aka: Why your team is not as good as the Packers)

  • Pittsburgh offensive line is beyond atrocious. It was almost hard to watch, and I hate the Steelers. The 5 sacks and 8 hits on the quarterback don't even tell the whole story - no wonder Roethlisberger’s in a walking boot.
  • Panthers' coach Ron Rivera does know what timeouts are for, right? They stop the clock - like, they stop those little numbers on the Jumbotron from ticking closer to zero, thereby giving your team more time to run more plays before the half during a tight game. You don’t get any extra points for taking timeouts into the half. I’m sure he knows this, but if someone wants to remind him, just in case...
  • If Houston had lost that game to Pittsburgh, the entire Texans organization should have voluntarily disbanded. The stats don’t really show it, but the way Pittsburgh was playing, Houston should have won by at least three touchdowns.
  • Wow. Let us recap the Dallas Cowboys’ second half:
o   After leading 20-3, Tony Romo throws back-to-back interceptions returned for touchdowns
o   Then, Romo throws a third interception to put Lions in the red zone
o   3rd-and-goal on Dallas’ 4-yard line, the Lions’ pass is incomplete - too bad! They’ll have to kick a field goal! But wait - defensive holding on Dallas, Detroit gets four new downs on the 4-yard line
o   Next play, Dallas gets called for a 12 men on the field penalty. It’s under two minutes and you get called for TWO defensive penalties, including one which means no one on your team knows how to count? How do you do that? This penalty was declined, however, as Calvin Johnson had already scored the touchdown. (Note: You have 12 freakin’ men on the field, yet only ONE is covering Calvin Johnson?)
o   But wait - the Cowboys aren’t done collapsing! 4th-and-20 with about 11 seconds left in the game, Dallas has one last shot to get into the endzone and win the game. It’s touchdown or die. Romo looks, doesn’t have much, checks down to Felix Jones. Run, Felix, run! I know you have to go 50 yards for the touchdown and it seems improbable, but go for it! Maybe you'll get some blockers, maybe you can try a lateral pass to your teammate! Maybe you can ... end the game by walking out of bounds after seven yards...?? Way to have that fighting spirit 'Boys.

  • You know who doesn't get enough hate? Mark Sanchez.

  • I hate the Chicago Bears - duh - but Devin Hester wins this week's best touchdown celebration

Victor Cruz wins it for last week.


  • Hypothetical Gambling Dilemma: Quick! The Eagles, the Vikings, and the Cowboys are all playing important divisional games on Monday Night Football and all have second-half leads. It's the fourth quarter: who collapses first?

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Now end of post.


  1. Three somersaults were a nice touch. I was blown away that a bear could come up with that. At least the other bear celebration ended in epic failure. Yes, I am looking at you MARION (nie name...Scoff). best still goes out to the super Mario flag celebration using the goal post. I think it was a panther. Ad I love you two oh so much for posting pictures of quarterbacks looking like little beezeys. First the sullen glare of cutler, and now Anthony Romo crying like a little girl. Epic. NFL jersey: $75. Realizing that the only person crying harder than you is the man who your jersey represents: priceless.

  2. Dudes, I'm from Wisconsin, don't I get some love?

    Oh wait, just kidding, I really suck.

  3. Questions to ask:

    How are the Lions doing this?

    Why is Jerry Jones so inept?

    Why is McNabb employed?

    What is the purpose of cheerleaders and sideline reporters?

    Can the Packers be this good?

    1000 years from now, what will archeoligists think about this obsession with football?

  4. 1. The Lions have had the first pick in the draft for 2 decades.
    2. Jerry Jones is a self-made billionaire, so he is not inept. He just picks bad football players.
    3. McNabb is funny.....?
    4. Cheerleaders are eye candy...usually. Actually I have no idea. Sideline reporters comment on tasty stadium snacks, injuries, and other shit we don't care about.
    5. Yes, the Packers can be this good.
    6. When the NFL expands to the IUFL (the Inter-Universal Football League), they will hail the Milky Way Galaxy as the smartest for creating football. But they will still think that Roger Goodell is a pansy.
    In conclusion, you are welcome.