Ron Rivera Still Doesn't Understand How Timeouts Work and More Tidbits from Week 5

• Can we have just one tough running play without the announcers salivating about "old school football!" and "smash mouth football!" or launching into a rant about "that's how we used to play football!!"?

• New England Patriots vs. New York Jets - the Battle of the Most Annoying Coach vs. Most Evilest Coach.

This picture is the desktop background on the devil's computer.

• Okay, apparently Carolina coach Ron Rivera took my advice last week on using timeouts before the half to heart. The thing is, Ron, I meant using timeouts to help your team score, not the other team. So when the New Orleans Saints are without any timeouts and have about 6 seconds before halftime to get their field goal unit on the field and lined up, and they clearly are not going to beat the clock, that is an instance in which you would not want to call a timeout because that would allow New Orleans time to kick the field goal and gain 3 points they wouldn't have otherwise had. Hmm, I wonder if those 3 points ending up mattering in your 30-27 loss...

• Corollary: Another time not to call a timeout is when your team is down by 3, driving down the field with under a minute in the game, and you were just credited with a questionable catch. See, otherwise, Ron, the timeout might allow time for the replay operators to call for a review, thereby reversing a 16-yard pass that got you into New Orleans territory. Just for future reference. 

• It's always nice to see Eli Manning lose.

"Wait...you mean those receivers were on the other team?"

• You know Eli Manning looks like? The be-mulletted older brother from the Wonder Years.

Eli Manning or Wayne Arnold?

                                                                                                                     

WHICH ONE AM I??

•  Everyone loves making fun of Eli Manning - even Justin Timberlake. It's just so easy:

• I believe it was announcer John Lynch who dropped this pearl of wisdom during the New Orleans-Carolina game: "[Saints' coach] Sean Payton says Drew Brees is a special player, and I agree with him." Bold statement, John, bold statement.

• Re: Denver playing third-string QB Tim Tebow. What happened to second-string QB Brady Quinn??

"Oh...okay...it's just that I thought 2 came before 3..."

• The Panthers remind me a lot of last year's Lions - they're explosive, exciting, they play teams tough, but they always lose. They're really talented, they just need practice winning.

• Wow. The Eagles. Yikes. And doesn't it seem that every year Andy Reid is defending his job and yet he never loses it? I feel like his press conference this week was just a recycled video from the last time people were calling for his head.
• Side note: I'm sorry to be mean, but doesn't Andy Reid look like someone you'd see being interrogated on Dateline or To Catch a Predator?

"I'm telling ya, I don't know where the boy is!"

• But back to the Eagles. How on earth do you fall for a dummy call on 4th down??? The Bills were at midfield - they can't risk going for it. They were not going to go for it. All the Eagles defensive line had to do was nothing. Nothing.
• I did love the Bills' game plan for Eagles, making smart use of running back Fred Jackson against a weak middle in the Eagles' defense. On that note, here are some adorable pictures of Fred Jackson with his son:

  

Look at 1) how freaking cute this kid is, and 2) the size of Fred Jackson's feet.

• There are more, but I have to stop before this gets creepy.

• Tom Brady threw his first red-zone interception at home. No, no, not of the season - Ever. In his entire career.

• Hey, Minnesota finally figured out what everyone else in the world already knew: good things happen when Adrian Peterson gets the ball.

Beast.

• Enough with the shortcuts in the language. You cannot just make up words because it allows you to say something in fewer words. "Team A just out-physicalled Team B." Because saying "Team A played more physically than Team B" would just be much, much too tedious...and correct.

• Who's ready to see more of this for 3 hours tonight??

 

  

   Maybe we'll even see a little of this: